Relationship problems.

Back in 1998 i had a relationship with what I would call "the most ideal" girl for me. Everything was perfect, we liked the same stuff, had fun with each other, made each other laugh and basically all that stuff that makes 2 people completely mesh. It was ALL lined up as if predestined.

Sometime in 2000 things started going south. I changed jobs to 2nd shift which pretty much made it impossible to do stuff any time other than the weekend. This caused stress in the relationship which I, being an 18 year old idiot at the time didnt know how to handle.

I lashed out, acted like i didnt care even though i did and was generally a jerk a lot of the time. It eventually ended and now that i look back upon it i have reserved myself to the fact that it was 100% my fault. Its hard living with yourself when you KNOW that it was you and you alone that cheated yourself out of something magical like that due to stupidity. She was such a sweet girl and i did her wrong.

After a few weeks of back and forth, neither of us really knowing what to do it pretty much ended abruptly. I havent talked to her since 2001 and as much as i wish "we" still existed i would settle for just knowing she found something better than me that makes her happy. I dont want to be a creepy stalker person and look her up though.

In any event, now that you have the backstory i'll fast forward to 2008.

At the moment im in a 4 year relationship with a woman im pretty confident i do not love. Sometimes it feels that way but there are things that i had in the other relationship that do not exist here. I dont feel the same way about a lot of stuff. I have continued the relationship out of convenience but its getting to the point of tedium.

This may sound a little cliche` but i feel as if i cannot love someone correctly. I always, even after so many years wish she was the other girl. Its not really fair to her if she isnt going to ever get an honest shake from the relationship.

I'll do really good for months and feel as if im leaving the past behind but then i'll have a dream or something about the love i lost and im back to square one.

I honestly think that im emotionally defective for the rest of eternity. My current GF cares about me and takes care of me but i simply do not feel that i can love her the way she should be loved.

I think about my previoud relationship almost every day. Sometimes for seconds and then sometimes i day dream for hours. Im sorta stuck in a mental vaccum of wishing i could go back and change things.

I wasnt ready for the relationship back then and i screwed it up. There isnt anything in life i wouldnt give to meet the same girl now that im older and wiser. I could make it work.

Its probably hard for a lot of you to understand but i dont think im ever getting over her. Ive tried and failed for 7 years and im no more over her now than i was a week after it ended.

If you read this, thank you.

Back in 1998 i had a relationship with what I would call "the most ideal" girl for me. Everything was perfect, we liked the same stuff, had fun with each other, made each other laugh and basically all that stuff that makes 2 people completely mesh. It was ALL lined up as if predestined.

Sometime in 2000 things started going south. I changed jobs to 2nd shift which pretty much made it impossible to do stuff any time other than the weekend. This caused stress in the relationship which I, being an 18 year old idiot at the time didnt know how to handle.

I lashed out, acted like i didnt care even though i did and was generally a jerk a lot of the time. It eventually ended and now that i look back upon it i have reserved myself to the fact that it was 100% my fault. Its hard living with yourself when you KNOW that it was you and you alone that cheated yourself out of something magical like that due to stupidity. She was such a sweet girl and i did her wrong.

After a few weeks of back and forth, neither of us really knowing what to do it pretty much ended abruptly. I havent talked to her since 2001 and as much as i wish "we" still existed i would settle for just knowing she found something better than me that makes her happy. I dont want to be a creepy stalker person and look her up though.

In any event, now that you have the backstory i'll fast forward to 2008.

At the moment im in a 4 year relationship with a woman im pretty confident i do not love. Sometimes it feels that way but there are things that i had in the other relationship that do not exist here. I dont feel the same way about a lot of stuff. I have continued the relationship out of convenience but its getting to the point of tedium.

This may sound a little cliche` but i feel as if i cannot love someone correctly. I always, even after so many years wish she was the other girl. Its not really fair to her if she isnt going to ever get an honest shake from the relationship.

I'll do really good for months and feel as if im leaving the past behind but then i'll have a dream or something about the love i lost and im back to square one.

I honestly think that im emotionally defective for the rest of eternity. My current GF cares about me and takes care of me but i simply do not feel that i can love her the way she should be loved.

