Girl advice: do I have a chance with a lesbian?

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MrGeezer

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#1 MrGeezer
Member since 2002 • 59765 Posts

Okay, okay. First things first. I know that the thread title looks stupid, considering that my name is MRgeezer (As opposed to MSgeezer). Yes, yes, I know. The answer should be obvious to anyone.

But please bear with me. I'm going to start out by describing the situation, so that you know what I'm talking about.

Okay. So here it goes. Alright, I've really had the hots for this one girl at work. I just thought that it was sort of unfortunate that she was dating another girl. Not because I have a problem with that, or anything. I just thought that she should be dating ME. Anyway, the two of them always used to be "attached at the hip", as they say. They were like, always together. Every time I saw one, the other was right there.

Here's the thing. I'd say starting at least a mointh ago, I've noticed them being together less often. Granted, I've still seen them talk briefly together, but they've started to seem to just seem "less together" over the past month or so. Also, it used to be that I'd always seen them making out, but I think it's been at least a good month since I've seen them do that either.

Also, I've recently noticed them being upset. Or I should say "seeming upset". I wouldn't know if they're ACTUALLY upset, since I don't talk to them. Not that I don't like them or anything. They're like, both really cool. It's just that I don't really talk to anyone. You know, personality problems, that sort of thing.

But yeah, where was I? Oh, right. So anyway, here's the thing. I almost think that this girl is flirting with me. Not quite, but ALMOST. I mean, I know that I shouldn't read too much into people's beaviour without actually HEARING what they think. But you know what I'm talking about, I'm sure. You know, sometimes when you're interested in a person, people can tell, even if youdon't explicitly say it. That's the way this feels. I'm pretty damn sure that people can tell that I'm attracted to her. I mean, I try to be a professional, and avoid saying anything outright flirttious or appropriate (since she's both a lesbian and in a relationship), but I'm pretty sure people could tell if they saw me interacting with her. In the last month or so, about the same time I noticed that these two women were publicly cooling down their affection with one another, I also noticed this woman warming up to me.

Yeah, she's been initiating contact with me a lot more often, and saying weird remarks, and otherwise just plain noticing me more. In particular, a couple of nights ago she seemed quite eager to talk to me. And just last night, I saw her girlfriend go home with another woman.

So, now that I'm done with the background information, I'd like to present you with some of the possible options that have gone through my mind.

1) Nothing has changed between them.

2) They are still together, they just don't flaunt their relationship as much now.

3) They are still together, but are having relationship problems.

4) They have broken up, and the girl I like is attracted to me. Either out of spite to her former girlfriend, out of a desire to expand her options now that she's no longer in a relationship, or out of a genuine realization that she's not a lesbian.

5) They have broken up, and the girl I like is only warming up to me because she is feeling lonely and vulnerable, and she knows that I;m not a dude who'se going to try to bang her just because she's feeling vulnerable right now.

Okay, granted, you don't know them. But just on the available information that I have provided you, what do you think is most likely out of the possible options that I have given? I would really like to know. Because I like her. She's a really cool girl. But I usually just sort of ignore her just because I don't like talking to people. However, if you think that she's in a bad spot right now, and is feeling depressed, and is looking for comfort from a friendly person, I'd hate to abandon her when she's hurting just because of my social problems. I mean, I actually like her, so I'd hate to think that I'm making her feel worse by ignoring the signs that she just needs a friend right now.

Anyway, what do you think? Am I being a total ass by treating this woman like I always have? Do you think that anything has changed between her and her girlfriend? Do you think that she's attracted to me, and is attracted to both men and women? Do you think that she's trying to use me for temporary emotional comfort because she can see thtat I'm atracted to her?

And yes, I realize that I could find out much of this myself, probably, just by talking to people. However, as I've already stated, I don't think that's gonna happen.

So based on what I've told you, what do YOU think is going on here?

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The_PirateKing

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#2 The_PirateKing
Member since 2005 • 9714 Posts
~-~Woah, you're gonna have to give me a second to read all of that. Until then, bump.:)~-~
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smallcaplegend

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#3 smallcaplegend
Member since 2006 • 3083 Posts
seems risky since she's still in a relationship w/the other girl, but you should tell her how you feel maybe that will get you somewhere w/her
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tzar3

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#4 tzar3
Member since 2006 • 12393 Posts
Maybe if you get lucky she can invite all her friends.:D
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DisturbedChild7

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#5 DisturbedChild7
Member since 2005 • 3753 Posts
from what ive read of that, you do have somewhat of a chance, but you also dont have a chance because you said you wouldnt take advantage of her vulnerability. if, for some reason, you do decide to take advantage, you should be positive because you dont want to **** up any friendships. sorry if i didnt really help, bu ti havent slept in a long time and im not the best advice giver when im not tired
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Devosion

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#6 Devosion
Member since 2004 • 6024 Posts

Personally I just think she finds some redeeming qualities in you, and while she may not consider you to be 'dating' material she seems to take interest in what you have to say and seeing how you react to advances. It would be in your best interest to simply carry conversation with this person instead of jumping headlong into something you yourself are not sure of, after all this is your experience and no one elses.

