How am I supposed to deal with my mother (long-ish)

I know I'll probably get a lot of comments like "You're just spoiled" or "You'll thank her later", but you guys probably don't understand fully.

My mom is another one of those classic Asian parents. She continually nags me on school. I have a 4.2 (approximately) in high school, and she continues to think I don't try my best and that I am incompetent in school. I do all of my homework, I study for my tests thoroughly, etc, even with the fact that my school activities leave me with no time to do homework until 9 pm-ish. She ends up assuming that I have zero free time, and that my activities have taken up all of it, and therefore, yells at me if she catches me on Gamespot or playing my PS3. I love all of my school activities (except for the ones she forces me to do), but she continually threatens me to cut them out of my life if I even have a B in a class, which is completely ridiculous. I made all of my friends that I have right now through those activities, and to stop going to these activities would be devastating.

Even considering how she seems to think I have no free time (which is false), she thinks my 4.2 isn't good enough, and signed me up for an online math course. I have taken this online course system on the website she signed up for, and the teaching is TERRIBLE. These people might be good in real life, but first of all, the course is on Friday nights, where I am not available most of the time. Second, the course cost around 700 dollars for a 4 month course. Third, the way they teach the material is hard to understand, and I eventually forget what I might have learned anyway.

She also expects me to do extra math problems for 2-3 hours per day on the weekends. She also occasionally sits me down and tries to be my extra math teacher, thinking that my regular math course isn't good enough. She thinks that everything Chinese is also superior, and expects me to be better than everyone at everything I do. With this, my mom expects me to be like the top 20 people in my class, who don't do many activities (besides something like Science Olympiad, which I tried, and simply couldn't get into, of course, my mom still is disappointed that I don't like it), and usually freak out about the smallest grades.

FOOTNOTES:

My mom basically wants me to be a grade mongering robot who exits high school with a 4.9, having no fun at all, and having nothing to smile about except for a stupid number (GPA).

Sounds like she has high expectations and expects you to pull through on them because she wants the best for you.

Sounds like she has high expectations and expects you to pull through on them because she wants the best for you.

BumFluff122

Sounds like she has high expectations and expects you to pull through on them because she wants the best for you.

BumFluff122

Sounds like she has unrealistically high expectations and is so obnoxiously naggy and strict the TC needs to tell her to back the **** off.

That number means a LOT more than you think. I'd do what she says.cpo335

That number means a LOT more than you think. I'd do what she says.cpo335

What does it mean.

dude, you fail hard for letting this happen. it's not that your mom cares to much, it's that you do. you did good when you were little, and ended up nerdly but with a good future, which, frankly, sucks. because then what happens? you don't develop the best social skills, high schools sucks instead of being the best years of your life, as well as college. you end up a perfectionist, which isn't a very good thing in business. your parents expectations are crazy high. how you fix it, drop some of your after school activities, free up tons of time, start partying and enjoying high school. your parents expectations will fall, your own expectations will fall to what you will consider mediocre (which is still fantastic because your quite smart so your mediocre is still above most's best) and you'll have fun. i did the same thing, only in 7th grade. now i make 180k a year working 35 hour weeks, i love my job, and i have a ton of friends and time to hang out with them. A's aren't everything, there's a more direct correlation between number of people who know your name in high school and average income than GPA and income... although drop below B's and GPA becomes the defining factor again.12345678ew

[QUOTE="BumFluff122"]

Sounds like she has high expectations and expects you to pull through on them because she wants the best for you.

HorseVillain

Sounds like she has unrealistically high expectations and is so obnoxiously naggy and strict the TC needs to tell her to back the **** off.

[QUOTE="HorseVillain"]

[QUOTE="BumFluff122"]

Sounds like she has high expectations and expects you to pull through on them because she wants the best for you.

BumFluff122

Sounds like she has unrealistically high expectations and is so obnoxiously naggy and strict the TC needs to tell her to back the **** off.

I heard quite a few stories on this....

Unfortunately theres not much you can do at this point, until you go to college and move out of the house you still live in your parents house and pretty much have to go with their rules. A lot of Asian parents think that the way American raise their kids are not strict enough and tend to think that kids should be push as hard as possible while at school. And to many Asians parents, getting good grade at school is pretty much the only thing that matters

At least you still got to do some activities that you enjoy... there are many parents out there who would even deny their kids the chance to make friends at school because the friends could be the "bad influence" for you

And make sure you get good grades at school, otherwise your parents will take away your last bit of freedom...

She means well, but she's obviously going about it the wrong way.

How to deal with it? ... I have no idea.

