How can I get (legal) revenge on my friend?

He always lies to me and blows me off, and only hangs out with me when it's a good time for him (like when his other friends can't do anything) and doesn't care whether I don't want to or not. He just comes over unannounced. And sometimes he'll say he'll do something when I ask, but never does it (and he never calls or anything saying he can't, just blows me off). And a lot of the time he doesn't answer his phone when I call, or he just hangs up on me, but if I don't answer my phone, he makes a big deal out of it, and calls my house phone, and then tells me to turn my phone on because he hates it when I don't answer. He always mooches off me too (think Kramer, but less funny). I don't even like him that much, he's so freaking stupid it pisses me off. So, yeah, he's a dick.

So, I have a lot of ideas of how to get back at him, but none that don't have a possibility of jail time. Any suggestions? Also, I'm going for an ironic form of revenge, a "punishment to fit the crime" sort of thing... any suggestions? I need a collective brainstorm of the evil geniuses here...

Go to your friend and embrace him as a Brother, for that is the True Way.

Om.

He always lies to me and blows me off, and only hangs out with me when it's a good time for him (like when his other friends can't do anything) and doesn't care whether I don't want to or not. He just comes over unannounced. And sometimes he'll say he'll do something when I ask, but never does it (and he never calls or anything saying he can't, just blows me off). And a lot of the time he doesn't answer his phone when I call, or he just hangs up on me, but if I don't answer my phone, he makes a big deal out of it, and calls my house phone, and then tells me to turn my phone on because he hates it when I don't answer. He always mooches off me too (think Kramer, but less funny). I don't even like him that much, he's so freaking stupid it pisses me off. So, yeah, he's a dick.

So, I have a lot of ideas of how to get back at him, but none that don't have a possibility of jail time. Any suggestions? Also, I'm going for an ironic form of revenge, a "punishment to fit the crime" sort of thing... any suggestions? I need a collective brainstorm of the evil geniuses here...

Darth_Tyrev

Is it someone you are romantically involved with? It sounds like girlfriend / boyfriend advice.

He always lies to me and blows me off, and only hangs out with me when it's a good time for him (like when his other friends can't do anything) and doesn't care whether I don't want to or not. He just comes over unannounced. And sometimes he'll say he'll do something when I ask, but never does it (and he never calls or anything saying he can't, just blows me off). And a lot of the time he doesn't answer his phone when I call, or he just hangs up on me, but if I don't answer my phone, he makes a big deal out of it, and calls my house phone, and then tells me to turn my phone on because he hates it when I don't answer. He always mooches off me too (think Kramer, but less funny). I don't even like him that much, he's so freaking stupid it pisses me off. So, yeah, he's a dick.

Darth_Tyrev

wow this sounds SO MUCH like a friend I had. i completely understand your frustrations! however, I was not looking at any way to get back at him. I just kinda blew him off and sooner or later, he figured it out that I didn't want to have anything to do with his selfish crap.

Sleep with his best friend and make sure he catches you guys together so he gets heartbroken and laugh at his misery and then embrace your new found homosexuality.