In many ways, Final Fantasy X-2 is disasterrific.
Sex appeal. Eidos believed Lara Croft had it and we all know what happened to her under the pressures of computerised showbiz. The same theme is unleashed upon us once more, creepy marketing tactics are here to remind us that women made out of polygons are supposed to turn us on. In this case, it's the sequel to Final Fantasy X. Yuna's story. Even the outstanding successes of the four predecessors can't save X-2 from reeking of a cheap marketing ploy designed to solve a financial problem.
Seriously though, for a company that is usually flamboyant with its budget, putting other RPG's to shame, the content of FFX-2 is admittedly cheaper than the thrill of Yuna wriggling around in a mini skirt. Square conceived the idea over a cash problem - and what better way to milk money from us all by turning two likeable female characters into a before and after advertisement of the Paris Hilton treatment.
Yuna and Rikku are the first ever returning characters. Yuna remains the repressed, soft spoken, angelic and wholly righteous girl who sports a new hairdo and bares her legs; Rikku has transformed into a pip-squeaked gypsy, going from mechanical genius to illiterate 3rd grader in the space of two years. Completing the Charlie's Angels outfit is token goth Paine, whose hairstyle is similar to Cloud Strife's. Her dominatrix contraption of an outfit is probably the only masculine feature about this game whatsoever.
After vanquishing Sin from Spira two years ago, Yuna returned to Besaid and was jabbed into leaving with Rikku to lead a new life. With a change of fashion, she joins the Gullwings, a small group of sphere hunters. Despite Sin no longer being ominent, Spira is still embroiled in conflict and unhappiness; New Yevon is at loggerheads with the two other factions, the Al Behd and the Youth League. A world of turmoil is now one filled with distrust and bitterness of the past. Yuna finds herself being dragged into the disputes amidst her quest to find Tidus.
Yes, that's correct: Yuna is searching for Tidus. She was shown a sphere of a man that resembled Tidus being held captive somewhere. Those who recall the last game, Yuna and Tidus fell in love during her quest to defeat Sin. Her motivation throughout the whole game is to find out if Tidus is really alive, and reunite with her love. However, how shocked would Tidus be to find Yuna with very bad vocabulary, hideous fashion sense and under the inspiration from the Spice Girls? Yuna's faux emotion, nervous and exaggerated gasps do not make her a heroine rather than a nonentity product from MTV.
Wait until you hear the dialogue that would make the campy efforts of Resident Evil seem like an epic. In times of crisis, Yuna will muster a "disasterrific" and when in disagreement with another, she'll splurge out a diplomatic "I don't like your plan. It sucks!". Oh, but after being burgled comes this startling gem: "Oh poopie!" Great, we're playing Final Fantasy via the Rugrats. You know what makes Yuna's "Oh poopie!" worse? She borrowed it from the spokeperson of the idiotic tribe, Rikku. We all knew that Rikku's naive nature often made her less perceptive than the others but hey, she was only fifteen. Well, now she's seventeen and even more bumbling. Her obnoxious use of inane words and kittenish comments are almost unbearable.
Characters from the last game return, which is a nice aspect. Wakka and Lulu got together; she's now heavily pregnant with their first child. Old comrade Kimarhi has become the leader of the Ronso tribe, who struggles to assert peace between his race and the disbanded Guado race. Yuna's rival summoner Dona has also become romantically involved with her guardian Barthello. Then we have two lost lovers, Lenne and Shuyin, ethereal spirits that take turns in haunting Yuna, mirroring her own experiences with Tidus. Final Fantasy X-2, at the heart, is a story of enduring love and strife amongst people. Sadly, the portrayal is often weak and insipid, which is quite unusual for the Final Fantasy games. The writers have obviously tried their hand at comedy, but unlike the renaissance charm of Final Fantasy IX, it fails.
Progressing through each chapter is done by completing main missions. To unlock all aspects of the story and raise the game percentage, it's wise to travel Spira and take on the vast side missions. In this way, X-2 is non-linear. The downside is that without completing the side missions, you'll miss chunks of the story and your comprehension of what X-2 is about can suffer greatly. Story level completion is one of the most absurd features in the game; it's virtually impossible to see everything because of the flow of the game. You have to activate scenes sparsely spread in the game for percentage points and, at times, they must be done in order. Following this, some missions are incredibly lame. Monkey moseying? Sphere Break? A heinous version of Blitzball?
For the benefit of costumes and sex appeal, I presume, Yuna, Rikku and Paine can change their classes. For instance, Yuna wields guns initial but can change to, say, a dancer? These classes all represent different abilities in battles. There's gamblers to samurais, black mages to white mages; changing costumes and abilities can be enjoyable. You learn each dressphere's abilities, which needs EXP and AP from battles. Although fun on the surface, the class change is flawed. Why learn abilities when it's sufficient enough to just attack the enemy regardless of what class? This, folks, is what really kills X-2: the pathetic challenge of the game.
