Heres a change of pace: A thread where we share our own pieces of writing!

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LostProphetFLCL

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#1 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

Yes it may not be the first time such a thread has been created but I haven't seen one in recent memory and as I just wrote a piece I figured I would make a thread for us writers in OT.

I don't care if it is a song, poem, or story I just feel like sharing some writing and comment on eachothers work.

Heres my piece I just wrote and will start off the topic with:

The thunder of your words sends me reeling

The force splits me in two

Suddenly I am left staring at myself

Face to face, I can't help but peer into my own eyes

It's not a sight I enjoy

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All my flaws are so apparent

The selfishness I deny

My anger I try to hide

An underlying powerlesness

A paralyzing fear

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The truth always hurts

old man depression rears his ugly head

such a familiar face

back to chain me up again

Immediately I remember the feeling of the cold steel

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In my darkest moment shines hope

A friend comes with a message

"To stop trying is foolish

Nothing is set in stone"

An oppurtunity for change emerges

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Looking at the other me one last time I smile

"Thats not who I am but who I was"

Glancing down the chains don't seem so tight

Sliding them off, the lifted weight feels nice

Turning around, gleaming, I make my leave

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Never will I look back

Edit: Glitchspot is weird and won't let me leave a blank line so I had to separate the stanzas (I think thats what they are called) with stupid lines.

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dracula_16

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#2 dracula_16  Online
Member since 2005 • 16538 Posts

Cool poem, especially the first half. I think it's something we all can relate to, because we are constantly growing and evolving as people. I'm not into poetry, but I write the occasional review. You can find them here if your heart feels so inclined.

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LostProphetFLCL

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#3 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

Cool poem, especially the first half. I think it's something we all can relate to, because we are constantly growing and evolving as people. I'm not into poetry, but I write the occasional review. You can find them here if your heart feels so inclined.

dracula_16

Thanks. I just kind of wrote it spur of the moment. Actually made changes to like 5 of the lines when putting it into type form on here.

It is a very personal poem for me as just this year I have gotten over my depression and having been changing myself in alot of ways. I figure alot of people do go through it, but I feel like I am in alot of ways a completely different person from just a year ago.

I checked out your God of War review. Realy good and in-depth. Some parts seemed professional but then I remembered it was a user-review when you used such terminology as "zombie-looking thing". Ever thought of trying it professionally?

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DJ-Lafleur

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#4 DJ-Lafleur
Member since 2007 • 35604 Posts

Here's a story of mine:

There was once a baby kitten, but it got ran over by a truck! :o

THE END.

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LostProphetFLCL

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#5 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

Here's a story of mine:

There was once a baby kitten, but it got ran over by a truck! :o

THE END.

DJ-Lafleur

I cried:cry::P

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#6 dracula_16  Online
Member since 2005 • 16538 Posts

[QUOTE="dracula_16"]

Cool poem, especially the first half. I think it's something we all can relate to, because we are constantly growing and evolving as people. I'm not into poetry, but I write the occasional review. You can find them here if your heart feels so inclined.

LostProphetFLCL

Thanks. I just kind of wrote it spur of the moment. Actually made changes to like 5 of the lines when putting it into type form on here.

It is a very personal poem for me as just this year I have gotten over my depression and having been changing myself in alot of ways. I figure alot of people do go through it, but I feel like I am in alot of ways a completely different person from just a year ago.

I checked out your God of War review. Realy good and in-depth. Some parts seemed professional but then I remembered it was a user-review when you used such terminology as "zombie-looking thing". Ever thought of trying it professionally?

I'm glad you liked it. I'd probably have to go back to school in order to be qualified to be a real reviewer. I don't know if I'm ready for that.

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jahnerd

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#7 jahnerd
Member since 2007 • 950 Posts

This is me sharing my writing. :P

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Pvt_r3d

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#8 Pvt_r3d
Member since 2006 • 7901 Posts
The only piece of writing I can remember actually writing is this. A love poem I passed to a girl in college. I know it sucked. Roses Are Red Violets are Blue Your so sweet Like Blue Berry Blues
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LostProphetFLCL

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#9 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

[QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

[QUOTE="dracula_16"]

Cool poem, especially the first half. I think it's something we all can relate to, because we are constantly growing and evolving as people. I'm not into poetry, but I write the occasional review. You can find them here if your heart feels so inclined.

dracula_16

Thanks. I just kind of wrote it spur of the moment. Actually made changes to like 5 of the lines when putting it into type form on here.

It is a very personal poem for me as just this year I have gotten over my depression and having been changing myself in alot of ways. I figure alot of people do go through it, but I feel like I am in alot of ways a completely different person from just a year ago.

I checked out your God of War review. Realy good and in-depth. Some parts seemed professional but then I remembered it was a user-review when you used such terminology as "zombie-looking thing". Ever thought of trying it professionally?

I'm glad you liked it. I'd probably have to go back to school in order to be qualified to be a real reviewer. I don't know if I'm ready for that.

Ehh, schools easy.

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curono

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#10 curono
Member since 2005 • 7722 Posts
We all now how to fly. We just have forgotten how to.
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LostProphetFLCL

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#11 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

The little one liners are nice but I am curious to see if anyone here can actually show off a full piece of writing.

I know I can't be the only writer here!

