how to get over your best friend / lover breaking up with you

this may not be so applicable to the male folk, but you never know.

long story short, my best friend and bf of two years basically dumped me for another chick in november. We decided to remain friends since the break up was pretty amicable, but I was distant for months. I've done some flirting and one time dates since then, but nothing seems as good as what we had. I was miserable so I've started talking to him more recently... it's helped a bit since he still deems me important enough to talk to but at the same time I am jealous that he moved on right away and is all happy and s***, while I'm still alone. Do I just need to get in another relationship or what? Am I still talking to him with a sense of false hope? I dunno... if I'm miserable with and without him, what do I do?

Your problem is that you don't want to be over him. Until you do, you'll never stop comparing other people to him. Don't rebound. That doesn't help. Focus on you, what makes you happy, what works for you. There ARE better guys out there, even if there doesn't seem to be now. Focus on what you really want. If it helps, get mad. Think about how much of a s*** head he is for dumping you like that. Sometimes anger starts the process, breaks down into crying, and then eventually all the feelings are out and you can just kind of begin to heal. You cannot heal when somebody still has a hold on you. Shake him, asap. He's done, he's crap, he's not worth your time. Don't want him back, there are better guys out there, much better ones. Better to be miserable alone, at least then you have a chance of finding somebody who will make you un-miserable.XilePrincess

I disagree, I find that rebounds are essential for getting over someone. The worst, most painful breakup I had was one I didn't rebound from. It probably depends on the person, but that's what I find to be the case.

Since you are a girl I won't give you a stupid answer, like sh*tting in the back seat of their car then trap 9 stray cats and realease them into his car overnight......

Ok serious answer......stop talking to him. You need to be stronger than he is, and just move on. If you keep on talking to him and you are in love with him it will never get better. Honestly, if he leaves you for another girl then he isn't worth the time anyways....

I disagree, I find that rebounds are essential for getting over someone. The worst, most painful breakup I had was one I didn't rebound from. It probably depends on the person, but that's what I find to be the case.

Rhazakna

Rebound to me, means a person you attempt to foster a relationship with that is nearly identical to the one you just lost, very quickly after breaking up. It's wound-patching, not just going out and having fun and having 'flings'. Not sure if that's what you feel that it is, or if you have a different definition.

A rebound to me essentially does nothing but extend the pain, because you don't start healing if you're trying to recreate the relationship you had with Jimmy, who just dumped you, with Billy.

If you want to start off 100% fresh right out of a relationship and there are no hurt feelings, like the "Gosh I just wish somebody would cuddle me like he used to, wahhhhh" kinda thing, that's one type of rebound that could be okay. But recreating a dead relationship with somebody new is a bad idea IMO and can cause hurt on both sides, and things going way faster than you might want them to, because of the trying-to-recreate aspect.

Well since he dumped you, go ahead, be a rebound as many times as you want and you will eventually find someone better.

[QUOTE="Rhazakna"]

I disagree, I find that rebounds are essential for getting over someone. The worst, most painful breakup I had was one I didn't rebound from. It probably depends on the person, but that's what I find to be the case.

XilePrincess

Rebound to me, means a person you attempt to foster a relationship with that is nearly identical to the one you just lost, very quickly after breaking up. It's wound-patching, not just going out and having fun and having 'flings'. Not sure if that's what you feel that it is, or if you have a different definition.

A rebound to me essentially does nothing but extend the pain, because you don't start healing if you're trying to recreate the relationship you had with Jimmy, who just dumped you, with Billy.

If you want to start off 100% fresh right out of a relationship and there are no hurt feelings, like the "Gosh I just wish somebody would cuddle me like he used to, wahhhhh" kinda thing, that's one type of rebound that could be okay. But recreating a dead relationship with somebody new is a bad idea IMO and can cause hurt on both sides, and things going way faster than you might want them to, because of the trying-to-recreate aspect.

When I say rebound I mean something less specific, then. A one night stand after a breakup is a rebound, to me, and I think that's essential for getting over someone. Not a one night thing, necessarily, but some sort of sexual and/or emotional gratification is needed after a painful split I think. Trying to recreate the relationship is what I did after I didn't get that gratification.

