How Can I Live Up To My Parent's Impossible Standards

I'm just gonna spill my guts, if it's too long, the last paragraph sums it up nicely.

Ever since I've been in high school it's always been 'get your ass in gear, university this university that blah blah blah'. I understand where they come from but they get way too into this stuff. For one, if I get below 80% on something, they punish me, get mad at me, or whatever. What they don't understand is that a bad mark isn't the end of the world, I still have an average in the 90's, in fact my average for the end of grade 11 was 93% and I won an award in Geography for having the highest mark in the class. Still, they still say to get higher marks and I've never once even been complimented for my marks, it's never good enough. One time I got 99% in my History class and all my mom could say was, 'Where's the other 1%?'. I don't know how to deal with that kind of pressure...

There's also the pressure to be perfect in every way. My dad's never given me props for anything (reflecting on this almost brought me to tears), yet he points out every mistake I make and yells at me for it. Just today I pulled out a bottle of pop from the fridge, put it on the counter, opened it, and blam all this pop blasts onto me. Immediately he blames he, says it's my fault, etc. despite my sister having used the bottle of pop before me (and I saw her shake it). This crap happens all the time and everytime I do something wrong my mom or dad will insult me, yell at me, swear at me, whatever. If I do something well though, do something perfectly or whatever they don't even acknowledge it, they don't even care.

There is also the pressure to look like their trophy son. I must always be perfect and they expect me to live up to their appearance standards in front of their friends, family, etc. I can't even be myself around my own damn family outside of us. They won't let me wear my piercings, they won't let me wear anything baggy, no skinny jeans, no slim fit shirts (they think they're for homosexuals...), etc. In fact I recall that when I got my ears pierced my dad was convinced I was a homosexual until I got a girlfriend which they hate since she doesn't live up to their impossible standards either. They also hate the fact that she isn't from India like me (She's half Black half White). Everything about me has to be perfect though or else they won't even let me attend family events and other things.

I feel like I live my life in a shell unless I'm with my friends, at school where I can write and do art, listen to music, or playing video games. I can't think of many other ways to cope with this, I don't want to talk to them about it since that's like talking to a wall. The only way I can cope is by forgetting about it through immersion, alcohol, whatever I can find. Anyone else in a similar situation, anyone else had to deal with this...Only one year and I'll be away in University but to be honest I'd rather have a better relationship with my parents then the crap I go through right now...

If you want a better relationship with your parents, you are going to have to talk to them about it

Talk to them. Put thing into perspective, tell them if they keep pressuring you, youre going to snap (like I did, long story) and things are going to be even worse in the long run.

If that fails, you can either:

1. Conform and endure. This wont lead to happiness, but it will lead to peace and, after all, you will be out of the house soon

2. Rebel. Not necessarily actively rebel and like a punk or anything, but just be yourself.

What I do is simply ignore them.

They will eventually lower them. (the standards)

holy **** man that sounds terrible i think you are just gonna have to hold out until you go to university cause it sounds like they well never understand, well at least not until u are like 25 how old are you know like 17...18?

Fake your death. It is the only way.

Fake your death. It is the only way.

br0kenrabbit

My parents were the same way... I haven't spoken to them in years. I'm probably not a source of advice, I cut my parents from my life and eventually decided I would live my way and forget them. If you wish for a relationship with them, you must open conversation. Explain your frustration, exactly how you put it in this thread, sit them down, tell them honestly how you feel, that you know they probably feel whatever they are doing is in your best interest, you know they love you, but here is what they're doing wrong and why they should express how they feel differently.

It will be hard, but if you desire a relationship with them, like anyone else, it REQUIRES proper communication, otherwise it will crumble.

Talk to them. Put thing into perspective, tell them if they keep pressuring you, youre going to snap (like I did, long story) and things are going to be even worse in the long run.mrbojangles25

Yea, you mentioned your Indian, a lot of people I knew in high school who were also asian dealt with stuff related to education like that. Their parents would always want higher grades and things like that. I think the education part you're talking about is more of an Asian thing (just saying), but yea the other part about them treating you bad is messed up.

As long as they don't hit you it's alright. Let's get it straight(no insulting) - when they're dead... you will not be happy about that and all these annoying Standarts will be forgotten. Don't do as they tell you if they annoy you telling that you wear ''homosexual'' clothes. It's your choice and tell them to accept you as you are.

Don't live up to their standarts - live up to yours. (Don't go too far by ignoring them and treating them like an as****) and if they keep hassling you don't worry - they'll stop eventually because they'll know it's useless to argue about the way you live or study.

And remember - after all hassles and arguments there will be always a moment when your mom or your dad tell you: We love you anyway.

Run away from home. They can't get you then.XilePrincess

But the cops can. :(

Move out and get a job. All will be right with the world.

Simple answer. You can't.

