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1) The religious experience of unboxing a brand new console

That assuring plastic smell. Those pockets of factory air carried over and cooled in transit. The never-read manuals and paraphernalia. The polyethelene, the cable-ties, the uncrumpling blooms of cellophane. Undressing a new console happens just a few times in life, and each one can seem magical.

2) When you pull off something unbelievable and your squad is like

Taken that, Oryx.

3) You still get excited by game adverts on TV

Even though most of them are really bad. It's like a window into your soul has opened for the world to see.

4) You have become your household's MVP for any AV and cabling issues

Who knows where to get a great remote-controlled four-way HDMI splitter? This guuuuy. Who knows the how to make it look presentable with cable tie? This guuuy. Who can put the USB in first try? This guuuy.

5) You need to get home because the fate of the universe rests in your hands

I know I accepted the Facebook invite to your birthday drinks, but something of the utmost importance has come up. *Joins multiplayer lobby*

6) You have an empty weekend and actually that's perfect

Why hang out with people you barely know, when you can kick it with your SunBros?

7) Sometimes games are announced in the most dramatic way imaginable

And suddenly the only way to expend all that excitement induced energy is to roll around the room uncontrollably while blabbering gibberish, as your roommate thinks about getting the exorcism kit out.

8) Sometimes games are announced in the most awful way imaginable

And then you're warning all your colleagues about "armies of a more than one million troops" the next day. They're a serious threat.

9) Feeling a brand new controller for the first time

So weird.

So random.

And yet.

So comforting.

10) It's easy to buy you gifts

"Oh my gosh, Bloodborne Nightmare Edition with quill and blood ink? How did you know I wanted the most expensive one with all the things that have no practical applicability in my real life but I will probably love more than you?"

11) You have overcome the most insane challenges

Résumé: Have the Seriously 3.0 Achievement in Gears 3. I look forward to being hired.

12) And you have some crazy stories to tell

YES I TOTALLY PLANNED THAT DO YOU EVEN KNOW I'M THE MASTER OF THE SKIES?!

13) You're a Learned Scholar

It's obvious if you pay attention to the incredibly subtle clues: Shepard was being indoctrinated the whole time and the last chapter is a struggle for control entirely within his head.