Dear Gamespot Girl Help Line

My girlfriend's birthday is this weekend and I got her a beautiful necklace and I was extremely happy until I found out that her guy friend of 9 years is coming to the birthday party. Now me and this guy, we despise each other. I have daily fights with him and I hate him. I told her I dont want him there because I really dislike him. Then she told me theres nothing she can do about it because he is her friend of 9 years. I told her its fine then I'll tolerate him because its your birthday. But then I got thinking, Im her boyfriend, and her stupid friend of 9 years cursed at me infront of the whole world and he bullied me and I had fights with him yet my girlfriend doesnt tell him that I dont want him there. Im thinking of telling her how I feel right now. But I dont want to hurt her or make her feel sad or whatever. Because right now Im very upset. So what should I do ? Should I tolerate the guy because its my girlfriends birthday , or should I tell her that if she really cares about how I feel then she would tell him not to come?

He's 9 what are you worried about?

My girlfriend's birthday is this weekend and I got her a beautiful necklace and I was extremely happy until I found out that her guy friend of 9 years is coming to the birthday party. Now me and this guy, we despise each other. I have daily fights with him and I hate him. I told her I dont want him there because I really dislike him. Then she told me theres nothing she can do about it because he is her friend of 9 years. I told her its fine then I'll tolerate him because its your birthday. But then I got thinking, Im her boyfriend, and her stupid friend of 9 years cursed at me infront of the whole world and he bullied me and I had fights with him yet my girlfriend doesnt tell him that I dont want him there. Im thinking of telling her how I feel right now. But I dont want to hurt her or make her feel sad or whatever. Because right now Im very upset. So what should I do ? Should I tolerate the guy because its my girlfriends birthday , or should I tell her that if she really cares about how I feel then she would tell him not to come?

7addadster

Depends, how long have you two been going out? If it's been awhile, then you should really tell her that you don't want him there and make sure she really knows that. No hand on shoulder.

He's 9 what are you worried about?

FunkyStrut

He is most likely jealous and wants her for himself. While this may not be ideal, the fact of the matter is she is with *you*. She chose you, so you don't need to worry about him. It may be frustrating that this guy is a doofus and mean to you - which is not cool - but he is obviously a fairly important part of your gf's life (9 years'll do that) and the best thing to do is simply be the man and suck it up and get on with it.

He acts like a jack-ass at the party towards you, yet you take it on the chin equals in the eyes of others there: respect for you, and saddo mocking derision of him.

You throw your weight around, making awkward and (rather childish) demands of your girl leading up to and on her special day = sympathy for him, the (unfairly) injured party, and saddo mocking derision of you. Which would be rather fair really, since it would make you a bit of an arse, as unfair as it seems.

Hope this is clear and helpful.

I would tolerate him, show your girlfriend that you're bigger than he is.

Punch him in the face, kick her in the boobs.
Walk away like a pimp
sell the necklace
BUY VIDYA GAMES

Me thinks a lot of people in relationships are waaay too controlling...a relationship should be about complimenting one another and enhancing their life experiences...'not laying down the law'

They have been friends for 9 years...it is her birthday...why would you want to ruin it...not being a very good BF IMO

Maybe you should be the bigger man in this case and realize the day is not about you...at all
-that or maybe you are not ready for a serious relationship...do you think you have the right to 'approve' of all her friends...you are her BF, not her dad

Me thinks a lot of people in relationships are waaay too controlling...a relationship should be about complimenting one another and enhancing their life experiences...'not laying down the law'

They have been friends for 9 years...it is her birthday...why would you want to ruin it...not being a very good BF IMO

Maybe you should be the bigger man in this case and realize the day is not about you...at all
-that or maybe you are not ready for a serious relationship...do you think you have the right to 'approve' of all her friends...you are her BF, not her dad

rawsavon

I would never remain friends with someone who made my boyfriend's life miserable- someone who was supposed to be close to me and care about me as a friend. Why would they do that if they REALLY had my best interest at heart? My relationship and boyfriend would deserve better, so I'd put them first over some friend who comes around to make trouble. Boyfriend comes first. I guess you know where you stand, OP.

