The dark secrets of Patrick Star.

Shut up. I already know what you're thinking: "This is the guy who thinks Santa is evil. What's next, Patrick Star is evil?" You see him as a saint, a superhero, right? Don't say anything, I've already read your mind:

Cast those thoughts aside, for you know nothing! The truth of the matter is this: Patrick Star is a retired Nazi scientist! Think about it, and it will all come together. Have you ever wondered why Patrick always wears tropical shorts? It's not mere coincidence; he wears them every day so that he may honor the events of Pearl Harbor. The planes he developed for the Japanese were his pride and joy, and he wants everybody to know that! And have you ever seen him hold a job? Sure, once or twice, to keep up appearences, but never for any extended period of time. Yet he still owns quite a bit of land. How is this? Well, he has been living off Nazi gold payments for years!

Now I know what you skeptics are going to say. You're going to bring in "proof". You'll say there's an episode where Patrick married SpongeBob, and the Nazis sent gay people to concentration camps, too. How can these be reconciled, you say. What you don't realize is that Patrick was actually gathering data on Bikini Bottom's gay population so that he may send them to the aforementioned concentration camps. I know this because I obtained it from an interview with SpongeBob Squarepants. For security reasons, I can't use his name or any contents of the interview, but he did allow me to share this picture of him immediately after his escape from a concentration camp. BEHOLD!!!

They were given the most minimal amounts of clothing! But I still sense there a few doubtful fools among you who say I am seeing patterns that aren't there. Well, Mr. Know it All, explain this!:

Proof! Yes, proof! You may be wondering why his left hand is raised, not his right. Only the highest ranking Nazis were allowed to salute with their other hand. Seeing this, I decided to take a group with me to hunt down and kill "Patrick Star". It took many months, but I found we found him in a cave. We had a camera with us, so we took pictures.

The bird suffered from rigor mortis as soon as it saw the madman. I tried to leap on him, but he dodged the moment I jumped! After a short battle, he used his Nazi technology to teleport out! I took a picture:

I don't know where he is, but if you see him, please beat him severely. You'll know you've spotted him if you see tropical shorts, a Nazi tatoo on his body, and if he smells of dead bird.

Wait...are those pics shopped?? I knew it!!! wii4panta

Only the first. All others were taken while Patrick was using his reality distorting technology.

[QUOTE="wii4panta"]Wait...are those pics shopped?? I knew it!!! Video_Game_King

Only the first. All others were taken while Patrick was using his reality distorting technology.

[QUOTE="Video_Game_King"]

[QUOTE="wii4panta"]Wait...are those pics shopped?? I knew it!!! wii4panta

Only the first. All others were taken while Patrick was using his reality distorting technology.

It is 100% real.

contrary to popular belief,

pink is and always will be the color of evil :| im just glad this bold TC help others realize this sooner.

But he gave me a lolipop he can't be evil! :cry:BladeOfHeaven

I hate to be the one to tell you but that wasn't a lolipop.

[QUOTE="BladeOfHeaven"]But he gave me a lolipop he can't be evil! :cry:bebopoutlaw3gun

I hate to be the one to tell you but that wasn't a lolipop.

[QUOTE="bebopoutlaw3gun"]

[QUOTE="BladeOfHeaven"]But he gave me a lolipop he can't be evil! :cry:BladeOfHeaven

I hate to be the one to tell you but that wasn't a lolipop.

So the Nazi hatred came naturally, then?

I might had his campaign for president of 08 was overshadowed by the media.

I might add his campaign for president of 08 was overshadowed by the media.

Overrated_Hero

Good thing he was not elected. Had he won, he'd sentence all minorities to death and then burn the Constitution. Oh, and he'd do it with science.

[QUOTE="Overrated_Hero"]

I might add his campaign for president of 08 was overshadowed by the media.

Video_Game_King

Good thing he was not elected. Had he won, he'd sentence all minorities to death and then burn the Constitution. Oh, and he'd do it with science.

I still say the worst of it's yet to come. There are a lot of underground sources saying we'll be seeing a lot more of Patrick Star in the next couple years.

Don't forget he has both blood lines from Kirby and the Cone heads.

[spoiler] + = [/spoiler]

[QUOTE="Video_Game_King"][QUOTE="Overrated_Hero"]

I might add his campaign for president of 08 was overshadowed by the media.

bebopoutlaw3gun

Good thing he was not elected. Had he won, he'd sentence all minorities to death and then burn the Constitution. Oh, and he'd do it with science.

I still say the worst of it's yet to come. There are a lot of underground sources saying we'll be seeing a lot more of Patrick Star in the next couple years.

I know, I learned that when I searched for the bastard myself.

Don't forget he has both blood lines from Kirby and the Cone heads.

