Can someone PLEASE read my school paper! (video game related)

This topic is locked from further discussion.

Avatar image for solidkevin
solidkevin

25

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#1 solidkevin
Member since 2007 • 25 Posts

 Please be harsh I want to get an A!

Video games have been around since the early 70's and were just considered just another toy for children to play, but fast forward more than twenty years later and it is evident that that video games isn't just a toy for children its a pastime and a hobby for children, teenagers, and adults alike. Recently video games have become more realistic and life-like than ever before making them more interactive and memorable. There are all types of games but some that have made controversy among people are the violent ones, people have raised the idea that video games are the cause of violence and that they are the blame for incidents such as the Columbine high school massacre of 1999 and many other acts of violence. In this I will present to you facts, idea,s and solutions proposed by scientists, parents and teachers alike. At the end of the paper you will be more knowledgeable on the topic and may come to a conclusion yourself.

One of the first video games that caused mass controversy in the world of video games was Mortal Kombat which was released in arcades in 1992, It was a fighting game in which the player would choose a character and fight other characters in a death-match, while there were other game like Mortal Kombat before it MK was different for the fact that it contained blood each time one of the characters was hit, but that wasn't it, after the player has defeated the opposing character they would have a couple of seconds to input a combination of buttons to perform a "fatality" which was a move that the player would do to destroy the opponent in gruesome ways which included decapitating the opponent, punching into their body and ripping out there heart, and many others. While much of the video game community praised the game many parents and adults saw the game as disgusting and and a cause for violence among young teens. In many places around the world the game was banned but in the U.S. It isn't illegal to ban video games cause of there graphic nature and is considered freedom of speech. After all the controversy about MK and other violent video games ESRB came to be which is a video game rating system to let customers know what type of game they are buying. The ESRB rating systems ranges from and E rating meaning everyone to a A rating meaning Adults Only. Many say ESRB has helped a lot in keeping violent video games from young children but many others do not agree they want to go even further with a ban of all violent video games. It is not a proven fact that violent video games cause violent behaver or aggression but n many cases of violent behaver video games have been linked. Take the case of the Columbine High School Massacre the authors of a research study in 2000 notes that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold enjoyed playing violent video games, and they speculate that these games played a role in their violent acts at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado in April of 1999. Eric Harris had actually modified a version of the game Doom and placed it on his Website. In his version there were two shooters, extra weapons, and the other people in the game couldn't shoot back. He and Klebold essentially acted-out their version of Doom on innocent ****ates. Many other scenarios like this have happened and people think that violent video games are the cause. Many talk about the damage these games can do but they offer no scientific fact or evidence but there are groups of people who have tried.

There have been Non-experimental studies but they just consist of small surveys.People are asked about their exposure to video games, to violent video games, and to various other media. They are also asked about their aggressive behavior, or occasionally others provide information on the respondents' aggressive behavior. Then the researchers conduct analysis to see if those who are exposed more to violent video games are more aggressive than those who are exposed less. Sometimes more detailed analysis are conducted to see if other factors mediate or reduce any relation that is found. The findings of this research are similar to that of the survey research on other violent media and aggression. Despite some inconsistencies the results seem to indicate that people who spend more time playing video games tend to be more aggressive than those who spend less time playing them Because there are so few studies and the lack of representative samples, they cannot put much confidence in the ****of these examples. In the end, it seems likely that the basic survey is true - those who like violent video games tend to be more aggressive than those who do not like them. Then we move on too the Experimental Research, The experimental work seems to have followed the same idea as laboratory experiments on the effects of film and television violence. The first thing they do is that people are brought into a laboratory, some play a video game containing violence while others play a video game with less violence or no violence, and in some studies others do not play any video games. Then various measures are done that are meant to indicate the players level of aggression, If those who played the violent video game score higher on these measures, it is shown to show that the violent video game caused aggression.There are very few experiments but to many people who have performed experiments the results they have when finished say that violent video games do cause aggression amongst players. The authors of a research expirement in 2000 made their experiment by gathering college students who played either a violent video game (Wolfenstein 3D) or a non-violent game (Myst). Following video game play the students took some tests and participated in a "Competitive reaction time task" where they were told that they were playing against another student. They were told that they could blast the other student with a noise if they won, and that they could vary the intensity and duration of the blast. Students in both groups blasted their opponent longer and louder following trials when they had lost and their opponent had just blasted them. Students who had played Wolfenstein 3D blasted their opponent longer and louder on such trials than students who had played Myst. Female students blasted their opponents longer and louder on all trials than male students. The authors made this conclusion: "The present research demonstrated that in both a correlational investigation using self-reports of real-world aggressive behaviors and an experimental investigation using a standard, objective laboratory measure of aggression, violent video game play was positively related to increases in aggressive behavior. In the laboratory, college students who played a violent video game behaved more aggressively toward an opponent than did students who had played a nonviolent video game. Outside the laboratory, students who reported playing more violent video games over a period of years also engaged in more aggressive behavior in their own lives. Both types of studies-correlational-real delinquent behaviors and experimental-laboratory aggressive behaviors have their strengths and weaknesses. The convergence of findings across such disparate methods lends considerable strength to the main hypothesis that exposure to violent video games can increase aggressive behavior. (Anderson & Dill, 2000)". Many say its impossible to make a perfect experiment on the subject but there is no doubt that violent video games do "something".