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hockey73

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#12 hockey73
Member since 2005 • 8281 Posts

Eh, it was for creative writing last year, lol sucks but I'm an awful writer :(

"30 seconds…"

Jump, jump, jump, my heart won't calm down

I want to scream, yell, run a marathon, just lose it, gamble everything on one hand

2000 feet up, wind tugging on my body, legs melting, I begin the mental count down

3. 2. 1…

Suddenly my vocal chords violently shake and tangle, no one can hear me

Choking on my stomach

Body soaking in adrenaline, superman for a moment

Rip, whoosh

Nothing, try again

Rip, whoosh

Nothing

30 seconds…

Whispering screams of HELP, HELP

What am I…I…supposed…

I can't believe…believe this is…

I'M DYING, I NEED HELP

20 seconds…

10 tons of air crushes my body

Flailing my arms, trying to swim, but I keep drowning

I pray to God, knowing it'll do nothing

Because I'm not worth the miracle

10 seconds…

My hands wrapped gently around her waist

Warm, yet they tremble slightly

Heart pulsating like flashes of light from cameras in a stadium

Eyes closed, neck bent, lips start to tingle, I taste a hint of peach

I open my eyes for a brief second, before shutting them tightly

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Setsa

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#13 Setsa
Member since 2005 • 8431 Posts
I smell plagiarism is afoot! And I would post my sociological rap on here, but... well... it IS a rap... and a horrid one at that.
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LostProphetFLCL

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#14 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

Eh, it was for creative writing last year, lol sucks but I'm an awful writer :(

"30 seconds…"

Jump, jump, jump, my heart won't calm down

I want to scream, yell, run a marathon, just lose it, gamble everything on one hand

2000 feet up, wind tugging on my body, legs melting, I begin the mental count down

3. 2. 1…

Suddenly my vocal chords violently shake and tangle, no one can hear me

Choking on my stomach

Body soaking in adrenaline, superman for a moment

Rip, whoosh

Nothing, try again

Rip, whoosh

Nothing

30 seconds…

Whispering screams of HELP, HELP

What am I…I…supposed…

I can't believe…believe this is…

I'M DYING, I NEED HELP

20 seconds…

10 tons of air crushes my body

Flailing my arms, trying to swim, but I keep drowning

I pray to God, knowing it'll do nothing

Because I'm not worth the miracle

10 seconds…

My hands wrapped gently around her waist

Warm, yet they tremble slightly

Heart pulsating like flashes of light from cameras in a stadium

Eyes closed, neck bent, lips start to tingle, I taste a hint of peach

I open my eyes for a brief second, before shutting them tightly

hockey73

You aren't a half-bad writer actually.

So is that supposed to be from the viewpoint of someone being crushed to death?

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Theokhoth

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#15 Theokhoth
Member since 2008 • 36799 Posts

Eh, here's an utterly failed attempt at a story that I made a long, long time ago. I'm rather embarrassed to show it, actually.

_______________________________________________

The man sat on the hill, twiddling an old pendant between his thumb and forefinger. The light wind, gentle as a whisper, fluttered his salt-and-pepper hair as moonlit snowflakes kissed his cheeks.

When everything stopped, when the snow hung in midair like a video on "pause" and even the wind itself stopped, he knew who approached him from behind. He was about to die.

"There's only one reason why you'd be here right now," the man said. He did not turn to face the newcomer.

"Just like you planned."

"Does this mean I failed?"

"You succeeded, but the consequences were heavier than you ever thought possible."

The man nodded. He knew this may happen, and yet he had hoped. . .

He still did not look at the newcomer. "Please," the man said, "could tell me your story?"

"Of course."

His executioner sat down behind him.

"When I learned I could manipulate time, I told myself, I'll be responsible, I'll never abuse this or use it for selfish purposes. I swore it to God or fate or nature or what-the-hell-ever gave me this ability, and I had every intention of keeping that promise. Then I learned how to control it, and the temptation to save the world became too much. There I was, the one man on Earth with the ability to stop history's worst events, to save millions if not billions of lives. I had a moral obligation! What kind of monster would I be, I told myself, to just allow the world to go to hell when I could keep it right?"

The man nodded. He already knew all of this, but it brought an odd sense of comfort to hear the Time Traveler say it.

"I started with the Holocaust. When I made my decision, I immediately jumped into it; no thinking, no chance to convince myself this might be wrong. I think I regret that more than anything else. I made sure my grandparents were married and I wouldn't cease to exist because of my actions. That would dent the plan a bit. With that business tied up, I went and killed Hitler when he was still a kid in jammies. A normal boy who had done nothing wrong and yet died for reasons neither he nor anyone besides myself would ever understand. That should have been hard, but it was the easiest thing in the world. My capability to murder kids for the greater good frightened me."

The man didn't want to think about that. "So how did it change things?"

"I didn't disappear, so I assumed that my family continued on. When I returned to the present or the future or whatever, nobody spoke English, so I tried to find a library or maybe a translator. All the people I encountered looked at me as if I was Frankenstein's monster, but the strange thing is, they all had a scar on their heads like after brain surgery. They looked normal otherwise. Eventually I found a grocery store. There were no cash registers, conveyor belts, or employees, but people went in with a ticket, deposited it into some kind of machine, went straight to the groceries and left without paying anything."

"So did you find out what the deal was with the world?"

