Is monogamy really the "right" choice?

Monogamy or non monogamy, I mean in nature monogamy is rare so why is it that it is seen as the "right" way to go about coupling, is it because we are no longer trying to increase our numbers? or pass on our genes in the same manner as the past?

I just feel that monogamy makes lives so much more difficult and stressful so why is it the way we humans, for the majority, have chosen to live?

So the point of this thread is to get a fair reason why monogamy is the "right" way to live ones life in society today, and "because you can catch a disease" is not a fair answer, because if that was a good enough argument we just wouldn't take the risk of dating. I will also not take "love" as an answer because with the statistics of divorced couples that are/were in "love", I don't believe that.

This is just a topic of discussion, not trying to change people or be changed just wanting some views or opinions on the topic that are not cliche, thank you :)

Human social interaction has gonefar beyond mere reproductive necessity. Monogamy is a good way to guarantee that you will remain disease free and not end up legally responsible in case you forget to use protection. That, and for many people, the feeling of commitment is rewarding. Just because we are similar to gorillas and chimpanzees, doesn't mean that everyone is going to practice "free love" or polygamy.

As for your argument against "love" being an answer, I ask you this: perhaps people are getting married too quickly, instead of spending time living with their partner before getting married? A lot of marriage are ending up in divorce probably because people jump the gun too quickly, and often do it for sex (later to find out that their partner isn't who they thought they'd be).

I just feel that monogamy makes lives so much more difficult and stressful

observer77

[QUOTE="observer77"]

I just feel that monogamy makes lives so much more difficult and stressful

spazzx625

It's the right choice for me.

[QUOTE="observer77"]

I just feel that monogamy makes lives so much more difficult and stressful

spazzx625

Agreed but there are many different forms of non monogamy and if done with care could very well reduce challenges but then again people are to emotional for many of the non monogamous way of loving others.

It doesn't matter how rare monogamy is overall in nature, as single species tend to be primarily monogamous or primarily polygamous. Seeing as how most people prefer mates that exclusively like them and are not nearly as attracted to those who like many others, I would say that humans are naturally monogamous.

And while you point out the high divorce rate, you can't really say that polygamy would be any better, since there's no comparitive polygamous culture to compare divorce rates to. All the polygamous cultures in history have marginalized the rights of the individuals in those marriages.

I can also say, circumstantially of course, that I haven't seen a whole lot of success or intimacy with those I know who espouse polygamous or polyamorous relationships as I have with others who are in monogamous relationships.

Agreed but there are many different forms of non monogamy and if done with care could very well reduce challenges but then again people are to emotional for many of the non monogamous way of loving others.observer77

[QUOTE="spazzx625"][QUOTE="observer77"]

I just feel that monogamy makes lives so much more difficult and stressful

foxhound_fox

first off, I have been a long term relationship and I found it much more stressful then my current non monogamous life choice. I am sure not coming into this with blinders on I have experience with both sides so this is simple not a random "why not toss this out there" topic. I am certainly not advocating for any type of marriage either, because yes I do believe that would be very stressful and confusing. I suppose I am asking why sex can't be a motivational factor in a persons monogamous status? Why is a physical need for someone else a bad way to choose partners? and physical need is a broad term not just sexual.

I'm a one woman kind of guy. I wouldn't want multiple partners.

Well, it's A choice. Whether or not it's the right one, that's up to that individual person.

It doesn't matter how rare monogamy is overall in nature, as single species tend to be primarily monogamous or primarily polygamous. Seeing as how most people prefer mates that exclusively like them and are not nearly as attracted to those who like many others, I would say that humans are naturally monogamous.

And while you point out the high divorce rate, you can't really say that polygamy would be any better, since there's no comparitive polygamous culture to compare divorce rates to. All the polygamous cultures in history have marginalized the rights of the individuals in those marriages.

I can also say, circumstantially of course, that I haven't seen a whole lot of success or intimacy with those I know who espouse polygamous or polyamorous relationships as I have with others who are in monogamous relationships.

metroidfood

oh no I am not for anything that has marriage rights in it at all, but I do under stand your stance,everyone has their own experiences and reasons I just want to hear them. I have not heard of intimacy issues but I am willing to hear more about it, if you would be willing to share with me?

first off, I have been a long term relationship and I found it much more stressful then my current non monogamous life choice. I am sure not coming into this with blinders on I have experience with both sides so this is simple not a random "why not toss this out there" topic. I am certainly not advocating for any type of marriage either, because yes I do believe that would be very stressful and confusing. I suppose I am asking why sex can't be a motivational factor in a persons monogamous status? Why is a physical need for someone else a bad way to choose partners? and physical need is a broad term not just sexual.

observer77

[QUOTE="observer77"]Agreed but there are many different forms of non monogamy and if done with care could very well reduce challenges but then again people are to emotional for many of the non monogamous way of loving others.foxhound_fox

Jealousy...I suppose I can see this argument as logical, I just feel jealousy is a emotional that can be controlled with practice and effort but this is just my thought on that, I have no proof of it being so easy. I guess I forget about jealousy, thanks for bringing it up.