I really like your user icon.

I'm just gonna spill my guts, if it's too long, the last paragraph sums it up nicely.

Ever since I've been in high school it's always been 'get your ass in gear, university this university that blah blah blah'. I understand where they come from but they get way too into this stuff. For one, if I get below 80% on something, they punish me, get mad at me, or whatever. What they don't understand is that a bad mark isn't the end of the world, I still have an average in the 90's, in fact my average for the end of grade 11 was 93% and I won an award in Geography for having the highest mark in the class. Still, they still say to get higher marks and I've never once even been complimented for my marks, it's never good enough. One time I got 99% in my History class and all my mom could say was, 'Where's the other 1%?'. I don't know how to deal with that kind of pressure...

There's also the pressure to be perfect in every way. My dad's never given me props for anything (reflecting on this almost brought me to tears), yet he points out every mistake I make and yells at me for it. Just today I pulled out a bottle of pop from the fridge, put it on the counter, opened it, and blam all this pop blasts onto me. Immediately he blames he, says it's my fault, etc. despite my sister having used the bottle of pop before me (and I saw her shake it). This crap happens all the time and everytime I do something wrong my mom or dad will insult me, yell at me, swear at me, whatever. If I do something well though, do something perfectly or whatever they don't even acknowledge it, they don't even care.

There is also the pressure to look like their trophy son. I must always be perfect and they expect me to live up to their appearance standards in front of their friends, family, etc. I can't even be myself around my own damn family outside of us. They won't let me wear my piercings, they won't let me wear anything baggy, no skinny jeans, no slim fit shirts (they think they're for homosexuals...), etc. In fact I recall that when I got my ears pierced my dad was convinced I was a homosexual until I got a girlfriend which they hate since she doesn't live up to their impossible standards either. They also hate the fact that she isn't from India like me (She's half Black half White). Everything about me has to be perfect though or else they won't even let me attend family events and other things.

I feel like I live my life in a shell unless I'm with my friends, at school where I can write and do art, listen to music, or playing video games. I can't think of many other ways to cope with this, I don't want to talk to them about it since that's like talking to a wall. The only way I can cope is by forgetting about it through immersion, alcohol, whatever I can find. Anyone else in a similar situation, anyone else had to deal with this...Only one year and I'll be away in University but to be honest I'd rather have a better relationship with my parents then the crap I go through right now...

Toriko42

Same thing here, buddy. I have no solution except doing what I'm told. Sorry.:(

Make a stand, you shouldnt have to live up to anyones standards except your own.

Best thing is to not try. Screw em over hard dude.

At least it isn't like what happened to me, constantly being compared to my more successful older brother, which still sorta happens now and again.

Don't.. be your own man.

Nothing is worst than being a puppet of others.

I feel your pain.

But yes, it doesn't really matter. Come on, 93% average is already good enough. People would kill at my school to get that crazy average! If you believe you're doing a good job, don't care about your parents.

Just ignore them. Once your done with high school, you can always move out and not have to deal with their crap anymore.

I'm just gonna spill my guts, if it's too long, the last paragraph sums it up nicely.

Ever since I've been in high school it's always been 'get your ass in gear, university this university that blah blah blah'. I understand where they come from but they get way too into this stuff. For one, if I get below 80% on something, they punish me, get mad at me, or whatever. What they don't understand is that a bad mark isn't the end of the world, I still have an average in the 90's, in fact my average for the end of grade 11 was 93% and I won an award in Geography for having the highest mark in the class. Still, they still say to get higher marks and I've never once even been complimented for my marks, it's never good enough. One time I got 99% in my History class and all my mom could say was, 'Where's the other 1%?'. I don't know how to deal with that kind of pressure...

There's also the pressure to be perfect in every way. My dad's never given me props for anything (reflecting on this almost brought me to tears), yet he points out every mistake I make and yells at me for it. Just today I pulled out a bottle of pop from the fridge, put it on the counter, opened it, and blam all this pop blasts onto me. Immediately he blames he, says it's my fault, etc. despite my sister having used the bottle of pop before me (and I saw her shake it). This crap happens all the time and everytime I do something wrong my mom or dad will insult me, yell at me, swear at me, whatever. If I do something well though, do something perfectly or whatever they don't even acknowledge it, they don't even care.

There is also the pressure to look like their trophy son. I must always be perfect and they expect me to live up to their appearance standards in front of their friends, family, etc. I can't even be myself around my own damn family outside of us. They won't let me wear my piercings, they won't let me wear anything baggy, no skinny jeans, no slim fit shirts (they think they're for homosexuals...), etc. In fact I recall that when I got my ears pierced my dad was convinced I was a homosexual until I got a girlfriend which they hate since she doesn't live up to their impossible standards either. They also hate the fact that she isn't from India like me (She's half Black half White). Everything about me has to be perfect though or else they won't even let me attend family events and other things.

