should I have helped her?

I was coming home on the train and this dude wsa hassling this girl, dunno what it was about but she didn't seem to like it.

anywho she got off the train and he waited then got off as well at the same station

I really wanted to get home and play WoW though so I didn't wanna do anything sinced it was late enough already at night.

was I right?

You should have consoled her and took advantage of her vulnerability.

I would ask if the girl knows this guy. If not, there should be some mechanism on the train where you can contact the train operator and tell him/her to get the cops or security to standby at the next station.

Even if they know each other, if the guy doesn't let up I'd still contact the train operator since I can never assume he will not harm her in any way. I can live with the nosey label if my action could potentially be life saving

I probably would have just asked her if she needed anything.

Regardless of whether he was her boyfriend or not, you should have intervened IMO. a publicly abusive boyfriend likely only gets worse when not on a crowded public train. If it was just some random creep, he could have tailed her home and beat her up or raped her, maybe even killed her. Always intervene. Even a simple "hey buddy, leave her alone" works. If he starts off on you, the conductor/operator will stop the train and call the police on the guy, not you.XilePrincess

dude could have had a knife.

I'd be dead before any cops would come

I think i'll pass in future as well.

If I was having a disagreement with my GF in public and some guy came up and tried to intervene I be hella pissed at him.

just sayin

dude could have had a knife.

I'd be dead before any cops would come

I think i'll pass in future as well.

If I was having a disagreement with my GF in public and some guy came up and tried to intervene I be hella pissed at him.

just sayin

Deano

Was the guy that dodgy looking? How crowded was the train? You may have misinterpretated the situation

Happens to me and my friends all the time. We yell at each other in public as a joke and people think we're about to have a fight :P

I usually watch from a distance for a while and then decide what to do.

One time I saw an old shady looking ice cream truck following a little kid. I trailed behind them for a while just to be sure he was okay. It turned out to be nothing, but I'm glad I did that. Trust your instincts.

do you think you could have taken him?

[QUOTE="XilePrincess"]Regardless of whether he was her boyfriend or not, you should have intervened IMO. a publicly abusive boyfriend likely only gets worse when not on a crowded public train. If it was just some random creep, he could have tailed her home and beat her up or raped her, maybe even killed her. Always intervene. Even a simple "hey buddy, leave her alone" works. If he starts off on you, the conductor/operator will stop the train and call the police on the guy, not you.Deano

dude could have had a knife.

I'd be dead before any cops would come

I think i'll pass in future as well.

If I was having a disagreement with my GF in public and some guy came up and tried to intervene I be hella pissed at him.

just sayin

^^^

I don't buy this.

Yeah, people can be violent, but you can't continue living your life in fear.

In January of 2009, I saw a woman get shot to death after her car careened over a sidewalk curb into a fence. I stopped to help and her killer stopped after I did. It all went down in front of me. He saw me and couldn't care less. I'm not sure that everyone wouldreact the same, but I know that there was a lot more than my relative physical distance keeping me safe... and you know what? I'd do it again, to help, if I were in the same situation.

Just keep your distance and keep an ear close next time.

The truth is, when people are violent, it's usually very directed and most people need to be pushed pretty hard to act on it, other than smart assed remarks.

The problem with this scenario isn't the danger involved, so much as it is the stipulation in details. For all you know, they could have been joking around, especially since you didn't listen to what he or she were saying.

I would suggest to you, to keep your distance unless you know the details. People can work problems out for themselves.

Now with that being said, if you are concerned, pay attention to the details in a conversation or interactions taking place to get an idea of what is really going on, before interjecting. Nothing is more out of place than interjection that is unwelcome by both parties in a debate or arguement.

it think it would have to escalate to a physical level before I'd do anything.

a guy "tailing" a girl isn't enough for me to go calling cops and stuff.

I agree.

Although I would probably watch from a distance until I saw the two people go their own ways.

I would suggest to you, to keep your distance unless you know the details. People can work problems out for themselves.

Now with that being said, if you are concerned, pay attention to the details in a conversation or interactions taking place to get an idea of what is really going on, before interjecting. Nothing is more out of place than interjection that is unwelcome by both parties in a debate or arguement.

Dave_Bonds

Yeah but if he did that it would probably start a fight between them two not worth it imoberserker2389

dude could have had a knife.

I'd be dead before any cops would come

I think i'll pass in future as well.

