Need relationship advice OT

Hello OT, I need your help. I met this girl in a medical student conference in Taiwan back in August, and we became really good friends. The conference was only 1 week, but I stayed in contact with her for months afterwards though whatsapp and other social media. We talked almost everyday and became really good friends. I'd tell her about the girls I like and she'd tell me about the boys she liked. She became one of my closest females friends and we had a strong friendship. Now the things is, I have a very flirtatious personality. Like I'd tell people they're hot or beautiful or whatever. I do this with so many people not because I'm attracted to them, but merely because that's my personality. Like I'd tell a girl shes really hot if she was hot or I'd tell a guy he looks sexy if he's muscular or whatever. Sometimes when I want to mess around I walk up to a girl and jokingly tell her: would you marry me? or I want you to have my babies. I have no shame. Some people think I'm flirting with them, and once a homosexual had a crush on me because of my behavior. I'm not a very good looking person so I don't get all the girls loving the attention I give them, mostly think I'm a weirdo and awkward which is fine by me. Ok now back to the girl, I would tell her shes beautiful and whatnot when she told me she thinks she looks ugly or whatever and sometimes I unintentionally flirt. I started noticing she started getting aggressive and started to insult me and whatnot, well I though its what friends to to each other so I didn't care. Also, when she talks to me about the guys she like and I tell her they're assholes she responds by: why, are you jealous? I started to think that maybe she thinks I'm attracted to her because of my absurd behavior with women in general.

Also, I am partly responsible for organizing the next conference. She applied but got rejected and started to blame me for not choosing her. I had nothing to do with why she didn't get accepted to go yet she kept blaming me for not helping her.

Now I consider this girl a every close friend, but I'm not sexually attracted to her. So after she was being very hostile with me yet would still love the attention I give her I confronted her and told her that I consider her a very close friend but I'm not sexually attracted to her. After that she blocked me everywhere and stopped talking to me at all and told me that I hurt her. I tried talking to her and trying to understand what happened but she just wouldn't talk to me anymore and kept telling me to stop victimizing myself. I kept on trying to talk to her but she just wouldn't talk back. So I sent her a message telling her that I understand if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore and that I'd respect her decision. A relationship is a two way street and if she wouldn't talk to me and tell me whats wrong then I guess that's it. I wished her all the best in her life and wished her she find a better friend than I (because somehow I hurt her but she wouldn't tell me how, she just kept blaming me for not being accepted to the next conference) I wished her all the best in her life and told her I hope to see her in some conference someday in the future.

Did I do something wrong with this girl that made her cut our friendship? I had a good friendship with this girl but suddenly she just cut it. I really hope my behavior was rational and what I did wasn't wrong.

Bitches be crazy

Just let it go...

@LJS9502_basic: She was a really good friend. Its really sad when a really close friend just doesn't want to talk to you anymore for no damn good reason.

@TehFuneral: Perhaps she thought you two were more than friends?

@LJS9502_basic: we were close, we had a lot in common. But my relationship with here was purely platonic, nor did she try to suggest that she was attracted to me in any way. Maybe my behavior gave wrong signals. Besides, I'm diagnosed with major depressive disorder and I was on antidepressants which means my libido was nada. She knows this.

I don't think you did something wrong or reprehensible per say; instead, it seems to me that both of you are just immature kids fooling around and "experimenting" with your social life and relationships. I know some people will tell you that she's to blame for picking up on disingenuous or hollow vibes but the way I see it is that you really didn't do her a favor when you led her on whether intentionally or unintentionally. The fiasco this generated and the fact that you lost someone you valued should provide the incentive for you to change that admittedly absurd flirtatious aspect of your personality. From your description its something you absolutely need to address because trust me when I tell you that you got off easy seeing how this sort of social blunders and flops can get unimaginably out of control and seriously harm you in many ways, be it on a social, emotional or professional/academic level.

I'm not trying to be an ass or anything, just giving it to you straight. I say don't dwell on it too much chances are, this friendship was going to end anyway its not as special as you think it to be; time will reveal that. But you can put it to good use and let it provide the impetus for a much needed self-improvement and refinement.

I agree with @GazaAli. As a teenager I used to be a lot like you; I'd be unintentionally flirty not because I was attracted to people but because I enjoyed the confidence boost that gave them so I'd just keep on it thinking I was helping them but eventually I'd realise they were getting the wrong idea and would need to have the awkward conversation again, or, even worse, I hadn't noticed in time that they were falling for me and would have to break their heart. Even being preemptive didn't help. I could meet a girl, tell her about my personality, tell her I call all my friends sweetheart, tell her that I love complimenting people, tell her that if I ever developed feelings for her I would be straight with her and tell her directly, so that she wouldn't take anything else as "hints"...try as I might, they would always end up thinking I was just playing hard to get or something.