The man heard a long, sad sigh. "In the store, there was a kid. He put a ticket in the machine like everybody else, but the machine spat it out like an old vending machine. He tried to put it in again, but it spat it out again. Eventually he gave up, looked around, and took a candy bar from a shelf. He tried the ticket machine again, but it still didn't work. He pocketed the candy bar and tried to leave, but. . .he dropped dead the moment he set foot out that store."

"What?" the man said. "Did he trip?"

"That's what I thought at first. I thought he cracked his head, but there was no blood. I went over, checked him. He was dead. Nobody else cared. It's like they didn't even notice. A vehicle pulled up not ten minutes later. I thought it was an ambulance, that maybe the store had some security system that alerted them, or maybe somebody called 911 after all. I don't know what to call it. It was like an RV, with doors in the back that opened like in an ambulance, but there were no identifying markers or sirens. Two huge guys got out wearing what looked like blood-red hazmat suits; I couldn't see their faces. They opened the back of the vehicle and pulled out a large metal dome like the one they use in the bomb squad. They put the dome over the boy's body, it covered it completely, they screwed it into the ground, pressed a button. . .there was a muffled noise. They unscrewed the dome and lifted it. The boy was gone. There was nothing there but a pile of ashes. The suits scooped his remains up into some bag, tossed it into the back of the vehicle, and drove off. I hurled my guts out right there in front of the store. People inside looked at me, and I swear, they were more fascinated by my puking than by a couple of bouncers in hazmat suits incinerating a boy that dropped dead for no apparent reason."

The man began to feel sick himself. How could something like that possibly happen?

"I sat there, horrified, wondering how something like that could possibly happen. I must have been there for hours, racking my brain for every detail of WWII that I could think of that would cause this kind of change. I came up with a theory for what happened."

The man waited for the Time Traveler's explanation.

"Stalin signed a non-aggression pact with the Nazis that Hitler ended up violating, causing the Soviets to join the Allies against the Axis of Evil. They lost more people than anybody else in the war. After Germany was out of the way, they launched the Cold War, and the rest is—or was—history."

The man saw the connection. "But when you killed Hitler that changed."

"Exactly. Without Hitler Germany never waged war. Russia never lost all those combatants, so they were able to win the Cold War. I'm assuming that they created the A-bomb before we did, and I'd bet they used it. If they did, and if Pearl Harbor still happened, then the Americans would have lost the war easily. Soviet rule became the norm, and what I saw was the future of Stalin's communism: the boy died because he took food, which was against the community, and he was blown to bits and taken away in order to wipe his existence from the community. It's exactly what Stalin would have had, had his policies been taken to their logical extremes. And I let it happen."

"But how did the boy die?"

"I guess that with the advancement of technology, everyone had little bombs or something implanted into their heads, like a pacemaker. Steal or violate the community, the bomb goes off and you die. It explains the scars."

The man rubbed his eyes. He felt tired all of a sudden. "What did you do?" he asked.

"The only thing I could do. I went back and killed little Stalin as well. After what I'd just seen, it was even easier than killing little Hitler."

"Did it fix everything?"

"When I came back, people spoke English and nobody dropped dead in the street, so it was an improvement. At first I thought I jumped to the 1950s. Buildings were lower. You know those antique cars from decades ago that you see on the road occasionally? Those were the only cars on the road. I bought a newspaper from a kid on the corner, you know, the stereotypical 'extra, extra' kids you only see on television, and sure enough, the date matched the time I wanted."

"So technological development stopped?"

"The competing nations of a war try to out-perform eachother in technology. The technology then becomes part of normal life. I eliminated two of the biggest wars in history, thus the competition, thus the development."

"So what did you do?"

"I stayed for a while to see what was different with the world. I found out 9/11 and Pearl Harbor didn't happen, which was good, but life expectancy had dropped due to lack of developments in medicine and lifestyIe. The country was still recovering from Hurricane Katrina because of the lack of resources. That's when I realized the mistake I made. I thought I was saving the world when I was just messing up progress. If I stop the Holocaust, Russia rules the world. If I stop war altogether, technological advancement slows to a crawl and disease and poverty kills everything. Nothing worked the way it was meant to, and nothing I did could set it right again. I cried. I cried for days. Eventually I considered suicide . . . and that's when I figured out what to do."

The man nodded. "And here you are."

"And here I am."

They stood, and finally the man faced his executioner. One hand held a gun low at his side. The other twirled an old pendant around his neck between his thumb and forefinger. His salt-and-pepper hair was long and scraggly. His eyes held more grief and exhaustion than any person could bear.

"I did one last thing before I came here," the man said as he twirled his pendant.

"What?"

"I went back to look up every religion. Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, every religion I could think of that had any historical significance. I wanted to see if any of them were right before I saved the world from my mistakes." He let out a grim chuckle. "That was probably cheating. Wanna know what I found out?"

The man considered for a moment. "No," he said. "I'll find out the fun way."

The Time Traveler nodded. "I knew you'd say that." He aimed his gun at the man's forehead and fired.

_______________________________________________

Don't laugh. :(

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LostProphetFLCL

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#16 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

I smell plagiarism is afoot! And I would post my sociological rap on here, but... well... it IS a rap... and a horrid one at that.Setsa

lol plagiarism by whom? Me? I am not one to plagiarise. If it does sound familiar please show me what piece resembles mine.

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hockey73

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#17 hockey73
Member since 2005 • 8281 Posts

[QUOTE="hockey73"]

Eh, it was for creative writing last year, lol sucks but I'm an awful writer :(

"30 seconds…"

Jump, jump, jump, my heart won't calm down

I want to scream, yell, run a marathon, just lose it, gamble everything on one hand

2000 feet up, wind tugging on my body, legs melting, I begin the mental count down

3. 2. 1…

Suddenly my vocal chords violently shake and tangle, no one can hear me

Choking on my stomach

Body soaking in adrenaline, superman for a moment

Rip, whoosh

Nothing, try again

Rip, whoosh

Nothing

30 seconds…

Whispering screams of HELP, HELP

What am I…I…supposed…

I can't believe…believe this is…

I'M DYING, I NEED HELP

20 seconds…

10 tons of air crushes my body

Flailing my arms, trying to swim, but I keep drowning

I pray to God, knowing it'll do nothing

Because I'm not worth the miracle

10 seconds…

My hands wrapped gently around her waist

Warm, yet they tremble slightly

Heart pulsating like flashes of light from cameras in a stadium

Eyes closed, neck bent, lips start to tingle, I taste a hint of peach

I open my eyes for a brief second, before shutting them tightly

LostProphetFLCL

You aren't a half-bad writer actually.

So is that supposed to be from the viewpoint of someone being crushed to death?

A guys who's parachute didn't open, so he's plunging to his death. So I tried to capture what would be going on in your (the man) head during that period of time. It was for an assignment.
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Got_to_go

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#18 Got_to_go
Member since 2009 • 2036 Posts
Got it. Got to go was browsing OT. He posted in a religious thread then refreshed the board. No, no one replied to his comment yet. Damn, what the hell was taking them so long? But wait, what the hell is that? "Heres a change of pace: A thread where we share our own pieces of writing!" The topic title slammed Got to go's eyeballs like a firetruck that was on fire, and exploding. Right click, open to new tab. "Let's do this." Got to go said as he cracked his fingers and clicked the quick reply button. "I'm gonna write the HELL out of this story!" And then he started typing. "Got it. Got to go was browsing OT. He posted in a religious thread then refreshed the board. No, no one replied to his comment yet. Damn, what the hell was taking them so long? But wait, what the hell is that? "Heres a change of pace: A thread where we share our own pieces of writing!" The topic title slammed Got to go's eyeballs like a firetruck that was on fire, and exploding. Right click, open to new tab. "Let's do this." Got to go said as he cracked his fingers and clicked the quick reply button. "I'm gonna write the HELL out of this story!" And then he started typing. 'Got it. Got to go was browsing OT. He posted in a religious thread then refreshed the board. No, no one replied to his comment yet. Damn, what the hell was taking them so long? But wait, what the hell is that? "Heres a change of pace: A thread where we share our own pieces of writing!" The topic title slammed Got to go's eyeballs like a firetruck that was on fire, and exploding. Right click, open to new tab. "Let's do this." Got to go said as he cracked his fingers and clicked the quick reply button. "I'm gonna write the HELL out of this story!" And then he started typing.' '''Got it. Got to go was browsing OT. He posted in a religious thread then refreshed the board. No, no one replied to his comment yet. Damn, what the hell was taking them so long? But wait, what the hell is that? "Heres a change of pace: A thread where we share our own pieces of writing!" The topic title slammed Got to go's eyeballs like a firetruck that was on fire, and exploding. Right click, open to new tab. "Let's do this." Got to go said as he cracked his fingers and clicked the quick reply button. "I'm gonna write the HELL out of this story!" And then he started typing. ''' "''Got it. Got to go was browsing OT. He posted in a religious thread then refreshed the board. No, no one replied to his comment yet. Damn, what the hell was taking them so long? But wait, what the hell is that? "Heres a change of pace: A thread where we share our own pieces of writing!" The topic title slammed Got to go's eyeballs like a firetruck that was on fire, and exploding. Right click, open to new tab. "Let's do this." Got to go said as he cracked his fingers and clicked the quick reply button. "I'm gonna write the HELL out of this story!" And then he started typing.'''' '''''Got it. Got to go was browsing OT. He posted in a religious thread then refreshed the board. No, no one replied to his comment yet. Damn, what the hell was taking them so long? But wait, what the hell is that? "Heres a change of pace: A thread where we share our own pieces of writing!" The topic title slammed Got to go's eyeballs like a firetruck that was on fire, and exploding. Right click, open to new tab. "Let's do this." Got to go said as he cracked his fingers and clicked the quick reply button. "I'm gonna write the HELL out of this story!" And then he started typing.'''''
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Setsa

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#19 Setsa
Member since 2005 • 8431 Posts

[QUOTE="Setsa"]I smell plagiarism is afoot! And I would post my sociological rap on here, but... well... it IS a rap... and a horrid one at that.LostProphetFLCL

lol plagiarism by whom? Me? I am not one to plagiarise. If it does sound familiar please show me what piece resembles mine.

Oh Lord no, I didn't mean plagiarism in that sense, your piece isn't even close to matching up with published pieces of literature! (only kidding!) Seriously though, I meant people would rip some of the better pieces and use them themselves, because it'd be near impossible to trace something back to a site like GS. Even so, I was kind of joking when i typed it.
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LostProphetFLCL

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#20 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

Theokhoth

It's an interesting story. The consequences from the changing of history are intriguing.

I am confused though, what exactly happened at the very end?

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LostProphetFLCL

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#21 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

[QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

[QUOTE="Setsa"]I smell plagiarism is afoot! And I would post my sociological rap on here, but... well... it IS a rap... and a horrid one at that.Setsa

lol plagiarism by whom? Me? I am not one to plagiarise. If it does sound familiar please show me what piece resembles mine.

Oh Lord no, I didn't mean plagiarism in that sense, your piece isn't even close to matching up with published pieces of literature! (only kidding!) Seriously though, I meant people would rip some of the better pieces and use them themselves, because it'd be near impossible to trace something back to a site like GS. Even so, I was kind of joking when i typed it.

Oh ok. I always worry that my writing might resemble a piece of work. I kind of subconsciously channel influences when I write. I actually wrote a piece that sounded like it was straight out of Resident Evil 4 once, but that was kind of intentional.

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Theokhoth

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#22 Theokhoth
Member since 2008 • 36799 Posts

[QUOTE="Theokhoth"]

LostProphetFLCL

It's an interesting story. The consequences from the changing of history are intriguing.

I am confused though, what exactly happened at the very end?

The man and the time traveler were the same person. The time traveler went back to before he meddled in history and shot himself, thus preventing the world from changing in the first place. If you read the beginning and the end you see that they have the same exact descriptions.

My goal with this was to emphasize the human reactions in the time traveler rather than the time travel itself, but yeah, that was a miserable failure.

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LostProphetFLCL

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#23 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

[QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

[QUOTE="hockey73"]

Eh, it was for creative writing last year, lol sucks but I'm an awful writer :(

"30 seconds…"

Jump, jump, jump, my heart won't calm down

I want to scream, yell, run a marathon, just lose it, gamble everything on one hand

2000 feet up, wind tugging on my body, legs melting, I begin the mental count down

3. 2. 1…

Suddenly my vocal chords violently shake and tangle, no one can hear me

Choking on my stomach

Body soaking in adrenaline, superman for a moment

Rip, whoosh

Nothing, try again

Rip, whoosh

Nothing

30 seconds…

Whispering screams of HELP, HELP

What am I…I…supposed…

I can't believe…believe this is…

I'M DYING, I NEED HELP

20 seconds…

10 tons of air crushes my body

Flailing my arms, trying to swim, but I keep drowning

I pray to God, knowing it'll do nothing

Because I'm not worth the miracle

10 seconds…

My hands wrapped gently around her waist

Warm, yet they tremble slightly

Heart pulsating like flashes of light from cameras in a stadium

Eyes closed, neck bent, lips start to tingle, I taste a hint of peach

I open my eyes for a brief second, before shutting them tightly

hockey73

You aren't a half-bad writer actually.

So is that supposed to be from the viewpoint of someone being crushed to death?

A guys who's parachute didn't open, so he's plunging to his death. So I tried to capture what would be going on in your (the man) head during that period of time. It was for an assignment.


Oh cool. I really enjoy putting myself in someone elses shoes and trying to write from their point of view.

I did a story like that once for my creative writing ***** where the main character was coming down with schizophrenia. I think half the ***** was convinced I was schizophrenic after that, lol....

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Setsa

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#24 Setsa
Member since 2005 • 8431 Posts

[QUOTE="Setsa"][QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

lol plagiarism by whom? Me? I am not one to plagiarise. If it does sound familiar please show me what piece resembles mine.

LostProphetFLCL

Oh Lord no, I didn't mean plagiarism in that sense, your piece isn't even close to matching up with published pieces of literature! (only kidding!) Seriously though, I meant people would rip some of the better pieces and use them themselves, because it'd be near impossible to trace something back to a site like GS. Even so, I was kind of joking when i typed it.

Oh ok. I always worry that my writing might resemble a piece of work. I kind of subconsciously channel influences when I write. I actually wrote a piece that sounded like it was straight out of Resident Evil 4 once, but that was kind of intentional.

I can't recall the name at the moment, but there's a psychological phenomena like that, where you believe you're crafting something authentic when, in actuality, you're only regurgitating concepts that your subconsciousness has absorbed.
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LostProphetFLCL

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#25 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

[QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

[QUOTE="Theokhoth"]

Theokhoth

It's an interesting story. The consequences from the changing of history are intriguing.

I am confused though, what exactly happened at the very end?

The man and the time traveler were the same person. The time traveler went back to before he meddled in history and shot himself, thus preventing the world from changing in the first place. If you read the beginning and the end you see that they have the same exact descriptions.

My goal with this was to emphasize the human reactions in the time traveler rather than the time travel itself, but yeah, that was a miserable failure.

Oh ok that is a cool concept then.

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r-teest

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#26 r-teest
Member since 2007 • 949 Posts

Good thread

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Theokhoth

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#27 Theokhoth
Member since 2008 • 36799 Posts

[QUOTE="Theokhoth"]

[QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

It's an interesting story. The consequences from the changing of history are intriguing.

I am confused though, what exactly happened at the very end?

LostProphetFLCL

The man and the time traveler were the same person. The time traveler went back to before he meddled in history and shot himself, thus preventing the world from changing in the first place. If you read the beginning and the end you see that they have the same exact descriptions.

My goal with this was to emphasize the human reactions in the time traveler rather than the time travel itself, but yeah, that was a miserable failure.

Oh ok that is a cool concept then.

It is, and it's one that I want to try again someday.