I think her parents were like this to her, too. But I swear I will NEVER be like this to my own kids, after having gone through this myself and absolutely abhorring it. I sometimes honestly believe my mom cares none about my heart, but for my brain. GodofBigMacs

Once, I got a 97 on this test. My parents asked me where the other three points went...:SSky-

My goodness I have personally seen that happened!!

I almost want to go up and smack the mom upside her head

[QUOTE="BumFluff122"]

Sounds like she has high expectations and expects you to pull through on them because she wants the best for you.

GodofBigMacs

for the record what she is doing sounds awful. However think of it this way. Right now you are able to do the things you enjoy, but really only because she has the ability to pay for it (her not you) and she wants for you to be able to get out of high school and go to a great college so that you might have an easier life later down the road. Also trust me when I say that if you do poorly you will most likely not be able to afford the kind of life you want and thus always be working and never get to see those friends of yours because you will not be able to afford it.

I know it's hard to focus on goals like that that are so far down the road and out of reach at this point, but trust me when I say you will regret it much later if you do not focus on the work now.

this probably isn't what you want to hear so I appologise in advance, but I still think what I just said is correct.

I know I'll probably get a lot of comments like "You're just spoiled" or "You'll thank her later", but you guys probably don't understand fully.

My mom is another one of those classic Asian parents. She continually nags me on school. I have a 4.2 (approximately) in high school, and she continues to think I don't try my best and that I am incompetent in school. I do all of my homework, I study for my tests thoroughly, etc, even with the fact that my school activities leave me with no time to do homework until 9 pm-ish. She ends up assuming that I have zero free time, and that my activities have taken up all of it, and therefore, yells at me if she catches me on Gamespot or playing my PS3. I love all of my school activities (except for the ones she forces me to do), but she continually threatens me to cut them out of my life if I even have a B in a class, which is completely ridiculous. I made all of my friends that I have right now through those activities, and to stop going to these activities would be devastating.

Even considering how she seems to think I have no free time (which is false), she thinks my 4.2 isn't good enough, and signed me up for an online math course. I have taken this online course system on the website she signed up for, and the teaching is TERRIBLE. These people might be good in real life, but first of all, the course is on Friday nights, where I am not available most of the time. Second, the course cost around 700 dollars for a 4 month course. Third, the way they teach the material is hard to understand, and I eventually forget what I might have learned anyway.

She also expects me to do extra math problems for 2-3 hours per day on the weekends. She also occasionally sits me down and tries to be my extra math teacher, thinking that my regular math course isn't good enough. She thinks that everything Chinese is also superior, and expects me to be better than everyone at everything I do. With this, my mom expects me to be like the top 20 people in my class, who don't do many activities (besides something like Science Olympiad, which I tried, and simply couldn't get into, of course, my mom still is disappointed that I don't like it), and usually freak out about the smallest grades.

FOOTNOTES:

My mom basically wants me to be a grade mongering robot who exits high school with a 4.9, having no fun at all, and having nothing to smile about except for a stupid number (GPA).

GodofBigMacs

Kind of sounds like my Parents, and I'm not even Asian :(

YEs I'm sure swearing to his mother woudl definitely get her off his back.

What makes you so sure?

And I agree that she has high expectations. She is probably having these expectations of him because of what happened in her own life when she was young and she wants the best for him.

Suffocating him and nagging the ever living crap out of him while not showing the least amount of appreciation or pride for how good he's doing as is is obviously the best route to go.

I wish my mother was more strict with me in this manner when I was young.BumFluff122

Good for you.

[QUOTE="12345678ew"]dude, you fail hard for letting this happen. it's not that your mom cares to much, it's that you do. you did good when you were little, and ended up nerdly but with a good future, which, frankly, sucks. because then what happens? you don't develop the best social skills, high schools sucks instead of being the best years of your life, as well as college. you end up a perfectionist, which isn't a very good thing in business. your parents expectations are crazy high. how you fix it, drop some of your after school activities, free up tons of time, start partying and enjoying high school. your parents expectations will fall, your own expectations will fall to what you will consider mediocre (which is still fantastic because your quite smart so your mediocre is still above most's best) and you'll have fun. i did the same thing, only in 7th grade. now i make 180k a year working 35 hour weeks, i love my job, and i have a ton of friends and time to hang out with them. A's aren't everything, there's a more direct correlation between number of people who know your name in high school and average income than GPA and income... although drop below B's and GPA becomes the defining factor again.GodofBigMacs

Obviously, there is only one course of action you can take...

feed her to the flesh eating zombies in the pit next to thecemetery. It's the only way. Good luck.

I'd be proud of ya. Hell, I didn't even know high school went past 4.0 gpa. I'm officially stupid.