+ =

Overrated_Hero

Pfft, what are ya, crazy :P?

No, but imagine maybe he inherited kirby's powers to eat everything in it's path, the results would be devastating. :oOverrated_Hero

His head wouldn't work that way. It'd kind of be like stuffing a watermelon into a sock.

You mean like this. :o

You mean like this. :o

Overrated_Hero

You have big feet, don't you?

Nah just big socks.

Anyway on the next episode of we will be taking a close look at the life of Squidward after the massive plastic surgery.

Sex, Drugs, and Clarinets.

Nah just big socks.

Anyway on the next episode of we will be taking a close look at the life of Squidward after the massive plastic surgery.

Sex, Drugs, and Clarinets.

Overrated_Hero

Weird. I always thought he was somebody on the edge of suicide. Do you know how annoying it must be to live in between a very ugly failure and a very fat Nazi?

He almost did but instead had a nervous breakdown killed sponge bob and changed his name to Squilliam Fancyson and now lives in Ottawa, Ontario.

He almost did but instead had a nervous breakdown killed sponge bob and changed his name to Squilliam Fancyson and now lives in Ottawa, Ontario.

Overrated_Hero

And yet he still can't afford pants. And does anybody notice that the brown fish behind him is dressed almost exactly like SpongeBob?

Sponge Bob lead a cult before his death which surprisenly tripled in members prior to his death,Overrated_Hero

Weird. That didn't come up in the interview. Wait, I've said too much.

Strange. None of this is in Wikipedia. :P If it were, I could half believe this well put documentation of the enigma that is Patrick Star. Entertaining. :lol:Cyrax-Sektor

We all know that Wikipedia is controlled by Nazis who have computers :P.

Unbelievable! I guess spongebob has a secret identity too.Thiago26792

No, he's just SponeBob. Seriously, where do you get these ideas :|?

[QUOTE="Thiago26792"]Unbelievable! I guess spongebob has a secret identity too.Video_Game_King

No, he's just SponeBob. Seriously, where do you get these ideas :|?

Patrick was the last person I'd ever expect to be an evil nazi scientist. :(

I guess that "idiocy" was just one of his acts to hide his true self.

But, Patrick... I love you... :cry:...CreepingDeath_

You two are lovers? It's a farce, he'll send you to a camp.

[QUOTE="CreepingDeath_"]But, Patrick... I love you... :cry:...Video_Game_King

You two are lovers? It's a farce, he'll send you to a camp.

Patrick was the last person I'd ever expect to be an evil nazi scientist. :(

I guess that "idiocy" was just one of his acts to hide his true self.

DJ-Lafleur

You ever see Jimmy Neutron? Remember the episode where he made the dumbing down helmet? Patrick invented it so he could conceal his identity. Oh, and the knowledge on how to operate the device is never erased, so don't ask me about it.

[QUOTE="Video_Game_King"]

[QUOTE="CreepingDeath_"]But, Patrick... I love you... :cry:...CreepingDeath_

You two are lovers? It's a farce, he'll send you to a camp.

And he'll use it to drop you off in a concentration camp. Underwater.

And he'll use it to drop you off in a concentration camp. Underwater.Video_Game_King

[QUOTE="Video_Game_King"]And he'll use it to drop you off in a concentration camp. Underwater.CreepingDeath_

What do you think I was trying to do?

What do you think I was trying to do?Video_Game_King

[QUOTE="DJ-Lafleur"]

Patrick was the last person I'd ever expect to be an evil nazi scientist. :(

I guess that "idiocy" was just one of his acts to hide his true self.

Video_Game_King

You ever see Jimmy Neutron? Remember the episode where he made the dumbing down helmet? Patrick invented it so he could conceal his identity. Oh, and the knowledge on how to operate the device is never erased, so don't ask me about it.

Waaaaaaaiiiiit....

if Patrick was the one that made that helmet, what was Jimmy doing with it?

Is jimmy an evil nazi scientist, too!? :shock:

whhaaa?!?? :cry:

*head asplodes from shock*

[QUOTE="Video_Game_King"][QUOTE="DJ-Lafleur"]

Patrick was the last person I'd ever expect to be an evil nazi scientist. :(

I guess that "idiocy" was just one of his acts to hide his true self.

DJ-Lafleur

You ever see Jimmy Neutron? Remember the episode where he made the dumbing down helmet? Patrick invented it so he could conceal his identity. Oh, and the knowledge on how to operate the device is never erased, so don't ask me about it.

Waaaaaaaiiiiit....

if Patrick was the one that made that helmet, what was Jimmy doing with it?

Is jimmy an evil nazi scientist, too!? :shock:

No, Patrick just needed to test the helmet, and he loves torturing small children. Would've gone for Carl, but he's too fat and ugly for his taste.