In most cases, a flirtacious personality is only good if you're interested in lots of short, non-serious relationship...if you want to be a good friend and keep being so for as long as you can, you might have to drop it. I'm not sure how old you are but with time you'll learn that there are plenty of ways to make a woman (or man) feel good about themselves without giving them the wrong idea (granted, older people are also not as prone to getting the wrong idea or think that you are madly in love with them just because you liked their shoes). It will also be a lot easier (and safer) for you to have a more assertive personality in a working environment...you really don't want to come off as ambiguous and end up with a sexual harassment lawsuit =P

@GazaAli: Yeah I understood a lot from what you said from what happened. I've been told countless times by some of my female friends that my seemingly flirtatious personality will get me in trouble even though they know I have a good heart. I usually don't act that way among strangers, just around people I consider close friends. I guess that's why she felt I might be flirting with her because I started to show my weird personality when I got comfortable with her and she though that I'm actually attracted. But I have to say, I love being weird. I like annoying girls by asking them if they'd marry me. I like confusing people by making them think I'm gay. I'm really awkward but I'm having fun. I love those social blunders and I like not giving a shit what people think. I guess this is the consequence of being weird though that it might really severe some of my relationships, and this type of personality is not well tolerated specially in the Arab world! I really don't know what self improvement I should work on but I know that I need it desperately need it.

Thank you Ali, you were not being an ass at all, on the contrary you rather provided a lot of good advice. Thanks a bunch.

Glad I could be of help man. And I get what you mean by how these personalities are not that accepted in Arab societies. We are obsessed with conformity unfortunately which is something that has absolutely nothing to do with our religious identity but whatever.

But about the highlighted lines, remember: its all fun and games until you're forced to pay a hefty penalty for one of these blunders then its all weeping and wailing. Trust me when I say that I speak from experience. I get how it can be intoxicating to feel that you're living on the fringe of society, not abiding by any law and not subscribing to the same set of convictions and rules that everybody around you does. Think of it as individuality in a crude state: unless tamed and properly reared it will prove to be an enemy, not an ally and it will bring you many a misfortune and no blessings. I wish you luck bro!

I think you may have confused her a lot by behaving in a flirty manner, you say it's just your normal personality and you do that to everyone but that probably wasn't clear to her. She may have thought you fancied her and was trying to quell your interest, or maybe she liked you and was jealous when you talked about other girls. Give her time and see if she calms down enough to talk to you and ask her what it is that you did, don't try and prod her to start talking to you and don't try and guess what it is because you'll just piss her off more if you're wrong. If, after a while, she's still not talking to you then you'll probably have to draw a line under that as a failed friendship and move in.

Yeah flirting is the wrong signal for friends. In the future.....don't flirt with girls you have a relationship with...life will be simpler that way. Keep the boundaries clear. Now that is not to say a girl you consider a friend might still assume more is involved. You don't have to flirt for that to occur. But if you think they feel differently have a talk with them right away. Sometimes you will lose friends that way. But that is what they need to happen. Who knows....in time she might be able to simply be your friend again. But like I said initially.....just let it go. She needs what she needs.

You're pre med? Dear God.

Did you two hang out on the regular? If not what exactly did you lose?

Let it go. It's not worth the headache to wrap your mind around it. This time next year, you will barely remember her if you truly didn't fancy her.

Yeah, I've drown that line and I've told her so if she wouldn't want to talk. I guess it was a failed friendship and it's time to move on.

I'm a 3rd year med student.

I've traveled with her for a week. We even sat next to each other in the plane. We got to know each other so well and we became good friends that we'd tell each other all our secrets.

I didn't fancy her but she was a really close friend.

@LJS9502_basic: I thought it was clear that I was not sexually attracted to her. I don't know why suddenly she'd think I was. Anyways, I'l follow your advice and forget about her. Its time to let it go.

a man and a woman cannot be friends. if not both, one of the two will always be in love with the other.

@-Blasphemy-: I guess I learned this the hard way. But dude, not in a million years would I have though she would be attracted to me. She's really beautiful and has all the characteristics of a fertile young woman and men hit on her all the time. I am average looking. She always keeps on complaining to me that men keep bothering her a lot but she wasn't the narcissistic type who boasted about it. She was really beautiful and I never thought I am in her league so that's why we both were comfortable thinking we'd never be attracted to each other romantically, because both of us were different than the other in terms of looks. Most of my friends want to kill me for letting such an attractive woman slip from my grasp. Blame it on my personality or the antidepressants I was on, but I wasn't attracted to her.

Hormones make you do weird things don't they ? I just see two different peeps, in an open relationship that does not reveal their true selves. Reality is, there was a communication wall between you two, but never took it down. On to the next ! Unless for some reason your into her ?

Shouldn't have flirted with her dude!

Seems like she wanted to be more than friend of yours.

But I don't think she would've stayed with you longer in any case.

one of these days you're going to get in trouble with your flirtatious behaviour

Flirting has a function, just like avoiding flirting. By flirting you show sexual interest, you gave this girl the wrong idea. I suggest you do something about your personality, doctors in medicine (even ones in the making) are pretty popular among women.

I was once like you and suddenly some women said to me 'no not anymore'. I didn't realize what they meant but when I got older I did, it was because i flirted with them but never took action. A guy or girl has a responsiblity, how would you feel if somebody you're sexually attracted to flirts with you only you realize later it was just a game to them, you'll feel a bit cheated. In your case, it's because of your personality, but they can't know that.

A lot of misery comes from miscommunication so keep your flirtatious behaviour for situations where you want to go till the end. You cannot just start the engines and don't drive, it gives people the wrong idea.

Aren't you happy you stuck it out with med school, TC?