An Anti-Suicide Message For Everyone

Hello everyone. I am finally home from the hospital today after a failed suicide attempt. During my recovery, i had a lot of time to think. and i thought of something i wish to share in hopes it will make someone else feel better about themselves.

My suicide attempt was at least partially due to depression from not knowing where i fit in this world. With billions of people in the world, how important could my one life be. That's partially why I'm a gamer. you're always the main character. The whole world revolves around you. You're the Hero, You matter. It always made me feel good playing games because of that. I want to stand out a feel important in life. i think most people do. But standing out is hard. Most people will live a normal life. And for some, like me, that was never good enough.

After a lot of thought, I noticed something. My PSP has a single dead pixel towards the lower right corner. 1 pixel. the screen is 480 x 272 pixels for a total of 130,560 total pixels. That's A LOT. When I'm looking at the screen, i could never identify any single pixel. They all looked the same to me. they were all part of the bigger picture. But that one dead pixel. I always noticed the hole left by that 1 single individual pixel. And the image as a whole suffered greatly because of it.

You're never going to be the center of the universe. But that doesn't mean you're not an important part of the big picture. If i can notice a single dead pixel in 130,560. Imagine the impact your life has on the people around you. If you know it or not, you play a part in the big picture. And your absence WILL be noticed by the people around you.

Hang in there and thanks for sharing your story. Some of the people here who are feeling down may have needed it.

That's actually quite an inspiring message, I can kind of relate since I had suicide thoughts in my middle school days. I had no choice but to visit a therapist which at first wasn't that big of help since the guy didn't give me much advice and just prescribed me anti-depressants. They didn't seem to have much effect on me so a month later I went to see a different therapist to which he literally gave me great advice on life and I took it. Afterwards, I actually felt better then the days pass and I didn't feel depressed nor did I have suicide thoughts anymore.

To this day I'm no longer depressed and I'm now in college working my way up to getting two degrees in Psychology and Arts.

It's a good message. Too angled but still a good message. However the one dead pixel made me bust out laughing since in the tech world the one dead pixel is symbolic to something much the opposite of what you wished to convey.

It's not often I rejoice in seeing people failing in something they set out to do, but in this case I did. Glad you are still with us and thank you for a message that, while simple, makes sense, and I hope people take it to heart...many things are invisible while doing their job and you never know they're there, but when they're broken or missing, all of a sudden they matter, but then it is too late.

So while I don't know you, I wish you well and I'm sure you have people who care about you, but if you ever feel like that's not the case, and since you shared your story with us, remember that you matter to me and you can always stop by my inbox and drop me a message when you feel like talking.

Stay strong!

I tried to commit suicide once and honestly I think I will try again. I don't want to live anymore. Life is too painful for me and I suffer too much and my pain never ends. I need to put an end to this otherwise I will continue to suffer forever.

When I was younger I never imagined my life would turn out to be so bad. I'm 28 years old and I'm so unhappy.. so friendless.. so lonely..so poor... It's horrible.

I am also living in poverty and I cannot improve my financial situation because I cannot go to work and that's because I have sicknesses and disabilities which prevent me from going to work and making money.

The reality of life is so heartbreaking especially for people who cannot get a job.

I don't have the confidence to feel happy anymore... I've returned to the point of wondering if ending my life and my suffering is the only way.. sigh.

I wish I could properly express how unhappy I am.. It must be easy to read through this and not care... but I am so unhappy with my life that I'm considering suicide because my feelings are hurting me... why do I even bother with life.. ugh..

Good thing that you found the reality about yourself. That's a great message you gave. Everybody has his\her own world. It's those little worlds that combine and make up for a bigger world that we know as the 'life'. If a world was to leave it's place abruptly, think about the others. Just take the example of a building, you take one brick out and everything's unstable. It's just like that. Most often we realize that it's not the ones who leave that we should be sad about, but the ones who are left behind. That's why I always recognized suicide as a selfish attempt to escape the reality. I abhor it. Whenever a guy posts a thread about committing suicide and stuff, I can't help but to feel that I want to punch this guy in the face so hard that he dies of that punch. That's why, I always come out as an 'edgy' one in threads like these. But anyways, that time's long gone....

Welcome back. This world needs you. You need this world. Accept it, embrace it, live with it....

It's a good message. Nice of you to share it with us.

