Is female on male violence deemed less serious...

...than the opposite? (Thank you Gamespot for not letting me post the whole title)

I was just reading this article about a woman who tortured her boyfriend for over a year and "got away" with only 18 months in jail and a fine. Article

From the article:

"Cigarettes were stubbed out on his skin and he was forced to swallow sponges and window-cleaning fluid."

"Threatened with being labelled a paedophile by his partner if he complained, he was forced to sleep on the floor near the front door and barred from using the bathroom as well as being burned with a white-hot knife."

"Mr Gaget was eventually rescued by his parents after his partner's brother raised the alarm and later had eight hospital operations because of his injuries"

"Prosecutors had called for a five-year jail term for Medkour, describing her actions as "beyond violence". She was given 18 months in prison with another 18 months suspended and a fine of €200,000 (£140,000)."

18 months is nowhere near enough, even without considering the guy required 8 surgeries...do you guys think if he had tortured his gf for a year he'd get away that easily? Do we still view female on male violence as less important or less serious because guys "can handle themselves" or "shouldn't be pussies"?

(Of course he had to go make a profit out of it by writing a book, but that's not really the point here)

Not sure of the veracity of the claim but the article also states that "Domestic abuse claims the lives of one woman ever three days and one man every 13 days"...even though the difference is still quite large it's closer than I thought and if the number is even close to accurate this is quite a big issue...and we're only counting the fatal cases of violence...there's a lot that can be done to someone without killing them, or often without even leaving a (physical) mark.

We know that a lot of people will react more if they witness displays of mild violence or public humiliation against a woman than against a man, but how would those same people react on the most serious cases?

For full disclosure, as a child I was abused by both my mother AND my father, so this is not in any way a rant against women.

In many cases women get off easy in many countries ( Domestic violence, sexual abuse, abuse on partner, rash and accidental driving, assocciate to murder ETC) :(

@indzman: And what do you think is the reason? Favoritism towards women or prejudice against men?

Also, thank you for participating; people don't like my threads ='(

Sorry, but i've to disagree with you on this XD

You bring up one isolated incident and think that means anything? Most domestic abuse cases don't end in jail time....for either sex.

@LJS9502_basic: I'm not saying this case is the norm, only that it got me thinking about how we tend to view violence differently depending on who the aggressor is.

I suppose it depends on the injury then. I mean if you see that someone has been badly abused you would feel different then if they don't show it. And men don't really like to admit they've been abused by a woman....so it tends to go unreported. But the law arrests anyone that they can verify physically attacked another.

@LJS9502_basic: So you are the opinion that the same court that convicted her to 18 months in jail would have come to the same sentence if he was the aggressor?

Probably yes. Most domestic assaults don't result in jail time other than the original arrest. Fines, fees, and court ordered classes/therapy is the general sentence. And they tell the victim to get PFAs. Not all listen to that though.

@LJS9502_basic: PFA? Not familiar with the acronym.

In general terms yes, mostly because people still somewhat rely on traditional interpretations of gender roles. So if a male says that they are suffering from domestic violence from their wife, it is shrugged off as people will automatically think of the traditional father in charge of the household and of the obedient women. This results in the man suffering from domestic violence being blamed for it as 'being a wimp' or 'needing to man up' or to something to that extent.

There is also the fact that it does not happen to men as often as it does to women so their isnt the same kind of outcry to raise awareness or to help remedy the issue

Its arguably almost a completely separate issue, but if you want an example of this, look at how news stories involving a girlfriend or ex-girlfriend cutting off her boyfriends penis because he cheated on her are reported. In my experience, its not reported in the same disgustful tone as it would be if it was the other way around

of course they should be treated and punished equally, though statistically i do not know if that is the case

Ah sorry about that. Protection From Abuse...the court sets a limit on how far away an individual has to stay from the victim. They can be arrested and fined if they violate that.

Korvus me friend, I feel this is true, I really do. Just the other day I was watching a prank on YouTube where women were protesting on the streets of London to stop violence against women. Well one of the pranksters in the infamous group (who happens to be male) ran up to the marching women and started screaming "CARNIVAL?!? Is this a Carnival?? WOOOO!" then he pretty much ran up to the first girl he saw in front of him and put his hands around her jumping up and down excitedly (now yes one could argue he shouldn't have touched her, and it's her personal space) but she started attacking him with the sign she was protesting with.