I would never remain friends with someone who made my boyfriend's life miserable- someone who was supposed to be close to me and care about me as a friend. Why would they do that if they REALLY had my best interest at heart? My relationship and boyfriend would deserve better, so I'd put them first over some friend who comes around to make trouble. Boyfriend comes first. I guess you know where you stand, OP.

binpink

I guess you know where you stand, OP.

binpink

That's rough...but funny

TC did not say how long the relationship has been going though...could be like 6 months...vs a 9 year friendship
Also, if you have to tell someone to pick you (over someone else)...then (like you said)...you know where you stand

Nice to see you again BTW

Punch him in the face, kick her in the boobs.
Walk away like a pimp
sell the necklace
BUY VIDYA GAMES

MarkyyR

Me thinks a lot of people in relationships are waaay too controlling...a relationship should be about complimenting one another and enhancing their life experiences...'not laying down the law'

They have been friends for 9 years...it is her birthday...why would you want to ruin it...not being a very good BF IMO

Maybe you should be the bigger man in this case and realize the day is not about you...at all
-that or maybe you are not ready for a serious relationship...do you think you have the right to 'approve' of all her friends...you are her BF, not her dad

rawsavon

I have been in relationships where my boyfriends were extremely jealous of my other male friends. They would talk so much crap about them, just because they were guys, and my friends... there was no real reason for it. It was immaturity at its worst. It hurt me to hear the things said about my very good friends that I didnt know how to really defend.

It is not fair to put your girlfriend into a 'tug of war'... SHE is in the middle of it, not you.. you are on one side pulling and he is on the other... she will be ripped apart. You should be understanding of her position. Would you tell a girl that you were friends with for 9 years to get lost cause your girlfriend hates her guts? ... Probably not. You may say right -now- that you would... but really... try it.

Put your differences aside for one freakin day, learn some anger control, and treat your girlfriend like you actually care for her instead of own her.

My inner teen girl says to make out with her in front of him and make him jealous nd stuff nd afterwards beat da crap out of him in front of ur girl good luck

There's something going on between them. It might even be sexual, or it might become sexual. Sounds like a tricky situation.

But girls and guys are rarely ever "just friends" unless they find each other completely unattractive.

You need to grill her on this and get to the bottom of it. And if she won't come clean, I would just walk. It doesn't even sound like you've been in this relationship long in the first place.

Return the necklace and get her a better gift: A front row seat to see you and this guy battle to the death.spazzx625

[QUOTE="rawsavon"]

Me thinks a lot of people in relationships are waaay too controlling...a relationship should be about complimenting one another and enhancing their life experiences...'not laying down the law'

They have been friends for 9 years...it is her birthday...why would you want to ruin it...not being a very good BF IMO

Maybe you should be the bigger man in this case and realize the day is not about you...at all
-that or maybe you are not ready for a serious relationship...do you think you have the right to 'approve' of all her friends...you are her BF, not her dad

xhellcatx

I have been in relationships where my boyfriends were extremely jealous of my other male friends. They would talk so much crap about them, just because they were guys, and my friends... there was no real reason for it. It was immaturity at its worst. It hurt me to hear the things said about my very good friends that I didnt know how to really defend.

It is not fair to put your girlfriend into a 'tug of war'... SHE is in the middle of it, not you.. you are on one side pulling and he is on the other... she will be ripped apart. You should be understanding of her position. Would you tell a girl that you were friends with for 9 years to get lost cause your girlfriend hates her guts? ... Probably not. You may say right -now- that you would... but really... try it.

Put your differences aside for one freakin day, learn some anger control, and treat your girlfriend like you actually care for her instead of own her.