Unfortunately, some people literally have no hope, and therefore, have to end themselves....

what are you talking about?

the universe is infinite in every direction so of course i am at the center of it.

anyway i will still probably off myself after my 80th birthday or something.

i can't imagine that long ass slog to 106 like grandpaw had to endure.

my family is entirely too long lived and i don't want to have to deal with those last two crappy ass decades.

If I were going to commit suicide, I'm not sure if anyone's attempts at uplifting would help me. Suicide is obviously a very personal thing. There are some people who could commit suicide and very well no one would notice. People make suicide out to be the worst thing in the world and that you shouldn't do it, but really it only effects the people surrounded by it. If you're dead, it doesn't really make a difference, does it? Still, it's good to consider the people around you. If I were going to off myself, I'd certainly have to be in a situation where I'm not depended on. But I was born into a situation where people are dependent on me, so it's something I'd always have to take into consideration.

Being depressed is hell though. It's good to take tangible steps towards a solution to the issues causing the depression, be it a tragic occurrence, unfortunate situation, or chemical imbalance in the head. Too often depressed people slip into the same patterns that cause them their depression, sort of like how ex-drug addict can slip back into old habits. I wouldn't consider myself significantly depressed (I'm slightly depressed by the USA, no personal issues, not the worst country in the world but not ideally where I want to live), but I see depressed people every day, all the time. And people who aren't necessarily depressed, I still find depressing. There's very little personal development with these people - I see dozens of people deal with the same issues their entire lives and never make an attempt to better their situations. I encounter tons of sheltered "can't do" attitudes that enable them to be lazy and depressed, as well as people who have *so much* but are convinced their life sucks and they have nothing. It's a really complex issue, I feel like there's no "one-size-fits-all" message that can inspire depressed people to be less likely to convince themselves. But hey - whatever produces good vibes, right?

what kind of sickness and disability are you talking about here?

@DeadPark121: Takes guts to share this

That's one strong message you passed to us there. Great analogy by the way.

One human life is just so much that we can never exhaust the ways of explaining how wasting one is way more than just a waste. We are more than potential, we are more than our own feelings and our flesh. You are more than you think you are, and more than I or any other forum poster here thinks of you. Even if one may never fulfill one's potentials, he will one way or the other contribute to the world in a number of ways, even if unwillingly.

You just did. And I'm sure you will again and again...

Really good way of seeing things. Inspiring too.

Life's really not going the way I want to; I'm always filled with anxiety. But, who knows? Maybe something will change for the better.

that pixel analogy, nice touch

Gotta know how to reach your crowd, right? =D

That actually makes me feel sad. For you. Dude if you wana kill your self. let life kill you.. live life like that if you really wana die. killing yourself is not the way.

I'm glad you had such a change of heart regarding the issue of suicide and even better decided to share it with other people. You've already made a small difference in this world. And you know what, each one of us is the protagonist in this little "video game" called life, each to their own of course, you don't need video games to earn significance.

I got nothing brilliant to tell you bro; 'cuase if I had any, I'd it say to myself first.I just hope that every living depressed person, somehow, someday, verifies the truthfulness of this :

"I've struggled a long time with surviving; and you,no matter what, keep finding something worth fighting for."

I think about ending it a lot. It's like a migraine, it comes and go. Like migraines, I just sleep it off.

Thank you everyone. I'm really happy hearing all the kind words.

Suicide goes a lot deeper than a superficial desire to stop living. Depression is a complicated beast that is different for everyone.

What should happen is we should be generating awareness about depression and related illnesses, because there are people still out there who believe that it doesn't exist. I'm still coming to terms with Robin Williams' suicide (he was a big part of my childhood)... and watching films with him in them is hard now knowing that his "funny" was a result of him trying to hide his depression.

Trust me when i say no one will notice if i were to just disappear,not even my so called parents.

Hey, we'd notice!

@korvus: if there's one person I wouldn't mind dying. It'd be shepardcommandr. Seriously, this guy is one hell of an emo.

Nice analogy. I can understand people not wanting to live under the most difficult of situations. I mean like extreme suffering and when there is just no better way out of it. But under most circumstances i think suicide is not the answer.

Obviously, you missed the message the OP was trying to convey.

There's always help. The way you worded your post just screams that you want help. Get it and perhaps you'll realize that no matter what your situation, or how bad it may appear for you, there's always time to turn it around and understand that you do matter and there are things in this world worth living for.