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hockey73

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#28 hockey73
Member since 2005 • 8281 Posts

[QUOTE="hockey73"][QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

You aren't a half-bad writer actually.

So is that supposed to be from the viewpoint of someone being crushed to death?

LostProphetFLCL

A guys who's parachute didn't open, so he's plunging to his death. So I tried to capture what would be going on in your (the man) head during that period of time. It was for an assignment.


Oh cool. I really enjoy putting myself in someone elses shoes and trying to write from their point of view.

I did a story like that once for my creative writing ***** where the main character was coming down with schizophrenia. I think half the ***** was convinced I was schizophrenic after that, lol....

Yah I really liked my creative writing **** it improved my writing all around, in terms of making things more interesting. That sounds like a crazy (no pun intended) piece, must have been really good to convince your **** lol. Yah writing from a different point of view is fun, that's what I do for most of my creative writing.

edit: Stupid flawed censorship, lol.

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LostProphetFLCL

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#29 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

[QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

[QUOTE="hockey73"] A guys who's parachute didn't open, so he's plunging to his death. So I tried to capture what would be going on in your (the man) head during that period of time. It was for an assignment. hockey73


Oh cool. I really enjoy putting myself in someone elses shoes and trying to write from their point of view.

I did a story like that once for my creative writing ***** where the main character was coming down with schizophrenia. I think half the ***** was convinced I was schizophrenic after that, lol....

Yah I really liked my creative writing **** it improved my writing all around, in terms of making things more interesting. That sounds like a crazy (no pun intended) piece, must have been really good to convince your **** lol. Yah writing from a different point of view is fun, that's what I do for most of my creative writing.

edit: Stupid flawed censorship, lol.

Oh it was alot of fun because I got to give each voice a distinct character.

But yeah, creative writing was awesome!

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LZ71

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#30 LZ71
Member since 2008 • 10524 Posts

Eh, it was for creative writing last year, lol sucks but I'm an awful writer :(

"30 seconds…"

Jump, jump, jump, my heart won't calm down

I want to scream, yell, run a marathon, just lose it, gamble everything on one hand

2000 feet up, wind tugging on my body, legs melting, I begin the mental count down

3. 2. 1…

Suddenly my vocal chords violently shake and tangle, no one can hear me

Choking on my stomach

Body soaking in adrenaline, superman for a moment

Rip, whoosh

Nothing, try again

Rip, whoosh

Nothing

30 seconds…

Whispering screams of HELP, HELP

What am I…I…supposed…

I can't believe…believe this is…

I'M DYING, I NEED HELP

20 seconds…

10 tons of air crushes my body

Flailing my arms, trying to swim, but I keep drowning

I pray to God, knowing it'll do nothing

Because I'm not worth the miracle

10 seconds…

My hands wrapped gently around her waist

Warm, yet they tremble slightly

Heart pulsating like flashes of light from cameras in a stadium

Eyes closed, neck bent, lips start to tingle, I taste a hint of peach

I open my eyes for a brief second, before shutting them tightly

hockey73
Very well written, I like it. I really enjoy writing pieces like this, though I admit I'm awful at them. Now, if I could just find a writing piece of mine that isn't just awful, I'll post it. :P
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reikalee

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#31 reikalee
Member since 2009 • 154 Posts

Here's a spontaneous haiku of mine!

A witherless rose

Eternity must it show

For the love I have

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Smokescreened84

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#32 Smokescreened84
Member since 2005 • 2565 Posts

Here's all my work at this time, I've written over 500 pieces, but destroyed the majority of it over the years, I'm my own worst critic despite people who ead my work saying I should be published due to how much they enjoy it. Feel free to read what little I decided to submit - http://reinahw.deviantart.com/

I'm currently rewriting Reality Of Fate, again, but I'm in no rush to finish it since the ideas are taking time to settle and I'm not showing it to anyone, most likely I'll destroy it once it's written. I just write to get the ideas out of my mind since they tend to clutter.
Don't mind the silly pictures, I tend to make those now when I'm taking a breather from writing.

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rolfboy

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#33 rolfboy
Member since 2006 • 1137 Posts

Decided to write this back in High School when I was depressed and not wanting to do any work. lol

Where I am from...

The pessimist's mind is his most formidable adversary. His power and his mind duel constantly. It is said that brain triumphs over brawn. The mind has taken control of the pessimist's life and fate itself will bend to the mind. I walk astray on this path.

The concoction of my mind consists of two main countries. One is the stew of fear, envy, anger, gluttony, etc.; I call it Pessimism for the seven sins rule that land. The other land, Rationality, knows the battle to overcome the adversity of fate (and Pessimism) will be difficult. Rationality is aware of the power of the body and wars with Pessimism to unleash the body's full potential. The fate of Teenager rests with the victor. This long battle of 17 years has shifted in Pessimism's favor quite some time ago.

Fear, treasurer of Pessimism, is to keep Teenager from falling into decay. Too late! Debt has accumulated and has not been addressed. Animals have taken wealth by sheer intimidation. But fate has imposed a much heftier debt. Fear has not made investments and preparations for the future. Change is just over the horizon; it will reshape the environment forever. Fear's has lead Teenager to indecision which may bring Teenager to the brink of collapse. I am afraid of change; inability to prepare has made me emotionally distraught.