I think about my previoud relationship almost every day. Sometimes for seconds and then sometimes i day dream for hours. Im sorta stuck in a mental vaccum of wishing i could go back and change things.

I wasnt ready for the relationship back then and i screwed it up. There isnt anything in life i wouldnt give to meet the same girl now that im older and wiser. I could make it work.

Its probably hard for a lot of you to understand but i dont think im ever getting over her. Ive tried and failed for 7 years and im no more over her now than i was a week after it ended.

If you read this, thank you.

Alter_Echo

You need to forget, they are different women, different types of people. You can't simply sit back and expect love to go how YOU want bro... trust me. TRUST ME. I don't have sex with my GF of a year because she is catholic. Do you think I like it? We don't do ANYTHING, NOTHING but kiss. But I'm commited to her, and I really try and be a good guy for her, to prove to her that I am hers. Now sometimes I'm like... eh damn, this sucks... but the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Love isn't black and white, good and evil. It's a mix of feelings, and emotions that you need to work to get in sync with her. Just talk to her, and let her know how you're feeling, and let her know that you feel like there might be something standing in the way.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I messed up in my last relationship and I just regret everything. I loved her and I just messed up everything. I've tried talking to other girls but I can't. I know why i'm like this though and it's because I know I was the one that messed it up and I want to make things right with her.

Assuming she isnt married or something now it might be possible if i made it my entire lifes objective to get back with her. At that point though after all this time id look and feel like a stalking loser.

Not only that but things sorta imploded in nothing short of a fiery inferno of disaster. Even assuming the above it would be a shot in the dark. After the way it ended she probably wouldnt even talk to me.

I think a lot of this comes from being so unhappy with what i have. Being unhappy i guess would naturally make someone look back upon things that they use to have that made them happy.

Sure i could tell my current GF i dont really love her and end the relationship but then where does it stop? I'll just get into the same situation again or end up being some loner single guy who lives his whole life alone because he cant function in a relationship that is anything short of what he had in his first one.

There arent really words to describe it to you people. I cant really display how my mind operates and its frustrating. I just wish i could go back knowing what i know now and make things right. Being responsible is probably more painful than the fact that it happened. It ended on really bad terms and i feel like an ass because of it even to this day.

It ended on really bad terms and i feel like an ass because of it even to this day. Alter_Echo

[QUOTE="Alter_Echo"] It ended on really bad terms and i feel like an ass because of it even to this day. Jandurin

I was an ahole about the entire thing. I guess unusually cruel in a sense. It wasnt any one thing i did just a cumulative span of a week or so. I personally wouldnt want to talk to me either if i had been treated like that.

I dont blame her but that doesnt make it hurt any less.

[QUOTE="Jandurin"][QUOTE="Alter_Echo"] It ended on really bad terms and i feel like an ass because of it even to this day. Alter_Echo

I was an ahole about the entire thing. I guess unusually cruel in a sense. It wasnt any one thing i did just a cumulative span of a week or so. I personally wouldnt want to talk to me either if i had been treated like that.

I dont blame her but that doesnt make it hurt any less.

Assuming she isnt married or something now it might be possible if i made it my entire lifes objective to get back with her. At that point though after all this time id look and feel like a stalking loser.

Not only that but things sorta imploded in nothing short of a fiery inferno of disaster. Even assuming the above it would be a shot in the dark. After the way it ended she probably wouldnt even talk to me.

I think a lot of this comes from being so unhappy with what i have. Being unhappy i guess would naturally make someone look back upon things that they use to have that made them happy.

Sure i could tell my current GF i dont really love her and end the relationship but then where does it stop? I'll just get into the same situation again or end up being some loner single guy who lives his whole life alone because he cant function in a relationship that is anything short of what he had in his first one.

There arent really words to describe it to you people. I cant really display how my mind operates and its frustrating. I just wish i could go back knowing what i know now and make things right. Being responsible is probably more painful than the fact that it happened. It ended on really bad terms and i feel like an ass because of it even to this day.

Alter_Echo

That most likely is a factor. Also, just like in my situation, you didn't like how things ended and that's also stuck with you. You just want the chance to make things right because you're regretful of what happened.

