married yet?

ok so I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we talked about getting married but he wants to wait until after we both get our bachleors degrees which will be in 3 years which means we will have been together for 7 years before we even get married. I will be 24 years old when this happens. I want to have kids by the time I am 27 -28. Now I agreed to this and lately when we talk about it he is sneeking in at the end " well after we get our bachleors degree well maybe even wait till after I get out of law school" this will be an extra 2years added on to my already lengthening relationship and I am hoping that he is not trying to just keep pushing it until I just am to old to old to find someone new and enjoy my life with my children. I mean should I be worried that my boyfriend seems to think that I am willing to just wait around for him forever, which I know people believe that love can overcome everything but I would much rather be with someone and and have children and not feel like I am being strung along for a ride that isn't going to end well for me. What do you think am I being strung along? should I be worried he is changing his mind about our future?

and yes I have talked to him about this worry and all he says is I am "crazy and over reacting and to stop worring about it and he loves me"

Maybe marriage just isn't in his plan for the future?

Did he give you an ingagement ring, or was this just 'talk' about your future together? Like, did he propose, and you've both tried to think about a date.....

After bachelor's degree is a good idea. After law school is a bit long imo.

Not to mention the financial situation. Living expenses, rent, food, bills, and taxes are all cheaper when youre married for various reasons. With school costing so much, there are both sentimental and practical reasons to getting married.

As a male, however, you shouldnt pressure him. You should want him to marry you (and I am sure he does when he is ready), but if he feels you rushed him then he wont feel too good about it.

Yes. I acquired my 'Ball 'n Chain' 1.5 years ago.

All kidding aside, yes Im happily married.

I'm married...

Nothing special.

no im not married. Are you interested?BumFluff122

i'm interested.:P

ok so I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we talked about getting married but he wants to wait until after we both get our bachleors degrees which will be in 3 years which means we will have been together for 7 years before we even get married. I will be 24 years old when this happens. I want to have kids by the time I am 27 -28. Now I agreed to this and lately when we talk about it he is sneeking in at the end " well after we get our bachleors degree well maybe even wait till after I get out of law school" this will be an extra 2years added on to my already lengthening relationship and I am hoping that he is not trying to just keep pushing it until I just am to old to old to find someone new and enjoy my life with my children. I mean should I be worried that my boyfriend seems to think that I am willing to just wait around for him forever, which I know people believe that love can overcome everything but I would much rather be with someone and and have children and not feel like I am being strung along for a ride that isn't going to end well for me. What do you think am I being strung along? should I be worried he is changing his mind about our future?

and yes I have talked to him about this worry and all he says is I am "crazy and over reacting and to stop worring about it and he loves me"

Personally, I think its such a waste of youth. But why are you in such a rush to be married and have kids? If you guys are meant to be together then you're meant to be together. The bf is right and smart for wanting it after you guys are done with your education.

And, based on personal experience, things can change and who knows if you guys will still be compatible then.

If all you're looking for in a relationship is to get married to have kids by your set age then you need to evaluate your relationship priorities.

No I'm becoming 23 and don't even have a girlfriend. I never had a girlfriend.

There is this girl Angelica I can't get out of my head but she lives in Portugal and I live in Israel and I don't have Portuguese citzenship. She emailed me only once but from what I figured out she isn't interested at all and I think she told me very politely to piss off. Also I saw an engagement ring on her finger so I think she probably already has a Portuguese-Brazilian boyfriend.