Everyone's here for a reason, including you.

Heartwarming.

But when I try it, there won't be second chances.

@DeadPark121: Sorry about your PSP.

@ShepardCommandr: I agree. And even if people did care about your death, why would it matter? You are dead and at peace. You wouldn't and shouldn't even be acknowledging their feelings. And 99.9% of people's lives have no impact on the earth at all. This aside, you should enjoy your life and not kill yourself or worry about any of what I said. Though I do believe that if you are in extreme physical and mental pain then suicide is definitely a viable option and only then(with a few exceptions) is it an acceptable resort.

Thanks for sharing. Life is precious.

@thatnordicguy: "And 99.9% of people's lives have no impact on the earth at all". You may not know, but you sound like a nihilist, and this just screams fatalism. Earth itself doesn't impact 99.999...% of the universe at all, yet Earth is just such a magnificent wonder, a miracle in itself even if you consider it under the terms of (quantum) probabilities alone. There's no such thing as insignificance, only arbitrary election of picket.

Well, some people care about their family and friends and don't want to cause them pain =)

So much for this statement.

Thanks for sharing. What comes to mind is "be yourself".

While this may not be false, I think it's a dangerous mindset to adopt. That is, that we're magnificent just for existing, as opposed to being magnificent because of the effect that we have.

Having said that, whatever helps you get by. I realize that someone who has just survived a suicide attempt needs ANY reason to keep going. In the short term, that's fine. If it gets him/her through the week without trying to die, then good enough. However, over a long-term span of time, I don't find that mindset to be productive. Sure, maybe that pixel is magnificent just for existing, but it's a bad analogy. The pixels are existing in a situation in which standing out in ANY way is bad. Therefore, while standing out by being dead is bad, it's also bad for a pixel to stand out by being better than all the other pixels. That does not apply to people. The value of a person is not based on that person's ability to go unnoticed while alive. The value of a person (in a societal context) is based on what that person does for other people. And yes, that requires standing out or being unique or exceptional in some way. Simply existing is the bare minimum effort that one can put towards making the world a better place, and if you're just doing the bare minimum then you aren't trying hard enough. And yes, achieving an importance beyond "existing" IS hard. And settling for the bare minimum is a recipe for disappointment over the long term, because the satisfaction is in looking towards things getting better. In looking at onesself and saying "I'm not good enough, I need to try harder." If you don't have goals to work towards, then you're stagnating. And it's really hard to be goal-oriented when the standard of success is "I didn't kill myself today". If a successful day for you is making it to bed that night without having committed suicide, then those low standards aren't contributing to happiness. Yes, not killing yourself is the bare minimum, but doing the bare minimum isn't enough. Hell...Robin Williams suffered from severe depression that ultimately ended up taking his life, but in the meantime he didn't just exist, he existed while providing something of value to many people. He gave people something that they needed during the time that he existed. He didn't just exist, his existence made people happier. That's the standard that people should strive for (in the long-term). Again, someone who just survived a suicide attempt might be okay settling with merely existing for now, but that attitude needs to fade into the background with time because it's not a healthy outlook on life. Existing ain't enough, work at making people need you (and yes, this is hard).

Stay Strong and that was a wonderful message! DeadPark121 :D

For some people, suicide is the only solution to a miserable life. I can understand if some people don't want to go on.

@MrGeezer: Productive? Is that really the word you want to use?

A message to inspire is not a message on how you should live your life. Also, your interpretation that his analogy means "standing out is always negative" is only one between many possible interpretations of it. It seems you missed my first post here and just took the 2nd one out of context. You missed the complexity of the OP's implications with that analogy. Don't limit yourself by limiting the meanings of the messages people try to convey with their words. Words are already too limiting of thoughts and ideas we actually want to pass through them to others. Don't be too practical with what I meant in those 2 other posts, those are meant to uplift and congratulate the initiative of the OP to try to see things in another perspective, not to dictate any kind of truth (other than the negation of insignificance).

Productive? I think so. I know a bunch of people who basically aspire to nothing more than existing, and they tend to be pretty damn miserable. That's not to say that everyone needs to go out and try to save a town or something, but there's being active and there's being passive. And people should try to actively be productive in whatever way they can (even though it's hard). Sure, it's good remembering that some people will be hurt if you're not around if that keeps you around, but that's just a starting point. The next step is identifying who you're important to and then actively improving their lives in some way.