If it really bothers you that much, search her name on MySpace or Facebook and tell her you want to talk to her. 99.9% of the world has one or the other so it might not be so hard.

I know everyone says get past her, i know youve tried for 7years, and someone telling you that now isnt helping much.

I would search her, and you wouldnt seem like a stalker, and talk to her how you feel, and don't worry about it feeling desperate, guys just need to stop thinking these things. it is never true girls don't see it that way. just find her man, im sure she is out there

10 years is a lot of time for someone to change. She's probably not the same person you knew back then. Your situation sucks now and you want to go back to a time when it was good. Sorry to tell you, but that most likely isn't going to happen.darkjedirpm

Nope. Even if he hooked up with her again it wouldn't be the same and he'd end up killing the good memories.

10 years is a lot of time for someone to change. She's probably not the same person you knew back then. Your situation sucks now and you want to go back to a time when it was good. Sorry to tell you, but that most likely isn't going to happen.darkjedirpm

It's harsh, but in most probability, it is true. I don't know why the topic creator waited for so long....

10 years is a lot of time for someone to change. She's probably not the same person you knew back then. Your situation sucks now and you want to go back to a time when it was good. Sorry to tell you, but that most likely isn't going to happen.darkjedirpm

[QUOTE="darkjedirpm"]10 years is a lot of time for someone to change. She's probably not the same person you knew back then. Your situation sucks now and you want to go back to a time when it was good. Sorry to tell you, but that most likely isn't going to happen.BohemianAndy

It's harsh, but in most probability, it is true. I don't know why the topic creator waited for so long....

Because a reunion is not and was never plausible. I guess you would have to be there to understand and have first hand knowledge to see exactly how impossible working it out would have been.

If the relationship was a car rolling down a hill i set it on fire and pushed it off a cliff. As much as a heart likes to hold on to hope it was never something that was possible, hence why i never tried.

I think i just need to find someone similar and not someone who i am forcefully trying to mold into the same person. Even without getting back with her i still want some closure. Even if its not her responding to me id like to know she is happy and comfortable with life.

Back in 1998 i had a relationship with what I would call "the most ideal" girl for me. Everything was perfect, we liked the same stuff, had fun with each other, made each other laugh and basically all that stuff that makes 2 people completely mesh. It was ALL lined up as if predestined.

Sometime in 2000 things started going south. I changed jobs to 2nd shift which pretty much made it impossible to do stuff any time other than the weekend. This caused stress in the relationship which I, being an 18 year old idiot at the time didnt know how to handle.

I lashed out, acted like i didnt care even though i did and was generally a jerk a lot of the time. It eventually ended and now that i look back upon it i have reserved myself to the fact that it was 100% my fault. Its hard living with yourself when you KNOW that it was you and you alone that cheated yourself out of something magical like that due to stupidity. She was such a sweet girl and i did her wrong.

After a few weeks of back and forth, neither of us really knowing what to do it pretty much ended abruptly. I havent talked to her since 2001 and as much as i wish "we" still existed i would settle for just knowing she found something better than me that makes her happy. I dont want to be a creepy stalker person and look her up though.

In any event, now that you have the backstory i'll fast forward to 2008.

At the moment im in a 4 year relationship with a woman im pretty confident i do not love. Sometimes it feels that way but there are things that i had in the other relationship that do not exist here. I dont feel the same way about a lot of stuff. I have continued the relationship out of convenience but its getting to the point of tedium.

This may sound a little cliche` but i feel as if i cannot love someone correctly. I always, even after so many years wish she was the other girl. Its not really fair to her if she isnt going to ever get an honest shake from the relationship.

I'll do really good for months and feel as if im leaving the past behind but then i'll have a dream or something about the love i lost and im back to square one.

I honestly think that im emotionally defective for the rest of eternity. My current GF cares about me and takes care of me but i simply do not feel that i can love her the way she should be loved.

I think about my previoud relationship almost every day. Sometimes for seconds and then sometimes i day dream for hours. Im sorta stuck in a mental vaccum of wishing i could go back and change things.

I wasnt ready for the relationship back then and i screwed it up. There isnt anything in life i wouldnt give to meet the same girl now that im older and wiser. I could make it work.

