My Essay? Good so far?

so for english class i have to write a problem and solution essay, So i chose the chinese lead paint toy deal.

We need to have a reader graping topic sentace, which i have fail horrible at in the past

anywhom this is the essay so far.. and btw i have not edited yet...sooo sorry for any mistakes

THANKS SO MUCH!

Lead in Chinese Toys

Are American children all going to die this holiday season? How does spending your holidays in the hospital sound? How many of the gifts you bought were made in china? Do you know the deadly effects of lead poisoning? Well maybe you should learn about the deadly lead used on many children's toys that are being manufactured in china. We as Americans should start taking reasonability for this instead of blaming it other people.

Many children this holiday season can be affected by lead paint. It may not look bad but ever time your child puts a lead painted toy is his mouth the consequents may be catastrophic. Your child has the chance of getting lead poisoning and the effects can be deadly like Encephalopathy a brain disease and delayed neurodevelopment. The effects of delayed neurodevelopment are sitting up, walk, and even talking. Besides children are affected, many manufactures are losing sales, and with the holiday season coming up, a major time for sales, the profits might not be as large this year.

Many toy manufacturers such as Mettel and Fisher Price are recalling many of their products. They have also increased safety inspections in the factories in china. Many parents will not buy toys made in china because of the potential threats to their children's health. Is it time we start manufacturing our toy products in America?

My aunt went to a high end toy store hopping to find toys that were not manufactured in china that contained lead but to her surprise almost all of the toys manufactured were made in china. The reason that we make our toys in china is because the labor is extremely cheap. Workers over there will work for low wages just so they can support their family. The reason that the poisonous lead is making it over to the United States is because of the low end safely inspections.

so for english class i have to write a problem and solution essay, So i chose the chinese lead paint toy deal.

We need to have a reader graping topic sentace, which i have fail horrible at in the past

anywhom this is the essay so far.. and btw i have not edited yet...sooo sorry for any mistakes

THANKS SO MUCH!

Lead in Chinese Toys

Are American children all going to getdie this holiday season? How does spending your holidays in the hospital sound? How many of the gifts you bought were made in china? Do you know the deadly effects of lead poisoning? Well maybe you should learn about the deadly lead used on many children's toys that are being manufactured in china. We as Americans should start taking reasonability for this instead of blaming it other people.

Many children this holiday season can be affected by lead paint. It may not look bad but ever time your child puts a lead painted toy is his mouth the consequents may be catastrophic. Your child has the chance of getting lead poisoning and the effects can be deadly like Encephalopathy a brain disease and delayed neurodevelopment. The effects of delayed neurodevelopment are sitting up, walk, and even talking. Besides children are affected, many manufactures are losing sales, and with the holiday season coming up, a major time for sales, the profits might not be as large this year.

Many toy manufacturers such as Mettel and Fisher Price are recalling many of their products. They have also increased safety inspections in the factories in china. Many parents will not buy toys made in china because of the potential threats to their children's health. Is it time we start manufacturing our toy products in America?

My aunt went to a high end toy store hopping to find toys that were not manufactured in china that contained lead but to her surprise almost all of the toys manufactured were made in china. The reason that we make our toys in china is because the labor is extremely cheap. Workers over there will work for low wages just so they can support their family. The reason that the poisonous lead is making it over to the United States is because of the low end safely inspections.

Eldublay

Needs more ethic slurs.

I wrote 4 essays this morning from 9:30 Am to 12:50 Am. These essays were for a portfolio that I was supposed to have been working on all semester. I ignored MLA format and said "f*** you reference page" and I received a D.I feel good about that.

Oh, and all of my essays were WAY better than yours.

So yeah, improve it.

I wrote 4 essays this morning from 9:30 Am to 12:50 Am. These essays were for a portfolio that I was supposed to have been working on all semester. I ignored MLA format and said "f*** you reference page" and I received a D.I feel good about that.

Oh, and all of my essays were WAY better than yours.

So yeah, improve it.

DaveyDeathblade

How many words per essay?

[QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"]

I wrote 4 essays this morning from 9:30 Am to 12:50 Am. These essays were for a portfolio that I was supposed to have been working on all semester. I ignored MLA format and said "f*** you reference page" and I received a D.I feel good about that.

Oh, and all of my essays were WAY better than yours.

So yeah, improve it.

Apollo5000

How many words per essay?

500 Minimum. I hit like 900 on the last one because I got carried away.

I wrote 4 essays this morning from 9:30 Am to 12:50 Am. These essays were for a portfolio that I was supposed to have been working on all semester. I ignored MLA format and said "f*** you reference page" and I received a D.I feel good about that.

