People getting married and pregnant so young

Why is everyone getting married and pregnant so young, and why does it bother me so much?

For example, my friend who's been dating his gf for 5 years, hasn't married her, has a shit part time job and is 24, is having a kid and I feel like shit. I don't know why.

If I had to guess, I'd say it's because I'm severely depressed. I'm being treated for it, and I'm not a virgin, I'm 22, gonna be going to one of the best universities in the US and I'm decent looking. But I just feel like... don't I deserve happiness too?

I feel like a bad person - like I want to feel happy for him, but I can't. He'll be having a kid and a happy gf and a whole new family, meanwhile things for me are the same and I don't know if they'll get better.

The worst part is that this has happened before. I cut contact with people who are happier than me (mainly Facebook shit) because they make me feel worse. Everyone is getting married and having kids and wonderful lives and I'm not. I don't hate them for it, I hate the fact that I'm not happy and everyone else seems to be. Everyone seems to be moving forward and being happy... and people like me and some others aren't. Don't we deserve happiness too?

TL;DR friend is gonna be a dad, feel like shit because people seem happier and I'm not.

And yes, I realize this makes me sound like a shitty person, but I want to be happy for them, but I can't, at least until I'm happy with myself. Thoughts?

Everyone makes their life seem amazing on Facebook. My wife had a miscarriage late last year and it seems everyone else she knows had or are having their babies. Some of which didn't mean to which upsets her a lot because she wanted it so bad. She refused to try till after we married and now it's been a year almost of just one miscarriage.

What a coincidence , Today a 21 year old guy in my locality had to marry a 20 year old girl as shes pregnant from thier courtship, the guy got no job tho presently ( college student ).

@indzman: that will end well.

Heh.

It's not even FB, he told me while we were on MW2 today, and I was so dumbfounded, I wanted to say congrats but I was just so shocked.

It's like, I guess I'm jealous, I see no other word for it, but I don't know how to be happy for others. I want to be, but I guess it's one of those things where people say "you can't love someone til you love yourself."

Youre prolly just thinking too much

Your only 22 just enjoy life now. It'll come.

Thinking is all I do, even when busy. It's hard not to ponder these things. I've been dealing with **** like this for years. I just want my piece of the pie, you know?

You're right, you're right, but can anyone shed light as to why I feel like this? Why I can't be happy for others, even though I wanna be?

people are doing stupid things every day

this has been my problem for a long time and it still is. i personally believe that the cure to these frustrating thoughts is to rethink your goals and what you want from your life. the tricky part IMO is distinguishing your personal goals from what the ones set for you by the society.

Glad I'm not alone. How'd it start with you and how did you learn to not care so much?

For 100's of years, people have gotten married and had children at very young ages. In fact, it's more risky to have a child later in life. The number of birth defects goes up signficantly as a mother's age goes up.

I feel you. I'm 26 years old and literally all of my friends are married with kids. I'm the only single one in my group of friends. It is depressing but I keep telling myself that in the end I will get someone who is amazing and will be worth the wait.

@sonicare: I don't think society works the same as it did when people started having their family at 18 and lived and worked off the land and didn't really need a stable income.

I can almost guarantee that the main reasons why are, 1) young kids aren't being taught about human reproduction in school and as hormonal kids, they are going to have sex and as a result, get pregnant, and 2) they are taught by their religious institutions that sex before marriage is a sin (which it isn't) so the only way for them to fulfill their desire for sex, is to get married.

You all make good points, but he said him and his girl were _trying_ to have a kid - he's 24 and she's 22 - when neither are in college, both have temp jobs and both live with parents.

Is he just stupid or happy? Both? I can't wrap my head around it, but I know one thing: I wish I was as happy as he (seemingly) is. I so badly want to be happy for other people.

I guess I made this thread to vent - the pregnancy thing was the reason _why_, but I wanted all of your input as to why I'm feeling like this and how I can be happy for others. Off Topic has helped me before, and I feel like a bad person not being happy for him, but I can't help it. It's almost as if I want people to be like me, you know, 'misery loves company' and all that - even though I'm not miserable, I'm a shell of what I was happiness-wise.

I don't know where you're getting your information, but a little bit of research will tell you that people are waiting longer into their adult lives than ever to get married and have kids.

If you're depressed, get off your ass and start a workout program. Exercise (and diet) is probably the most effective natural means of regulating moods. Do it while you're young and still have some testosterone coursing through your system. Quit worrying about other people's problems...you have your own to deal with (we all do)...and there's absolutely nothing your worries will change. DON'T WORRY ABOUT SHIT OUTSIDE OF YOUR CONTROL. Take that from a 36 year-old with a little bit of life experience.