Jealousy is a very ugly thing...especially at that age (I am assuming TC is young based on the OP)
-why spend so much time and effort worrying about things you have no control over...in reality, you are only exacerbating the problem and increasing the likelihood that 'something' will happen

Relationships SHOULD be based on trust and respect

[QUOTE="binpink"]

I would never remain friends with someone who made my boyfriend's life miserable- someone who was supposed to be close to me and care about me as a friend. Why would they do that if they REALLY had my best interest at heart? My relationship and boyfriend would deserve better, so I'd put them first over some friend who comes around to make trouble. Boyfriend comes first. I guess you know where you stand, OP.

spazzx625

Oh absolutely. They may be friends for life and no one's going to get in the way. I just wonder why she would genuinely want to be friends with someone who treated her s.o. like crud.

That's rough...but funny

TC did not say how long the relationship has been going though...could be like 6 months...vs a 9 year friendship
Also, if you have to tell someone to pick you (over someone else)...then (like you said)...you know where you stand

Nice to see you again BTW

rawsavon

Right, like the boyfriends come and go but the friend will always be there. That could easily be the case here especially if the TC and his gf are a new-ish couple. She's used to picking the friend over bfs and that might not be likely to stop.
My main issue is that the girlfriend has no problem watching her boyfriend be disrespected, regardless of the length of their relationship, and in particular by someone who is supposed to be her close friend. I guess I really don't grasp that bit.
Nice to see you too. :)

ETA: If the friend's only "crime" is being male, TC needs to get a grip and a half.

ETA: If the friend's only "crime" is being male, TC needs to get a grip and a half.

binpink

There's something going on between them. It might even be sexual, or it might become sexual. Sounds like a tricky situation.

But girls and guys are rarely ever "just friends" unless they find each other completely unattractive.

AKS01

My main issue is that the girlfriend has no problem watching her boyfriend be disrespected, regardless of the length of their relationship, and in particular by someone who is supposed to be her close friend. I guess I really don't grasp that bit.

Toughto say with only one of the three sides being given...I find it hard to believe that this 'other man'just goes around all day disrespecting the TC :lol:

Nice to see you too. :)

ETA: If the friend's only "crime" is being male, TC needs to get a grip and a half.

For some reason, that is the feeling that I get...or at least that is where the animosity began

binpink

I still say my 'fight to the death' present is the answer, though.

spazzx625

Definitely!Necklace shmecklace.

[QUOTE="binpink"]

ETA: If the friend's only "crime" is being male, TC needs to get a grip and a half.

[QUOTE="AKS01"]

There's something going on between them. It might even be sexual, or it might become sexual. Sounds like a tricky situation.

But girls and guys are rarely ever "just friends" unless they find each other completely unattractive.

xhellcatx

I'm speaking from experience.

This whole thing sounds eerily similar to something that went on between two friends of mine, we'll call them Craig and Victor.

Victor started dating a girl, but she would always act strange whenever Craig would come around. She claimed they were just old friends, but something more seemed to be going on. Turns out, she had been sleeping with Craig on and off for years, and was still sleeping with him while she was with Victor. Not only that, but Craig got her pregnant while she was with Victor.

go for the eyes ;)

[QUOTE="AKS01"]

There's something going on between them. It might even be sexual, or it might become sexual. Sounds like a tricky situation.

But girls and guys are rarely ever "just friends" unless they find each other completely unattractive.

xhellcatx

[QUOTE="xhellcatx"]

[QUOTE="AKS01"]

There's something going on between them. It might even be sexual, or it might become sexual. Sounds like a tricky situation.

But girls and guys are rarely ever "just friends" unless they find each other completely unattractive.

AKS01

I'm speaking from experience.

This whole thing sounds eerily similar to something that went on between two friends of mine, we'll call them Craig and Victor.

Victor started dating a girl, but she would always act strange whenever Craig would come around. She claimed they were just old friends, but something more seemed to be going on. Turns out, she had been sleeping with Craig on and off for years, and was still sleeping with him while she was with Victor. Not only that, but Craig got her pregnant while she was with Victor.