Hmmm...well thank you guys and gals for the help, I think I will take it until after bachleors I mean that's as far as I plan on going or will need to go in my eduation. Also if he feels that afte that point he still doesn't feel ready to get married I proble have to leave bacause I can wait for kids but I need something to go according to plan I mean there's only so much time i will have after that point to have children without to much of a risk to their health and mine I chose 27-29ish because they are the "best" or less risky years to have children wich will be afer he is done with school and it will give us some time to get our financials in proper order as well. Well getting married isn't my main reason for wanting to be in a relationship it is not getting strung along for a ride for years of my life an dbeing left at the end of 7 or 8 years and have them taken from me that way with nothing to show for it.

so yeah I will just finally have to sit odwn with him and have a strong talk about setting our future straight before he thinks I'm waiting till I'm over 30 to have children and get married.Also I am hoping for a couple of years to get use to being married before children even get into the picture and geting married at 30 and not having kids till 33 or 35 just doesn't work for me as a person. oh well than you guys for the advice and hopefully this talking to will help us figure out how we are going to do things and what is happening for sure.

thank you.

Lawyers don't get married. They have no souls!cametall

:lol:

Sounds like a smart guy. I think marriage any younger than 30 is a bad idea. And you can have kid's before being married.

ok so I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we talked about getting married but he wants to wait until after we both get our bachleors degrees which will be in 3 years which means we will have been together for 7 years before we even get married. I will be 24 years old when this happens. I want to have kids by the time I am 27 -28. Now I agreed to this and lately when we talk about it he is sneeking in at the end " well after we get our bachleors degree well maybe even wait till after I get out of law school" this will be an extra 2years added on to my already lengthening relationship and I am hoping that he is not trying to just keep pushing it until I just am to old to old to find someone new and enjoy my life with my children. I mean should I be worried that my boyfriend seems to think that I am willing to just wait around for him forever, which I know people believe that love can overcome everything but I would much rather be with someone and and have children and not feel like I am being strung along for a ride that isn't going to end well for me. What do you think am I being strung along? should I be worried he is changing his mind about our future?

and yes I have talked to him about this worry and all he says is I am "crazy and over reacting and to stop worring about it and he loves me"

I'm 29 now and I'm with my boyfriend since 1999. On july 3th we will be exactly 10 years together :-) And even though gay marriage is legal here in The Netherlands, we don't feel like getting married. To us it doesn't add anything to our relationship, because nothing will change. And you also don't need to get married to have children. I'm very happy that my boyfriend thinks of children the same as I do, I like children, but I don't want them myself.TheFlush

Congrats on the long relationship. My question to you is, aren't there tax breaks or other advantages (for example, legal matters) to getting officially married?

Sounds like a smart guy. I think marriage any younger than 30 is a bad idea. And you can have kid's before being married.

nikolai37

I'm establishing my career right now and don't feel the need or the rush to be in a committed relationship.My goals and plans just differ from the OP so I guess its hard for me to digest her desire of being married with kids after graduating -- in what I see as such a young age.

To me, a relationship is about being together and having love for each other and being compatible in all factors (views, beliefs, financial capacity, intelligence, sexuality, humor, lifestyle). A ring and an MRS will not prove or disprove that (divorce and infidelity rates could).

do you guys think I am sabotageing myself maybe subcon? I mean I am kind of only thinking of my goal for the future as well as my personal needs, I mean I am thinking in terms of my own ten year plan and by the end of it I plan on being married and having my children if not be starting on a family. Also I don't wan to have children before getting married because I want time to get use to the whole being married thing and make sure it is a good fit for both of us and not just something I pushed him into. I just feel that having children before could just give us a huge fianacial situation we can't handle when getting married would just be a little thing compared to children. Also my need to get married younger and have children before 30 has to do with me being highly afraid of becoming infertal which my would be mother in law has kind of made clear is not an option for her son. so I told her according to my personal 10 year plan we would have her some grand kids before we are 30 I mean should I be keeping her in mind so much when I am thinking about these things I mean she had 2 sons and one died andnow the one I am with is her only one and she is waiting for grandchildren should that be such a major factor in planing my 10 year plan? I mean I like to have things planned out because that is the kind of person I am surprises just are not my thing at all and niether are they ok with my boyfriend which is why we had this talk in the first place to get it out of the way I guess.

so do you think I amtaking other peoples matters into my plan to much?

