adopted children

This may be pretty random, but do you think an adopted child deserves to know if it's adopted or not or do you think it really doesn't matter?

I think it's natural that they do know, but not a necessity.

Personally, I'd tell them very young (like 3-4ish) so that they can grasp the concept quite easily and grow up with such knowledge a lot more acceptingly.

It's not about a right it's about the fact that things like medical history cannot be kept from someone adopted.

You have too many people that are like "oh no it'll scar the child" and that's why society is the way it is today.

You tell the kid "look we adopted you and we're going to treat you like one of own" instead of letting the kid live until it's 20 and then saying one day "Know Dad? He's not Dad anymore he's Mr Smith, your real Dad left you in a men's room in Pensacola"

There's no reason to lie for years about it and there's no excuse to hide it forever because then it becomes an issue of life or death.

It's not about a right it's about the fact that things like medical history cannot be kept from someone adopted.

You have too many people that are like "oh no it'll scar the child" and that's why society is the way it is today.

You tell the kid "look we adopted you and we're going to treat you like one of own" instead of letting the kid live until it's 20 and then saying one day "Know Dad? He's not Dad anymore he's Mr Smith, your real Dad left you in a men's room in Pensacola"

There's no reason to lie for years about it and there's no excuse to hide it forever because then it becomes an issue of life or death.

Jaysonguy

Yeah I was just wondering because there are people out there who think that since they adopted the child it doesn't matter because it's now their child or they are afraid to hurt it.

Being adopted myself, i would say it is crucial that the child knows they are adopted and the sooner the better. I have gown up always knowing that i was adopted (told when i was around 5) and i think its better that way as its not a life-changing shock on your identity, but a fact of life which you take on board the same way as you learn a circle is round and a square has 4 sides.

[QUOTE="Jaysonguy"]

It's not about a right it's about the fact that things like medical history cannot be kept from someone adopted.

You have too many people that are like "oh no it'll scar the child" and that's why society is the way it is today.

You tell the kid "look we adopted you and we're going to treat you like one of own" instead of letting the kid live until it's 20 and then saying one day "Know Dad? He's not Dad anymore he's Mr Smith, your real Dad left you in a men's room in Pensacola"

There's no reason to lie for years about it and there's no excuse to hide it forever because then it becomes an issue of life or death.

fuzzmuffin

Yeah I was just wondering because there are people out there who think that since they adopted the child it doesn't matter because it's now their child or they are afraid to hurt it.

I understand but the kid is wanted, the parents went and picked him up especially

It doesn't matter if the kid wasn't wanted in the first place it now has a family that wants him/her

It's like having a black kid but painting it white every single day until one day the parents decide to let the kid go "natural" and explain that he's black, but only once he turns 21.

Let the kid grow up knowing what and who they are rather then lying to it all time

As an adopted child, it depends on the circumstance. If it was a normal adoption, they should be told immediately. Do NOT wait to tell an adopted child he is adopted, or it will eat him up. Tell him when he is little, so he can get all his questions sorted out. It won't matter much to him until later in his life, when he gets more curious about his biological (I refuse to say "real") parents.

If the adoption was more. . . . .dramatic (such as, if he was the spawn of a rape), then it may be best to never tell him, or to at least wait a long time, or keep that part out of it.

Being adopted myself, i would say it is crucial that the child knows they are adopted and the sooner the better. I have gown up always knowing that i was adopted (told when i was around 5) and i think its better that way as its not a life-changing shock on your identity, but a fact of life which you take on board the same way as you learn a circle is round and a square has 4 sides.

HellsAngel2c

Exactly. It matters the world without meaning much at all. Just like everything else to a young child.

As an adopted child, it depends on the circumstance. If it was a normal adoption, they should be told immediately. Do NOT wait to tell an adopted child he is adopted, or it will eat him up. Tell him when he is little, so he can get all his questions sorted out. It won't matter much to him until later in his life, when he gets more curious about his biological (I refuse to say "real") parents.

If the adoption was more. . . . .dramatic (such as, if he was the spawn of a rape), then it may be best to never tell him, or to at least wait a long time, or keep that part out of it.

