All courtesy of Laffy Taffy:
What happens when you cross a singer and a rocking chair? -- you rock to the beat.
How do you mend a broken jack o' lantern? -- with a pumpkin patch.
what do you call a lease of false teeth? -- a dental rental
Where did the kittens go on the class trip -- to the meow-seum.
What goes tick-tock, woof-woof? -- a watchdog
What did the art dealer say when a man asked what a picture was supposed to be? -- a reflection of you.
what did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date? -- shore
What falls down but never gets hurt? -- snow
What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee's hair? -- a honey comb
How do you get a peanut to laugh? -- you crack it up
Who greets you at a haunted house? -- a host ghost
Why did the farmer bury all his money? -- to make his soil rich
Where can you find an ocean without water? -- on a map
What do you call a horse that likes arts & crafts? -- a hobby horse
Why do shoemakers go to heaven? Because they have good soles
What do you call an avid gardener? -- herb
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from? -- a poul-tree
What do you get when you cross a grape with a lion? -- a grape nobody picks on
What did the tree say to the mountain? -- stop peaking at me!
What are sailors' favorite fruits? -- naval oranges
Where does a penguin keep his money? -- in a snow bank
What did the boy chip say to the girl chip (crisp for the Brits)? -- Let's dance and I'll dip you.
Why do bees have sticky hair? -- they use honeycombs
Why did the reporter go into the ice cream shop? -- he wanted to get the scoop
Why was it hard for the geometry teacher to walk? -- she broke her angle
What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips? -- a chipmonk
What kind of trees sew? -- pine trees, they always have needles around
What did the plate say to the other plate? -- lunch is on me.
What did the man say when the picture fell on his head? -- I've been framed!
Did you hear about the mummies who went to the theater? -- They gave the actors stage fright
How do you turn soup into gold? -- add 24 carrots (karats)
What do you do if a rhino charges you? -- Give him your credit card.
Why did they bury the battery? -- Because it was dead.
What do sneezes wear on their feet? -- ahh-shoes
What do wolves say when they are introduced? -- howl do you do?
What does a car run on? -- wheels
What did the sink say to the water faucet? -- you're a real drip
where do pigs park their cars? -- in a porking lot
Why did the banana leave the cinema? -- the film didn't appeal to him.
Why did the little cookie (biscuit) cry? -- because his mother was a wafer so long.
What do you call a hot dog in a bun? -- an in betweenie weenie.
Why did the rabbit eat lunch under the sink? -- He found a leek there.
How do you make a witch itch? -- take away her W
What do you call two guys fighting over a prostitute? -- tug of whore
*ok, so that was mine. Just threw it in to see if you were paying attention*
What do you call a crab who plays baseball? -- a pinch-hitter
What is the clumsiest bee? -- a bumbling bee
What kind of bean can't grow? -- a jelly bean
Whats green and fluffy and comes from mars? -- a martian mellow
How does a man on the moon get his hair cut? -- eclipse it
What do you do when you have no rubber bands? -- find a plastic orchestra
-- -- -- -- and some old favorites -- -- -- -- -- -
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? -- time to get a new fence.
What is green, red, and runs 100 mph? -- a frog in a blender
What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? -- a dead school bus
Why did the man throw his margarine? -- he wanted to see the butter fly
What did the finger say to the thumb? -- I'm in glove with you (heather's favorite)
What's brown and sticky? -- a stick
What's red and not there -- no tomatoes
What's white and flies through the sky? -- the coming of the lord
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a penguin? -- a very cross penguin
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