Its probably hard for a lot of you to understand but i dont think im ever getting over her. Ive tried and failed for 7 years and im no more over her now than i was a week after it ended.

If you read this, thank you.

Alter_Echo

Theres two simple words for this: MOVE ON!. Seriously, you don't move on your current relationship is gonig to end abruptly like the last one, and I'm pretty sure you don't want that.

relationships suck full of drama and BSgameroz

Yep, a good reason why I'm happily single right now :)

relationships suck full of drama and BSgameroz

Not when you have the right relationship....;)

If you care about the girl so much you should suck up your pride and the potential "stalker" stigma you might get labeled with and just look her up. Heck, she probably has a myspace page, if you don't have her number you could send her a message through there and see if you can get some sort of friendship going with her again that could lead into a relationship. That's just my two cents though.

If you care about the girl so much you should suck up your pride and the potential "stalker" stigma you might get labeled with and just look her up. Heck, she probably has a myspace page, if you don't have her number you could send her a message through there and see if you can get some sort of friendship going with her again that could lead into a relationship. That's just my two cents though.

ElectronicMagic

Honestly you can't go back. He should move on. It's the idealized version he has which is not reality. They aren't the same people.

[QUOTE="ElectronicMagic"]

If you care about the girl so much you should suck up your pride and the potential "stalker" stigma you might get labeled with and just look her up. Heck, she probably has a myspace page, if you don't have her number you could send her a message through there and see if you can get some sort of friendship going with her again that could lead into a relationship. That's just my two cents though.

Godly_Cure

Honestly you can't go back. He should move on. It's the idealized version he has which is not reality. They aren't the same people.

Yeah, he could and probably should move on. I just feel that same way about my ex, so I know how he feels at the moment because I'm feeling it too. I've tried to date other girls and it just isn't the same. So yeah, my thoughts would be to try to contact if you really feel the way you said TC, or just move on with the relationship you are in and try to make that work. Or just end it and try to find someone else.

Honestly you can't go back. He should move on. It's the idealized version he has which is not reality. They aren't the same people.Godly_Cure

Agreed.

I kept wondering when I had written the first post because it sounds so familiar. I had harboured fond memories (okay, maybe more than fond) of my previous two girlfriends, and I managed to make the same misguided move twice and hook back up with them.

Big mistake. It's like watching a TV show or movie you remembered liking as a kid - when you pick it up now you think "Man, what the hell was wrong with me?" If you can keep it to nothing more than a friendly catch-up dinner, though, that's often enough to give you the sense that she's either changed completely or simply wasn't how you remember her so fondly.

I dont know, maybe i let things get to me too much. I feel hopeless and suffocated the more i think and talk about it. When im having bouts like i currently am it pretty much sucks the enjoyment out of life entirely. Things i do for fun arent fun anymore, its hard to go to work and concentrate etc etc.

The relationship im in probably isnt as bad as i make it out to be, its probably just me not giving it my all. I understand the whole "let it go" and "you have to move on" advice but its a lot easier to tell someone to do that than it is for the person involved to actually do it.

Its a catch 22 almost. In order to forget about the past i have to be happy in the here and now, in order to be happy in the here and now i have to forget the past.

I remember a brief conversation Her and I had which was the last time we talked. She said something along the lines of "I wish it could have been different" and "We could have had at least a friendship" had i not acted the way i did. I just keep going back to that and i dwell on it. Living with guilt and whatnot.

It is and has been ruining me as a person in pretty much everything i do in life. Its really hard to make myself care about anything whether it be work or other relationships. I cant make any ground or progress in life if i cant care about the people and things i am involved with.

Regardless of what current relationship problems i have now i need to take care of this, i need some form of closure and im just not sure how i can get that. Its hard to know how to do something when you dont know what it is you have to do. If that makes any sense at all.

I stopped reading after you said everything was perfect. The reason I stopped was because unlike many people I've come to understand that humans expect and want there to be a happily ever after. We want every day to be perfect, and when it's not that makes us more misserable.

The fact is nothing will ever be exactly how we want it to be. We'll never be happy all the time. And to expect to be happy all the time is absurd. Without the bad you'll never appreciate the good for what it really means to you.