At my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Jess Depew, and she's pretty hot. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Ms. Depew. That's where all the trouble started. Firstly, I walked into office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch, so I awkwardly make stupid small talk until she's finished. "Oh, hey, what are you eating?" "Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday." "Just salmon? That's pretty weird." (Why the hell did I say this?) "Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff." "Yeah, I like food too." Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the crap really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went: "Okay, your account name is [my name] and your password is ...'depewissexy'..." Oh damn. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says, "In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want to keep to yourself." I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in her doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks. She was eating Salmon. She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey. She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself. Ms. Depew was a bear disguised as a human. Immediately, the bear saw that I had seen through its charade. It roared loudly and took a menacing swipe at me. I deftly avoided its claw and sprinted out of the office. The bear was soon in chase, crashing through the walls of the office as if they were made of paper. Discuss.
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