Tell us your best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

(Not an original, I found it on a website and I fell in love)

Tell us your jokes.

I don't get this obsession with Chuck Norris, when did it all start and why? o_O MushroomWig

I don't get this obsession with Chuck Norris, when did it all start and why? o_O MushroomWig

I dont get of all people why Chuck Norris? Could they not have picked a more unremarkable man to hype up as a joke. Fedor, Mike Tyson, hell Bruce Lee kicked his ass in a movie so why Chuck Norris?

I dont get of all people why Chuck Norris? Could they not have picked a more unremarkable man to hype up as a joke. Fedor, Mike Tyson, hell Bruce Lee kicked his ass in a movie so why Chuck Norris?

Jolt_counter119

Because he's 71 years old.

chuck norris once walked down the street with an erection, there were no survivors

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he pushes the world down.

My favourite is: Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he pushes the world down.

Tokeism

Thats my favorite too :p

chuck norris jokes are not funny pallightleggy

Chuck Norris can win Connect Four in three moves.

Chuck Norris can make a snowman out of rain.

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he pushes the world down.

Tokeism

Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare that he only eats unicorn.

I dont get of all people why Chuck Norris? Could they not have picked a more unremarkable man to hype up as a joke. Fedor, Mike Tyson, hell Bruce Lee kicked his ass in a movie so why Chuck Norris?

Jolt_counter119

Ever see walker texas ranger? Show was hilarious, and chuck would always roundhouse kick the last guy.

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen San Diego is located. On another note, Charlie Sheen slept with her.

What did Chuck Norris Just Roundhouse?

this thread... :|

I thought Chuck Norris was a good actor in Walker Texas Ranger, and that show is good anyways.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

Also, Hitmontop, from Pokemon? Based off Chuck Norris maybe? The pokemon does do spin kicks, eh?

once chuck norris went to virgin islands,when he left,virgin islands was no more,it was just islands..:P

One time, Chuck Norris went into McD's and they wouldn't give him breakfast since it was 10:35, so he roundhouse kicked it so hard it became a KFC....

....which makes me a happy person.

[QUOTE="Tokeism"]

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he pushes the world down.

Nude_Dude

Shame how with Chuck Norris jokes, the laws of physics go out the window which is the whole point.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendants today are now known as giraffes.

In the third grade Chuck Norris turned a test with only his name on it and got a college scholarship.

Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he hasn't cried yet.

Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare that he only eats unicorn.

Decessus

I never thought I'd be able to use this image again! :D

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen San Diego is located. On another note, Charlie Sheen slept with her.

worthyofnote

A guy once told Chuck Norristhe word gullible is written on the ceiling. Chuck replied "I know", without flinching. The guy looked up and there it was.

[QUOTE="worthyofnote"]

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen San Diego is located. On another note, Charlie Sheen slept with her.

JustPlainLucas

if you can see chuck norris, chuck norris can see you. if you can't see chuck norris, you may be seconds away from death

there is no endangered species list, just a list of creatures chuck norris allows to live

chuck norris can divide by zero

chuck norris counted to infinity - twice

and my favorite:

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

1. Chuck Norris was hit by a train recently, he was the only survivor.

2. The dinosaurs borrowed money from Chuck Norris once. They didn't pay him back...

If you see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris sees you... if you dont see Chuck Norris, you might be a few seconds away from death

Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush

if you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris still has more money than you

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

the only one I came up with was

"he plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver and wins"

but I had to keep "one upping it"

"he plays Russian roulette with an assault rifle and wins"

which later became

"he plays Russian roulette with a rocket launcher and wins"

which then became

"he plays Russian roulette with a nuclear warhead and wins"

is there any way to improve it?

Chuck norris once visited the Virgin Islands, when he left they were just called the Islands.

Chuck Norris had an orgasm once, it was so good, he need not experience it again. That was 13.7 billion years ago

Chuck Norris Doesn't cut his grass, he dares it to grow.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*** down.

Chuck Norris can clog a toilet while doing number 1.

They named a road Chuck Norris Street, but they had to rename it.

No one crosses Chuck Norris and lives

Chuck Norris can win Connect Four in three moves.

Hammstray

This is the only one that I ever found funny.