Dracargen

Spawn of rape?

And he lives next door to the Son of Frankenstein?

Every person has a right to know where they came from.

[QUOTE="Dracargen"]

As an adopted child, it depends on the circumstance. If it was a normal adoption, they should be told immediately. Do NOT wait to tell an adopted child he is adopted, or it will eat him up. Tell him when he is little, so he can get all his questions sorted out. It won't matter much to him until later in his life, when he gets more curious about his biological (I refuse to say "real") parents.

If the adoption was more. . . . .dramatic (such as, if he was the spawn of a rape), then it may be best to never tell him, or to at least wait a long time, or keep that part out of it.

Jaysonguy

Spawn of rape?

And he lives next door to the Son of Frankenstein?

Every person has a right to know where they came from.

No, they don't. What they know they know from information that their parents do not have to tell them. Tell him if you want, but be prepared for him to be very depressed for a long time over it. This is at any age, if the child knows what rape is in the first place, and even if he doesn't, he will eventually learn, and then it will tear him up.

[QUOTE="Jaysonguy"][QUOTE="Dracargen"]

As an adopted child, it depends on the circumstance. If it was a normal adoption, they should be told immediately. Do NOT wait to tell an adopted child he is adopted, or it will eat him up. Tell him when he is little, so he can get all his questions sorted out. It won't matter much to him until later in his life, when he gets more curious about his biological (I refuse to say "real") parents.

If the adoption was more. . . . .dramatic (such as, if he was the spawn of a rape), then it may be best to never tell him, or to at least wait a long time, or keep that part out of it.

Dracargen

Spawn of rape?

And he lives next door to the Son of Frankenstein?

Every person has a right to know where they came from.

No, they don't. What they know they know from information that their parents do not have to tell them. Tell him if you want, but be prepared for him to be very depressed for a long time over it. This is at any age, if the child knows what rape is in the first place, and even if he doesn't, he will eventually learn, and then it will tear him up.

Oh please, yeah that's right, let's coddle everyone because they may have something that's not picture perfect in their life.

Or people could try to raise their kids expecting them to develop into adults one day

If the kid comes from rape, it understand that and moves on.

If the mother dies during birth, it understands and moves on

Raising children on fairy tales makes for an unwell society

Being adopted myself, i would say it is crucial that the child knows they are adopted and the sooner the better. I have gown up always knowing that i was adopted (told when i was around 5) and i think its better that way as its not a life-changing shock on your identity, but a fact of life which you take on board the same way as you learn a circle is round and a square has 4 sides.

HellsAngel2c

Agreed - I have know since I was little, it never had a chance of becoming a shock or create a major change to my identity - it is just another part of me.

Oh please, yeah that's right, let's coddle everyone because they may have something that's not picture perfect in their life.

"You are the offspring of a rapist; I didn't plan for you, in fact because of you I had to completely change my life around when I wasn't ready for it." sound nice to you?

Or people could try to raise their kids expecting them to develop into adults one day

Assuming they become adults and don't commit suicide because of their depression.

If the kid comes from rape, it understand that and moves on.

No, it doesn't. It blames itself and believes it ruined the life of the mother.

If the mother dies during birth, it understands and moves on

Not always, but this case is different since it never knew and thus had no emotional attachment to the mother. E.g. it's a totally different situation.

Raising children on fairy tales makes for an unwell society

What fairy tales?:|

Jaysonguy

Yes I do. They probably wont look like you and they will eventually find out.

[QUOTE="Jaysonguy"]

Oh please, yeah that's right, let's coddle everyone because they may have something that's not picture perfect in their life.

"You are the offspring of a rapist; I didn't plan for you, in fact because of you I had to completely change my life around when I wasn't ready for it." sound nice to you?

Or people could try to raise their kids expecting them to develop into adults one day

Assuming they become adults and don't commit suicide because of their depression.

If the kid comes from rape, it understand that and moves on.

No, it doesn't. It blames itself and believes it ruined the life of the mother.

If the mother dies during birth, it understands and moves on

Not always, but this case is different since it never knew and thus had no emotional attachment to the mother. E.g. it's a totally different situation.

