Is screaming at your kids anytime they screw up majorly good parenting?

Think of Ron's mom from Harry Potter. She always yelled at her kids and threw a fit whenever they did something stupid. Obviously, it's understandable that any mom would be upset if their kids royally screwed the pooch on something, but the issue is if whether or not resorting to screaming and yelling at them is the smart parental thing to do. After all, some kids seem to only respond to being yelled at. What do you think?

You need to slap'em also

Yes, it teaches kids discipline. If you spoil your kids they will walk all over you and take advantage of you. Look how Harry Potter turned out vs Dudly.

it leads to psychological problems and can lead to substance addiction as well.

I think most crime and addictions have been shown to have its roots in early childhood abuse

Negative reinforcement is super bad.

It's not easy but I do my best not to judge...I don't know what goes on in people's homes and even in public I don't know the full story anyway and I don't know how it got to the point a parent feels like a good idea to yell at their child in public. Besides, I doubt there are many parents who yell at their kids every time something happens that they don't approve of. Now if I see something beating the crap out a kid, then I intervene. I think most parents do the best they can and I'd rather see a parent scolding a child than those parents who say "kids will be kids" and let their brats mess with other people. I think that's also negative reinforcement and I dislike the whole bribing system that seems to be taking place.

@notsogoodyts: Is yelling the only way to teach kids discipline?

Depends on the kid and what they respond to. Typically, it's probably not the best approach. Parents are human though, too, and lose their cool like everyone else sometimes. Depends on how often and how severe the yelling is, too. Some people get out of control.

Screaming at your kids? No, you shouldn't scream at your kids.

You can raise your voice with them, however. Invoke the whole "First, Middle, and Last Name" fear-of-god Parent that all moms and dads seem to be able to do :P

Honestly I think parents on either end of the spectrum--those that yell at their kids to behave, or those that try to bribe them to behave--are doing it wrong. The secret is to calmly threaten to take away something they love if they don't behave.

"If you don't behave, you can't play with your friends" or "If you don't do what I ask, I'm taking your toy away" or something like that.

I count to 1 :p Once I even made it to 2....my kid is terrified of the day I reach 3...I never told him what happens if I reach 3 but he assumes it's very bad and I may have not done much to disabuse him of that notion.

OH MY GOD the ol' counting trick hahaha I totally forgot about that. My parents did that, God help me if they ever got to three. I think that only happened a few times, and that was an act of defiance on my part, I knew better.

The thing is, I never got to 3. *I* don't even know what happens at 3...I never even threatened him by saying "When I get to 3 you'll see what's going to happen to you". To him it was like "Ok, why is he counting? Er...it's going up....ok, please STOP!"; it was like some primal instinct XD

No, it absolutely does not. As someone who was screamed at regularly growing up I can tell you it did not teach me any discipline and, if anything, made me more undisciplined. Being disciplined means choosing to do something you might not want to or not doing something you do because you're aware of the benefits of doing so and can make that conscious choice. Doing the right thing because you're afraid of being hit or screamed at or because you've just come to think of yourself as always being wrong is not a choice. Screaming at kids stunts their development and hampers their ability to be individuals capable of making disciplined choices, not to mention gives them serious mental issues later in life. And Harry Potter is a fantasy novel, not the DSM VI.

there is almost a direct link between negative behavior like drug abuse, crime, depression etc and that of early child abuse.

its very a prevalent link

Well, when those kids grow up they will have bosses yelling at them when they screw up, and they won't know how to deal with it. Repercussions for your actions are important, maybe not screaming at them, that worked for my generation, but finding what they love and stripping it away from them is the best tool. Most kids can't seem to function without a cell phone so that's an easy one.

I grew up in a biker family. I was yelled at, spanked, whipped with a belt, stood in the corner and other stuff I can't even remember. It made me respectful around the adults in my life but a real bastard on my own. Started drinking at 14, smoking weed at 15 and harder stuff at 16. If you can't parent without hitting, you're not much of a parent. Screaming isn't much better. just hurts less physically.

I was more of Red Foreman type father. Raised voice with a stern tone and the threat of a foot in the ass. Occasionally when fed up though, stern voice has become yelling. That would usually get the point across. For the occasional display of stupidity my son would get the half-assed slap to the back of the head. My son did better in school than I did and never got in any real trouble like I did growing up. Now he is 21 and goes out drinking with his dad and uncles.

part of the challenge even for good parents is that abuse is coming from multiple places.

even if a parent is perfect, kids still get abuse from other kids, institutional abuse (more subtle but still harmful) and then we all grow up yelling at each other on TV because that is somehow productive for someone, just no idea who

They shouldn't. If your boss is yelling at you then they should be facing disciplinary action, if they continue doing it they should be fired.

No. Just teaches them how not to have a rational argument when things don't go their way.

What about if a kid seemingly only responds to getting screamed at? Do you think that excuses it?

Then I would probably look at how things got so off track that your child responds to nothing else. If needed, rethink your parenting, "man" up and say "Kid, I'm sorry, I messed up; let's start over" and do better.

No, it's a bad way to parent. To rely upon it exclusively is not parenting. Part of parenting is developing. You don't develop someone by exclusively yelling at them.

My old neighbor use to yell at her kids so the whole apartment complex could hear before the sun came up, every day, she was a horrible mom, but she'd probably still be a horrible mom even if she didn't scream at the kids. Beyond that, she was never around to feed them, so they used to beg for food from the rest of us on a daily basis.

Whatever you do to reprimand your children, always be in control. Screaming shows that you are not in control of your emotions. This can make setting you off into a game your kids play. A stern voice, a countdown, an angry glare, these show that you are upset but still have control of yourself.

That said, I have definitely screamed at my kids. It happens, we're only human.

This.

I don't yell at my kids just because they screwed up. People make mistakes. If it's an honest mistake or they tried their best and still failed, I'm not going to scream at them about it.

However, if I told my kid to finish her homework and she procrastinated on it until it's almost bed time, I still won't yell. But, if she starts getting whiny and raises her voice about the late time, then I'll have something to say and it won't be nice.