Now no one did anything to help the man who was being hit with the sign, and everyone around them took their phones out to record it and were just laughing and smiling. I bet if the roles were reversed and a man was hitting a girl with the sign then everyone would jump in to help. I can't stand double standards and it gets me quite mad.

Well technically he was the aggressor and she's allowed to defend herself. They didn't help her either so relax.

@LJS9502_basic: No need to apologise. It's impossible to keep track of where everybody is from =) So it's a restraining order. Makes sense.

@dagxton: True; a lot of those kind of news are presented with a "he deserved it" tone, even by male reporters. On a less extreme note, most of the men that I've heard admitting to being bullied or abused at home either got told to "deal with it", "man up", advised to "not mention it" or to repay violence with violence. Also, more often than not the reason these men let themselves be subjected to continuous abuse was the fear of losing their kids.

@LJS9502_basic: He was not showing any form of violence, he had a huge smile on his face screaming "Is this a Carnival?" and was jumping up and down all happily and kind of hugged her. I fail to see how he was the aggressor and why she needed to defend herself..... also I am relaxed, thanks for your concern.

That doesn't matter. When you put your hands on another individual you effectively can be arrested for that. Note....not talking about friends etc. But coming up to a stranger and touching them is a no. And she had a right to stop him. Whether you like it or not....it's the law.

@BattleSpectre: That's normally the case...while I was growing it was actually "cool" to mess with a girl (mostly verbally, not like groping or grabbing, just unwanted flirting) and get your ass kicked by her...you'd make a fool of yourself, your buddies would laugh and tease you about it, the girls would congratulate her friend for beating a guy up; basically everybody on both sides would approve of the unprovoked violence.

I think this has a lot to with it. When violence against men is taken less seriously, I think hyper-masculinity is more of a culprit than feminist double standards (which is what a lot of people here would chalk it up to).

@GreySeal9: Man, you had to bring the F word to this thread...now it's going to derail... =P

@korvus: Haha. You're right. My apologies.

Yes, if you were to report to the police your wife/GF beats you you're more likely to get laughed at and nothing happen.

@GreySeal9: No worries =) I think you're right though; just like a lot of women feel shame when they're raped, men feel shame when they are abused, which is unfortunate...a victim should never feel ashamed since they were not the ones who committed the crime. Just like I've heard people saying she would probably not have been raped if she hadn't dressed like that and "asked for it" I've heard people saying that if he was "more of a man" we wouldn't have gotten beat up.

To be honest, only a weak minded fool would let there girlfriend beat the hell out of him and it shows he's weak to do anything about it. Common sense would have told the poor fool to run away when she first got aggressive, what does that tell you? Get the hell out and never return.

Also no one doesn't want to admit that she/he has been abused and it hardly get's any reports.

@korvus: It probably is usually deemed less serious.

Men are usually physically stronger so that could be one reason why violence against them isn't taken as seriously. Although that should go out the window in the event that weapons are used.

Anyway in regards to the story in the OP, did the man try to resist? If not my guess is that she beat him down psychologically if she was able to torture him like that without him resisting. Or maybe the first time took him by surprise and he was too injured to resist on subsequent torture sessions.

@whipassmt: @davillain-: Well, according to the article, she threatened to report his as a pedophile if he complained...I had to deal with the looks people gave me as a teenager with small nieces on a playground so I can understand why he would want to avoid that (not saying he shouldn't have reported her ass anyway).

@davillain-: Also, it shouldn't matter if he's strong or weak (minded or otherwise). That doesn't make him any more or less deserving of torture. It's no different from women who stay with an abusive husband...yeah, they have no reason to stay but that doesn't mean they deserved what they got.

Unfortunately they are viewed differently

I mean this was a superbowl commercial:

They turned female on male domestic violence into a joke and put it on the biggest television event in America

Imagine if the roles were reversed in that Ad

@korvus: Aside from complaining aren't there other ways he could have gotten away from it? Could he have escaped from the house when she wasn't home, or overpowered her when she tried to torture him?

@lostrib: Wow, no words...

@whipassmt: Probably; it's hard to tell without knowing his situation but I'd rather go live under a bridge...

Oh and then there's this gem where the ladies of The Talk (on CBS) think it is just hilarious that a man got his dick cut off and throwing it in the garbage disposal. Jump to 40 seconds

@lostrib: Oh yeah, I've seen that one...Sharon is a classy lady as usual.

