Was I being weird w/ this text (srs question)

1 month ago, Asked a guy I knew if he wanted to grab a beer that week and he said that he was out of town. I saw the same guy at the grocery store the next day.

That said, he seemed like a nice guy. We had a decent conversation. Would see him some other times at the grocery store and we would talk.

I also knew 2 other workers are the grocery store. Both females. They are friendly, and I would talk to them sometimes. That guy is friends with these two females. I think that 1 of them may be his girlfriend, I am not sure.

Anyways I randomly texted him "tell Katy and Jenna that I said hi btw!" (referring to the two other friendly co workers) roughly one month after he rejected my invitation to grab a beer.

I noticed that he never responded to my text. Was it a creepy text, like he thought that I was trying to get with the co workers/his friends? Am I over thinking this whole thing? Thoughts?

btw. for reference we are both in our 20s. He is still in college, but I graduated and work.

And sorry, I know this sounds like a weird question (esp. as a first post), but I am kind of concerned of how me may have interpreted the text because he did ignore it.

The best thing about being a guy (I'm assuming you're a man due to context) interacting with guys is that we usually don't have to dwell on stuff like this. It seems fine to me, and unless you make it weird it will probably resolve itself.

I'd drop it entirely and resume interacting with him as if nothing happened. Because, really, nothing happened.

@mattbbpl: Thanks bro. You made me feel a lot better.

I'm a little autistic (aspergers) so i'm not sure what's a normal interaction and what's not.

If that happened to me I would have detected your ulterior motives (whether you intended it or not) and I would be under the impression you're just trying to use me to get with women. I would have tossed you out as well especially when I only just met you.

You live and you learn.

I would just move on. If there is someone out there that is interested then they would put in some initiative and effort to get back to you.

If you randomly messaged that out of nowhere and he still didn't respond then keeping at it would probably result in the same, and maybe alienate him if he thought you were desperate for something he does not reciprocate.

If you have reached out once or twice already then at that point you would wait for them to get back to you (but don't wait too long because then you may miss other opportunities with other people).

It's unfortunate that someone would just close off communication, but some people find letting someone down uncomfortable.

@bcroger3: it's probably just the dude. Maybe he is just weird.

Just don't mind it and hang out with people that actually answer your messages.

Speak to those female co-workers you knew, maybe? Especially if you suspect one of them might be his girlfriend. Find out at least if you're not barking up completely the wrong tree.

Bad advice.

If suspicions are true and the guy was turned-off by ulterior motives, I guarantee the women already know if he's close to them.

Fact: if these women are genuinely interested, they would have already flocked OP's way upon such news, but they didn't now, did they?

Should be in the best interest for the OP to move on, unless being labeled a creep is his thing.

Next time, OP: be more confident and assertive with women if you are interested in them. Don't expect another man do the work for you; and dear God, if you insist on having a wingman (not the best idea) make sure he's damn close to you like a brother. From the way you described him, he sounded nothing more than a mere acquaintance based off a few casual conversations.

So many men are terrible at reading the room and understanding boundaries. Men who fail to understand these things and push forward are the ones most commonly labeled as creeps. You are very much in a "read the room" situation. Time to learn, move on and better luck next time.

Doesn't sound like any of the three are interested in being friends with you. Move on.

@jaydan:

"Next time, OP: be more confident and assertive with women if you are interested in them"

I agree. That said , is saying "tell so and so I said hi" considered thatcreepy? I understand that they are of the opposite sex, but still. Seems harmless.

I think that you are over thinking things or may be paranoid " "tell Katy and Jenna that I said hi btw!" doesn't seem like its sexual in nature at all.

But yeah, I learned by lesson though. Better just not to say these things. I would say it was a mistake by the fact that he never replied. Seems like you are trying to make me feel worse/more embarrassed about it than need be though.

You are half right on that sentiment. Yes, saying hi is mostly harmless, but refer to my last paragraph about "reading the room."

Saying hi is harmless, but persisting after the hints they're not interested is where most men take it too far that ends up subjecting them to the "creepy" label.