Raising children on fairy tales makes for an unwell society

What fairy tales?:|

Dracargen

What????

Ok the child blames itself? That his father knew it was going to be such a great child it made his father advance on the woman even though it was screaming no?

As far as the unwanted how many kids today are unplanned for? If a kid is adopted it pretty much knows there was a bump in the road.

The depression part is crap. You explain at an early age that it's adopted and as it grows older you tell it everything it wants to know.

What fairy tales? The ones you want to make up to a child. Don't tell it about it's real life and it's real origin. Instead make up a nice story how his adopted Mom with a barren womb somehow gave birth to it and heck, in the hospital when none of the medical records match up at all just tell him he's a miracle baby.

It's asking to raise a child on the truth or on lies.

One truth always prevails

As an adopted child, it depends on the circumstance. If it was a normal adoption, they should be told immediately. Do NOT wait to tell an adopted child he is adopted, or it will eat him up. Tell him when he is little, so he can get all his questions sorted out. It won't matter much to him until later in his life, when he gets more curious about his biological (I refuse to say "real") parents.Dracargen

Yeah me too! I especially hate it when people ask me if i ever want to find out who my 'real' parents are. I think they believe I feel the same way as random characters on TV who feel 'betrayed' and need to go on an emotional quest to find my true identity. It drives me nuts!

What????

Ok the child blames itself? That his father knew it was going to be such a great child it made his father advance on the woman even though it was screaming no?

What? Are you actually suggesting that the father, a rapist, would give a crap if the woman was going to have a child?

As far as the unwanted how many kids today are unplanned for? If a kid is adopted it pretty much knows there was a bump in the road.

If a kid is the result of a rape, it knows that the bump in the road was himself.

The depression part is crap. You explain at an early age that it's adopted and as it grows older you tell it everything it wants to know.

ADOPTED. Not RAPE-CHILD. And I'm well aware; as I said, I'm adopted.

What fairy tales? The ones you want to make up to a child. Don't tell it about it's real life and it's real origin. Instead make up a nice story how his adopted Mom with a barren womb somehow gave birth to it and heck, in the hospital when none of the medical records match up at all just tell him he's a miracle baby.

"Medical records"?:lol:

1. If a child's biological parents want to release their medical records, they can. Otherwise, the adopted child's medical records remain unknown anyway. Nobody knows my family medical records; not even the hospital where I was born.

It's asking to raise a child on the truth or on lies.

I'm asking to do what's best for the child until he's ready.

One truth always prevails

Case Closed is an awesome anime.

Jaysonguy

[QUOTE="Dracargen"]

As an adopted child, it depends on the circumstance. If it was a normal adoption, they should be told immediately. Do NOT wait to tell an adopted child he is adopted, or it will eat him up. Tell him when he is little, so he can get all his questions sorted out. It won't matter much to him until later in his life, when he gets more curious about his biological (I refuse to say "real") parents.

If the adoption was more. . . . .dramatic (such as, if he was the spawn of a rape), then it may be best to never tell him, or to at least wait a long time, or keep that part out of it.

Jaysonguy

Spawn of rape?

And he lives next door to the Son of Frankenstein?

Every person has a right to know where they came from.

there's a difference to your origin and how you were concieved though.

In the case of rape, i think its 100% up to the mother to deicde if she wants to tell the child or not. Either way, it doesnt really matter for the kid to know how it came into this world. This is different for adopted kids however who need to know that their origin is different from the norm primarily for medical reasons.

[QUOTE="Dracargen"]

As an adopted child, it depends on the circumstance. If it was a normal adoption, they should be told immediately. Do NOT wait to tell an adopted child he is adopted, or it will eat him up. Tell him when he is little, so he can get all his questions sorted out. It won't matter much to him until later in his life, when he gets more curious about his biological (I refuse to say "real") parents.HellsAngel2c

Yeah me too! I especially hate it when people ask me if i ever want to find out who my 'real' parents are. I think they believe I feel the same way as random characters on TV who feel 'betrayed' and need to go on an emotional quest to find my true identity. It drives me nuts!

Lol - that can get a little annoying - I think most ppl who ask, think it is the right thing to say.