If I was having a disagreement with my GF in public and some guy came up and tried to intervene I be hella pissed at him.

just sayin

Deano

Never do nothing.XilePrincess

You're forgetting he could have simply misinterpretated the situation. We're going off his point of view. Someone else could have seen it differently. Thats why I asked how crowded the train was :P

joke thread?weezyfb

[QUOTE="XilePrincess"]

Never do nothing.v13_KiiLtz

You're forgetting he could have simply misinterpretated the situation. We're going off his point of view. Someone else could have seen it differently. Thats why I asked how crowded the train was :P

[QUOTE="v13_KiiLtz"]

[QUOTE="XilePrincess"]

Never do nothing.XilePrincess

You're forgetting he could have simply misinterpretated the situation. We're going off his point of view. Someone else could have seen it differently. Thats why I asked how crowded the train was :P

Disagree. Misintepretation can lead to negative reactions as well. All I'm saying is he hasn't give us enough information for us to decide what he should have done. How crowded was the train? Were other people concerned? Of what class did the guy appear to be? Of what class did the girl seem to be? What was being said between the two? What was the man specifically doing?

For all we know the girl could be in the wrong. It's best to consider all options and confer with someone else.

EDIT: Nevermind. I misinterpretated your "never do nothing" as "always intervene" :P

You should have consoled her and took advantage of her vulnerability.

no_more_fayth

▲ This. WoW is stealing your life OP. ▲

I don't know the details of the entire situation. But it isn't likely that anything would have come of you 'intervening'. Besides, she might have been a 'less than innocent' party, even if she seemed innocent.

Like others have said you don't know the half of it, so it's best to let train security know or just stay out of it. If she really was getting hassled then you should definitely have found someone with authority to find out what's happening.

I would ask if the girl knows this guy. If not, there should be some mechanism on the train where you can contact the train operator and tell him/her to get the cops or security to standby at the next station.

Even if they know each other, if the guy doesn't let up I'd still contact the train operator since I can never assume he will not harm her in any way. I can live with the nosey label if my action could potentially be life saving

ariz3260

If the solution is to contact the train operator, then the woman could have done that for herself.

I don't see any reason to get involved, unless the plan is to beat the dude's face in. Hell, the woman was on a crowded train being harrassed by a dude. If she needed help, that is her BEST opportunity to get help. In a crowded place with lots of people around. If she didn't feel the need to ask for the assistance of the people on the train, and then chose to get off ALONE where the threatening person could have some privacy with her, then it's reasonable to assume that she didn't need anyone's help.

Regardless of whether he was her boyfriend or not, you should have intervened IMO. a publicly abusive boyfriend likely only gets worse when not on a crowded public train. If it was just some random creep, he could have tailed her home and beat her up or raped her, maybe even killed her. Always intervene. Even a simple "hey buddy, leave her alone" works. If he starts off on you, the conductor/operator will stop the train and call the police on the guy, not you.XilePrincess

Bull.

If he was just some random dude, then the woman would probably put up more of a fuss about the guy. If SHE is afraid of a random dude following her home and raping her, then SHE can call the cops or ask for help while she's in a crowded place. If she's that afraid of a random dude, then she should have enough sense to NOT get off the train. To stay in a crowded public place until she can get some help.

And if it's her boyfriend who's harassing her in public, then intervening is about the WORST thing you can do. If a woman's boyfriend treats his woman that badly IN PUBLIC, and abuses her at home, then confronting the guy is guaranteed to get her face smashed in. Best case scenario, the only thing that intervening will do is to make the abusive man stop being such a jerk while he's on the train. But he's gonna be pissed off that you intervened. That's gonna stew up inside of him for the rest of the night. Then when him and his woman get home, he's gonna take that anger out on her. By trying to save some random woman on a train (who was never asking to be saved in the first place), it's very possible that the ONLY thing you're accomplishing is guaranteeing that the woman gets her ass SEVERELY beaten the second that you're not there to protect her.

Yes, a publicly abusive boyfriend can easily get worse when not in public. That is specifically WHY it's not a good idea to give those guys **** when they ARE in public. I'm not saying to NEVER intervene...it depends on how well you're aware of the peoples' situations, and how severely the person is harassing the woman. If he's throwing punches, then you OBVIOUSLY do something about that. But if the public harassment is fairly mild, then it's best to stay out of it unless you're just trying to make yourself good by swooping in and being the hero. If the public harassment is pretty mild, then it's best to stay out of it. Getting involved can make things a LOT worse. Not only for yourself, but also for the woman that you're trying to help.

