Looking for funny quotes

Specifically ones about love/relationships/etc.

gogogo

i hope i dont get censored for this, EVERYONE has seen this movie, and they are direct quotes, i'll try and censor them myself the best i can....but yeah, Fear and Loathing will have some of the funniest quotes you'll ever find, not too many about love though :-/, but i'll post what i can remember

Raoul Duke: Look, there's two women ******** a polar bear!
Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man.

Clown Barker: Step right up and shoot the pasties off the breasts of a ten foot bulldyke! Win a cotton candy goat!

Dr. Gonzo: It's okay. He's just admiring the shape of your skull.

Raoul Duke: Well? What are your plans?
Dr. Gonzo: Plans?
Raoul Duke: The child in the bedroom.
Dr. Gonzo: Oh, Lucy. I met her on the plane. Yeah, she's a religious freak. I gave her a cap before I realized... Jesus, she's never even had a drink before.
Raoul Duke: Well... It'll probably work out. We can keep her loaded and peddle her butt at the drug convention. Yeah. She's perfect for this gig. These cops will go fifty bucks a head to beat her into submission and then gang **** her. We can set her up in one of these back street motels, hang pictures of Jesus all over the room, then turn these pigs loose on her. she's strong, man. She'll hold her own.

haha win

:o I'm you're man!

Here is a song by Bill Bailey, you should Youtube it as well because it's hilarious.

" [the Ballad] I was alone my heart was cold, it was a stone / my soul was lonely like a stone - there was no moss / And when I danced I danced alone but then I did not dance / because I *was* alone. So I did not dance / I shuffled through life invisible to all the happy couples who would mock me with their merry laughter - "ha-ha-ha" / The only sound I heard in my lonely silent world was the rusty hammer of my heart nailing at the hatred in my soul / But then you came, and my life was turned upside down / You showed me the beauty of the things that I had never seen / Like a snowflake that melts on the eyelash of a startled deer / Or the painting of a dog that wears a deerstalker and smokes a pipe that made you laugh so heartily, but I had previously thought was rubbish / Or the duck that lands so clumsily on a frozen pond in winter / but the intoxicating power of our love transforms this simple act into an anthropomorphic drama where Mr. Duck's embarrassed and the other ducks are laughing, quack quack quack quack quack, / AND THEN YOU LEFT! / And I have died a thousand deaths and I will die a thousand more! / I thought you were an angel - you turned out to be a whore! / And everything has turned to dust! Everything is infected with the plague! / Why did you have to sleep with Craig? / "Oh he's so sensitive, he's got a tattoo." / Yeah, carving your name with a compass in my forehead was not enough for you! / The snow flake on the eye of the deer has turned to puss that oozes from an open wound / The deer now blind it stumbles into a ravine / The duck lies shredded in a pancake, soaking in the hoisin of your lies / The dog has moved from the pipe to 60 cigarettes a day, and coughs away his life in the cold neon research lab of your betrayal."

Type "Bill Bailey love song" into youtube.

Woody Allen could probably help you too.

"Marriage is like a warm bath. The longer you're in it, the colder it gets."

"Marriage is like a hurricane. It starts off strong, gets boring in the middle, and at the end you lose your house!"

i hope i dont get censored for this, EVERYONE has seen this movie, and they are direct quotes, i'll try and censor them myself the best i can....but yeah, Fear and Loathing will have some of the funniest quotes you'll ever find, not too many about love though :-/, but i'll post what i can remember

Raoul Duke: Look, there's two women ******** a polar bear!
Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man.

Clown Barker: Step right up and shoot the pasties off the breasts of a ten foot bulldyke! Win a cotton candy goat!

Dr. Gonzo: It's okay. He's just admiring the shape of your skull.

Raoul Duke: Well? What are your plans?
Dr. Gonzo: Plans?
Raoul Duke: The child in the bedroom.
Dr. Gonzo: Oh, Lucy. I met her on the plane. Yeah, she's a religious freak. I gave her a cap before I realized... Jesus, she's never even had a drink before.
Raoul Duke: Well... It'll probably work out. We can keep her loaded and peddle her butt at the drug convention. Yeah. She's perfect for this gig. These cops will go fifty bucks a head to beat her into submission and then gang **** her. We can set her up in one of these back street motels, hang pictures of Jesus all over the room, then turn these pigs loose on her. she's strong, man. She'll hold her own.

haha win

AIDA_Morganna

[QUOTE="AIDA_Morganna"]

i hope i dont get censored for this, EVERYONE has seen this movie, and they are direct quotes, i'll try and censor them myself the best i can....but yeah, Fear and Loathing will have some of the funniest quotes you'll ever find, not too many about love though :-/, but i'll post what i can remember

Raoul Duke: Look, there's two women ******** a polar bear!
Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man.

Clown Barker: Step right up and shoot the pasties off the breasts of a ten foot bulldyke! Win a cotton candy goat!

Dr. Gonzo: It's okay. He's just admiring the shape of your skull.

Raoul Duke: Well? What are your plans?
Dr. Gonzo: Plans?
Raoul Duke: The child in the bedroom.
Dr. Gonzo: Oh, Lucy. I met her on the plane. Yeah, she's a religious freak. I gave her a cap before I realized... Jesus, she's never even had a drink before.
Raoul Duke: Well... It'll probably work out. We can keep her loaded and peddle her butt at the drug convention. Yeah. She's perfect for this gig. These cops will go fifty bucks a head to beat her into submission and then gang **** her. We can set her up in one of these back street motels, hang pictures of Jesus all over the room, then turn these pigs loose on her. she's strong, man. She'll hold her own.

haha win

sAndroid17

indeed it is, but as far as the movies are concerned, i think i liked "where the buffalo roam" even more. haha

"Marriage is like a warm bath. The longer you're in it, the colder it gets."

"Marriage is like a hurricane. It starts off strong, gets boring in the middle, and at the end you lose your house!"

[QUOTE="Nicolas101"]

"Marriage is like a warm bath. The longer you're in it, the colder it gets."

"Marriage is like a hurricane. It starts off strong, gets boring in the middle, and at the end you lose your house!"

TX360

Glad you found it funny.