I think I just realized why I am so shy.

I am in my twenties and dread having to talk to anyone on the phone for any reason. I also dread having to go places with lots of people where I am expected to be social. I think I just now realized this is due to my politeness.

I am so unbearably polite that I can't tell people they are talking too much or that I am not interested in doing their suggested activities. (This is a big problem as I am often not interested in what others are.) So I guess it isn't that I am shy but rather I can't bear getting myself into situations where people can take advantage of me because of my politeness. I let people talk down to me a lot because I am too polite to tell them I am smarter than they are.

I have let entire groups be lost because I fear people would be mad if I took the reins and told them exactly how to succeed. I think people respond to extroverts and often think introverts are just a little strange and shouldn't be looked to for leadership. Like people get mad if an introvert takes over. I have said some brilliant things that get completely ignored or rejected.

TLDR: I have a dread of catering to people that are entirely different than me and/or think I am weird.

Thoughts?

its enough to me to know people think I am weird to leave and never look back again, thx

Speaking as an introvert who's had to interact with extroverts: the key to interacting with extroverts is to let go of your politeness just long enough to let them know they aren't instantly in charge just because they're the ones who act more gung-ho most of the time. Introversion doesn't have to mean never taking charge, and certainly shouldn't mean not being respected when you do.

Well, unless you take charge and don't do a good job at it, but that's another matter. Introversion versus extroversion is more about how much energy you gain or lose during social interaction; introverted people can still behave confidently when the need arises, we're just more comfortable and able to re-charge in less-social situations than in social ones.

@erin_everett: Thanks.

how about you be interested in the actual People for ones and not the categories you put them into likd in a concentration camp

I think its different from being introverted if you are afraid to meet someone because you think you are to polite to reject a possible offer for butt.sex ...

Some backbone and willingness to say and stand by what you think is right..because that is the right thing to do. My thoughts.

I was like you and still have tendency to revert back but truth be told, what I once thought to be "Maybe I'm just too nice" is actually what I realised to be, most of the time, simple cowardice, timidness and thin skin. Sorry bro but its what it is. You don't speak up because you're afraid of offending other people...and you are afraid of also saying the wrong things and appearing foolish. You don't want to say or bear consequence for making decisions that might affect others so you choose to let people make decisions and take the risks. So you chose to become a doormat. Now other people think that you're just a nice harmless guy and you eventually believe that it is true. But deep inside, you question that cause you know its not entirely true. And you also know what is the real problem but dare not admit to it.

Reason that made me change or try to change is I realised it is a shit way to live your life or based your life around. And when I have kids of my own, what kind of example will I be to them if I'm always so pliable and cannot stand on my own principles? Maybe you don't plan to have kids but seriously, is this the way you want to live your life to the end? Being a yes man?

Now I"m not saying you should go out and butt heads with anyone who differs from your point of view but there are ways of questioning or debating what people say without being overly aggressive or offensive.

saw this the other day, food for thought...

if I wouldnt get monitored and baned every two steps I make here, I would still behave like I did ... first they say, be nice little petaligator and then they say your patehtic littel petaligator ... not that I didnt see it coming from a mile away ... People always blame me, I told you but now you see, its just to convincing right, the wolf is always the villian in your tales ... besides I am teh only one who isnt lieing constantly around here ... mhm ... but you know, I ones respected you as equal and not as the immature never-had-and-never-will-get-a-rea-job brat you seem enjoying to be ...

To be honest, dude, I see you in thread after thread, and you make zero sense, regardless the topic.

I tell people exactly what I think, probably why I don't have many real friends lol

2006 and 330+ posts.. yes shy indeed. :D :P

how can you be so sure about the root? as someone who constantly feels disconnected from the outside world, i believe the way your mind reasons to calculate the real cause of this alienation is also a part of the problem. because the whole idea of what and who you are is a story your mind tells you and your mind tends to picks only the parts of the reality that will help it keep the consistency of that story and and the image of the self it has already created.

Kind of relatable. I think I'm shy (introverted?) because I feel inferior to other people and isolate myself from them.

I don't know how to flirt. Once I start to like a girl I start acting like her older nice brother.....*sigh*

wrong

wrong

wrong

Nothing good ever comes out of being shy. Be who you are, some people will love you for it, others won't, you cannot please everyone no matter what you do. Being yourself is also important for making real connections to people and building long lasting relationships, it is very easy to build fake relationships based on pretense, but that will not lead to any kind of fulffilment.

