Nonsensical Ifs

Yay! Time for a superfun forum game called Nonsensical Ifs! The player will make an if/then statement that makes no sense at all! I'll start:

If you bake a sweaty cake at midnight, then Henry Caville.

Next!

Will become Superman and (to be continue)

If Todd (Bethesda) smiles, then the post-apoclypse is one step closer.

When the still sea conspires an armor, and her sullen and aborted currents breed tiny monsters, true sailing is dead!

A lollipop is a vaccine against vaccines.