I replaced my name with Teenager for obvious reasons. :P

All of the people I shared this with liked it. I am more intelligent than most people, but simply do not put forth the effort or even have any profound interest to utilize my ability in creative thought. :(

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enterawesome

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#34 enterawesome
Member since 2009 • 9477 Posts

It's the beginning of the first chapter of a super-hero story I'm making. It's probably terrible, but feel free to criticize.

-----------------------------------------

Chapter 1

----------------------------------------

Nothing ever went wrong for this quaint little family, and it was actually quite remarkable how functional this unremarkable family was. This might have been due to the lack of a grandparent for the child of any kind, both parents being the only kids from their parents, generally the family being so small or any number of things.

The wife was Karen; she was a cross of Caucasian and Asian, so her eyes were slanted ever so slightly. It went quite well with her eye-liner. She always wore a simple dress with one or two colors, and had black hair she kept in a pony tail. Mildly short, and very intelligent; she had previously been a professor at Harvard University in physics. She was too "into" her job however, and was laid off, when soon after she discovered she was pregnant with

Luke. Luke had jet black hair and had obviously carried his mother's trait of intelligence, already being able to read basic sentences and speak, and was already quite self-aware. A well-behaved baby that laughed at everything slightly funny.

The father was Michael L. Kent. He had brown, slightly over-grown hair that was combed to the left. His front teeth had a slight gap, his smile was sincere, he had brown eyes, and had four different suits to wear to work. He always wore a tie with red stripes and his nick-name was Shock in high-school, due to his problem and overall hate of static. He was quite frightened of it, always fearing the quick sting. He loved video games and actually collected them. He had nearly every official ATARI 2600 game. Both Mike and Karen were twenty-nine.

Today however, Michael was by himself. He did hate this lonely feeling, and longed for his wife's lean shoulder to wrap his arm around, his little boy to laugh and play with. To Michael, they were lost gifts, gifts he could hardly go on without. He was driving to a place he was simply told to go on this day, but no longer; he had pulled over, rested his head in his hands and wept. Mike had lost everything; his job, his number one hobby, his financial stability, and his family. "Gone…" he choked to himself, and wiped is eyes with his sleeve, accidentally zapping his forehead. His breath was cold and hopeless.

On another day -a week before- Mike was also driving, only to Walgreens, to fetch extra diapers for his little boy. The whole family was there, with Michael and Karen singing to their favorite song on the radio Hey Jude, with Luke cracking up in the back seat. Quite an entertaining trip, as any would observe.

The mini-van (which Mike absolutely despised and had always longed for an exotic car, or at least something with more dignity) had been halted, waiting for the green signal. Green light flashed, and the mini-van, at the front of the line of cars, began to move forward, until Mike cried out an obscenity, and pulled his wife's head into his arm and reached with his other for Luke, after seeing a rather large truck come blasting through the red light straight at them. The two collided, Karen screamed, Luke's laughing ceased very quickly, and Mike's door cracked and fell open from the impact. Mike's seatbelt came undone, no airbags went off, and he rolled out as the minivan began to flip, which went right over his head, as the truck, which had a "Hazardous Materials" sign on it, skid and flopped down somewhere close to Mike. The side cracked open, and greenish liquid crept out (which almost looked like it was electric, spouting small bursts of lightning at random positions) and seeped over to Mike, into a bloody gash on his wrist. By this time Michael had lost all consciousness, all the while other cars were screeching to halts, one banged into a light post, and civilians were crying.

The truck was full of a new chemical that was to be tested with biological warfare. It had quite a long scientific name, but was commonly referred to as "electric water". The driver was incredibly drunk, and he had died after his head and body smashed through the windshield. Civilians had all been moved to the side and away from the area, men in yellow hazard suits came, and men in black suits with sun glasses watched. The spray of powerhouses and whee-ow, whee-ow of the police cars, fire-trucks, and ambulances were all that were to be heard.

Mike awoke in a strange place. He observed the surroundings; the room was all white, and very bright, a book was on a nightstand, a door with a mirror covering it was to his right, he was wearing a nightgown, and was underneath the covers of a soft bed. A clock was up above his head, and it was one o' clock in the afternoon, or night, he didn't know which. He couldn't recall where he was or how he ended up here, but it was rather strange.

He noticed a gash in wrist however, and was amazed at how eerily green it was. He also had many cuts and bruises across his body, and a huge bump on the back of his head, which was extremely sore. He was then hit with the stunning realization of what had happened, and threw off the covers and ran over to the door. He tried the knob, which was locked, and thus was extremely pissed off, and started banging on the glass and screaming, "Where the hell is my kid, my wife?! Where am I?! Open this door or I swear to God I'll -"

The door was forced open and Michael fell back. He looked up into the eyes of a middle-aged man who was very thin and crusty looking, wearing a pitch black suit. His eyes were pale and ghostly. "Calm down Mr. Kent. No harm will come to you." The man turned and called outside, "Get a counselor in here!"

"No harm to me? What about my family? Tell me!" Mike was shaking in rage, looking down on the man in the suit.

At that moment another guy walked in, more casually dressed. "Michael, you should sit down, if only for a moment. You have a lot to take in, so just relax for a sec'."

Mike lowered onto the bed, breathing heavily.

"We have some bad news," the counselor said. "Mike, your companions aren't.. well they can't -"
"Dammit, just spit it out!"

"Yes, yes! Well, Mike, your fellow travelers in the car didn't make it," the man said, fiddled with his glasses, and sighed.