Also being open does not necessarily mean being rude. I am very open about all my views, sometimes it offends people, but most people actually enjoy having an honest conversation with someone, even if their views don't match, as long as you don't take the popular internet position of "you don't think the way I think, therefore you are stupid" most people are fine with a bit of healthy debate.

Make your ideas for activities and such known through 'this is what I think' assertions, rather than '(I think you are wrong,) this is what we should do' rebukes.

This way you can avoid being rude and will also be able to reduce the number of social stresses you feel from going along with unwelcome scenarios.

but most people actually enjoy having an honest conversation with someone, even if their views don't match

man, still Walking through streets of Paris? ^^

this will all just coem to an end when you between teh Age of 33 and 35 ... its cute to read something like that, knowing it is said in all honesty ... cute

You don't have to answer OP but how many hours do you spend looking at porn in a week and how many times do you actually ejaculate in a week cause if these numbers are pretty high nothing besides my DXM use has proved as beneficial for my ability to be socialize and feel happy and content and motivated for the future and wanting to continue living life as NoFap+PornFree long streaks of those I feel at my best that I have ever felt naturally without needing to take anything else.

I had been taking DXM daily for a while now for depression combined with Wellbutrin but I intend to stop both after my last high dose trip ended up with me being hospitalized for the second time in like 48 hours once in Boston which I was up there for Pax East and another time here in NY. My heart has been sending me signs for a long time now to stop taking really high doses of DXM and other drugs like DPH or caffine that put a big strain on my heart it has put up with my shit for a long time and I'm honestly surprised I'm still alive I don't want to end up like Zyzz dying young due to drugs. I will be going on a juice fast for at least 21-30 days but intend to keep it going for alot longer we shall see how long I decide to do it I am on my second day just need to though it out a few more days and I will stop getting hunger pains

So yeah If you want to improve you ability to socialize naturally try NoFap+Porn Free till you hit a long streak most likely you will find its fucking extremely fucking hard to stop jacking off to porn for long periods of time like 30-90 Days shit I don't even think I have ever hit a consecutive 30day of not jacking off to porn yet lol and I have been trying to quit for like fucking 2+ Years now I think my highest record is like 21 Days I still remember when I broke that streak I went lucid in a dream and fucking raped the nearest female in that dream woke up and ending up binging after wards to porn lol you cannot make this shit up lol but yeah this getting to be to long of TL:DR

so yeah try that and try taking some DXM that is the fucking miracle drug for depression and social anxiety when I first sarted taking it turned me into the must extroverted individual on the entire planet earth and made the desire to socialize a fucking need for me and it FELT SO FUCKING GOOD TO SOCIALIZE WITH ANYONE VERBALLY even just random people in online games honestly thats one of the biggest things I miss about the drug my first massive dose(2.8 grams) over 2 day period fucked up the drug for me I lost the magic after that and I have been wanting to take a long tolerance break for such a long time now but now I finally will I figure I will need like a year at least or close to it to hopefully get the magic back but I can take an even longer break 1.5-2 Years hell I'd gladly wait like 5 years if it means I get the original DXM like when I first started taking it and the magic was fully intact that by far my favorite drug ever and legal to buy pretty much everywhere in the world I really really really really regret fucking it up with those huge back to back doses last year.

People like to say MDMA is the social drug king but in my experience DXM is far far far far far far far far far far superior in this regard. Something where where MDMA is the best is listening to music god fucking damn people need to listen to music on good dose of MDMA blasting through good speakers at least once in there life its like the music resonates into your fucking soul if you consider yourself a music fan and you have not done this your doing self a grand disservice.

Blog it.

Sounds more like Social Anxiety Disorder than politeness. I'm an introvert and I'm very polite but I have no problems telling others what to do, what I think or to shove it up their yeah. I draw the line, I make my own path and I choose to make choice rather then just another pathetic victim. People respond to me not because of my social exalt or anathema, rather because they have no choice other than concede or step aside and move on. The problem some introverts have is the let others walk all over them or take advantage of their kindness. There is also no reason to care what other people think...they are just other people. Otherwise you'll never succeed. Also OP, get over yourself, you clearly have some other "issues".

