We all view the world through the distorting prism of our own experiences and expectations, our own fears, worries and aspirations. Of course there is projection, in both directions from parent to child, and vice versa, because as individuals we each rely on that foundation of what we have learned and experienced of the world in our short tenure. Children will often assimilate and act on the mistakes and attitudes of their parents, just as parents will always seek the faults in others that they find within themselves, and try (in their own way) to correct them in their progeny. This is not always the case, of course, because there are undeniably some bad parents, just as there are equally some bad children, but on the whole this tends to be the case.
Sweeping generalisations about parents as a group, or children as a group, I would argue speak more of poor past experiences of some individuals, and gravitation towards peers who reinforce personal ideas and expressions. Such generalisations never help in addressing specific issues, or concerns.
When it comes to the OP's problems, no one here (including myself as a parent) is really qualified to deal with it in an effective way, because we do not know the mother and father involved, their backgrounds, upbringing or experiences, or their hopes, concerns and aspirations for their child. At best we can offer a general view, because only the OP knows and lives with their parents, knows their attitudes in a variety of matters relating to them, and how best to approach them.
In the end, the best remedy for most issues will always start with effective communication, and from there, acceptance and understanding of another's point of view. This is a two-way street, and any parent worth their salt should be willing to sit down and listen to what their child has to say, even if they disagree with it. From the OPs perspective, you need to summon the courage to ask to have a serious conversation with your parents, and try to determine their motivations and underlying concerns regarding video games and/or any other issues that you have.
Parents set ground rules, not usually out of meanness, but based on what I said in my opening paragraph. Personal experiences combined with information from various sources (which unfortunately is usually in a state of flux as to best practice) will inevitably form opinions and bias as to the best course of action when dealing with most issues, including allowances and restrictions around video games or other forms of entertainment.
Some parents fall into the trap of thinking only that good grades mean better work opportunities, and if they want you to be successful in a career, they may place an emphasis on this kind of achievement. However, I have always preferred a more holistic approach, because educational progression can be very hectic and stressful, and without appropriate rest periods and time out for play and enjoyment, it can lead to problems later on. A good grade is worth nothing if the price is the long-term happiness of your child. There is also too much emphasis and weight placed on grades earned in subjects at school, because I have seen several times (including with my own son) that on leaving school a child will pursue different or unrelated subjects in further education, or seek unexpected employment opportunities as they develop and determine their own course in life. Children need room to grow and express themselves because they, too, are individuals and have their own ideals. What you think you know about your child is not always accurate. That again is often rooted in projection, where a parent expects their child to adopt a certain career that perhaps they are already a part of, or that they perceive as the best career opportunity in the future based on current talents and abilities.
In closing, I'll just say that I'm a parent and I've been playing video games for around 35 years. In fact, I did not start playing video games as a hobby until I was already an adult back in the mid 1980s. I'll freely admit that I made some mistakes along the way when raising my own children. We all do, because we're only human. Did I set some ground rules for my kids playing video games? Yes, but I felt they were appropriate for their ages at the time, and I adjusted accordingly as they matured. I also joined in and played video games with them, which led to some great shared experiences, and I will always argue that playing video games is as valid a form of social entertainment as watching TV or a film at the cinema, which are socially accepted norms.
OP, I wish you the best of luck in finding a mutually beneficial resolution of your problems.
Log in to comment