Also disturbing is that when they say the wife attacked him because he wanted a divorce, a woman in the crowd shouts "that'll teach him". So it's not just the hosts wanting to act shocking, the entire crowd seems to find it hilarious

But yeah, super classy referring to genital mutilation as "fabulous"

Of course it is, the natural view society places on men is that they're strong and capable of withstanding punishment. Women are portrayed as the opposite and generally in the eyes of the public in need of protection.

It's definitely not right, women can get away with murder.

I blame feminism...... in pursuit of gender equality they've done the exact opposite of what they were supposed to do.

Me too.

@korvus: Here's an easy way to tell where you personally stand, which person are you more more upset and shocked with in this video?

the top comment for that vid is hilarious

"That back hand gave her a flash back of when she was a young ballerina back in soviet russia."

fucking dead, lol.

If someone hits me he can better square up because i hit back and i hit back hard, i don't care about gender, age or even religion, if you're a big man enough to hit me you better be ready to catch one or two!

What if she's a 4,3" 50 pound oompa loompa.

Equal rights, ok let's have equal fights.

It's not even a question, male on female violence is def viewed differently than female on male violence. There's been social experiments showing a woman slapping a man in public is met mostly with laughing or women quipping "he probably deserves it" while the reverse people get extremely concerned or intervene.

My personal opinion...it's a double standard but one I kinda understand. My wife couldn't hurt me if she tried, unless of course she had a gun or surprised me with a knife while I wasn't looking. On the other hand I could physically destroy her with barely any effort. I think that's probably the case for most couples. Does that mean her slapping me is less ok then me slapping her? No, not from an ethical standpoint. But I think there's a reality aspect in play where frankly her slapping me is in orders of magnitudes less of a threat/effect then me slapping her.

In other words, from a social perspective female on male violence is viewed less seriously because, well, in most cases it *is* less serious. From a legal perspective I don't think that should be the case, though.

Yes. Doesn't anyone remember that group of women on a talk show that were laughing about cutting off someone's penis? Domestic violence is a serious issue and while it's true that men do the most damage, women are just as capable of hurting men and it does happen. Unfortunately, it's either taboo or hilarious.

i think the shift in perception largely comes down to this

a woman being physically abused by a man = absolutely comprehensible for a 3rd party, a greater physical force is taking advantage of a lesser physical force

a man being physically abused by a woman = almost incomprehensible for a 3rd party, the man can put a stop to the violence at any given time but for some unknown reason, decides not to

so the woman ends up being perceived to have little choice on the matter, whereas the man has a choice but acts as if he doesn't

It's not taken as seriously now as it should be probably because our society's still at that turning point where women at majority are acknowledged as equal and slowly getting equal status as men everywhere after a history of unequal treatment, slowly but they're just getting there. As soon as it reaches equilibrium, and believe me it will, we'll see serious actions taken against acts like that. Right now it's still in a teenage rebellious stage, sort of.

Give it 50 or so years and a scenario similar to this would have a much different ending.

This

I think this hits it on the nail.

Despite all of the equality that being stribed for, there's still the whole " Men are stronger and women are weaker" view that does make the thing biased from the start.

Not every man want or can do anything to stop abuse, likely cause many times they are in the same situation as a woman that's in a abusive relationship. Perhaps they've been mentally abused enough to think they deserve it, perhaps their feelings towards the partner are clouding their judgement, perhaps they just aren't capable to defend against the physical abuse, perhaps they fear that if they fight back then they will be punished instead, or be looked down upon cause they were abused by a woman.

If a husband calls his wife stupid and worthless, hits her upside the head and would even say loudly in public " Shut up and do as I say, Dumbass", Then you'd have a reaction from alot of people.

If a wife calls her husband stupid and worthless, hits him upside the head and would even say loudly in public " Shut up and do as I say, Dumbass", Would there be a equally large reaction?

I wouldn't bet on it.

@Treflis: Yep, I don't understand how there's so many people who think it's purely about who has the bigger muscles...as for your closing thought, here's a video.

@Serraph105:You escalate from verbal violence to physical violence and you're on your own; gender doesn't matter...are you weaker than the person you're going to hit? Then don't hit them. Better yet, don't hit anyone at all.

@ReadingRainbow4 said:

@dylandr said:

If someone hits me he can better square up because i hit back and i hit back hard, i don't care about gender, age or even religion, if you're a big man enough to hit me you better be ready to catch one or two!

What if she's a 4,3" 50 pound oompa loompa.

Equal rights, ok let's have equal fights.

Oh good God it's hideous. What the hell is that thing?