Well, it's A choice. Whether or not it's the right one, that's up to that individual person.

Hallenbeck77

This is how I use to feel but when people discuss anything/anyone who is not a monogamous person they are seen as wrong and distasteful and I feel this a horrid attitude to take towards another persons personal life, so I can agree but I wold have to say it is not the majorities thoughts.

Well, it makes lives difficult and stressful when you end up with an incompatible partner. But for those who are with people whose company they enjoy, it works just fine. It's the right choice if it makes you and your partner happy - that's about all there is to say from my point of view.

Human social interaction has gonefar beyond mere reproductive necessity. Monogamy is a good way to guarantee that you will remain disease free and not end up legally responsible in case you forget to use protection. That, and for many people, the feeling of commitment is rewarding. Just because we are similar to gorillas and chimpanzees, doesn't mean that everyone is going to practice "free love" or polygamy.

As for your argument against "love" being an answer, I ask you this: perhaps people are getting married too quickly, instead of spending time living with their partner before getting married? A lot of marriage are ending up in divorce probably because people jump the gun too quickly, and often do it for sex (later to find out that their partner isn't who they thought they'd be).

foxhound_fox

I agree that many people tend to 'jump the gun' as you put it, but I disagree that couples need to live together first. I don't believe living together first is the answer.

Jealousy...I suppose I can see this argument as logical, I just feel jealousy is a emotional that can be controlled with practice and effort but this is just my thought on that, I have no proof of it being so easy. I guess I forget about jealousy, thanks for bringing it up.

observer77

[QUOTE="observer77"]first off, I have been a long term relationship and I found it much more stressful then my current non monogamous life choice. I am sure not coming into this with blinders on I have experience with both sides so this is simple not a random "why not toss this out there" topic. I am certainly not advocating for any type of marriage either, because yes I do believe that would be very stressful and confusing. I suppose I am asking why sex can't be a motivational factor in a persons monogamous status? Why is a physical need for someone else a bad way to choose partners? and physical need is a broad term not just sexual.

foxhound_fox

My original post was quickly written and ofcourse is not going to be as specific as I would like or as specific as it would need to be for the wide range of thoughts in OT. I get all aspects of your relationship met in my relationships so I can't say I would agree, but on a more agreeable note I am happy that you have found happiness in your relationship.

I wouldn't go with sleeping around as I have personal relationships with all of my partners, non of my relationships are simply sex...as I said before it is hard to be specific to ensure answers to all questions or accusations, but discussion is the point of any thread :)

[QUOTE="observer77"]

Jealousy...I suppose I can see this argument as logical, I just feel jealousy is a emotional that can be controlled with practice and effort but this is just my thought on that, I have no proof of it being so easy. I guess I forget about jealousy, thanks for bringing it up.

foxhound_fox

I guess I am just lucky as someone said...I am a female not a male so perhaps that helps in my jealousy states of my partners, in not having jealousy. I guess there isn't much an explanation...but I see this argument of humans being jealous and not wanting to share I accept it as a VERY good explanation for monogamy, even if I can't understand it fully, yet. Maybe once I feel jealous of a partner I will and maybe then I will choose to become monogamous again. I am pretty sure you are always the one to make things make sense in any thread though, Thanks.

[QUOTE="spazzx625"][QUOTE="observer77"]

I just feel that monogamy makes lives so much more difficult and stressful

foxhound_fox

Ok well I am no longer coming back to this thread o respond because I have had my desired response, a reason to be monogamous that makes sense for me, to me. Also after about the first page someone will try or will hi jack this thread and turn it into a religion thing and I wont be participating in that so thank you all for your input, I enjoyed it very much. See you all somewhere else in OT :)

I don't want to peg anyone's choice as right or wrong. Times change, people change and life's too short to turn your nose up at everything that's different from you. If something works for you and your partner(s) then go for it.