There is no plan to life.

You can set goals and have a plan to reach those goals but really, there are so many twists and turns and outside factors involved (as you yourself have pointed out) that you are just setting yourself up to possible (and most likely) disappointment -- which you already are doing now because your plan isn't going exactly how you've hoped. Why? Because your bf says "well maybe we'll do it like this" -- its a maybe for something that is so far ahead in your life.

I don't see anything on your post about "he is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with" or "he is the man I want to have children with" or "I can not see myself with anyone else". To me, your guy right now is THE ONE because he fits into YOUR PLAN. He is the one you can "count on" to wed you and give you your kids when the time comes according to "plan".

If you really love the guy and want to be with him -- you can wait. What is another year or two or three in the grand scheme of "the rest of your life"? But since you DO want a marriage and a family out of this relationship, you have to ask yourself, do you want these things with him and wait for him to be ready? Or do want them in general for yourself and are willing to leave him for someone who can provide that to you?

do you guys think I am sabotageing myself maybe subcon? I mean I am kind of only thinking of my goal for the future as well as my personal needs, I mean I am thinking in terms of my own ten year plan and by the end of it I plan on being married and having my children if not be starting on a family. Also I don't wan to have children before getting married because I want time to get use to the whole being married thing and make sure it is a good fit for both of us and not just something I pushed him into. I just feel that having children before could just give us a huge fianacial situation we can't handle when getting married would just be a little thing compared to children. Also my need to get married younger and have children before 30 has to do with me being highly afraid of becoming infertal which my would be mother in law has kind of made clear is not an option for her son. so I told her according to my personal 10 year plan we would have her some grand kids before we are 30 I mean should I be keeping her in mind so much when I am thinking about these things I mean she had 2 sons and one died andnow the one I am with is her only one and she is waiting for grandchildren should that be such a major factor in planing my 10 year plan? I mean I like to have things planned out because that is the kind of person I am surprises just are not my thing at all and niether are they ok with my boyfriend which is why we had this talk in the first place to get it out of the way I guess.

so do you think I amtaking other peoples matters into my plan to much?

observer77

There is no plan to life.

You can set goals and have a plan to reach those goals but really, there are so many twists and turns and outside factors involved (as you yourself have pointed out) that you are just setting yourself up to possible (and most likely) disappointment -- which you already are doing now because your plan isn't going exactly how you've hoped. Why? Because your bf says "well maybe we'll do it like this" -- its a maybe for something that is so far ahead in your life.

I don't see anything on your post about "he is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with" or "he is the man I want to have children with" or "I can not see myself with anyone else". To me, your guy right now is THE ONE because he fits into YOUR PLAN. He is the one you can "count on" to wed you and give you your kids when the time comes according to "plan".

If you really love the guy and want to be with him -- you can wait. What is another year or two or three in the grand scheme of "the rest of your life"? But since you DO want a marriage and a family out of this relationship, you have to ask yourself, do you want these things with him and wait for him to be ready? Or do want them in general for yourself and are willing to leave him for someone who can provide that to you?

Sajedene

well you don't see those things in my post because they are mushy and I don't feel the need to subject people to my mushy feelings over my partner, that is just how I feel about it. Yet if you must know he is my whole life and we are compatible in ever other way but the ways we are different is what we enjoy having a partner for him that is me is having someone who will contiue to encourage him to do things he wouldnormally not even think about but say no. For me he is the guy who keeps me grounded and keeps me living primarily a logical world not one of fantasy and whims. Love stories are great but they are not reality. Also I get your a women and you have different beliefs then I, but we as partners get each other ina way that we have the same logical beliefs to us 28 is not young to have children to us right now is to young, to us 24 is a better year than now ot get married but that seems to be were we have mixed feelings and in no way does he actually fit into my plan he plays video games all day and can't cook he is not what I planned for my future but he is the one I have planned to be with inmy future.

mushy enough for you? besides this thread was more for me to get help on deciding wether I was thinking about things straight or not and to help get my thoughts out and get help from people who can look from the outside in and give sound advice. which I will add you are giving and i am happy that you are thank you.