I would suggest to you, to keep your distance unless you know the details. People can work problems out for themselves.

Now with that being said, if you are concerned, pay attention to the details in a conversation or interactions taking place to get an idea of what is really going on, before interjecting. Nothing is more out of place than interjection that is unwelcome by both parties in a debate or arguement.

Dave_Bonds

This.

Now if it seems to be a REALLY bad situation that has already gone well past the boiling point, then by all means do something. If you see a guy actually in the process of beating someone, then by all means try to help. If the woman is ASKING for help, then go ahead and help her.

Aside from extreme circumstances, leave people alone. People can handle their own ****. Yeah, the woman was probably really uncomfortable being harassed by the dude, but that's life. I've been harassed in some way or another, my kids will get harassed, my mom and dad will get harassed. That's part of the reality of living in a world in which some people are jerks. The people GETTING harassed can then make a judgement about how to handle the situation, but they are capable of taking care of themselves. If they feel that they need help, then they can indicate that they need help. Otherwise, outside of extreme circumstances, it's no one's job to play superhero and save every woman from every man who's being a jerk. ESPECIALLY when you don't know the situation. She may not WANT anyone's help, and intervening could get her ass beaten up.

Are you your brother's keeper? Sure. Are you your sister's keeper? No.

If you see a guy actually in the process of beating someone, then by all means try to help. If the woman is ASKING for help, then go ahead and help her.

Aside from extreme circumstances, leave people alone.

MrGeezer

Obviously not. You could have risked your life out there; What if he's a black sociopath guy who has a knife and stab at you directly into your chest. You did the right thing by ignoring them since it's none of your business. The girl isn't worth fighting for and you could potentially die.NerubianWeaver

Who brought race into this?

[QUOTE="NerubianWeaver"]Obviously not. You could have risked your life out there; What if he's a black sociopath guy who has a knife and stab at you directly into your chest. You did the right thing by ignoring them since it's none of your business. The girl isn't worth fighting for and you could potentially die.Baconbits2004

Who brought race into this?

It was just a random example, I could have said Chinese, Filipino or even white.NerubianWeaver

Or you could've not mentioned race at all, as it's completely irrelevant.

[QUOTE="Baconbits2004"]

[QUOTE="NerubianWeaver"]Obviously not. You could have risked your life out there; What if he's a black sociopath guy who has a knife and stab at you directly into your chest. You did the right thing by ignoring them since it's none of your business. The girl isn't worth fighting for and you could potentially die.NerubianWeaver

Who brought race into this?

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]If you see a guy actually in the process of beating someone, then by all means try to help. If the woman is ASKING for help, then go ahead and help her.

Aside from extreme circumstances, leave people alone.

Baconbits2004

No, don't assume any such thing. I only worded it that way because in the original situation, it was a woman being harassed by a man.

But it doesn't have to be that way. Sure, it could be the woman who is harassing the man. Or it could be two woman, or it could be two men. That doesn't change anything. Unless these are extreme circumstances, then you don't do **** if you don't know ****.

If you don't know what's going on between them, don't know their relationship with each other, and can't even really make out what the "harassment" is about, then don't get involved. If people need help, they can get help. And if the harassee was afraid of being raped/beaten/killed upon leaving the train, then they could have asked for help while they were in public and there were witnesses around. People are mostly capable of dealing with their own problems, and trying to butt into other people's problems without knowing anything about them is just as likely to end up badly.

People get "harassed" all the time. That's part of living in a society, and the "harassment" usually amounts to a big old pile of nothing. Seeing someone getting "harassed" isn't a reason to intervene, not by itself. One ought to know a lot more about the situation before butting in, because butting in ignorantly and prematurely can just as well make matters a lot freaking worse.

ok few more details since some people wanna know

was like 9pm at night, 10 other people in the carriage, there's no guard, plus it's a fine to call the driver about something stupid and this guy hadn't done anything illegal.

also I'm kind of hesitant to judge a guys intended motives on his appearance because I AM a creepy looking guy, aka long hair/beard, wear metal shirts, so I know what it's like to be judged on appearance.

pretty sure most females think I'm a rapist as well by my appearance so...

ok few more details since some people wanna know

was like 9pm at night, 10 other people in the carriage, there's no guard, plus it's a fine to call the driver about something stupid and this guy hadn't done anything illegal.

also I'm kind of hesitant to judge a guys intended motives on his appearance because I AM a creepy looking guy, aka long hair/beard, wear metal shirts, so I know what it's like to be judged on appearance.

pretty sure most females think I'm a rapist as well by my appearance so...