I feel like I live my life in a shell unless I'm with my friends, at school where I can write and do art, listen to music, or playing video games. I can't think of many other ways to cope with this, I don't want to talk to them about it since that's like talking to a wall. The only way I can cope is by forgetting about it through immersion, alcohol, whatever I can find. Anyone else in a similar situation, anyone else had to deal with this...Only one year and I'll be away in University but to be honest I'd rather have a better relationship with my parents then the crap I go through right now...

Toriko42

I'm not going to read your post (just woke up), but you shouldn't be living by anyone's standards than your own.

Bring it to their attention. Tell them how you truly feel. It's about all you can do. Tell them not to take you for granted. Talk to them, let them know you wish to be an individual and not some drone they have been tinkering on over the years.

They also hate the fact that she isn't from India like me.

Toriko42

I'm just gonna spill my guts, if it's too long, the last paragraph sums it up nicely.

Ever since I've been in high school it's always been 'get your ass in gear, university this university that blah blah blah'. I understand where they come from but they get way too into this stuff. For one, if I get below 80% on something, they punish me, get mad at me, or whatever. What they don't understand is that a bad mark isn't the end of the world, I still have an average in the 90's, in fact my average for the end of grade 11 was 93% and I won an award in Geography for having the highest mark in the class. Still, they still say to get higher marks and I've never once even been complimented for my marks, it's never good enough. One time I got 99% in my History class and all my mom could say was, 'Where's the other 1%?'. I don't know how to deal with that kind of pressure...

There's also the pressure to be perfect in every way. My dad's never given me props for anything (reflecting on this almost brought me to tears), yet he points out every mistake I make and yells at me for it. Just today I pulled out a bottle of pop from the fridge, put it on the counter, opened it, and blam all this pop blasts onto me. Immediately he blames he, says it's my fault, etc. despite my sister having used the bottle of pop before me (and I saw her shake it). This crap happens all the time and everytime I do something wrong my mom or dad will insult me, yell at me, swear at me, whatever. If I do something well though, do something perfectly or whatever they don't even acknowledge it, they don't even care.

There is also the pressure to look like their trophy son. I must always be perfect and they expect me to live up to their appearance standards in front of their friends, family, etc. I can't even be myself around my own damn family outside of us. They won't let me wear my piercings, they won't let me wear anything baggy, no skinny jeans, no slim fit shirts (they think they're for homosexuals...), etc. In fact I recall that when I got my ears pierced my dad was convinced I was a homosexual until I got a girlfriend which they hate since she doesn't live up to their impossible standards either. They also hate the fact that she isn't from India like me (She's half Black half White). Everything about me has to be perfect though or else they won't even let me attend family events and other things.

I feel like I live my life in a shell unless I'm with my friends, at school where I can write and do art, listen to music, or playing video games. I can't think of many other ways to cope with this, I don't want to talk to them about it since that's like talking to a wall. The only way I can cope is by forgetting about it through immersion, alcohol, whatever I can find. Anyone else in a similar situation, anyone else had to deal with this...Only one year and I'll be away in University but to be honest I'd rather have a better relationship with my parents then the crap I go through right now...

Toriko42

ps. What state do you live in because I noticed you said "pop" while where I live we say "soda".

Talk to them about it, ignoring the problem is only going to make things worse. As misguided as your parents are they just want the best for you.

wow....this sounds like torture......complaining when you get a 99 on a test????

dude my dad is like that too. my mom's alright, i mean she does expect too much from me sometimes but at least she's understanding about my mistakes. anytiem i make a mistake infront of my dad he'll give me a 10 minute lecture on being more responsible and that i'm too careless. it's so bad that i'm actually afraid to do anything around him now. and he's not the 'talking' type of dad, so i dunno what to do.

you should reveal yourself by getting bad grades, buying shirts they don't like using your piercings or if you're old enough leave your parents house

Some parents are like that. My dad is NEVER happy with what I do, except with him it's kind of different because he really doesn't care about academic achievements at all. I think the only thing that would truly make him proud of me would be if I dropped out of college and became an electrician (which he is constantly bugging me about and dropping subtle hints).

I'd say talk to a counselor about this as gamespot isn't the best place for advice.

You'll be out of that house and on your own soon enough. I guess you can go about it two ways. One quietly do what they say and move out or two ignore them and be who you want to be. Also you could try confronting your parents about this although I don't know how that would go.

Either way hang in there. You'll make it out soon enough. However it sounds like your relationship with your family has a few problems. Its more common than you think and your not alone.

But like I said I'd try to speak to counselor or something. They can give you advice on how to deal with your immediate problems and help you with your more complex issues involving your relationship with your family which is something you need to do.

All being said I sympathize with you and it can be alot to go through alone.