Self Conscious?

Okay so Wednesdays my sisters 20th birthday and her boyfriends throwing a pool party at his house for her, and told me invite anyone i like. My most obvious choice is someone who hates swimming cause he doesnt want to take his shirt off, but he's one of my best friends so i want him to come. Any advice to give him? I mean im not skinny or muscular but i have no problem taking my shirt off to go for a swim. But idk what to tell him...

He could always swim with his shirt on.

He could always swim with his shirt on.

UnrighteousFury

[QUOTE="UnrighteousFury"]

He could always swim with his shirt on.

blackngold29

He could always swim with his shirt on.

No swimming with your shirt on at a party is like a social no no. Tell him to keep his shirt on or a tank top and some nice beach shorts / swimming trunks and just not swim but still enjoy the party. Sajedene

[QUOTE="Sajedene"]No swimming with your shirt on at a party is like a social no no. Tell him to keep his shirt on or a tank top and some nice beach shorts / swimming trunks and just not swim but still enjoy the party. soulfood4

[QUOTE="soulfood4"][QUOTE="Sajedene"]No swimming with your shirt on at a party is like a social no no. Tell him to keep his shirt on or a tank top and some nice beach shorts / swimming trunks and just not swim but still enjoy the party. Sajedene

Why the drama anyway? He dosen't want to swim or take his shirt off. You are his friend. Respect his preferences without making excuses (for yourself, incidentally) about those choices. High School time sucks because of dramas like this. Nobody will actively change that as long as no one takes the lead somewhere, you know?

He'll really feel more comfortable -if he isn't made to feel uncomfortable in the first place.

He doesn't have to swim, I usually don't swim unless I'm at home in my pool because parts of my torso are scarred.

Why the drama anyway? He dosen't want to swim or take his shirt off. You are his friend. Respect his preferences without making excuses (for yourself, incidentally) about those choices. High School time sucks because of dramas like this. Nobody will actively change that as long as no one takes the lead somewhere, you know?

He'll really feel more comfortable -if he isn't made to feel uncomfortable in the first place.

I feel sorry for him, but he'd better not swim with his shirt on. He can always opt not to go for a dip...

He doesn't have to swim, I usually don't swim unless I'm at home in my pool because parts of my torso are scarred.

Tiefster

I'm going to have nightmares tonight...

jk

[QUOTE="Tiefster"]

He doesn't have to swim, I usually don't swim unless I'm at home in my pool because parts of my torso are scarred.

Hot-Tamale

I'm going to have nightmares tonight...

jk

Okay so Wednesdays my sisters 20th birthday and her boyfriends throwing a pool party at his house for her, and told me invite anyone i like. My most obvious choice is someone who hates swimming cause he doesnt want to take his shirt off, but he's one of my best friends so i want him to come. Any advice to give him? I mean im not skinny or muscular but i have no problem taking my shirt off to go for a swim. But idk what to tell him...

soulfood4

I too am one of those fat people that doesnt take his shirt off to go swimming. Its sucks sometimes, but if you invite him just tell him its not a pool party. There is more to do at parties than swim.

Such as, for example, eating? Talking to folks?

Why does he not just wear his shirt?optiow

because that draws attention to you, and while it is an act of self-conciousness, it is actually telling everyone youre self-conscious.

better to sit on the sidelines than to join in on the game and cause your team to lose.

[QUOTE="optiow"]Why does he not just wear his shirt?mrbojangles25

because that draws attention to you, and while it is an act of self-conciousness, it is actually telling everyone youre self-conscious.

better to sit on the sidelines than to join in on the game and cause your team to lose.

[QUOTE="mrbojangles25"]

[QUOTE="optiow"]Why does he not just wear his shirt?Deathxcore

because that draws attention to you, and while it is an act of self-conciousness, it is actually telling everyone youre self-conscious.

better to sit on the sidelines than to join in on the game and cause your team to lose.

people dont mind when an overweight person swims. People do mind, or at least criticize it, when they do it with their shirt off. That is true

However, I see swimming with a shirt on as drawing more attention to yourself, and broadcasting your shame while not actually showing your obesity.

I mean, you got two choices:

1. Swim with your shirt off. People will look at you funny, likely make some snide comments, but some less-superficial people will at least say "well, good for him!"

2. Swim with your shirt on. You will get less looks and comments, but I think personally you wont feel as good because your hiding your shame in plain sight of everyone around you.

Idunno, I guess it just depends on your attitude. Do you not care what others think? Then go for option 1. If you do care, go with option 2.

I never thought swimming with or without your shirt was a big deal :? Some of my friends swim with their shirt on and some swim without it and no one cares. Sometimes I swim with my shirt on cause I'm a bit shy but most of the time I swim without it, no big deal. Just respect your friend's decision and don't force him to do what he doesn't want to do.

[QUOTE="Sajedene"][QUOTE="soulfood4"] I know, but i actually wanted him to swim. I kinda understood why he didnt want to swim in public pools infront of everybody, but this is a brand new pool in my sisters boyfriends backyard. The only ppl who will be there will be ppl he knows, yet he said he wont go swimmingsoulfood4

lol at a pool party, especially with people in their late teens, everyone is gonna be too self conscious about how they look to even worry about anyone else.