 

Avatar image for L8erSquare
L8erSquare

2599

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 6

User Lists: 0

#2 L8erSquare
Member since 2007 • 2599 Posts
Umm... sry i'm not an english major.
Avatar image for Acetylcholine
Acetylcholine

1912

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 4

User Lists: 0

#3 Acetylcholine
Member since 2006 • 1912 Posts
I have not read your Paper but can you break it into smaller paragraphs, each starting with a new idea or information or anything. This will increase interest and make it readily readable.
Avatar image for damann22
damann22

7655

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#4 damann22
Member since 2004 • 7655 Posts
looks good but those paragraphs are really long,  I would give you an A
Avatar image for gotcha455
gotcha455

2611

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#5 gotcha455
Member since 2006 • 2611 Posts
Intro and Conclusion could use work, they pull your paper away from the "A".
Avatar image for rocket9434
rocket9434

2665

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 0

#6 rocket9434
Member since 2006 • 2665 Posts
Its good, conclusion could use work like the other post said. Only an idea but if you are talking about video games why not add information about some consoles?
Avatar image for Dark__Link
Dark__Link

32653

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#7 Dark__Link
Member since 2003 • 32653 Posts
Before you even consider asking us, fix up your grammar.  It needs major work.
Avatar image for tree-branch
tree-branch

3262

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 0

#8 tree-branch
Member since 2007 • 3262 Posts

its good

so shorten it up a little.

Avatar image for gotcha455
gotcha455

2611

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#9 gotcha455
Member since 2006 • 2611 Posts
Wait is this like 5th grade? Please announce your grade level, because if you're in high school, you're a special one for sure.
Avatar image for Stealth-Gunner
Stealth-Gunner

4166

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#10 Stealth-Gunner
Member since 2004 • 4166 Posts

There are a Lot grammar mistakes and a whole lot of other things that could be improved on, but one thing, I always learned to never use "I" or "You" in paragraphs or essays.

I could point out everything that is wrong, eventhough English is my second language, but you are supposed to learn from this yourself. Have you done a spelling check? Things like "behaver" should show up in that.

Just one more thing, "Many say its impossible to make a perfect experiment on the subject but there is no doubt that violent video games do "something" is a very weak end statement. The point of an essay is to prove something, and saying something like that doesn't help.

 

 

Avatar image for Account_27
Account_27

13426

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#11 Account_27
Member since 2005 • 13426 Posts

"In this I will present to you facts, idea,s and solutions proposed by scientists, parents and teachers alike. At the end of the paper you will be more knowledgeable on the topic and may come to a conclusion yourself."

Take that out.  From what I learned, you shouldn't tell people what you are going to do, just do it. 

Avatar image for maddog3512
maddog3512

1296

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#12 maddog3512
Member since 2006 • 1296 Posts
Pretty good. Get a thesaurus and replace some of the words, because it sounds elemantary to middle school-ish. Also fix the conclusion a bit.
Avatar image for Roland1987
Roland1987

3038

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#13 Roland1987
Member since 2004 • 3038 Posts
Like someone said, i would need to know grade level to really critique this at all. There are quite a few (actually a lot) of grammatical errors. If this is high school (which i sort of doubt) make sure first person is acceptable (for me it never was in high school, we never wrote in first person, which made it difficult to do when i entered University and had to write papers in the first person (some in English but mostly in philosophy classes). One thing i would recommend, if this is grade school or early high school adopt the five finger method (this is what it was taught to us as in grade school). Your essay will have 5 paragraphs, an intro, 3 body paragraphs and a conclusion. Your intro will contain your thesis statement which will mention your three main points, then each of your body paragraphs focuses on one of those points (weakest first, strongest last). This was how i was taught essay writing in grade school and was how i wrote papers throughout high school. It allows all your ideas to flow logically and while it won't work for longer, more complex papers it will serve well for simple essays encountered in high school.
Avatar image for Roland1987
Roland1987

3038

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#14 Roland1987
Member since 2004 • 3038 Posts
Pretty good. Get a thesaurus and replace some of the words, because it sounds elemantary to middle school-ish. Also fix the conclusion a bit.maddog3512
This isn't great advice. Sure, some words can be replaced but don't try to use words that don't fit your vocabulary. It does not make you sound more educated, it only sounds forced. I use to help grade grade 9 papers when i was a senior in high school (i was never a huge English fan in high school, but i did it for extra credit because i was good in English). You could easily tell which students would try to hide a poor paper behind a large vocabulary (re: Thesaurus), this simply does not work.
Avatar image for Snomel
Snomel

1138

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#15 Snomel
Member since 2007 • 1138 Posts

Admittedly, I haven't read the whole thing. But from what I did read, the ideas were OK, but some of the expressions were less than ideal. Personally, I think some of the sentences need to be much, much shorter (like the sentence where you explain about MK and it goes on for about six lines or so). And please run a basic spell check on it, if nothing else, although that won't pick up some of the grammatical errors. You had "and" repeated somewhere, and a comma in the middle of a word. And as someone else said, delete the last sentence of the introduction.

I feel mean now... But you said to be harsh, so.... yeah.

Avatar image for sellia
sellia

555

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#16 sellia
Member since 2007 • 555 Posts
When you talk about ESRB you forgot Ka (kids to adults) you E to Ao