Need Advice - Have lot going for me but im socially inept

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allsystemsphai

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#1 allsystemsphai
Member since 2009 • 142 Posts

I don't lack confidence, in fact i find it easy to approach people, and from my demeanour and the way i talk, youd assume the same too. Yet my biggest problem is that i have a lot of trouble getting to know people properly. Im at university right now, and i meet people at lectures and say hi to people i know but these people i simply know rather than have a relationship with.

As a result it gets extremely lonely, i just don't know anyone who would call me up to say hi or go do something, so a lot of the time im locked up in my room. I have however made one PROPER friend and im very close to him. His GF even regularly tells me how my looks are always being complimented by her friends and her flatmates so at least theres nothing wrong there.

The sheer boredom and sterility of my life has made me lose almost all motivation to do anything. Advice would be greatly appreciated!

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JasonDarksavior

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#2 JasonDarksavior
Member since 2008 • 9323 Posts
I would say relax and be yourself. There's a guy at my school who is very lonely and tries so hard for people to talk to him and people just want to avoid him because he tries to hard. Take things easy and be natural and just talk to people you feel comfortable with. People who try to hard or are to desperate never get real mates. Hang around people who have same interests as you, (probably gaming, ect).
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elblanquito_81

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#3 elblanquito_81
Member since 2007 • 4356 Posts

Well, one surefire way to meet people is by getting involved in activities at your school. Join a few clubs that interest you and you'll find your social circle increasing before you know it.

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3rd_child

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#4 3rd_child
Member since 2006 • 467 Posts

Sometimes the harder you try to get to know someone the more awkward it gets. Yeah, you might have conversational skills and not look like a dropped pie but there's more to it than that. Seems to me like you just need to relax and let things take their course, you might find that more people will gravitate towards you that way.

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allsystemsphai

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#5 allsystemsphai
Member since 2009 • 142 Posts
Sorry took so long to reply, been busy with exams. But yeah, i dont know whats wrong with me, its that i know many people, but i cant seem to get anywhere with them. The worst part is that i feel i have so much potential, im a really caring and likeable person that people would normally find it pleasant to be around. Im 20 now, and i cant take this much longer, the whole world seems to be moving on, and yet im still a shell of a man.
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Xx_Hopeless_xX

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#6 Xx_Hopeless_xX
Member since 2009 • 16562 Posts

You'll get used to it...trust me..besides..people usually want to be your friends because they want something in return or they benefit from it in some way..

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XilePrincess

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#7 XilePrincess
Member since 2008 • 13130 Posts
if you're not making friends and you have nothing off-putting about you, it's probably because you can't grasp that deeper connection with them, something that makes you give a crap about them and want to talk to them on a regular basis instead of just saying hello here and there. I find that if I'm in that state, sometimes it's because I know I'm in that state, so it sticks around. Stop yourself if you think you'll never make any sort of relationship with the person you're talking to, just focus on being able to make one.
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SolidSnake35

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#8 SolidSnake35
Member since 2005 • 58971 Posts
I don't know. Unless I have to spend time with someone, I can't seem to befriend them either. I suppose you need to find something in common and work from there.
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auron_16

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#9 auron_16
Member since 2008 • 4062 Posts
Take it easy, man. Take it slow. You aren't taking a test. just calm down and open up a bit more. You said "hi" today, and tomorrow, try sitting with them at lunch. Open up slowly, or at whatever speed you're comfortable.
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Vandalvideo

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#10 Vandalvideo
Member since 2003 • 39655 Posts
Read "Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrarrzi.