Check out MY poem. It's actually a poem!

A sonnet to be exact. Tell me what you think.

Black Hawk Down

I sit in the Black Hawk and calmly wait,

I grab the rope and slide down to the ground,

Where death is waiting and I have a date,

I hit the dirt and my boots start to pound,

I rush to my teammates and we move out.

The dirt near me is blinding and flying,

I run to my objective without doubt,

I can hear screams of men who are dying.

Suddenly dirt kicks up and we all duck,

Bullets scream past me and then they are gone,

They are shooting at me without much luck,

Then there are explosions - something is wrong.

The radio rumbles and I must frown,

Because I hear "We have a Black Hawk Down."

Better than my poem about noodles chatting on a frying pan. >_>

Ditch the sonnet format or at least find a different arrangement of the rhymes. You sacrificed too much for the sake of rhyming.

It would have been better if you wrote that poem and got featured in the movie itself, Black Hawk Down..something for an intro...Vancelvany

that would be lame

I read through your poem

Filled with sattire and wit

But now that I have read it

I think its a load of ........

He he Im a poet and didnt know it :D

It was okay, but there definitely could be more emotion and figurative language involved...I didn't feel much of anything, it was more narrative than a poem that expresses a feeling.

Beyond that I hate formal poetry :) Free verse or nothing! lol.

(yeah I may be a hypocrite since some of the poems in my profile have structure, but the majority of mine don't, and I find those that don't are more rewarding.)

It's nice. :)

I give it a 9/10.

Not bad, the rhythm seemed kind of off in some places, make it a little difficult to flow smoothly.drowningfish999

Yeah the meter could definitely be a bit more consistent.

Eh, it didn't seem to flow all that well.

Then again, the only poems I ever read are limericks, so I guess I don't really have much experience critiquing this sort of thing...