Think about how important his child is going to be to him, once it is born; that may help you feel happy for him.

Actually, fornication is a sin in Christianity according to the Bible, anybody who says it isn't is ignorant of what the book says. Whether or not you care if it is a sin depends on if you identify yourself as a Christian, another denomination (several which also say it is a sin), or an atheist; as well as if you are Christian but assume you will be forgiven for whatever reason.

Also, most people get the talk and still have sex anyway. There are plenty of women in their 20s or older who got pregnant either because their boyfriend didn't pull out in time or the contraception they were using failed. Marrying young may have less to do with people trying to satisfy religious restrictions and more to do with government benefits married couples get.

In civilian life, being married means you can add your spouse to your insurance and file joint tax returns that can save you money every year. College kids in schools that require you to live on campus may be able to get out of the dorms by getting married. In the military, getting married is you ticket out of the barracks and what allows your spouse to have base and medical privileges.

When it comes to getting married young, it's not always about religious nuts trying to get a warm and fuzzy about having sex with someone they like.

My friend is doing much better in life than I am financially and is getting married to a pretty hot chick who enjoys marijuana and is into video games and anime, all things that we both enjoy. Similar to the OP there was mild jealousy but I don't know. That's how things play out. My life isn't that great but it's not bad. I just got steady employment so it's actually taking a big upswing and I'm more happy for him now than jealous.

I don't know what to tell you OP. You say you look good, you get laid, you're really young, and you go to a great school. WTF are you sad about? Like, I'm trying to have empathy but you just sound really emo. Then again, you say you're suffering from depression so that explains it. All I can say is that your life isn't bad. You have a chemical imbalance. That's why you think it is. Take some drugs or fix your issues and you'll be able to see reality for what it is.

I think your problem is that you're relying on others to make you feel happy, or at least that's what your post implies. Because you yourself don't have the things your friend does, you can't share the same sentiment as him and his gf. When "you're happy" for others it doesn't mean your jumping up and down with joy and elated at the prospect that he's going to have a great life now that they're expecting. That's not the way it works, usually. It just means that you, as his friend, are accepting of the choices he's made and are there for support if he needs it. I'm sure you can at least give him that much, right?

As far as your happiness goes, that comes from within. Don't compare your life to anyone else's, that's just silly. Your age shows in this post. Give it a few years to "find yourself" and then you can focus on what means the most to you and find happiness in that.

@Jobesky123: It's not a lack of empathy...it's tough "love". I feel for you. I was once in my early 20s and I went through dry spells and general malaise myself. You just have to make a conscious effort not to overly worry yourself about things outside of your control. If you're incapable of doing so, you have two options: continue down this path of self-destruction or seek professional help. If you choose option A, there's always the possibility that you'll find your niche in life. If you choose option B, you may find the techniques or medications (if it's that serious) to overcome these negative thoughts sooner rather than later.

Are you serious? You have huge potential at this stage, a wife and kid will destroy that so early.

Honestly you sound like you have a loner personality, I know, but you can change it if you want.

Considering for a bulk of human history humans married at around the age of 12 or 13 I would say people are getting married when they are old these days. I'm almost 24 and I'm not married. Some of my friends for high school and college are married and some aren't. Getting married, settling down, and having a family is a part of life. Your opportunity will come.

That's why you aren't meeting women.

You have to do activities that involve people, particularly some that have a high ratio of women.

I know your asking "Why should I? I am who I am" It's true, but if you want to bang girls it's pretty much the only way.

Marriage is an archaic, religious institution that has no place in a modern, secular society. Humans are naturally polyamorous.

I do not believe you need to procreate at the same pace as your friends. Part of being an individual means living at your own pace in a microcosmic sense while moving forward with the civilization you are part of. Cheer up. You are in college, so you are not incompetent. You assert your looks, so I trust when you graduate you are likely to get a job and be paid well (there is scientific evidence to indicate the likelihood of that).

Yeah it's weird when your friends hit traditional milestones while you are nowhere near that stage. It feels like they are growing up and you are not. When my friend got married a few years ago I hadn't had a girlfriend in years and was the single guy at the wedding yet the same age as both the groom and the bride.

Now I don't know what it's like to have depression so I won't pretend to have gone through that, but when your friends get a house together, get married, have kids, etc and you know you're several years away from anything of the sort (or hell maybe you haven't even gotten out of college yet) it makes you feel like a kid and not in a good way either.