And let's talk about ghosting: it's a sign of immaturity. If the OP has self-respect he will spare himself from potential humiliation.

All is not lost, OP. You are still young and learning. Just work on yourself dude. Gain self-respect and read the room better. If you build your confidence and work towards being your best self, that is one of the most attractive things to women; and if you succeed in building your character and standards, the right woman will come around eventually and will want everything to do with you.

I have a shit ton of quality female friends in my life. I'm around women enough to know their "girl talk" and what triggers them to talk about and make fun of a guy for very reasons like this. Trust me, I'm not overthinking things and it comes with experience and I'm just trying to help you out here.

@bcroger3: You mentioned aspergers. Have you seen the show Love on the Spectrum? Maybe it would help to see other people go through learning about social cues, expectations, etc. Seeing others succeed can be encouraging, also.

I'd say just overreacting. If he's like me it's nothing personal but didn't really want to go, and didn't want to make it feel as though it was you. I wouldn't sweat it.

@jaydan:

Interesting. Thanks.

But its not too bad, right? Like I can still go the store without awkwardness or anything? And when I talk to him, I won't bring it up, right?

Thanks. might check it out. lol

@bcroger3: Nah dude, you are good. There's worse things in this world than an awkward exchange. It's just a part of learning and getting better.

You should be fine going to the store. Don't go to the store with the intention of interacting with them. Go there because it's just where you go grocery shopping.

I don't want to get your hopes up: but if you just give them space and carry on with your life, there is a small chance these people can approach you later on and say "hey what's up? You have not said hi in a while." Or maybe that will never happen, and that's okay. If you cross paths with them you don't need to ignore or act like they don't exist, but respect boundaries if they're not giving you that opening.

Please don't lean on that hope, because that can lead to messing with your self-esteem and self-worth. just continue on with life and take care of yourself.

The best thing a man can do is focus on himself. Take care of your hygiene, take care of your health and body. Pursue a career, etc. Also reflect on good versus bad habits. If you got bad habits (like smoking, or brushing your teeth once a week, or wearing ragged shoes, or biting your finger nails to the point of them looking like a horror movie, etc.), look at the bright side: you can fix these things. Taking care of yourself will naturally boost your confidence and women are attracted to men that take care of themselves.

A lot of hopeless men out there spend more time obsessing over women than taking care of themselves, and they never get a clue why women don't want them. Just don't be that guy and give yourself a chance at building your best self.

Lessons learned: pay attention to social cues, read the room, and take care of yourself.

You're fine. This was maybe a little awkward and if you made one mistake, it was maybe being a little too proactive and texting "Hey tell the ladies I say hi" but that is really easy to shrug off imo.

Just be friendly with them, but don't be friends with them. Look elsewhere for frienships. Worst case scenario they're just good coworkers; but more likely than not once they get to know you they'll friendly and who knows maybe friends later.

But if you want a short answer, move on.

Also most women don't like being referred to as "females". Call them women, ladies, girls...whatever.

You assume every interaction with the opposite sex is motivated only by sex.

I think if he does want to get ahead of it, he should talk to them, and show what a normal guy he is. I highly doubt the other guy is actually playing the game you think he is playing and seen his "ulterior" motive and then moved to counter it.

Is that honestly how you view this? Worse, is that what you would do? See this guy as a threat and then actively move against him? Are you one of these dudes that thinks a man can't be a friend with a woman without sexual tension?

This is a slightly awkward and innocent social interaction, that's it. Sorry man but honestly I found your response kind of weird. I don't maybe that's how most guys think? I'm a dude and I don't think like that but hey maybe I'm the outlier haha.

@mrbojangles25: I have not mentioned sex even once in this thread, so I'm not sure why you've decided to sexualize the advice I'm giving him.

I'm talking about social cues and reading the room; furthermore, all this dating advice, the OP has not dismissed even once, so that tells me he is intrigued and there is partial interest in dating and he's asking me more questions regarding this topic.