[QUOTE="GodofBigMacs"] I think her parents were like this to her, too. But I swear I will NEVER be like this to my own kids, after having gone through this myself and absolutely abhorring it. I sometimes honestly believe my mom cares none about my heart, but for my brain. BumFluff122

I'd be proud of ya. Hell, I didn't even know high school went past 4.0 gpa. I'm officially stupid.

trust_nobody

your mom sounds annoying, no offense. can't stand parents like that. she should just let you live your life.

I think her parents were like this to her, too. But I swear I will NEVER be like this to my own kids, after having gone through this myself and absolutely abhorring it. I sometimes honestly believe my mom cares none about my heart, but for my brain. GodofBigMacs

Nothing makes God cry but a mother's prayers. I would refrain from saying such things.

That said, I used to be in your situation, except it was enforced by my dad, and that I'm South Asian and not Chinese - I really do sympathize with you. I used to harbour the same feelings for my dad as you do your mom. I had 35 hours of school, 14 hours of tuition and 6 hours of homework a week. It is a pretty depressing road to go down through, I felt like killing myself. But a year later, I could not be more thankful I did not do so. I can really only offer minor advice, but I'd say the following are vital:

-If you hate the course. Change it. This made the difference for me from feeling like crying every night because I was so overwhelmed to actually enjoying going to the tuition. The person who teaches the subject is very important, if he/she is fail, you will not enjoy it no matter how much interest you have.

-Be thankful for the little free time you do have, this will make it feel more numerous.

-Keep a positive attitude towards school and work. Attitudes and beliefs can be changed, don't choose the ones that won't get you very far in life.

-Be thankful you have a parent who cares. There are people out there who are getting drunk, pregnant and smoking pot 24/7, and I'm sure (or at least I hope) you can't even begin to imagine those things in your life. Also, on the topic of being thankful, you have to realize that happy people aren't happy because they have a lot of things, they are happy because they are thankful with the little they have.

Anyway, I don't expect to get what I'm saying in an instant, I think you'll learn a lot this year. At least I know I did in the year I like to call the "dark ages".

EDIT: Sorry about the old-fashioned writing style, I've been reading some old books lately x_x

I know I'll probably get a lot of comments like "You're just spoiled" or "You'll thank her later", but you guys probably don't understand fully.

My mom is another one of those classic Asian parents. She continually nags me on school. I have a 4.2 (approximately) in high school, and she continues to think I don't try my best and that I am incompetent in school. I do all of my homework, I study for my tests thoroughly, etc, even with the fact that my school activities leave me with no time to do homework until 9 pm-ish. She ends up assuming that I have zero free time, and that my activities have taken up all of it, and therefore, yells at me if she catches me on Gamespot or playing my PS3. I love all of my school activities (except for the ones she forces me to do), but she continually threatens me to cut them out of my life if I even have a B in a class, which is completely ridiculous. I made all of my friends that I have right now through those activities, and to stop going to these activities would be devastating.

Even considering how she seems to think I have no free time (which is false), she thinks my 4.2 isn't good enough, and signed me up for an online math course. I have taken this online course system on the website she signed up for, and the teaching is TERRIBLE. These people might be good in real life, but first of all, the course is on Friday nights, where I am not available most of the time. Second, the course cost around 700 dollars for a 4 month course. Third, the way they teach the material is hard to understand, and I eventually forget what I might have learned anyway.

She also expects me to do extra math problems for 2-3 hours per day on the weekends. She also occasionally sits me down and tries to be my extra math teacher, thinking that my regular math course isn't good enough. She thinks that everything Chinese is also superior, and expects me to be better than everyone at everything I do. With this, my mom expects me to be like the top 20 people in my class, who don't do many activities (besides something like Science Olympiad, which I tried, and simply couldn't get into, of course, my mom still is disappointed that I don't like it), and usually freak out about the smallest grades.

FOOTNOTES:

My mom basically wants me to be a grade mongering robot who exits high school with a 4.9, having no fun at all, and having nothing to smile about except for a stupid number (GPA).

GodofBigMacs

My professor's a MFT and this is actually a common problem that he deals with in family therapy. If's its too hard for you to wait, try asking your school counselor about options about family therapy. It might help your parents gain some insight about you and help them understand that your a good son/ daughter (sorry don't know if your guy or girl). My professor said that sometimes parents from other countries push their expectations heavily on their children because they fear like their children is becoming too "American" and compensate for being overly strict.

Also, your mom seems to wants what's best for you. Don't worry so much about being kicked out or disowned like that. Your still her child.

I had a similar problem, but I just learnt to ignore her, do what I want and still get excellent grades.

Explain to her politly that you do not need this type of treatment to be successful in life. Explain to her that you are a human being not a living trophy. Try and compromise (aka reduce) the number of hours you need to focus on school work. If she is a unreasonable b****, swear at her and give her crap so you can live a happy life in bording school.