22?

lighten up, you got all the time in the world

Most importantly you got your health

How to be happy for others is something I have always struggled with. It's extremely hard not to discern the differences between yourself and others. It leads to jealousy yes, and sometimes hate. Most importantly, it sounds like you really do not know what makes you happy. I suppose that's normal when there are experiences that you can not possibly relate to that others are having and seem to be enjoying. I think it's important to live in your moment and have fun rather than worrying about your future or others. That is their life not yours. It will wear you thin, when the answer simply stated is that you will still be here tomorrow without them. It's at this point I suppose they would get cut off, and this till tends to happen with me too because I can not incorporate them into my life structure. It is hard. People seem really stupid when they do not seem to pay any regard to the future, and how they continue to live that way is baffling, but it kind of seems like they are in a sort of bliss. I feel like I'm rambling on, but it really is a broad question about your self perception.

If AIDS and HERPES did not exist I would take this post more seriously.

TC I don't know what to tell you. I have been like this for basically my whole life(I'm 31 now) and I want to kill myself. I thought I had found a girl that would make me change for the better, to be more extroverted so that I could be happy but that's not going to happen and it's all my fault.

All I can say is just live your life, do whatever you want to do and try to do things that make you happy.

I don't like when people say this. "You're still young, you got time." He's been going through this for the past 11 years. He doesn't see it changing in the future that is why he is asking for help now.

TC you just have to find that right girl that makes you happy. You will know her when you see her. Don't be like me though and let her escape you. If she is really what you want then go all in to get her and keep her. Just live in the moment, don't worry about the future cause it isn't written.

If you're going to be jealous of someone, you need to be jealous of everything. You're jealous that he's having a kid? Can you also be jealous about how that gives him a complete lack of free time? Can you also be jealous of how that kid is going to make him financially broke as hell? I have 2 of my own but there's no way I could have handled it well if I was his age when I started.

Wow that does make you sound like a bad person, 25 is not having a child at a young age i feel though.

Well, you can ruin your future too by knocking a girl up yourself, saying goodbye to school and hello to working a dead-end shit paying job too. Then when you're working 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet she'll be all like "you don't spend enough time with me". Then you find out that while you're busting your hump to take care of her and the kid and put a roof over your head she's out fucking around. She wants to split up and she'll survive off your child support so now you got no wife and kid and you're paying for your ex to **** every guy all willy nilly looking for someone better to take care of her while she's still collecting that child support and alimony. Then the kids turn 18 when the truth comes out it wasn't even your kids to begin with.

Or maybe invest in a vasectomy before starting school, save yourself the trouble. Focus on your career first.

I kind of feel ya here, man. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years this October, and it drives me totally nuts when I see people I know getting engaged after being together a year or less.

One girl I know got pregnant by one guy, and less than a year after the kid was born was engaged to a whole new dude and they have a house and everything. It kind of feels like "You're an idiot, why are you getting the things I want and not me", but then you have to sit back and realize, they're IDIOTS. People with no money and no stability having kids and getting married? Recipe for disaster. Might look peachy but it probably isn't.

You want to get going down a crap path? Get married too quickly (and perhaps eventually divorced) and start popping out kids you can't afford (or paying child support you can't afford). Love doesn't pay the bills. He isn't gonna be so happy when he's scrimping by every paycheck because diapers come before beer and a good time.

past eleven years,wtf, 6 years ago was like yesterday to me,to him, he was still in puberty. Your brains are not even fully developped at 22, nor your strength or stamina. Not to mention life experience is next to nothing

people of that age should listen, at that age i tought i was old too, how i was wrong, now i'm 36 and I'm worrying less about my age than back then.

You're not a kid anymore, nor a teen. But adulthood gotta start someday, and it's better than being a kid/teen. Now girls won't want you anymore for your beautifull eyes, or stuff you have no control over, act mature, and it will be raining women and girls.

ocd is a drag though (didn't see that first actually) I actually have it myself, but everybody has something. As painfull that it is somedays, it sure beat cancers, because I have a lot of good days as well. Most important advice I can give...

Avoid nasty people and protect yourself at all times, listen to that little voice inside, the one that is looking out for you, it is always right. Stay strong.

If it makes you feel any better, TC, my ex dumped me because she was fucking a guy behind my back and wanted to smoke pot more than she wanted to date me. My self esteem is a touch damaged at the moment. Mind you she did't even respect me enough to actually tell me any of this, but I found it later from somebody else.

People marry and form families at different ages, the average age of pregnancy/marriage in Western countries is about 25-35 years old so don't get too bothered about a bunch of early birds.

Don't sweat it kid. Play some GTA and watch some movies. Enjoy college. Your time will come.

PS: Aside question, you aren't planning to write a manifesto ain't you?