My Poem ....Constructive Criticism Welcomed.....

This poem is dedicated to my girlfriend who i love so much, this is the 8th poem ive written her....let me know what you think

A feeling i get

deep in my heart

that gets stronger

when we're apart

my heart starts to miss you

and it gets sad

but once you come back

it starts to get glad

glad that your there

and in my arms

when im with you

there is no harm

hugging me tight

and i'm ready to fight

fight for our love

or fly like a dove

this feeling i have

gets stronger everyday

i fall for you more

in each and every way

i cherish the moments

and all the kisses

that feel so blis

better than a million wishes

ill do anything for you

and go anywhere

with you in my life

im never scared

since the day i met you

i wanted you to see

that you are the only one

who can bring happiness to me

this feeling i have

will never pass

and its very strong

it'll always last

this feeling i have

could only come true

this feeling i have

is because

I LOVE YOU!!!!

"DEDICATED TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!

Constructive Criticism welcomed....btw these poems are copyrighted! lol :p

thank you

EMO!!!!!

Nah sincerely, I write a lot of stuff and the whole thing sound cheesy. 

and all the kisses

that feel so blis"

Maybe I'm just not thinkin straight, but wouldn't it have to be blisfull?  Blis aint no adjective! 

"and i'm ready to fight

fight for our love

or fly like a dove" 

what does that mean? just curious... 

He just need to take a different approach, maybe... trying to find small things about her and not this BS about love is so beautiful.

Maybe the impact of her presence and not the " OHHH I FEEL SOOO" you see. Also,he should try to write something without rimes, usually they onlylimit the impact. What I like to do is using the same words to buid a stronger interest.

For exemple, something I wrote this week...

For exemple, something I wrote this week...
Redgarl

Is that some sort of sick way of saying you didn't actually write anything at all!? 

He just need to take a different approach, maybe... trying to find small things about her and not this BS about love is so beautiful.

Maybe the impact of her presence and not the " OHHH I FEEL SOOO" you see. Also,he should try to write something without rimes, usually they onlylimit the impact. What I like to do is using the same words to buid a stronger interest.

For exemple, something I wrote this week...

Redgarl

She was running away every time

She never looked back...

Until she broke

Until she couldn't bear anything else

How could she hate herself?

(F**KING HTML FORMATAGE!!!!! )

[QUOTE="Redgarl"]For exemple, something I wrote this week...
Mumbles527

Is that some sort of sick way of saying you didn't actually write anything at all!?

Problems with HTML, I couldn't copy paste from my word file... WOW, nice interface gamespot! 

yea well hey im tired! so i didnt bother running it through spell check im too lazy! lol but anyway thanks for the opinions and advice, ill be sure to use some of it. Thanksmaddnica23

Yeah, watch out for your HTML :P 

Yeah, it was cheesy, also it took up most of the page so I have to scroll down more than usual. Though the first part was good.

I got something you could take a look at:

            There has been a time where soup and rainbows can come intact with each other and fight to the death. Soup is made of a hot, hot liquid called... Soup, which is made of broth, water, and some other flavorings and edible substances. Rainbows are made of air, light, water, and pure evil. Rainbows can be very harmful most of the time. There a lot of helicopters crashes affiliated with rainbows, which lead to the fault of this natural disaster. Soup also contains evil, but is not so evil at all. Evil may have created it, evil may have marked it, evil may have raped it, but it is not so evil. Soup can be evil though, so remember. Soup attacks have a 37% chance of occurring. Examples as they can fall into one's lap, burn the insides, or simply fly into you. Rainbows are different, as they can stay in one place at a time and remain dormant, that's when they attack. Helicopters crash into rainbows each year, about 300 lives are lost to these damned things. The myths of the ends of rainbows having pots of gold are, in fact, true. Though they are true, rabid leprechauns will kill the hell out of you. Because these rabid leprechauns are magic, they cannot be killed by ordinary means i.e. shotgun to their face. Soup can kill you unless you eat it quickly.

Constructive critisism welcomed... too.