Anyway, creating an analogy with many possible interpretations to it leaves the possibility of someone arriving at an unintended interpretation. It's a good analogy for anyone who's on the verge of killing themselves because like I said, those people need to hear anything that keeps them alive for another day. But beyond that, the analogy is a bit too much like the "everyone gets a medal for participation" thing. Generally speaking, people need to know when they're failing and when they aren't trying hard enough because that's what motivates them to become better. Anyway, I wasn't so much trying to disagree with the sentiments expressed as I was trying to supplement them.

@MrGeezer:

The real question is... at what point are you "productive" and at what point are you "not productive". For example, a parent may want to make a better life for their child but if the bar is only set at their own experiences as a child, that may not be saying much. At what point does one "let go of their excuses" for their own failures and do what is required for their own kids?

I'm currently dealing with that issue myself anyway. Got a lot of issues with my parents and how they raised me. Currently struggling with responsibilities that my parents never bothered with, at least from my perspective anyway. Its hard. I find it difficult to focus on what i need to do but rather find myself constantly blaming hating my parents more and more everyday.

If you were supplementing, then you're welcome to do it. But don't mistake what others are saying and be so judgemental while doing it. I'm not going to comment on the false dichotomy/dilemma you presented.

I made no objections to your particular position, especially because I share that position. Improving oneself is important (at least to us who share the common civilized western way of life, there are though, people that'd live miserably under our own terms of 'productiveness'). But you had to judge mine as a "dangerous mindset", because of the way you took it. As if it's as enclosed as that. I was stressing how unnecessarily judgemental you were being with an uplifting message, which was left for others to openly interpret, since I made sure to not fix a singular meaning. Mine was open, but not the OPs.

@MrGeezer: ... maybe that pixel is magnificent just for existing, but it's a bad analogy. The pixels are existing in a situation in which standing out in ANY way is bad.

The OP fixed the meaning of his analogy, though. Read his last paragraph. It's not what you said in the quote above. It shows how life is meaningful on it's own. It's not a given, it's not an ordinary commodity that makes no difference when gone even if the holder of life thinks he made no impact in the realm of existance. Though the context adds to that meaning, since one has to count the very act of coming public to talk about it, thus improving oneself in regards to his previous situation. And speaking of context, you just took the above completely out of it. The analogy is rich and complex enough as presented, a lot can be discussed without having to give it other unintended meanings.

If I had a son in the same situation, I wouldn't jump on any other part of these discussions before he was ok with his present self to begin with. From there on, I'd of course stimulate him to ask more of himself and improve. I share that view. But I know that being rushed and doing so right at the moment the person opens for talking about it may render the opposite effect... I respect your position, and you wishing to supplement. What's lacking, though, is alterity, especially in the way you do it.

That was actually a very inspiring and helpful story, thanks for sharing it.

pretty much this

Nice analogy OP, and I understand what you are saying but when you have no friends at all and you don't see things changing for you it's hard to still want to be a part of the big picture.

I also have no friends. a tough job. a wife i fight with constantly. house & car payments. a daughter..... i coasted through life. accepting what life gave me and waiting for it to give me something better. it never did. and i eventually attempted suicide. it's a shame that i let things get that bad. but it did open my eyes. i may still have no friends. but several of my co workers visited me in the hospital. if i put the effort in, i'm sure i could make them into the friends i always hoped to have. which would make my job easier. my wife has also come around after this whole thing. she's helping out more which is what we always fought about....things just don't seem as bad.

i know i'm putting kind of a positive spin on my suicide attempt. please don't think i'm encouraging it. i could have died. but i'm lucky i didn't and i'm glad it opened my eyes to things that were there all along. i was just too preoccupied with my self pity to see any of it. Things aren't going to change for you unless you put at least some effort into changing them. again, i hate to encourage my suicide attempts. but it was one of the first real steps i ever took towards shaping my own life. even if that shape was ending it. and the result is that it brought to light a lot of the supporters i ignored.

im trying but when you are socially inept and scared to be yourself in front of people its hard to do anything in this world.

are you still with us? if so, don't do it. just do things that make YOU happy.

Take a Psychology 101 course.

You'll learn A LOT about hormonal imbalance and other mental issues.