Oh, and all of my essays were WAY better than yours.

So yeah, improve it.

DaveyDeathblade

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"]

I wrote 4 essays this morning from 9:30 Am to 12:50 Am. These essays were for a portfolio that I was supposed to have been working on all semester. I ignored MLA format and said "f*** you reference page" and I received a D.I feel good about that.

Oh, and all of my essays were WAY better than yours.

So yeah, improve it.

DaveyDeathblade

How many words per essay?

500 Minimum. I hit like 900 on the last one because I got carried away.

[QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"]

I wrote 4 essays this morning from 9:30 Am to 12:50 Am. These essays were for a portfolio that I was supposed to have been working on all semester. I ignored MLA format and said "f*** you reference page" and I received a D.I feel good about that.

Oh, and all of my essays were WAY better than yours.

So yeah, improve it.

DivergeUnify

How many words per essay?

500 Minimum. I hit like 900 on the last one because I got carried away.

Well, no, but you must realize that I had to have 3 drafts for each, and I hadn't done ANY of them, so you are looking at 12 drafts total, with 4 of those having a final word minimum of 500.

And I did it in the time between 9:30AM and 12:50PM, not to mention printing time.

And I didn't fail the assignment.

[QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"]

I wrote 4 essays this morning from 9:30 Am to 12:50 Am. These essays were for a portfolio that I was supposed to have been working on all semester. I ignored MLA format and said "f*** you reference page" and I received a D.I feel good about that.

Oh, and all of my essays were WAY better than yours.

So yeah, improve it.

DivergeUnify

How many words per essay?

500 Minimum. I hit like 900 on the last one because I got carried away.

Yeah thats not really an essay, thats more of an opening arguement or acceptance speech...

Yeah thats not really an essay, thats more of an opening arguement or acceptance speech...

Apollo5000

3 drafts for each... 9:30 AM to 12:50PM.

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DivergeUnify"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"]

I wrote 4 essays this morning from 9:30 Am to 12:50 Am. These essays were for a portfolio that I was supposed to have been working on all semester. I ignored MLA format and said "f*** you reference page" and I received a D.I feel good about that.

Oh, and all of my essays were WAY better than yours.

So yeah, improve it.

DaveyDeathblade

How many words per essay?

500 Minimum. I hit like 900 on the last one because I got carried away.

Yeah thats not really an essay, thats more of an opening arguement or acceptance speech...

3 drafts for each... 9:30 AM to 12:50PM. :|

still thats only 2000 words. And if its drafts then its essentially the same piece being retold 3 time. Like "I would like to thank God for this award", "The first person i would like to thank for this award, is God", "This award would not of been possible without the help of God", "I won this award for you God, see you shortly". Now i just came up with one of them and it took about 3 seconds and then told it in different ways which took about 1.5 seconds to think of...
Apollo5000

Still, 2000 words in that amount of time, with multiple drafts and complex and difficult subject matter?

I mean really, this is one of the greatest acts of procrastination I have ever successfully completed.

Your telling me you think you could earn a D worthy portfolio in that amount of time whilst completely ignoring essay quotation requirements and MLA format? I'd bet the internet* that you couldn't even get together 2 of those drafted essays together in that amount of time.

*I own the internet. It is mine to bet.

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"] still thats only 2000 words. And if its drafts then its essentially the same piece being retold 3 time. Like "I would like to thank God for this award", "The first person i would like to thank for this award, is God", "This award would not of been possible without the help of God", "I won this award for you God, see you shortly". Now i just came up with one of them and it took about 3 seconds and then told it in different ways which took about 1.5 seconds to think of...
DaveyDeathblade

Still, 2000 words in that amount of time, with multiple drafts and complex and difficult subject matter?

I mean really, this is one of the greatest acts of procrastination I have ever successfully completed.

Your telling me you think you could earn a D worthy portfolio in that amount of time whilst completing ignoring essay quotation requirements and MLA format? I'd bet the internet* that you couldn't even get together 2 of those drafted essays together in that amount of time.

*I own the internet. It is mine to bet.

Uh, three hours is a long time. At 500 words a piece that's a cakewalk. That is only THREE essays with revisions in 3 hours. I would bet $5 I could do it.

[QUOTE="DivergeUnify"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"]

I wrote 4 essays this morning from 9:30 Am to 12:50 Am. These essays were for a portfolio that I was supposed to have been working on all semester. I ignored MLA format and said "f*** you reference page" and I received a D.I feel good about that.

Oh, and all of my essays were WAY better than yours.

So yeah, improve it.

Apollo5000

How many words per essay?

500 Minimum. I hit like 900 on the last one because I got carried away.

Yeah thats not really an essay, thats more of an opening arguement or acceptance speech...

[QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"]

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"] still thats only 2000 words. And if its drafts then its essentially the same piece being retold 3 time. Like "I would like to thank God for this award", "The first person i would like to thank for this award, is God", "This award would not of been possible without the help of God", "I won this award for you God, see you shortly". Now i just came up with one of them and it took about 3 seconds and then told it in different ways which took about 1.5 seconds to think of...
Apollo5000

Still, 2000 words in that amount of time, with multiple drafts and complex and difficult subject matter?

I mean really, this is one of the greatest acts of procrastination I have ever successfully completed.

Your telling me you think you could earn a D worthy portfolio in that amount of time whilst completely ignoring essay quotation requirements and MLA format? I'd bet the internet* that you couldn't even get together 2 of those drafted essays together in that amount of time.

*I own the internet. It is mine to bet.

Well i just completed a 3000 word essay (due tomorrow) in about 2 hours.

And i didn't need multiple drafts...

I challenge you to an ESSAYATHON.

Here's the idea: I select a topic for you and you select a topic for me. We both write essays (500 word min.) and then post them in this thread. We then allow the other people in this thread to judge which one is the best. The winner gets the INTERNET.

Are you in? Or are you scared?

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"]

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"] still thats only 2000 words. And if its drafts then its essentially the same piece being retold 3 time. Like "I would like to thank God for this award", "The first person i would like to thank for this award, is God", "This award would not of been possible without the help of God", "I won this award for you God, see you shortly". Now i just came up with one of them and it took about 3 seconds and then told it in different ways which took about 1.5 seconds to think of...
DaveyDeathblade

Still, 2000 words in that amount of time, with multiple drafts and complex and difficult subject matter?

I mean really, this is one of the greatest acts of procrastination I have ever successfully completed.

Your telling me you think you could earn a D worthy portfolio in that amount of time whilst completely ignoring essay quotation requirements and MLA format? I'd bet the internet* that you couldn't even get together 2 of those drafted essays together in that amount of time.

*I own the internet. It is mine to bet.

Well i just completed a 3000 word essay (due tomorrow) in about 2 hours.

And i didn't need multiple drafts...

I challenge you to an ESSAYATHON.

Here's the idea: I select a topic for you and you select a topic for me. We both right essays (500 word min.) and then post them in this thread. We then allow the other people in this thread to judge which one is the best. The winner gets the INTERNET.

Are you in? Or are you scared?

Maybe another time. Its 2:15am. and i'd like to be in bed by 2:16 so i'd only get around 400 words done...

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"]

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"] still thats only 2000 words. And if its drafts then its essentially the same piece being retold 3 time. Like "I would like to thank God for this award", "The first person i would like to thank for this award, is God", "This award would not of been possible without the help of God", "I won this award for you God, see you shortly". Now i just came up with one of them and it took about 3 seconds and then told it in different ways which took about 1.5 seconds to think of...
DaveyDeathblade

Still, 2000 words in that amount of time, with multiple drafts and complex and difficult subject matter?

I mean really, this is one of the greatest acts of procrastination I have ever successfully completed.

Your telling me you think you could earn a D worthy portfolio in that amount of time whilst completely ignoring essay quotation requirements and MLA format? I'd bet the internet* that you couldn't even get together 2 of those drafted essays together in that amount of time.

*I own the internet. It is mine to bet.

Well i just completed a 3000 word essay (due tomorrow) in about 2 hours.

And i didn't need multiple drafts...

I challenge you to an ESSAYATHON.

Here's the idea: I select a topic for you and you select a topic for me. We both write essays (500 word min.) and then post them in this thread. We then allow the other people in this thread to judge which one is the best. The winner gets the INTERNET.

Are you in? Or are you scared?

Maybe another time. Its 2:15am. and i'd like to be in bed by 2:16 so i'd only get around 400 words done...

Apollo5000

It's OK. I intimidate me too. :wink:

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"]

Maybe another time. Its 2:15am. and i'd like to be in bed by 2:16 so i'd only get around 400 words done...

DaveyDeathblade

It's OK. I intimidate me too. :wink:

At least you intimidate someone then...

[QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"]

Maybe another time. Its 2:15am. and i'd like to be in bed by 2:16 so i'd only get around 400 words done...

Apollo5000

It's OK. I intimidate me too. :wink:

At least you intimidate someone then...

No, no, I understand, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to go in an ESSAYATHON against a guy who types 80 WPM and has the ability to spit out 20 essay drafts in 3 hours with complex and difficult subject matter.

Your fear is nothing to be ashamed of.

