How to get rid of an opossum?

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected. Well, for the time being, I sort of stopped doing that. There were a few cats that consistently hung out at my place, and they just looked miserable. So I started leaving out a food dish for them.

The bad: Suddenly I've got LOTS of cats just hanging around looking for a handout. They hangf around in the backyard fighting and eating my potted plants and just basically being jerks.

The good: rats have completely ****ing disappeared. No rats anywhere.

The bad: Pretty much ALL wildlife has disappeared. I used to have lizards and snakes and frogs and exotic bugs visiting my yard. No more. Now it's just a barren landscape full of nothing but cats.

Anyway, we'll see how long this lasts, but probably eventually I'll have to go back to catching cats and taking them to get put down.

But my problem right NOW is this one opossum that keeps coming into my backyard to eat cat food. I'll see it at the back door, then I'll run out with a broom or a mop and absolutely try to scare the **** out of it. One time I actually got it cornered and started smacking and poking it with my broomstick just to send it the message that it is not welcome here. But it still keeps on coming back.

And I actually have a live trap for opossum-sized animals. The problem is...I can't use it with all of those cats around. I'm FAR more likely to catch cats instead of that opossum.

So...here's my question. Outside of buying a gun and shooting that opossum the next time I see it, what is a good way to get that opossum to stop coming here? I can't think of any way to catch it. Yet, if I stop feeding it, then I'm also going to have to stop feeding all of the cats. At which point those cats will starve, and the most humane thing to do would be to go back to catching the cats and having them put down.

Shotgun.

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected.

MrGeezer

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected.

Pirate700

You didn't get the memo?

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected.

Pirate700

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected.

MrGeezer

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected.MrGeezer

Best opening sentence, ever. :lol:

Seriously though, I'd recommend calling someone about it. I'm sure they're professional enough to catch just one possum and not a bunch of cats, but maybe that's just a little too much faith on my part, speaking from past experiences.

Kill it n grill it

[QUOTE="Pirate700"]

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected.

sexy_fool69

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected. Well, for the time being, I sort of stopped doing that. There were a few cats that consistently hung out at my place, and they just looked miserable. So I started leaving out a food dish for them.

The bad: Suddenly I've got LOTS of cats just hanging around looking for a handout. They hangf around in the backyard fighting and eating my potted plants and just basically being jerks.

The good: rats have completely ****ing disappeared. No rats anywhere.

The bad: Pretty much ALL wildlife has disappeared. I used to have lizards and snakes and frogs and exotic bugs visiting my yard. No more. Now it's just a barren landscape full of nothing but cats.

Anyway, we'll see how long this lasts, but probably eventually I'll have to go back to catching cats and taking them to get put down.

But my problem right NOW is this one opossum that keeps coming into my backyard to eat cat food. I'll see it at the back door, then I'll run out with a broom or a mop and absolutely try to scare the **** out of it. One time I actually got it cornered and started smacking and poking it with my broomstick just to send it the message that it is not welcome here. But it still keeps on coming back.

And I actually have a live trap for opossum-sized animals. The problem is...I can't use it with all of those cats around. I'm FAR more likely to catch cats instead of that opossum.

So...here's my question. Outside of buying a gun and shooting that opossum the next time I see it, what is a good way to get that opossum to stop coming here? I can't think of any way to catch it. Yet, if I stop feeding it, then I'm also going to have to stop feeding all of the cats. At which point those cats will starve, and the most humane thing to do would be to go back to catching the cats and having them put down.

MrGeezer

Be a man and catch it with your hands and relocate it to a different neighborhood.

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected.

cyberdarkkid

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected.

MrGeezer

Funniest thing I've read in a long time.

:P

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected.

Like many problems it can be easily fixed with a ...

Here's what you do: try leaving bananas near the food, considering female opossums usually prefer bananas to catfood, and then try to catch the opossum with a large fishing net. Once you have the opossum in the large fishing net make a leash for the opossum using the peels from the bananas that you previously fed the opossum. Once the leash is finished you must now make a collar for the opossum. To do this i would recommend using the intestines of one of the cats y stringing them together like a rope. You may then wish to either sing a song to the opossum (preferably "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" by the Veggietales) or invite the opossum to a short romantic dance. This will lure the opossum close enough so you can easily slip the cat intestine collar around its neck along with the banana peel leash.

Here come the final and most difficult steps. With the opossum on the leash bring it over to the closest "Petsmart" store and walk it through every aisle 4 times, DO NOT SKIP ANY AISLES!!!!! Once that has been done you may now bring the opossum back to your house and do whatever you wish with it. WARNING: This may or may not actually help with your cat-food-eating-opossum and this guide is merely what it is, a guide. Good luck.

PS:This will ONLY work with male opossums who are under the age of 6 and you must be in Italy

Like many problems it can be easily fixed with a ...

dercoo

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]

Okay, so you all probably know how I used to catch stray cats in my backyard and take them to get lethally injected.

Pirate700

buy a badger

Get a really big dog, like a rotwiller or german shepard. That'll kill two birds with one stone: Your opossum troubles and your unwanted population of cats.

Alternatively, you could always just stop leaving cat food outside. Both the possum and the cats will get the message eventually.

Stop putting cat food out. Really, let them go hungry and they will leave. You want to attract them with cat food and then bring them to be lethally injected? Sounds like a trap.