Relationship problems, help!

Basically me and my girlfriend have been having problems for a while now due to my paranoid nature and me finding it hard to trust and constantly throwing accusations her way. Basically I've had a very traumatic past when it comes to girls and for this reason I found it hard to trust her even though deep down I know her and who she is and knew she would never hurt me the way I have been in the past.

Anyway due to my paranoia I was constantly causing fights over the smallest of things and this was really getting her down and hurting her and she couldn't take it anymore so as I had accused her of things she would never do and made her feel like I thought she was some sort of monster. This girl is litterally one of a kind and I've hurt her by being so paranoid. So she said it was done I pleaded with her promised I would try to stop and the thing is I really did try to stop but with my past its not that easy but I couldn't stop so she called it off again and then again I pleaded and promised I wouldn't stop and she gave me the chance to prove myself again. I of course still done the same thing again because the issues I was facing I needed to realise could not be fixed in a day and now, now that I have finally managed to sort my issues out and no how to look after her she never believed me now that I know how to let go of my past and the pain I have faced and focus on putting her first she doesn't believe me which is understandable, so after weeks of me trying to prove myself and me begging I was getting no where and I was feeling so rejected and unwanted and then the night before new year she told me she was done with me. On new years Eve the next day I went out with some friends and hooked up with a girl at the local club, we didn't sleep together but I did kiss her. I didn't do it to hurt the girl I had broken up with, I done it to try and ease the pain of losing her as like a rebound. Many of you are going to say I have nothing to feel bad about as we wearnt together but that is not the point, the point is that no matter whether we was together or not its still hurt her alot and she has been hurt enough! You're probably wondering how she found out btw, she found out because I told her, because I wanted to give things another go and couldn't go into that with any lies! I can't lie it's not in my nature to do so! So what I am asking help for now is how do I make her forget this? She has told me she doesn't know whether she can ever be with me again as it will always be in the back of her mind the fact I have kissed someone else and while that's understandable, I don't want it to be, I don't want her feeling as though she ever had any competion or wasn't good enough because she so is she is one in a million. This isn't about getting her back anymore it's about fixing her pain! How do I make her realise that the kiss was nothing more than a way for me to ease my pain? How do I make her realise that it honestly meant nothing and that no body no matter who could ever compare to her? I need to make her realise that she is special and that she has no competion and that I didn't do what I did because she wasn't good enough, I did it simply to ease the pain and feeling of rejection! Help please!

There is no way to fix it, everyone you've dealt with is now bad, you go find a new one.

Rule number one in relationships, once something happens you never forget and it will just keep building until it destroys everything.

This is why people date more than one person. That way you can practice and break people and leave them behind, when you find one that you like the best you don't break that one.

@Jaysonguy: I'm sorry but your thought are backwards, what sort of man are you if you become okay with breaking people? And if you don't work at relationships when the going gets tough like it currently is for me, then how can you ever hope for one to work? Because all relationships no matter what will go through hard times.

Many of you are going to say I have nothing to feel bad about as we wearnt together but that is not the point...

Nop. I was not going to say that. What I was going to say is that you sound like a douche bag and you should leave her alone. No offense, but you don't look like a stable guy.

Basically I've had a very traumatic past when it comes to girls

We all have had a bad experience. The first step of a real man is not to be a little whiny bitch about it, you special snowflake.

I think you need to step away from dating. You need more free personal time to resolve personal issues, forgive others who have wronged you. Love your enemies. And heal whatever hurt feelings you have from your past. Till you can do those things, you will continue to be very mentally unstable in your romantic relationships. Which will lead to a whole lot of problems. As you need to address and be at peace with the root problem. That being your past, insecurity, and perhaps your self esteem.

You also have to understand as special as this woman is to you. She can't fix you. And she apparently has tried to cope with your temper flareups. So its not like she hasn't tried. Now this doesn't seem like just any rough patch. As you are highlighting some serious issues from your past, that you haven't been able to let go. And its clearly brought your relationship to the breaking point. If she is meant to be your one and only, in time she will return to you. But right now, you need to do a lot of praying and seeking the help you need. Trying to hold on to this relationship where you are in your life. Seems to likely end on bad terms. Which since you do care about her. You would want what's best for her. And right now, you both need a break from dating to do some soul searching.