Thus just talk to the girl, get to know her, and dont try to make her not a lesbian. 'kay?

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guitargoddess17

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#7 guitargoddess17
Member since 2007 • 1333 Posts
Do you know if she was ever with men before? If so you probably have a shot IF she's available or unhappy with her relationship. Otherwise I really don't know. What you're expecting of her would be like a guy having a crush on you and hoping you shared the same feelings. It's just unthinkable to you, and it may be the same with her.
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hoop_hard

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#8 hoop_hard
Member since 2005 • 20418 Posts
You know what I find odd? That all discussions that involve girls are always VERY DETAILED.
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import_fighter1

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#9 import_fighter1
Member since 2003 • 1218 Posts
Sure, as long as you like to eat *****
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guitargoddess17

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#10 guitargoddess17
Member since 2007 • 1333 Posts

Sure, as long as you like to eat *****import_fighter1

That's lovely :roll:

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hoop_hard

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#11 hoop_hard
Member since 2005 • 20418 Posts

[QUOTE="import_fighter1"]Sure, as long as you like to eat *****guitargoddess17

That's lovely :roll:



I got a pretty good idea of what he is sensoring their but just to make sure, give me the 3rd letter of that word.
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MrGeezer

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#12 MrGeezer
Member since 2002 • 59765 Posts

Personally I just think she finds some redeeming qualities in you, and while she may not consider you to be 'dating' material she seems to take interest in what you have to say and seeing how you react to advances. It would be in your best interest to simply carry conversation with this person instead of jumping headlong into something you yourself are not sure of, after all this is your experience and no one elses.

Thus just talk to the girl, get to know her, and dont try to make her not a lesbian. 'kay?

Devosion

Well yeah. I mean, even if she has broken up with her girlfriend (which seems very possible even if I'm far from certain of it), I'm not gonna try to pounce on her just because she's single. Like I said, I like her. And she's a lesbian. I am not gonna try to get all weird and uncomfortable and crap with her, PARTICULARLY if she's not feeling well right now.

I just want to know if I'm being a total jerk by not being more open and sociable with her right now. Whether or not she's SEXUALLY attracted to me, it genuinely seems like she's recently started looking for SOMETHING out of me. If that's nothing more than an open ear and a bit of kindness, I'd hate to think that I've been a jerk to her just because I don't like talking to people.

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import_fighter1

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#13 import_fighter1
Member since 2003 • 1218 Posts
[QUOTE="guitargoddess17"]

[QUOTE="import_fighter1"]Sure, as long as you like to eat *****hoop_hard

That's lovely :roll:



I got a pretty good idea of what he is sensoring their but just to make sure, give me the 3rd letter of that word.

hmm, i wonder why fruit is sensored :D

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hoop_hard

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#14 hoop_hard
Member since 2005 • 20418 Posts
[QUOTE="hoop_hard"][QUOTE="guitargoddess17"]

[QUOTE="import_fighter1"]Sure, as long as you like to eat *****import_fighter1

That's lovely :roll:



I got a pretty good idea of what he is sensoring their but just to make sure, give me the 3rd letter of that word.

hmm, i wonder why fruit is sensored :D

Well maybe because fruit is juicy...

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branketra

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#15 branketra
Member since 2006 • 51726 Posts
She's interested in getting to know you, so bite. Don't go immediately for the pants or (if this is the case) she'll be reminded why she's into girls. Just act natural (if you're interested in the girl, act interested..).
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Devosion

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#16 Devosion
Member since 2004 • 6024 Posts
[QUOTE="Devosion"]

Personally I just think she finds some redeeming qualities in you, and while she may not consider you to be 'dating' material she seems to take interest in what you have to say and seeing how you react to advances. It would be in your best interest to simply carry conversation with this person instead of jumping headlong into something you yourself are not sure of, after all this is your experience and no one elses.

Thus just talk to the girl, get to know her, and dont try to make her not a lesbian. 'kay?

MrGeezer

Well yeah. I mean, even if she has broken up with her girlfriend (which seems very possible even if I'm far from certain of it), I'm not gonna try to pounce on her just because she's single. Like I said, I like her. And she's a lesbian. I am not gonna try to get all weird and uncomfortable and crap with her, PARTICULARLY if she's not feeling well right now.

I just want to know if I'm being a total jerk by not being more open and sociable with her right now. Whether or not she's SEXUALLY attracted to me, it genuinely seems like she's recently started looking for SOMETHING out of me. If that's nothing more than an open ear and a bit of kindness, I'd hate to think that I've been a jerk to her just because I don't like talking to people.

You'd be suprised how people react to those who are unable to be somewhat sociable. Even if it is hard for you to carry out conversation about yourself then try to create conversation based upon that person in question. Whether it be for relationships or friendships, being able to communicat effectively with others isnt always based upon what you specifically are looking for, but indicative of a bond. Anti-socialism is a very prevalant and destructive portion of our society today, so keep that in mind the next time you dont talk to somebody because you feel you cant.

So try to open up to her, or at least get her to open up to you. People love to talk about themselves.

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deadmeat59

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#17 deadmeat59
Member since 2003 • 8981 Posts
well she seems to like u . i know some gay people that have fallen in love with a women and they got maried . its not all about thinking somone is hot . they can still love the person with out being atracked to u . i think u can win her over it will take work she her she can be with a man and the odds are low but i think u got a shot
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-MuadDib-

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#18 -MuadDib-
Member since 2003 • 5078 Posts

I think that we can all agree on one obvious solution here.

Sex change.

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Dethshoot

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#19 Dethshoot
Member since 2005 • 4004 Posts
[QUOTE="guitargoddess17"]

[QUOTE="import_fighter1"]Sure, as long as you like to eat *****hoop_hard

That's lovely :roll:



I got a pretty good idea of what he is sensoring their but just to make sure, give me the 3rd letter of that word.

I think it's n.

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jrhawk42

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#20 jrhawk42
Member since 2003 • 12764 Posts

It's probably all just in your head. You're probably gonna need a 3rd unbiased party that's seen the whole situation.

It's been my experience w/ lesbians, and Bi-girls that they are much more agressive when it comes to flirting, and alot of the time they firt with people and not even realize it. Other lesbians have figured out a way to tell when they are seriously flirting, and when they aren't yet none can explain it to me (much like gaydar).

Next we really need to know how long they've been dating to assess the lack of PDA. If it's a fairly short relationship the "newness" might be wearing off. If it's a long term and a drastic change something might be wrong, but that doesn't really mean your in.

In all honesty I'd just hang back and expect nothing. If she's into you she'll eventually swing your way, and it'll be fairly obvious. If you try to push a relationship and she's not into you at all you just end up looking like a dumbass. It's one thing to get rejected if you didn't know she was a lesbian, it's another if you get rejected knowing she's a lesbian.

Age is also a major thing to consider sure alot of younger women can bounce back and forth between guy's and girls, but if she's a 30+ year old lesbian you've got a snowball in hells chance.

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angelsephiroth2

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#21 angelsephiroth2
Member since 2006 • 321 Posts
No offense but this is the wrong site to ask about that lol but i say yea u got a chance
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hoop_hard

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#22 hoop_hard
Member since 2005 • 20418 Posts
[QUOTE="hoop_hard"][QUOTE="guitargoddess17"]

[QUOTE="import_fighter1"]Sure, as long as you like to eat *****Dethshoot

That's lovely :roll:



I got a pretty good idea of what he is sensoring their but just to make sure, give me the 3rd letter of that word.

I think it's n.

I thought it was "s".

:( Why must we censor?? :(

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badaboom187

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#23 badaboom187
Member since 2005 • 6917 Posts
maybe she just wants to be friends?
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hoop_hard

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#24 hoop_hard
Member since 2005 • 20418 Posts

maybe she just wants to be friends?badaboom187

Im glad to see people are using my TAGS. :D

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Bryn5774

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#25 Bryn5774
Member since 2004 • 469 Posts

Whats with all the relationship advice threads in the OT tonight? First the homosexual guy, and now the lesbian love triangle.

I would say dont get your hopes up. Go on the assumption that she is a lesbian and would never be interested in men. That being said, get to know her, be her friend. Try to learn whats wrong and try to help her. Maybe if she is a lesbian you could still find a way to attract her to you by being different and being nice to her.