He might have a skin condition or something...... I had a friend with psoriasis and she would never get in a bikini..........

I couldn't care less about an overweight person swimming with their shirt off. If they don't care - why should I? When one swims with their shirt on... it screams self consciousness and weakness to me. Easier to pick on and will draw more attention -- "shirt on? Oh because he/she is fat. They want to hide it... blah blah blah"Sajedene

well, then youre nice. Most people arent so much, especially when it comes to obesity. THey dont really mean anything by it, they just open their mouth before they think about how damaging their words can be.

When I was in senior year of high school, we had a band trip to hawaii. Now, I wasnt a fatass, but I was husky (lineman husky) so I went to the beach and swam and some of the girls giggled, while one or two stuck up and said "be nice".I think that was the last straw.

I hadnt been bullied my entire high school career and when that happened it brought back all the pain from my first 14 years of existence. I was with band friends (more acquaintences than true friends) so I had no one to really hang out with, and that isolation returned for like four days and it sucked.

Now I am about 70 pounds heavier than that I feel like i'd be an idiot to swim at a beach in a college town ( with tons of cute girls and handsome guys) where I'd be the only guy my size without his shirt on. Oh, did I mention chest hair and stretch marks to boot? :|

[QUOTE="Sajedene"]I couldn't care less about an overweight person swimming with their shirt off. If they don't care - why should I? When one swims with their shirt on... it screams self consciousness and weakness to me. Easier to pick on and will draw more attention -- "shirt on? Oh because he/she is fat. They want to hide it... blah blah blah"mrbojangles25

well, then youre nice. Most people arent so much, especially when it comes to obesity. THey dont really mean anything by it, they just open their mouth before they think about how damaging their words can be.

When I was in senior year of high school, we had a band trip to hawaii. Now, I wasnt a fatass, but I was husky (lineman husky) so I went to the beach and swam and some of the girls giggled, while one or two stuck up and said "be nice".I think that was the last straw.

Now I am about 70 pounds heavier than that I feel like i'd be an idiot to swim at a beach in a college town ( with tons of cute girls and handsome guys) where I'd be the only guy my size without his shirt on.

Just push him in, he will have no choice but to swim after the fact

Sorry you guys had to go through that :( Sajedene

thanks.

Its just people dont really comprehend what its like to be fat. We usually get replies like "well why dont you just lose it?" and the simple fact is a lot of us cant, at least without huge sacrifices and years of effort. Some people are not even fat through habit; theyre just fat. And when they see their friends chomping down burgers three times a week and still remaining at 160 pounds, and theyve been working out 10 hours a week on a 1600 calorie-per-day diet (which is like nothing!) for 3 months and only 20 pounds lost (which is hardly a dent when youre morbidly obese), its frustrating.

Now, Im not saying fat people are not at fault. Its just far too easy for people to gain huge amounts of weight over short amounts of time, and its tought to get it off. Sometimes it takes years, and we pay for our mistake for years.

I often say this, and it makes people furious, but I feel fat people are the new n-words. Only, unlike back in the day, its socially acceptable to discriminate againt fat people.

Idunno, I am greatly exagerating how I feel, but it is how I actually feel. I feel happy about my life and stuff but my only personal problem is my weight, but its a huge problem and a lot of negatives stem from it that shouldnt (job discrimination, social discrimination, etc).

Employers wont hire fat people because A.) they think theyre lazy, B.) they think they have no discipline or work ethic, and C.) theyre a burden to the insurance/benefits. I, and many other overweight people, are none of those things but we get lumped into the same group as that 300 pound lady buying tubs of coolwhip and velveeta at the grocery store.

I went on a date the other night and some dude sat in the booth behind us and actually said "How'd that guy get a girl like that?" I swear to God I wanted to pull his head over the divider and snap it off.

*sigh*

like I said, Im not fishing for sympathy or anything and I am exagerating, but I just wanted to put a fat man's perspective out there lol.

hes the one who should be self concious not your friend

Have him make up some excuse why he doesn't wish to go swimming (chlorine irritates his skin, he burns in the sun badly). Personally, I'd just flat out tell them if they ask. Who cares? I see no problem with him going in with a rashguard shirt (the type surfers and divers wear for protection.)

I have a huge six inch scar running horizontally across the left side of my chest, and a port-a-cath onthe right side that looks like a thimble underneath my skin, with a visible catheter running from it over my collarbone up my neck. I also have no muscle onthe left area of myback in the shoulder blade area.Talk about self conscious. I hate taking off my shirt because people stare forever. Some guys have given me attitude for it, as if I took a blade across my chest myself to be more macho or what not. It just always feels like I'm making a statement when all I want to do is to blend in.

No swimming with your shirt on at a party is like a social no no. Tell him to keep his shirt on or a tank top and some nice beach shorts / swimming trunks and just not swim but still enjoy the party. Sajedene

Just tell him to skinny dip.

Everyone just has different tastes. I myself got a bit of a gut, always has, but when I would have swimming classes for PE I would just go without a shirt as opposed to others because I couldnt care less.