Also, if you think you are smarter than others, then you already have yet another problem on top of said issues. Don't become victim to under estimating what others are actually capable of. If you let others talk down to you, then you're obviously not as smart as you think which shows your lack of ability to think outside of the little box you prison yourself within. A smart person knows enough to debate topics without forcing opinion, losing emotional control..etc but rather concede when a view point makes logical sense and take it into thoughtful consideration rather than just fight it because you think you know something or worse, cowardly sit quietly while thinking what you know is the truth as appose to what it really is...scared to face reality.

What you probably need is some xanax, go see a doctor before you have regrets later in life.

I'm 36, and if you have good social skills it is very easy to have conversations with people about anything. Of course if you approach real conversations with people the way you do on the internet(ie: trying to belittle their opinion because it does not match your experience) you will not have success with adult conversations.

I wish I wasn't so shy. I wish I was like I am on here. lol.

I believe he is schizophrenic. He sends me the oddest PM's accusing me of things I was never involved with and thinks everyone is out there to get him.

Well, it's all well and good to say 'have good social skills', but in reality things aren't that easy.

It's got nothing to do with approaching conversation with an online mentality (at least for me), it's just that most conversation is so... ornamental. There's no real substance to it and so engaging feels like a massive waste of time and energy. And this is something that introverts struggle more with: that layer of conversation that sits above small talk but below substantial.

It's an area of conversation where I just have nothing to say -- I'm drawing a blank, not because of social awkwardness (is it okay to say this?) but because there's nothing worth actually saying. And is that really that surprising when the other person (when you really get down to it) doesn't have anything to say either?

Of course, find me someone who feels the same way and we'll happily sit there not talking in a silence that's more substantial than many 'conversations' people have with one another.

Doesn't matter if you're weird...you will find people that you get along with...those that don't get you/understand stuff them, don't waste time on them...there's plenty of people out there who will get you and understand you. You're never alone in the world...just gotta go out and find those that you get along with (never give up on this). Coming from a sorta weird person. ;) :P

@MrGaines: Have you tried letting go about caring what people think about you? If you need help doing this try being an asshole in situations where you can assess very few negative consequences coming from it.

@Serraph105: I heard picking your nose in front of people works well, too.

Sounds like anxiety to me. You're overthinking it. I don't like going out much either. I speak my mind and sensitive people take it too personal and can make for some awkward situations. Eat well, drink plenty of water and exercise. It makes wonders.

desensitization.

Maybe the people you are hanging around with don't match your interests enough? I understand where you are coming from to some degree, ornamental conversations do feel like a waste of time (how was your weekend? great, yours? Fantastic) but when I am around people I tend to try and probe deeper and engage in discussions about things that matter to me (stuff like religion, politics etc) or things that I just really enjoy (movies, games etc), and my friends and I like discussing issues like this, and could sit for hours talking about them.

Of course things that matter are completely subjective, but finding people who like discussing these things never feels like a waste of time to me, especially if I walk away having learned something or having taught something in the process.

It's an area of conversation where I just have nothing to say -- I'm drawing a blank, not because of social awkwardness (is it okay to say this?) but because there's nothing worth actually saying.

in my case, its mostly social awkwardness ... ^^

@MrGaines: I totally understand what you are saying, but you're saying it in a really dickish manner.

But yeah, people do kind of disregard introverts to the point it is shameful. Hell, I've had people repeat exactly what I said seconds prior and people will respond to them simply because they're the kind of people known to say that type of thing all the time. And I know they heard me because they look at me with a weird look then go on doing the thing (usually incorrectly) they're doing.

It might also be more how you are saying it than what you are saying. I used to be someone that would say "Sorry" in a really bashful manner when I really meant "Excuse me". Specifically, I was a cook and to get to the pizza oven I had to cross a hallway and there were always people walking by. So I'd say "Sorry" when I had to walk by or around them and they'd look at me like I did something wrong. So one day, for some reason, I started saying "Excuse me" or "Pardon me" in a clear, strong (but not rude) voice and people generally smiled and got out of my way. It was the weirdest thing, but that small difference in words taught me a valuable lesson.

Eventually you will just learn how to use the role people have cast you to your advantage, you will see yourself in a different light, and will surprise people. It's fun; I've learned to fake extroversion to a point where I can be forthright and "genuine" with strangers, I play the introvert with superiors at work who are always pleasantly surprised, and I am myself with friends and family.

Having a job in customer service really helped; I got a job pouring beer and I was soooooooooooo shy at first, it was a nightmare. But through sheer volume of people I got over it and now I can chat anyone up. I don't, but if they initiate I am all "Hey nice weather" this and "Hey how 'bout them *sports team name*" that :P