Is my yard a magnet for snapping turtles?

So, about 2.5 years ago I posted a topic about finding a little tiny baby snapping turtle in a parking lot. It was all dried up and looked like it was going to die, and I didn't know where it came from. So I decided to keep it. It's still pretty small, but it's grown a lot (almost 12 pounds, after 2 and a half years). Hasn't tried to bite me in over a year, but I still have to be careful because she CLEARLY doesn't like me. Except when she wants something. When I just want to pick her up and be her friend, she gets grumpy as hell and tries to run away from me. But when she wants something (specifically, food) that's different. Now she's coming up to me trying to be my friend. Walking all up to me, following me around, climbing out of the water and pawing at my feet. But then I reach down to pet her and she recoils in disgust and runs away. Basically it's a matter of, "I'll be your friend if you give me what I want when I want it, and as long as you don't touch me."

F***ing finicky little *****. I guess I should be at least a little bit grateful that she at least doesn't try to bite me any more, but it's still a little bit insulting right? I tried to give her everything and she always comes up to me whenever she wants something, but she still just gets disgusted if I so much as try to touch her. What the hell do I have to do to make a snapping turtle like me?

Anyway, point being: I build a pond for her in my back yard (at considerable expense). So now she just lives out back. Well, today I found this guy hanging out in my front yard.

Seemed odd to me because I never see snapping turtles around. And this was a dude. I know because I picked him up and examined his weiner area just to be sure. And this little bastard was ungrateful as hell too. Tried to take my damn hands off just because I picked him up and turned him upside down and started examining his groin. Comes into MY yard and starts trampling my flowers and he has the nerve to try to bite the shit out of me when I pick him up and start trying to examine his groin in order to determine if he's got a weiner or not? F*** that. Here's a tip, jerk: I wouldn't be messing with you if you weren't lurking around in my yard like a damn creeper!

Anyway, this was definitely a dude. And since dudes don't wander around much anyway, and since I have NEVER seen a snapping turtle creeping around in my yard until I made a pond for my lady turtle to stay in, do you think this is going to be a problem? Did this dude show up at my home just to get laid, and then starts trying to kick my ass when I have a problem with him creeping around in my yard? Is this going to be a common occurence? Are angry and unrefined male snapping turtles just going to start hanging out at my place hoping for a chance to get laid? I hope this doesn't become a problem. I like turtles, but I don't want them just coming up to my place and hanging out in the hopes of getting laid, only to them try to f*** me up when I try to kick them off of my property.

Patriarchy!!

Dude, they sound exactly like cats.

With that said, I hear that snapping turtle is good eats. Just make sure it is the common snapping turtle, and not the endangered and protected alligator snapping turtle.

That looks like an alligator snapper to me. Help save the turtles! You are the chosen one.

You do realize that it's only a matter of time before it bites you right, and it won't be pleasant.

You could try stepping on them for the shell. Koopas can be a nuisance.

I want help you with what you're asking but how you told your story definitely have me a laugh for the day. Especially where you talk about the examining the male turtle and him trying to get laid haha. I live in one of the coldest parts of Canada where it's Winter for 8 damn months of the year so I never see stuff like this in my yard but that's pretty cool.

I say raise an army of turtles. You'll be unstoppable! Although your land travel speeds will be less than optimal.

@MrGeezer:

This is post is great!

Pfft, what are the odds of that happening?

This is one of the best posts OT has had in a while.

Maybe your lady turtle is a little ho?

Sounds like your little lady might be ready to make baby turtles and has attracted big daddy.

Mmmmmm, turtle soup ..... yummi !

duuuuuuuude, somehow like safely (humanely) bolt straps/shoes to their shells and then ride them around. Or get like 100 of them and make a turtle chariot.

Oh, you mean like a Rat King, where it's like a hundred rats with their tails tied together, and it's just a massive ball of rats rolling around the town? Or that Critters movie where the Critters all joined together into a giant ball and then just started rolling around eating people?

Yeah, that WOULD be completely 100% badass. Let's say an average weight for a snapping turtle is 30 pounds. Multiply that by 100. Imagine a 3000 pound ball just rolling around the city, the surface covered with snapping turtle mouths. And if this ball ever caught up to you, not only would you be crushed to death but you'd also have dozens of snapping turtles stripping the flesh from your body as they roll over you.

That would just be AWESOME.

EDIT: But no, that's unfortunately not going to happen. I'm not going to keep this turtle and raise an army of snapping turtles. That's just too many snapping turtles. Heck, even if I kept this guy and didn't breed him, that'd still put me at THREE snapping turtles.

And I can't have three snapping turtles. That's just nuts. One? Kind of unusual but nothing to write home about. Two? That's now getting weird in the sense of, "what, one wasn't enough?" But THREE? Now that's bona-fide "snapping turtle collector." And that's going from "kind of weird" to "flat-out disturbing". Sort of like how some people just collect cats. And you hear them talk about their 5 or 10 or 15 cats and you're thinking, "jesus, how many freaking cats do you need?" But even then, you at least kind of sort of tolerate "Crazy Cat Person" because "Crazy Cat Person" is a thing that everyone has sort of just accepted exists. And once we realize that at some point in our lives we're just going to run into "Crazy Cat Person", we learn to deal with those people.

But "Crazy Snapping Turtle Guy"? That's not even a thing. Seriously, who the hell just COLLECTS those f***ing thing as if they were Pokemen? That's not just "kind of weird". That's "new mental disorder that no one has ever seen before." And I'm not willing to go THAT far yet. I'm hoping that it will be at least another 15 years before my mind has decayed to the point where I find that acceptable.