I am 22, hopefully going to get my degree within the next year, then start my career. If I am not involved with a woman by 30, I want to adopt a child and start raising them by myself. I personally cannot wait to start a family, its the ultimate goal in my life and something I see bringing me the greatest pleasure... so why should I wait? It doesn't seem like an unrealistic desire to want a family at any point in time. Some people feel differently about it than others... some don't even want families or committed relationships.

If you want something, it is realistic that you find someone who wants what you want and not have to adapt your desires just to fit with someone else's goals.foxhound_fox

hmmm...I agree not everyone believes the same way which is why I figured I would get advice on here becaue Iwill get advie from everyone on the spectrum. having a plethera of points fo view will be good. I am happy that you think this way by the way many more people need to think about adoption as an option I do but my mother in law seems to think that having her own is the first and only option for her son. I have decided that her thoughts are great to have and I do feel bad for her loosing her son but I do hav eto choose what I want andnot what I think would fit in for everyone elses plan over mine. thank for the response it helped out alot by the way.

[QUOTE="Sajedene"]

There is no plan to life.

You can set goals and have a plan to reach those goals but really, there are so many twists and turns and outside factors involved (as you yourself have pointed out) that you are just setting yourself up to possible (and most likely) disappointment -- which you already are doing now because your plan isn't going exactly how you've hoped. Why? Because your bf says "well maybe we'll do it like this" -- its a maybe for something that is so far ahead in your life.

I don't see anything on your post about "he is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with" or "he is the man I want to have children with" or "I can not see myself with anyone else". To me, your guy right now is THE ONE because he fits into YOUR PLAN. He is the one you can "count on" to wed you and give you your kids when the time comes according to "plan".

If you really love the guy and want to be with him -- you can wait. What is another year or two or three in the grand scheme of "the rest of your life"? But since you DO want a marriage and a family out of this relationship, you have to ask yourself, do you want these things with him and wait for him to be ready? Or do want them in general for yourself and are willing to leave him for someone who can provide that to you?

observer77

well you don't see those things in my post because they are mushy and I don't feel the need to subject people to my mushy feelings over my partner, that is just how I feel about it. Yet if you must know he is my whole life and we are compatible in ever other way but the ways we are different is what we enjoy having a partner for him that is me is having someone who will contiue to encourage him to do things he wouldnormally not even think about but say no. For me he is the guy who keeps me grounded and keeps me from living primarily a logical world not one of fantasy and whims. Also I get your a women and you have different beliefs then I, but we as partners get each other ina way that we have the same logical beliefs to us 28 is not young to have children to us right now is to young, to us 24 is a better year than now ot get married but that seems to be were we have mixed feelings and in no way does he actually fit into my plan he plays video games all day and can't cook he is not what I planned for my future but he is the one I have planned to be with inmy future.

mushy enough for you? besides this thread was more for me to get help on deciding wether I was thinking about things straight or not and to help get my thoughts out and get help from people who can look from the outside in and give sound advice. which I will add you are giving and i am happy that you are thank you.

Mixed feelings doesnt mean he is stringing you along. You guys are discussing heavy stuff here (most guys would already be running away screaming -- heck I would at that age) but the bottom line is that you guys want to be together. Hopefully your answer that I bolded there should help you a bit in regards to your doubts and fears of whether or not you should stick around or not. (And don't listen to your mothe-in-law to be -- her desires for grandchildren is her desire which you have no obligation to fulfill)

I like to generate thoughts and discussions within not just yourself but with everyone here.Something that vaguely addresses your situation could be a bullseye to someone elses.

Love is a mushy thing and that is that.Don't try and hide it when love is there. That is one of the most important things in your relationship.