I like the uncomfortable silence and "Oh..." when you tell some ppl "I'm adopted" - they can't decide if they should say "Oh, I'm sorry" or "Oh, right"

[QUOTE="Jaysonguy"]

One truth always prevails

Case Closed is an awesome anime.

Dracargen

Common ground is finally found!

:P

[QUOTE="HellsAngel2c"][QUOTE="Dracargen"]

As an adopted child, it depends on the circumstance. If it was a normal adoption, they should be told immediately. Do NOT wait to tell an adopted child he is adopted, or it will eat him up. Tell him when he is little, so he can get all his questions sorted out. It won't matter much to him until later in his life, when he gets more curious about his biological (I refuse to say "real") parents.Fandangle

Yeah me too! I especially hate it when people ask me if i ever want to find out who my 'real' parents are. I think they believe I feel the same way as random characters on TV who feel 'betrayed' and need to go on an emotional quest to find my true identity. It drives me nuts!

Lol - that can get a little annoying - I think most ppl who ask, think it is the right thing to say.

I like the uncomfortable silence and "Oh..." when you tell some ppl "I'm adopted" - they can't decide if they should say "Oh, I'm sorry" or "Oh, right"

hehe, i know! I mean, there really isn't much to say after that apart from...

...oh...

"So do you want to know who your real parents are?"... damn. :cry:

[QUOTE="Dracargen"]

As an adopted child, it depends on the circumstance. If it was a normal adoption, they should be told immediately. Do NOT wait to tell an adopted child he is adopted, or it will eat him up. Tell him when he is little, so he can get all his questions sorted out. It won't matter much to him until later in his life, when he gets more curious about his biological (I refuse to say "real") parents.HellsAngel2c

Yeah me too! I especially hate it when people ask me if i ever want to find out who my 'real' parents are. I think they believe I feel the same way as random characters on TV who feel 'betrayed' and need to go on an emotional quest to find my true identity. It drives me nuts!

Yeah one of my friends actually knows his biological mother but he as absolutely no attachment to her and just calls her his "bio mom", I think that is the correct term, rather than "real" parent.

Yes I do. They probably wont look like you and they will eventually find out.

JeM760soCAL

Not necessarily. I look exactly like my adoptive parents, and people have been telling us that my whole life.

[QUOTE="Dracargen"][QUOTE="Jaysonguy"]

Oh please, yeah that's right, let's coddle everyone because they may have something that's not picture perfect in their life.

"You are the offspring of a rapist; I didn't plan for you, in fact because of you I had to completely change my life around when I wasn't ready for it." sound nice to you?

Or people could try to raise their kids expecting them to develop into adults one day

Assuming they become adults and don't commit suicide because of their depression.

If the kid comes from rape, it understand that and moves on.

No, it doesn't. It blames itself and believes it ruined the life of the mother.

If the mother dies during birth, it understands and moves on

Not always, but this case is different since it never knew and thus had no emotional attachment to the mother. E.g. it's a totally different situation.

Raising children on fairy tales makes for an unwell society

What fairy tales?:|

Jaysonguy

What????

Ok the child blames itself? That his father knew it was going to be such a great child it made his father advance on the woman even though it was screaming no?

As far as the unwanted how many kids today are unplanned for? If a kid is adopted it pretty much knows there was a bump in the road.

The depression part is crap. You explain at an early age that it's adopted and as it grows older you tell it everything it wants to know.

What fairy tales? The ones you want to make up to a child. Don't tell it about it's real life and it's real origin. Instead make up a nice story how his adopted Mom with a barren womb somehow gave birth to it and heck, in the hospital when none of the medical records match up at all just tell him he's a miracle baby.

It's asking to raise a child on the truth or on lies.

One truth always prevails

how would it make you feel to know that you have the same genes as the man who raped your mother?

depends on the situation....sometimes the "truth" can do more damage in the long run....Omni-Slash

[QUOTE="Omni-Slash"]depends on the situation....sometimes the "truth" can do more damage in the long run....ferranisha

I think I would be pissed if the girl I was making out with turned out to be my sister :lol: