Usually my friendships only last about 3 years. At about that point I just kind of end up having something cut it off. Many people are able to sustain lifelong friendships with others. However, I am just not one of those people. Usually around 3 years we get injto a large enouhg argument that reconciliation is impossible. This is just my personal average. MY friendships tend to go BOOM around the 3 year mark.
The reason I mention is one of my friendships pretty much officially bit the dust today and the whole situation has put me in a very reflective mood. I am not sure if I feel regretful or relieved. Perhaps, it's a little of both.
The Ex-friend in question is a single mother. I met her before she had her child,. Back when she was still ambitious and well rounded. Unfortunately, after her child arrived her personallity slowly, but sure evaporated. Soon, her kid became her obsessions and ever solitary thing she did was done for the good of her daughter.
My friend who used to laugh at the fear mongering media, started imagining pedophiles lurking behind every dark corner. She spent nights browsing sex offender registry sites searching for possible dangers in her neighbornhood. Petitions and background checks and Anti Child Kidnapping kits became her life. No longer could I sit down with her and have a discussion about art or lit or politics. Every single conversation we had would eventually revert back to which creep would eventually stuff his sausage in her 2 year old daughter.
I would attemt to remind her that, statistically speaking, it wasn't like that a perfect stranger would kidnap, rape and kill her precious ababy bumpkins. If the child was going to be violated, the evil doer would most likely be a relative or whatever bozo my friend finally elected to marry. However, her ability to rationalize evidently got thrown out with her placenta and my arguments fell on deaf ears. The dang song and dance was getting tiresome.
Yesterday, my friend dropped by my house, hysterical. Apparently, her daughter had a play-date with a friend. The girls were having a blast and to document the occasion the parents decided to take a picture of the duo together. No big deal, right? WRONG! My friend was having a proverbial fit over the picture. Why? Bcause her duaghter happened to be donning a bathing suit when it was taken. And OH MY GOD,what if a nefarious pedophile ends up seeing it? My friend has taken great pains to avoid a picture of her daughter in a bathing suit in order to protect her from becoming masturbation material. As it turns ou, all of her hard work was for naught. The parents of her daughter's new best bud ruined everything with an innocent click of thier digital camera.
Give it a rest I said.
I interrupted my friend's hysterical shrieking to ask, "Do you think the father is a child molestor?"
"Well no... " She started.
"Are they planning to display the photo on the internet or something?"
"Not that I know of..."
"Then why are you so upset."
"I don't know who goes over to their house! Anyone could find that picture!!"
I audibly sighed.Not looking foward to the 2 hous I'd likely have to spend calming her down with logical reassurances. Almost desperate, I started racking my brains for the quickest possible strategy I could utilize in order to shut her up.
Finally I rattled off, "Do you seriously believe pedophiles would go rooting through your neighbors photo albums for images to beat off to rather than just doing a quick search online?"
"You're missing the point."
"No, YOU'RE missing the point!." I snapped. "Noone is going to molest your child! Frankly, she's not hot enough!"
"Wh-wh-h-at?" She sputtered.
"Well I suppose shes decent looking enough," I answered mildly, "But let's be honest here. She's not cute enough to risk 10 years in prison for. Now her friend on the other hand, is a different story. She is one hot prepubescent piece of tail."
When I looked into my friend's eye that moment, I could see the 'We're friends' train coming to a screeching halt. Then it derailed off the track, flew off a cliff and landed at the bottom of a valley full of jagged rocks.
BOOM
Now that I think about it, Maybe I am not that regretful at all. A day without my Ex-freinds paranoid rants is a beautiful day!
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