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"]

Maybe another time. Its 2:15am. and i'd like to be in bed by 2:16 so i'd only get around 400 words done...

DaveyDeathblade

It's OK. I intimidate me too. :wink:

At least you intimidate someone then...

No, no, I understand, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to go in an ESSAYATHON against a guy who types 80 WPM and has the ability to spit out 20 essay drafts in 3 hours with complex and difficult subject matter.

Your fear is nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm not afraid.

You need to write 20 drafts, whats there to be afraid of? Even you think you suck.

[QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"]

Maybe another time. Its 2:15am. and i'd like to be in bed by 2:16 so i'd only get around 400 words done...

Apollo5000

It's OK. I intimidate me too. :wink:

At least you intimidate someone then...

No, no, I understand, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to go in an ESSAYATHON against a guy who types 80 WPM and has the ability to spit out 20 essay drafts in 3 hours with complex and difficult subject matter.

Your fear is nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm not afraid.

You need to write 20 drafts, whats there to be afraid of? Even you think you suck.

Dude relax, your procastinatory weakness is no big deal. I mean just because you have never completed a semester long assignment in 3 hours doesn't mean your any less of a man.

I mean, yeah, just because I have leet skills and can pound out 4800 words an hour doesn't mean that your a complete procastinatory failure.

Try not to feel inadequate dude; it's just mad essay skills. I mean it's not like you have a narrow urethra or anything...

The essay is supposed to be a problem and solution essay, right? What is the solution? You hint at having them make the toys here rather than China, but then you stop. Develop this more, even though the plausability ofit is pretty unreasonable. IF toys were made here, they would be double the price.

Also, the introduction is terrible.

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"]

Maybe another time. Its 2:15am. and i'd like to be in bed by 2:16 so i'd only get around 400 words done...

DaveyDeathblade

It's OK. I intimidate me too. :wink:

At least you intimidate someone then...

No, no, I understand, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to go in an ESSAYATHON against a guy who types 80 WPM and has the ability to spit out 20 essay drafts in 3 hours with complex and difficult subject matter.

Your fear is nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm not afraid.

You need to write 20 drafts, whats there to be afraid of? Even you think you suck.

Dude relax, your procastinatory weakness is no big deal. I mean just because you have never completed a semester long assignment in 3 hours doesn't mean your any less of a man.

I mean, yeah, just because I have leet skills and can pound out 4800 words an hour doesn't mean that your a complete procastinatory failure.

Try not to feel inadequate dude; it's just mad essay skills. I mean it's not like you have a narrow urethra or anything...

Where would the ego be, without denial?

Where would the ego be, without denial?

Apollo5000

Seven blocks south of perfection.

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"]

Where would the ego be, without denial?

DaveyDeathblade

Seven blocks south of perfection.

Ironically it does sound like you are a few blocks short of a working city...

[QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"]

Where would the ego be, without denial?

Apollo5000

Seven blocks south of perfection.

Ironically it does sound like you are a few blocks short of a working city...

[QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"]

Where would the ego be, without denial?

DaveyDeathblade

Seven blocks south of perfection.

Ironically it does sound like you are a few blocks short of a working city...

[QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"]

Where would the ego be, without denial?

DivergeUnify

Seven blocks south of perfection.

Ironically it does sound like you are a few blocks short of a working city...

My city functions quite well actually, though yours seems to be populated almost exclusively by a rather cowardly lower class element that refuses to engage in even the most basic of contests...

:lol: Does a brother not have the right to request a duel from another individual, when said individual has challenged a brother's skills?

For verily I say unto your face, would not any man would go forth and wage war, and parley deep into the latest hours of dawn in defense of his leet skills? For surely thou knowst that this is the internet, and the internet is serious buisness. :|

[QUOTE="DivergeUnify"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"][QUOTE="DaveyDeathblade"][QUOTE="Apollo5000"]

Where would the ego be, without denial?

DaveyDeathblade

Seven blocks south of perfection.

Ironically it does sound like you are a few blocks short of a working city...

My city functions quite well actually, though yours seems to be populated almost exclusively by a rather cowardly lower class element that refuses to engage in even the most basic of contests...

:lol: Does a brother not have the right to request a duel from another individual, when said individual has challenged a brother's skills?

For verily I say unto your face, would not any man would go forth and wage war, and parley deep into the latest hours of dawn in defense of his leet skills? For surely thou knowst that this is the internet, and the internet is serious buisness. :|

You're right, so you can stop.
DivergeUnify

What affair of yours is it? Have I spit upon your flocks and done b'noffle unto your women? Surely I beseech thee; shut your face, for you are standing in a river of gelatin from whence there is little to no return. :|