FastNorwegians Guide to Love Part 1 (56k have been 'varned')

No matter how many blindfolded taste-tests I ace, I just can't seem to convince people that I can taste brown M&M's. They just taste... brown.

As one of the first major bands with a travelling stage show, Van Halen had extensive requirements including power availability and stage construction details. The band's demands were not limited to technical issues; their now-infamous rider specified that a bowl of M&M candies, with all of the brown M&Ms removed, was to be placed in their dressing room. According to David Lee Roth, this was listed in the technical portion of the contract not because the band wanted to make capricious demands of the venue, but rather as a test of whether the promoter actually read the contract, as it contained other requirements involving legitimate safety concerns.(Wikipedia.ORG)

I have seen alot of talk about how to get girls, how to ask them, out, and etc. This is the official FastNorwegian Guide to Love.

Section 1 (of many more sections)

First off, before you are dating, you want to make sure you come into contact with your woman daily. Arrive at her house at around 2:30am, blow down her door with your iron lungs, and smack her in the face.Nothing crude, just loving.This will assure her dedication.

After about 2 months of this, she will realize that she is in love with you and your palms.You will now need a first date. Take her to Chuck-E Cheezes, and reserve a private booth in the ball pit. Invite the mouse over, and have an obtuse man in a batman suit sit on her lap. This will assure that she is not afraid of mice, and can deal with them when in a sticky situation.

Once she is done being afraid, you can remove the batman. Pull him off with the tubing from the playcenter. It will be good.

(END OF SECTION 1)

Here is an interview from my 1947 talk show, "The Norsk"

FastNorwegian: So dey ver like Ja, and I vas like, Ja, ve said, vun day da little army men vill come alive, and ve vill be skrood because du did nat listen to me. And it von't be good, ja?

Interview:.....what the hell man? I asked you how your wife is, and you.....what the hell?

Den, I vas like, ja da Pokemon are real, ja!

[spoiler] There vill alvays be more on request :) [/spoiler]

Ok? aslo i think this thread will get locked for some reason and a blog is a better place for it.Citrus25

[QUOTE="Citrus25"]Ok? aslo i think this thread will get locked for some reason and a blog is a better place for it.FastNorwegian

[QUOTE="FastNorwegian"][QUOTE="Citrus25"]Ok? aslo i think this thread will get locked for some reason and a blog is a better place for it.Citrus25

That's what I say!

[QUOTE="Citrus25"][QUOTE="FastNorwegian"] Why? There is no genuine reason to lock it. It's all approrpiate, silly, and it isn't much of a blog ;). I've seen worst topics around so don't worry, you can memorize it all.FastNorwegian

You sir, ARE AWESOME!

Wow. :| That was er, disturbing.

This thread is moving awfully slow.

This thread is moving awfully slow.

SoraX64

It is moving so fast it appears slow. :o

[QUOTE="Citrus25"][QUOTE="FastNorwegian"] Why? There is no genuine reason to lock it. It's all approrpiate, silly, and it isn't much of a blog ;). I've seen worst topics around so don't worry, you can memorize it all.FastNorwegian

There's no reason for these threads to be locked. They're certainly a refreshing change from: Religious, G@y Marriage and Favorite Metal Band threads.

You're wrong, you're supposed to take the girl to McDonald'sand give her half your Big Mac.

Ok? aslo i think this thread will get locked for some reason and a blog is a better place for it.Citrus25

This is how OT was meant to be (like it was in the good old days):P.

That's what I say!

McJugga

You don't say?

Now that's what he says ;).

This thread is moving awfully slow.

SoraX64

How dare you say the S word!

Spam can't make a thread "fast" :P

SLOW.

I said it.

Well I think I speak for everyone when I say roll on Part 2? :|69ANT69

Spam can't make a thread "fast" :P

SLOW.

I said it.

.

Actually, this is another chance to advertise my own advice from a while ago. :P

Ok, get this. There is only one real way to ask a girl out. You need to go out and catch some Pokemon. After you do that, you challenge the toughest trainer in school and make sure she is there to see the battle. You must win the battle. After winning the battle, walk up to her and say "I can train more than just Pokemon" and then ask her if she would like to see. You then proceed to bring her to your house. WARNING: DO NOT USE HOT BUTTER. This will ruin everything. You have to watch the Barney movie with her, and near the end you must touch her shoulder. Doing this will make her cry, because the movie is too sad. You must then bust out your Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Once she sees your manly cards, she will cheer up immensly and want to have sex with you. Be careful, its a trap. You must do a barrel roll to avoid her scheme. After doing so, ask her how you look. Regardless of her answer, touch her shoulder again. She will plead to have sex with you. All you say is "You need a permit" and then kick her out. Later on, she will call and ask you out.

Works every time 8) SoraX64

Once you get the girl, you listen to the Norwegian and he will help you from there. 8)

Actually, this is another chance to advertise my own advice from a while ago. :P

[QUOTE="SoraX64"]Ok, get this. There is only one real way to ask a girl out. You need to go out and catch some Pokemon. After you do that, you challenge the toughest trainer in school and make sure she is there to see the battle. You must win the battle. After winning the battle, walk up to her and say "I can train more than just Pokemon" and then ask her if she would like to see. You then proceed to bring her to your house. WARNING: DO NOT USE HOT BUTTER. This will ruin everything. You have to watch the Barney movie with her, and near the end you must touch her shoulder. Doing this will make her cry, because the movie is too sad. You must then bust out your Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Once she sees your manly cards, she will cheer up immensly and want to have sex with you. Be careful, its a trap. You must do a barrel roll to avoid her scheme. After doing so, ask her how you look. Regardless of her answer, touch her shoulder again. She will plead to have sex with you. All you say is "You need a permit" and then kick her out. Later on, she will call and ask you out.

Works every time 8) SoraX64

Once you get the girl, you listen to the Norwegian and he will help you from there. 8)

What if she slaps me back?

Actually, this is another chance to advertise my own advice from a while ago. :P

[QUOTE="SoraX64"]Ok, get this. There is only one real way to ask a girl out. You need to go out and catch some Pokemon. After you do that, you challenge the toughest trainer in school and make sure she is there to see the battle. You must win the battle. After winning the battle, walk up to her and say "I can train more than just Pokemon" and then ask her if she would like to see. You then proceed to bring her to your house. WARNING: DO NOT USE HOT BUTTER. This will ruin everything. You have to watch the Barney movie with her, and near the end you must touch her shoulder. Doing this will make her cry, because the movie is too sad. You must then bust out your Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Once she sees your manly cards, she will cheer up immensly and want to have sex with you. Be careful, its a trap. You must do a barrel roll to avoid her scheme. After doing so, ask her how you look. Regardless of her answer, touch her shoulder again. She will plead to have sex with you. All you say is "You need a permit" and then kick her out. Later on, she will call and ask you out.

Works every time 8)

Once you get the girl, you listen to the Norwegian and he will help you from there. 8)

Nerd_Man

You try too hard now. Mamkemap >>>> you 9,001 times.cyberdarkkid

What if she slaps me back?

nalhutta94

Show her some dance moves.

Is that the original "you need a permit" post?cyberdarkkid

What if she slaps me back?

nalhutta94

If I were to distill this thread into a single image of awesome, it'd look like this: I didn't dig the M&M stuff, but the rest was pure gold. Well done.Paladin_King

Try again next time with more creativity than random nonsense.

:lol:

Try again next time with more creativity than random nonsense.

Rikardur

I LOVE you MAN!