You should read the room thread a bit better before jumping the ship like that. Don't be that stick in the mud when I'm giving him genuine advice with the intention to help boost his confidence and be his best self.

I don't think it was a dating thing per se. He lied about being out of town, because he was at the grocery store the next day. He blew you off and didn't want to hang with you. He also didn't even suggest future plans. Like for me, when I'm busy I say, "sorry, I can't hang out for the week because I'm studying for a test that I have on Thursday. Though I'd totally be down to hang on the weekend". If he didn't do that, then he likely just doesn't care to actually make plans to hang with you. He just likes to keep things cordial. I think when you texted him about the girls, he thought that you were stalking him, or shading him. I know that if I lied and blew someone off, and they referenced the friends I was hanging with in a text, I'd be creeped out and ghost them.

Though I will say that now, it's obvious that you're interested in dating them, because that's what your immediate thought was when he ghosted him. My mind went to him thinking that you were passive aggressively calling him out for being out of town, when he was at the grocery stores the very next day with those girls. Your mind went somewhere completely out of nowhere. With that said, please don't even ask or try to approach them. If they're service workers, they're likely nice to you because it's their job to be nice. They're being paid to be nice to everyone. Unless y'all hang out, outside of the when they have to service you, I wouldn't approach them.

I don't think dating was mentioned once by OP outside of the context of the coworkers dating eachother maybe. It honestly just sounds like he was trying to be friendly or make friends, was perhaps disappointed in his coworkers white lie, and made an awkward but innocent faux pas in an effort to reengage a month later. I could be mistaken.

And fair enough, I should have used the term "dating" or "romance" or something instead of sex, but same difference in either case: I don't think the OP was trying to make this into a dating situation at all.

Didn't mean to offend, I just hate the mentality that men and women can't be friends that a lot of the so-called "alpha" types have these days. It's creepy and controlling and frankly anyone that thinks that is a giant walking red flag. It's the kind of dude that doesn't want his girlfriend hanging out with other guys, shit like that.

If that's not you, then I apologize, but your assumption that this guy was trying to be romantic based on his interactions seemed like you might be.

@mrbojangles25: He did not originally mention dating, but he did not reject it when I brought it to the table and seemed further intrigued and asked further questions.

I use dating, because c'mon, you seriously think that's not on a 20 year old man's mind? Perhaps I read the undertones of this thread best, and OP has been receptive to what I'm sharing.

This is what being a keyboard warrior does to people like you: you develop a twisted view of the world not aligned with reality, and any topic relating to dating default triggers you thinking it is some Andrew Tate BS.

If you think respecting boundaries, paying attention to social cues, and improving yourself to enrich your life - is "creepy" - all while sexualizaing my advice - you may be the fucked up individual here and you really need to get outside and get a breath of fresh air.

@jaydan:

Thanks for the advice. If I see him again, i'll just engage in friendly conversation and not bring anything like that again.

You are correct. i'll just forget about him and act friendly to him when I see him again at the store.

He seems like an extremely nice person in real life. Always friendly and whatnot. I guess looks can be deceiving?

@mrbojangles25:

True. I was just trying to be friendly and make friends.

Then I wouldn't worry about what you did at all.

Just be mindful in the future that there are people out there that will read into things too much (why is this guy texting me? What is his deal?), assume the worst (he's not friendly, he's trying to get with my women!), and then react as they see fit (cold shoulder, etc).

But, you know...screw 'em if they're going to be like that. We all make mistakes, commit gaffes and faux pas, and so on.

*As a side note, I struggle with some moderate social anxiety a lot of the time and I just have to sort of logic my way through it to convince myself it wasn't a big deal, and then tell myself that given enough time people will forget if any offense or perceived weirdness was detected lol. I don't know if that is helpful to you at all but it helps me.

Very few things are as big a deal as we think they are.

True, after he gave me the cold shoulder after working out in the gym, best to leave it alone.

Oh well, there are other ppl to talk to.

Don't overthink it.