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The_PirateKing

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#26 The_PirateKing
Member since 2005 • 9714 Posts
~-~Ok, I'm done. For now the only thing I would do is move closer to her. Talk more, warm up a bit. It's good that you already wrote out a list of how it could be. Just imagine what would happen in each situation with a certain action. Like this, you start to get a little closer, enough so if she's trying to get closer she can but not too much...~-~ 1) Nothing has changed between them. ~-~Nothing will happen. You might become friends, but besides that nothing. But in this situation, nothing you could of done would of helped, so it doesn't even matter.~-~ 2) They are still together, they just don't flaunt their relationship as much now. ~-~Same as #1. You don't get with her, but nothing could so it doesn't matter.~-~ 3) They are still together, but are having relationship problems. ~-~You get closer and she talks more. Letting her talk helps her think things through. She either still likes her gf or not. If she still does she'll get close to her gf again and it will be like #1. If she doesn't she'll figure out that she isn't attached to her anymore and they'll brake up. If it's the latter she'll remember how you helped her out and maybe grow attached to you.~-~ 4) They have broken up, and the girl I like is attracted to me. Either out of spite to her former girlfriend, out of a desire to expand her options now that she's no longer in a relationship, or out of a genuine realization that she's not a lesbian. ~-~So... she's testing you out to see if she likes guys? Well, let her test. She learns more about you and if she likes you maybe she'll get with you. If she doesn't she'll find some other girl.~-~ 5) They have broken up, and the girl I like is only warming up to me because she is feeling lonely and vulnerable, and she knows that I;m not a dude who'se going to try to bang her just because she's feeling vulnerable right now. ~-~If so then right now she needs you just to help her through. Just be a shoulder for her to cry on until she's through this. She might remember how nice you were and try to get with you. And if not, then at least you helped a poor girl out. So, by getting a little closer, it seams the worst that could happen is you become friends with her. Which could have a chance of getting with her in the future. Not to get your hopes down, but a lot of the time lesbians stick with each other for life. But the fact that you saw her gf leaving with another woman makes me think this might not be the case.~-~
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Sim_genius

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#27 Sim_genius
Member since 2005 • 9562 Posts
Not a chance dude.
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Wemhim256

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#28 Wemhim256
Member since 2007 • 712 Posts
I think you should go for it, she does sound a little Bi to me, or at least Bi curious, or at least, homoflexible.
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s3lFc0nTr0l

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#29 s3lFc0nTr0l
Member since 2006 • 3028 Posts
hmm i have no idea unfortunately and sorry to rain on your parade but the gamespot forums arent exactly flooded with lady experts lol
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Rhen_Var

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#30 Rhen_Var
Member since 2006 • 12422 Posts
Oh sorry.I thought the topic was "Do I have a chance to be a lesbian?" No offense :D
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MrGeezer

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#31 MrGeezer
Member since 2002 • 59765 Posts

Why is everyone assuming that I am trying to be her girlfriend or something? I mean, I like her, but you're all acting like I just want to get in her pants.

Seriously, WTH? Most of you are like "don't make a move on her dude,m she's a lesbian."

Well, whose talking about making a move on her? I just want to make sure that I'm not being a total ass.

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Rhen_Var

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#32 Rhen_Var
Member since 2006 • 12422 Posts
Well if you have to ask her sometime.
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hoop_hard

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#33 hoop_hard
Member since 2005 • 20418 Posts

Why is everyone assuming that I am trying to be her girlfriend or something? I mean, I like her, but you're all acting like I just want to get in her pants.

Seriously, WTH? Most of you are like "don't make a move on her dude,m she's a lesbian."

Well, whose talking about making a move on her? I just want to make sure that I'm not being a total ass.

MrGeezer

You should try & get in her pants.

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metallica_fan42

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#34 metallica_fan42
Member since 2006 • 21143 Posts
I'm still caught up in them making out in front of you:P But seriously, if you have feelings for her, talk to her. I know it may be hard, but that's really all you can do, instead of playing the guessing game.
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The_PirateKing

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#35 The_PirateKing
Member since 2005 • 9714 Posts

Why is everyone assuming that I am trying to be her girlfriend or something? I mean, I like her, but you're all acting like I just want to get in her pants.

Seriously, WTH? Most of you are like "don't make a move on her dude,m she's a lesbian."

Well, whose talking about making a move on her? I just want to make sure that I'm not being a total ass.

MrGeezer
~-~Because a lot of guys think that if you're interested in a girl every word that comes out of your mouth can only be about bagging her. Plus they probably didn't read the post.:P Like I said before, just talk and listen a little. See how she reacts and go with the flow.~-~