50 Cent: Bulletproof , dont even bother renting it...just...just leave it ...pass by it..
Before I delve into the review, let me clear some thing out: I'm not one of those who hate the Gangsta Culture (just because every one does), nor does it bother me. I'm of the opinion that if the "bling-bling" concept is followed by an enjoyable gaming experience, it doesn't end up bugging you that much. Take Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for example; even though this game was like a poster child for the Gangsta culture, I enjoyed the crap out of the game, not because hearing the word "homie" 5, 00, 00 times made me feel cool, but because the game was a blast to play; something Bulletproof isn't. What you will get with Bulletproof is a game where the "Gangsta fo Life" theme is shoved down your throat so hard; you'll most definitely choke on it and vomit... violently.
In Bulletproof, Fiddy's friend K-Dog's been kidnapped and murdered and that pisses him off to no end because no one messes with his homies. To make matters worse, Fiddy is shot nine times and left for dead. Miraculously he survives and is back on the streets seeking vengeance. A clich d plot such as this doesn't bother me; what irritates me is the lack of interest on the part of the voice actors. Fiddy and G-Unit (Fiddy's crew) have been voiced by their real world counterparts, but sound like they were made to recite their lines at gun point. Even Steven Seagal could have put in a more convincing performance. The only saving grace in Bulletproof's voice department is Eminem who plays his character, Detective Detective McVicar (corrupt cop) to the tee.
At this point, I'm thinking maybe gameplay can save the game. What a slap on my face that was! Bulletproof plays like Max Payne... only if Max Payne was to be made by four year old retards. For a game that's supposed to be a "balls-to-the-wall" shooter, the game's shooting mechanics leave much to be desired; in fact they are by far the worst I've ever experienced. Shooting enemies is such a chore; you'll probably miss an enemy even if he's standing a foot away from you. No, I'm not blind; it's just that no matter how many times you try tweaking your settings, the shooting is still extremely un-responsive and lame. To make matters difficult the camera is highly retarded and the game will spawn gazillion enemies at you. Prepare to die really often!
Speaking off the game's enemies, it seems they just love running around in circles. Now I understand it would be stupid if they stood there waiting for me to shoot them, but couldn't they run in different directions or call for backup? And if this wasn't bad enough the enemy AI is a dumb as a doorknob. There are times in the game where an enemy will not shoot you unless you're in his line of fire. Move to the side and it's like you've suddenly donned a cloak of invisibility. G-Unit, who'll be fighting with you through most of the game seem to be the only ones who are truly Bulletproof as they'll never die, even after getting shot fifty times.
If all this wasn't horrendous enough, the whole game takes place in such mundane and boring environments you'll constantly find yourself falling asleep while playing this game. Bulletproof has incorporated the HAVOK engine, but I hardly came across any environmental destruction and the rag-doll characters possess is the most absurd since Judge Dredd: Dredd VS Death. When shot most of the characters won't buck or fall the way you're used to seeing enemies fall; instead they'll emit a sound that sounds like a cough and plop to the ground as if they're mocking you or doing you a favor by dying.
While this game should be shot on sight, it does have a few pros, which still do not make this game any fun to play. Developer Genuine Games seem to have put most of their budget in developing characters as Fiddy and G-Unit are well detailed. Another cool, albeit borrowed aspect of Bulletproof are the disarming moves Fiddy pulls off when he has enough stamina (Dead to Rights II anyone?). When Fiddy is close to an enemy, he can instigate a Quick Kill that'll eliminate his foe quickly and violently. While sticking a knife in some one's face is always entertaining, it gets a bit boring after a while. Later on in the game you could buy more disarming moves, only problem is that they're extremely expensive. There's lots of extra stuff for Fiddy Cent fans, as money earned by completing missions or robbing fallen enemies can be used to purchase his songs and videos. Since I do get VH1, I invested most of the money I earned in new weapons. Even though Fiddy can dual wield weapons and they're moderately powerful, the crappy camera bundled with shoddy shooting mechanics and absurd ragdoll made shooting people as entertaining as a trip to the dentist.
Even though I tried playing this game with an open mind, in the end, Bulletproof boils down to being a ridiculously boring shooter riddled with a troublesome camera and sleep inducing gameplay. If you're in the mood for a mindless shooter kindly play "Dead to Rights" or "The Punisher" again. If you're a die hard fan of the man, waste your money on his music; either way Bulletproof is a title that should be avoided at all costs.