You need to work on yourself and solve some personal issues.

It's toxic to be insecure in a relationship.

TL:DR.

There's more fish in the sea, sounds like she could do a lot better than you as well. Fix your issues before finding a new partner, that's my 5 cent.

He sounds kind of nuts.

Work on your line spacing young one, the chicks will come.

She doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.

Take a year off from dating and find out who you are before trying to make more commitments.

Well at least you've identified what the problem is, that's a first step towards progress. Spending some time with a professional therapist would be a good logical second step.

gotta let that one go man...just move on...i know the feels, but some things can't be salvaged .. start fresh once you've had some time to ease your stress..when you get in a cycle like the one you are in you get very mentally wound up and it's hard to think straight or be rational..take a step back and let it unwind and focus on hobbies and honest self improvement

I'm a 30 year old virgin, i wouldn't know about any relationship. I'm reading this thread's comments instead :)

I don't trust women either..most are lowkey hoes and its the ones you wouldn't expect.The amount of women at work that cheat really opened my eyes

Sorry OP @benny_boy98but I'm going to be blatantly honest with you:

As soon as you insert the idea of cheating into your girlfriend's head it becomes that much more probable.Of course we all have those moments when we jokingly tell our girlfriends that yes, don't cheat; However, to obsessively project that to her has created a scenario in which she most likely views you as an insecure beta.

Woman can sniff insecurity from a mile away and it turns them off like that. It probably wasn't even the fact that you kissed another girl. It was probably just your insecurity that has turned her off.

First you will need to project confidence and dominance. No more of this beta crap. No more neediness, just confidence. Then you're most likely going to have to go through a lot of drastic changes to make sure you can fit comfortably back into her life.

@benny_boy98: Don't listen to the people in this thread saying its over. If she really loves you, she'll let you get away with pretty much everything (I know my GF does).

You need to really stop being an insecure beta, and accept that certain things are out of your control. As soon as you're able to do that, you will have no issue getting her back on your jockstrap.

Trust me, a lot easier than it is made out to be. I would suggest playing the change card as soon as possible and look very overwhelmed while doing it.

My inbox is open to you anytime OP.

So, the girl was perfectly fine, she didn't do anything wrong.

You ruined it by being paranoid, and broke up with her.

You kissed another girl, now you want the old girl back?

That's all you had to write. (Summary for TL;DR)

Also, tough luck.

Know how many people are in the world today?

Right around 7.5 billion

That means you can break tens of people and there's still over 3 and a half billion people left to have a relationship with.

Know what kind of man that makes me? A smart one. We're around for 80-100 years, you maximize those years.

Hard times is one thing, you're talking just all out sabotage, that makes both broken people and situations. No need for any of that.

You need to work on yourself before you can even begin another relationship. Also, work on your grammar because those run-on sentences were a nightmare to read.

Don't listen to this guy. He is clearly mentally disturbed. "Winning" isn't the most important objective IMO.

Lol @ all the insecure betas in this thread. Life is about winning. OP Go out, take whats yours and don't let anyone get in your way.

Lets stop pretending this thread isn't about getting your girl back. It is. Any means necessary.

take a break and work on yourself. you sound like you have some growing up to do.

Dont get involve with people/relationships untill you are some one better. Be better not just for your sake, but because your partner doesnt deserve a shitty you.

@benny_boy98 the internets is among the few things where it is totally ok to partake only of the icing. also; you, and you alone, can discern what icing is to you. hi there. it feels like you think that wherever you put a hand to catch something you see as falling, you put a hole where you were trying to add support. dont panic. try not kill the already falling building. it's done for. get out of there, you will only be buried staying there. take a breath. focus on all that enriched you as you built what you did. on all the ways you became stronger and better. the happy bits that made your middles grow. once your brand new in that place, as that guy, then start looking for a new path to start down on, moving forward with.