Deano

Any details about the actual harassment? Like if the guy was getting physical, any bits of conversation you may have made out?

Any details about the actual harassment? Like if the guy was getting physical, any bits of conversation you may have made out?

MrGeezer

he wasn't touching her but was sitting next to her, like asking where she lived and stuff and making small talk but kinda in an aggressive kinda way. You know the type of guy that doesn't take the hint that he isn't wanted.

she was saying she wasn't interested and stuff and her body language made it seemed like she was uncomfortable.

he wasn't touching her but was sitting next to her, like asking where she lived and stuff and making small talk but kinda in an aggressive kinda way. You know the type of guy that doesn't take the hint that he isn't wanted.

she was saying she wasn't interested and stuff and her body language made it seemed like she was uncomfortable.

Deano

Ah, so basically he was just a creeper.

Yeah...in that case, I definitely wouldn't have intervened. If all the guy was doing was making conversation while being really creepy about it, then I'd let that thing go. That's not a big deal at all.

Again, sure the woman probably felt uncomfortable but, that's life. Many people are just plain creepy, yet you don't call the cops every time they talk to you. I actually meet creepers all the time. Worse, they're coming up to me and talking creep-talk as if I'm a creeper too, so they can confide in me. And they walk up to me spilling their guts as if I'm a Fellow Creeper, and then I'm like, "look, no offense dude...but I've really gotta go do, umm...something. Bye."

Anyway, if all the guy was doing was being a creepy guy who can't take a hint, then he hasn't done anything worth intervening about. The woman could have damn well told him to go get bent, once she realized that the guy wasn't taking a hint. If the guy wasn't even abusing her physically or verbally, then there's nothing to intervene about.

You should of started flirting with her too like the other guy.

If you were feeling especially chivalrous you could have, otherwise you have no obligation to do so considering the circumstances.

[QUOTE="XilePrincess"]Regardless of whether he was her boyfriend or not, you should have intervened IMO. a publicly abusive boyfriend likely only gets worse when not on a crowded public train. If it was just some random creep, he could have tailed her home and beat her up or raped her, maybe even killed her. Always intervene. Even a simple "hey buddy, leave her alone" works. If he starts off on you, the conductor/operator will stop the train and call the police on the guy, not you.MrGeezer

Bull.

If he was just some random dude, then the woman would probably put up more of a fuss about the guy. If SHE is afraid of a random dude following her home and raping her, then SHE can call the cops or ask for help while she's in a crowded place. If she's that afraid of a random dude, then she should have enough sense to NOT get off the train. To stay in a crowded public place until she can get some help.

And if it's her boyfriend who's harassing her in public, then intervening is about the WORST thing you can do. If a woman's boyfriend treats his woman that badly IN PUBLIC, and abuses her at home, then confronting the guy is guaranteed to get her face smashed in. Best case scenario, the only thing that intervening will do is to make the abusive man stop being such a jerk while he's on the train. But he's gonna be pissed off that you intervened. That's gonna stew up inside of him for the rest of the night. Then when him and his woman get home, he's gonna take that anger out on her. By trying to save some random woman on a train (who was never asking to be saved in the first place), it's very possible that the ONLY thing you're accomplishing is guaranteeing that the woman gets her ass SEVERELY beaten the second that you're not there to protect her.

Yes, a publicly abusive boyfriend can easily get worse when not in public. That is specifically WHY it's not a good idea to give those guys **** when they ARE in public. I'm not saying to NEVER intervene...it depends on how well you're aware of the peoples' situations, and how severely the person is harassing the woman. If he's throwing punches, then you OBVIOUSLY do something about that. But if the public harassment is fairly mild, then it's best to stay out of it unless you're just trying to make yourself good by swooping in and being the hero. If the public harassment is pretty mild, then it's best to stay out of it. Getting involved can make things a LOT worse. Not only for yourself, but also for the woman that you're trying to help.

intervene like this.

"hey you're Mike's girlfriend aren't you?"

then continue the conversation making mike out to be one tough guy. I usually go w/ youth boxing coach (gentle giant type).

I swear though 1/2 the time I do this the chick is completely oblivious I'm helping her.