The Life Of A Game Reviewer

I often wonder what it would be like to be a professional game reviewer for a day. I'd imagine it to be something like this:

After a long and lustful night of love making with the latest Ms. USA, the reviewer wakes up, turnsover, and glances at his trophy case, which contains some of the highest honors one man could achieve. Before getting out of bed, he curiously fumbles between different solutions of world hunger before deciding that he too is hungry. He summons the Chef to cook up his finest meal while he prepares for the day. After a hearty breakfast of Raisin Bran (underpaid Chef), he then gets in his exotic sports car and drives to work. However, his ride is interrupted when a Police car pulls him over and offers the handsome gentleman an escort to work. The reviewer politely declines the Police Officer's humble offer, and decides to run the rest of the way (5 miles) to work, so he can retain his muscular physic.

One land speed record later, he arrives at work and meets his boss on the way in, who tells him that he deserves a raise. The reviewer takes off his expensive sunglasses and gives a look that is eerily similar to that of a lion, before it pounces on its prey. The boss understands. For he has seen this look before and knows exactly what he should do. The boss is startled by his own submission as he bends down and starts kissing the reviewer's shoes. One after another, the shoes are become spotless. The reviewer demands that the sum of his raise be donated to charity and swiftly walks away.

At last, he arrives in his office only to be interrupted again, but this time it's an urgent call from the President. The reviewer is baffled; just last night he suggested a foolproof exit strategy for the troops in Iraq and mentioned something about economic prosperity, but the reviewer couldn't remember. He told the President that he'll call him back some other day, for I have games to play and a review to write!

He writes his review and submits it to the editors, knowing that everyone on the Internet will be bustling with joy and agrees to his every word, religiously. The editors all agree that it is the finest piece of journalism ever to grace their eyes, and the eyes of many. One of the editors so innocently asks, "How do you do it, Don (insert name here)? The reviewer laughs and replies, as any magnificent hero would, "just another day on the job. Now, UP! UP! AND AWAY!"

The reviewer flies home to his castle and lives happily ever after.