Mike buried his face in the pillow and sobbed; he had already figured that out, he just didn't want to believe it.

"We are very sorry. Were they family?"
"Are you kidding?!" Mike cried out. "It was my little boy and wife, who did you think it was?!" He slammed the pillow onto the bed and started to walk out.

Two bulky men came up and blocked the entrance, holding batons. "Not so fast Mr. Kent. We apologize, we didn't have time to brief the counselor." The old man nudged him back.

"So you know who I am?"

"We know everyone Mr. Kent," he replied coldly, and motioned for the counselor. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes." They walked out and closed the door behind them, leaving Michael alone. But he had been alone for twelve hours now.

It was the worst fifteen minutes Mike had ever to endure. He was at a complete loss of thought and felt utterly defeated, and had an inquiring urge to end his own life. He couldn't carry such a task out however, and just sat, silently, staring at his feet. He kept hearing Luke's laugh and sudden gasp and silence on a constant loop in his head, but he couldn't even cry. He had lost everything. This was beyond depression, it was a mental Hell that Mike was chained to, forever. Five minutes passed. Now he was playing back every moment he could remember in chronological order from the day he first met Karen up until the crash. That played back five or six times. Ten minutes. Mike started crying again, just modestly, and very slowly. The clock's hand hit the three marker and the door opened again, and the suit man walked in.

"Mr. Kent, hello again. I think I should introduce myself properly; I am Mayhew. I'm from an organization known as S.H.I.E.L.D.. We hosed you down but we couldn't get rid of the radiation. Until we realized the radiation was inside you. The gash on your wrist… yes, the green one, is where a lot of the material from the truck that hit you went. It's "electric water" as we call it. Highly toxic chemical, or so we thought. It's infected your bloodstream with super-natural electricity. According to out sensors, everything inside you is working okay, but your brain appears to have developed a new limb, or so it appears."

Mike looked up at Mayhew quizzically.

"Well, not literally like, a new arm or leg. But something of that extent. Soon, you'll be back home. In one week, you will go to this address," Mayhew handed Mike a slip of paper. "Be there. Don't make us fetch you. Don't mention any of this to anyone. My, its nearly one-thirty in the morning! Nice chatting Mike." Mayhew gave Mike a thin smile and walked out.

Mike hadn't really listened. He wasn't even thinking. He started to feel drowsy. He gave in and fell into blackness.

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LostProphetFLCL

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#35 LostProphetFLCL
Member since 2006 • 18526 Posts

Decided to write this back in High School when I was depressed and not wanting to do any work. lol

Where I am from...

The pessimist's mind is his most formidable adversary. His power and his mind duel constantly. It is said that brain triumphs over brawn. The mind has taken control of the pessimist's life and fate itself will bend to the mind. I walk astray on this path.

The concoction of my mind consists of two main countries. One is the stew of fear, envy, anger, gluttony, etc.; I call it Pessimism for the seven sins rule that land. The other land, Rationality, knows the battle to overcome the adversity of fate (and Pessimism) will be difficult. Rationality is aware of the power of the body and wars with Pessimism to unleash the body's full potential. The fate of Teenager rests with the victor. This long battle of 17 years has shifted in Pessimism's favor quite some time ago.

Fear, treasurer of Pessimism, is to keep Teenager from falling into decay. Too late! Debt has accumulated and has not been addressed. Animals have taken wealth by sheer intimidation. But fate has imposed a much heftier debt. Fear has not made investments and preparations for the future. Change is just over the horizon; it will reshape the environment forever. Fear's has lead Teenager to indecision which may bring Teenager to the brink of collapse. I am afraid of change; inability to prepare has made me emotionally distraught.

I replaced my name with Teenager for obvious reasons. :P

All of the people I shared this with liked it. I am more intelligent than most people, but simply do not put forth the effort or even have any profound interest to utilize my ability in creative thought. :(

rolfboy

That is a pretty interesting visualization of the mind right there.

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jazznate

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#36 jazznate
Member since 2008 • 1202 Posts

I've been writing these silly songs about meeting women from different countries around the world. Very light hearted, often perpetuating generalizations both musically and lyrically. Here's one about a feisty vodka drinking, club going Russian.

I could never understand your ways

Hanging out at Petersburg gate

Standing in your Russian winter hat

The one with the funny, fuzzy flaps

-----

Snow falls off your military coat

And underneath you wear a mini skirt

I don't know how you don't slip and fall

Wearing your fashionable high heels

-----

Lipstick as red as your flushed cheeks

Contrasting your pale smooth skin

Hair that goes down to your back

Angel hair that's flowing in the wind

-----

Oh, you are my

You are my sweet Russian honey pie

La da da

-----

You could say that I was taken back

When you asked me to go out for drinks

A vodka shot or maybe three

You're not drunk but I don't know about me

-----

You drag me out to the dance floor

Blasting European techno trash

I can barely stand on my two feet

Meanwhile you bump and grind on me

-----

Oh, you are my

You are my sweet Russian honey pie

And I don't care if you're not in to

things like romance and fine wines

-----

I think it's time that I should get some rest

So I fall asleep somewhere on your bed

Around this time you make your move on me

I just wish that I could be awake

I also recently wrote a song about a french woman who works in a boulangerie stocking baguettes and a man who tries to learn french to impress her. I might post it later.