In battle, the ATB is insanely fast and all characters could be waiting for commands while you carry out, say, a trigger shot in the gunner class. Button bashing like crazy delays the other characters turns. Sometimes the menu is bigger than the time you are given to decide, leaving enemies lined up waiting to smack you about (but hey, damage can make Yuna go on all fours right?). Referring to the difficulty, victory depends on simply pressing attack over and over again. Is this a turn based RPG or a one button hack and slash game? Therefore the dress-sphere system is rendered pointless. It is not made easier by the fact that Square-Enix were not clever enough to make the class changes relevant or mandatory to winning certain battles.
There is a bizarre use of interaction with environments. Everything is very clumsy as you need to hold a button constantly while you move Yuna around trying to figure out what you can climb or jump on. Remember those horrible sounds Ms Croft makes when she fails to turn a corner and smashes into a wall? They're baaaack. Yuna runs with her arms flailing around like Lindsay Lohan trying to get out of a burger bar. A minor conflict is no armour or weapon customisation, and you can acquire the bulk of items and the accessories you need by defeating enemies, making the millions of money you earn useless. X-2's length is also short, boasting lackluster challenge and an abysmal final boss that's terribly anti-climatic.
If you choose just to level up by fighting random bosses and actually moved with the main storyline, ignoring the extensive side missions, you really could complete this game in a matter of a day. Once you have completed the game the first time round, you can play "New Game +" which allows you to carry over items, dresspheres and story level completion over to a new game to improve.
There's only one way to describe the voice acting of the dreaded trio - grating. Hedy Burress's constant whisper throughout the game is irritating; Tara Strong as Rikku puts in one of the most annoying performances ever. With all of the inemotive dialogue and weak performances, subtitles may have been better. Back to the child friendly script, enter a gaudily dressed woman named LeBlanc and her two goons that complete the "Team Rocket" outfit. Her lines include "Oh look, it's the 'Dullwings!'" and her sickly sweet pet name "Noojie-Woojie". It's horrible.
Nobuo Uematsu's absence in this game is probably his best career move yet. Takahito Eguchi and Norkio Matsueda present only one memorable tune throughout the whole game. One. "1000 Words" is the theme song sung by Jade from Sweetbox. Concerning the story Lenne and Shuyin, it really is a nice if sentimental, ballad. However, if the camp disco Eurovision fodder "real Emotion" wasn't enough to kill your eardrums then be prepared to hear funk and disco at its worst. Synthesisers are used crippingly, the marching swing is so awful and please don't get me upset when trying to describe the cheesy jazz themes they've crammed in the game. Square-Enix would be wise never to let Takahito Eguchi and Norkio Matsueda near a soundtrack again.
Graphically, let's be honest, Final Fantasy is hardly going to look apalling. The quality of the graphics does not disappoint and because most of the locations are from the last game, that's the highest praise. The enemies, monsters and characters are all very impressive and this is the other standout point of the game. Environments, such as the rebuilded Kilika, are sumptuous in colour and ambiance. Criticisms? The boring animation of the three girls: Rikku running around like a rabid baboon, flapping her arms like a child trying to snatch candy permeates the game. At times, the animation of the girls seem too stiff during many repetitive scenes. One more thing which bugged me was lack of expressive facial detail that have been replaced for the three girls just blinking after a few seconds. I would have liked to have seen more FMV, too.
For the masses of Final Fantasy fans, this is a game that should prefer the girls. Ironically, they have marketed this game to mask that. Although it may seem obvious, you have to ask where the fanbase for this game is directed at. Girls should have a lot in common with this game, as it is feminine and is narrated by a girl serving up her tale of lost love. But the dichotomy is like that of someone seemingly intelligent yet bedecked with plastic surgery. Exactly how do you pigeon-hole a game too feminine for boys, yet too patronising for girls? It's the fact that the initial charm is completely stripped and converted into a mindless and shallow cyber orgy of the blonde and vacuous that makes X-2 so... well, hard to take.
Call me an elitist, a cynic, a clincal whinger but Final Fantasy X-2, to me, is like a shiny bauble dangling off a Christmas tree: pretty, but pointless. And it all boils down to this: X-2 is devoid of the endearment and sheer power of what we normally expect from this series. As camp as a Judy Garland boxset, Hilary Duff and the Olsen twins could endorse this, and if that's okay with you personally, then you should have no problem with X-2. For everyone else, prepare to be disappointed.
It's hard to pigeon-hole X-2's pitch. On some levels, X-2 would appear to be tapping into pop culture; maybe it really is for girls. Even so, it would be wrong to deny the game something, and in that breath X-2 is at least lighthearted and miles away from the self-important additions of before. In some ways then, perhaps a good end to the vitriol would be to conclude that "disasterrific" is an oxymoron entirely fitting for Final Fantasy X-2.