[QUOTE="AKS01"]

[QUOTE="xhellcatx"] THAT is simply untrue. I have many... many guy friends. And I dont sleep around with them. I wouldnt. They aren't unattractive at all... in fact, some of them are pretty shmexy.. but they are what I consider "brothers". And that.. would be emotional incest in my eyes. Its called Maturity... some people have it, some people dont. It takes a degree of maturity in order to trust your girlfriend/boyfriend/partner. If you find evidence that something is happening, then of course dont ignore it and confront it in a respectable manner, sure.. but dont go and assume things.

xhellcatx

I'm speaking from experience.

This whole thing sounds eerily similar to something that went on between two friends of mine, we'll call them Craig and Victor.

Victor started dating a girl, but she would always act strange whenever Craig would come around. She claimed they were just old friends, but something more seemed to be going on. Turns out, she had been sleeping with Craig on and off for years, and was still sleeping with him while she was with Victor. Not only that, but Craig got her pregnant while she was with Victor.

Not all of them, just most of them. Especially when it comes to sex.

[QUOTE="xhellcatx"]

[QUOTE="AKS01"]

I'm speaking from experience.

This whole thing sounds eerily similar to something that went on between two friends of mine, we'll call them Craig and Victor.

Victor started dating a girl, but she would always act strange whenever Craig would come around. She claimed they were just old friends, but something more seemed to be going on. Turns out, she had been sleeping with Craig on and off for years, and was still sleeping with him while she was with Victor. Not only that, but Craig got her pregnant while she was with Victor.

AKS01

hes in the friend zone for 9 years just act proud that you are her boyfriend

[QUOTE="AKS01"][QUOTE="xhellcatx"] So because this happened once, it happens all of the time? ... Not all people lack self control :|

xhellcatx

Eh, whatever. I bet the OP makes another thread in a few days after he finds out she was sleeping with this guy all along. I assume the worst in people and I usually end up being right.

[QUOTE="AKS01"][QUOTE="xhellcatx"] So because this happened once, it happens all of the time? ... Not all people lack self control :|

xhellcatx

[QUOTE="xhellcatx"]

[QUOTE="AKS01"] Not all of them, just most of them. AKS01

Eh, whatever. I bet the OP makes another thread in a few days after he finds out she was sleeping with this guy all along. I assume the worst in people and I usually end up being right.

[QUOTE="AKS01"]

[QUOTE="xhellcatx"] it is incorrect to assume that -most- people lack self control. in fact thats a *gasp* stereotype! ...

xhellcatx

Eh, whatever. I bet the OP makes another thread in a few days after he finds out she was sleeping with this guy all along. I assume the worst in people and I usually end up being right.

Craig and the girl in my example had been "friends with benefits" on and off for something like five or six years. So I fail to see your point.

She was always on the lookout for something better, so they never formed a real relationship. That is, until he knocked her up. Now they're married. Oh and Craig is a medical resident and she's a nurse. So it's not like we're talking about trailer trash on Maury or something.

[QUOTE="xhellcatx"]

[QUOTE="AKS01"]

Eh, whatever. I bet the OP makes another thread in a few days after he finds out she was sleeping with this guy all along. I assume the worst in people and I usually end up being right.

AKS01

Craig and the girl in my example had been "friends with benefits" on and off for something like five or six years. So I fail to see your point.

on his way to the party you should ensure that he meets an unfortunate fate :twisted:

Be the better man and ignore the guy... Just ignore him, if he's bullying you, and the gf wont do squat, beat the guy up and leave her.

ummm dude it's HER birthday party, she can invite whoever she wants. just put up with him and if he tries to start anything, just ignore him, he'll just look like a fool and you'll look more mature. if people already know that you two have a history together and he still tries to start something, just don't react to it, don't let it phase you, it will look like you've done some growing up while he still acts like an immature little *****.