I think the most difficult part was him being my best friend. I can get over our relationship, as I have others, but losing my best friend at the same time was painful. What do you do when you need your best friend at a difficult time, only it was them that broke up with you? ugh. My current mentality is that I can keep talking with him (since it makes me feel slightly better) until I move on. I just hope it won't hinder my moving on

you gotta find things to occupy your mind. go out with friends, get a new hobby, start going to the gym, something. if you can keep your mind off him long enough, you'll forget about him, and you'll stop caring, i promise.

I think the most difficult part was him being my best friend. I can get over our relationship, as I have others, but losing my best friend at the same time was painful. What do you do when you need your best friend at a difficult time, only it was them that broke up with you? ugh. My current mentality is that I can keep talking with him (since it makes me feel slightly better) until I move on. I just hope it won't hinder my moving on

fluffy_kins

Cut wrists and listen to Linkin Park.

You know how some women are always complaining to their girlfriends that men are dogs and all that crap? yeah direct all your hate and frustration towards that and know you are better than what you currently believe you are because you deserve better.

You really need to cut off all contact with him - hanging around with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends just drags the false hope out forever and keeps the heartache fresh and painful.

Take some time to just forget about him, move on, date if you feel like it. You'll get back to normal eventually. Not much you can really do to control your emotions except to wait for them to fade over time.

You really need to cut off all contact with him - hanging around with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends just drags the false hope out forever and keeps the heartache fresh and painful.

Take some time to just forget about him, move on, date if you feel like it. You'll get back to normal eventually. Not much you can really do to control your emotions except to wait for them to fade over time.

Jackc8

Go buy a vibrator

[QUOTE="Rhazakna"]

I disagree, I find that rebounds are essential for getting over someone. The worst, most painful breakup I had was one I didn't rebound from. It probably depends on the person, but that's what I find to be the case.

XilePrincess

Rebound to me, means a person you attempt to foster a relationship with that is nearly identical to the one you just lost, very quickly after breaking up. It's wound-patching, not just going out and having fun and having 'flings'. Not sure if that's what you feel that it is, or if you have a different definition.

A rebound to me essentially does nothing but extend the pain, because you don't start healing if you're trying to recreate the relationship you had with Jimmy, who just dumped you, with Billy.

If you want to start off 100% fresh right out of a relationship and there are no hurt feelings, like the "Gosh I just wish somebody would cuddle me like he used to, wahhhhh" kinda thing, that's one type of rebound that could be okay. But recreating a dead relationship with somebody new is a bad idea IMO and can cause hurt on both sides, and things going way faster than you might want them to, because of the trying-to-recreate aspect.

Cut wrists and listen to Linkin Park.

Spitfirer

[QUOTE="Spitfirer"]

Cut wrists and listen to Linkin Park.

Welis

I hear you. You don't miss the BOYfriend as much as the FRIEND. You have my sympathies. I think you need time to grieve. As long as you hang around him, you'll never heal. Time to let go - completely.

Grieve, find some new friends (not easy, I know, but necessary). It takes time, but you'll get there.

What you have to do is to isolate yourself from that person completely. It will be hard in the beginning, but it's better in the long run.

Well, your first problem is actually continuing to talk to the guy after being treated in such a way. Having a little bit of self respect can go a long way to making your life better.

Secondly, a mind without purpose walks in dark places. Do something. Go to the gym, pick up a new hobby, whatever you want to do just DO IT.

And the final step, move on with your life.

best thing to do is cut them off entirely and move on.

I had a long term relationship and she went away to school. When I visited her at school she acted like a jerkoff and didn't want me around. When she came home she was all over me about how much she missed me bla bla bla. Then I find out she was with another dude while away at school. I cut her off totally, just stopped calling, everything, told people to screen her calls.

The result, she went batsh-t crazy crying at my door apologizing. I still turfed her anyways, and would make a point of making out with girls when I saw her at bars making her run out crying.

best thing to do is cut them off entirely and move on.

I had a long term relationship and she went away to school. When I visited her at school she acted like a jerkoff and didn't want me around. When she came home she was all over me about how much she missed me bla bla bla. Then I find out she was with another dude while away at school. I cut her off totally, just stopped calling, everything, told people to screen her calls.

The result, she went batsh-t crazy crying at my door apologizing. I still turfed her anyways, and would make a point of making out with girls when I saw her at bars making her run out crying.

Skarwolf

What comes around goes around. Well done. Self respect is key:)