What did she want ? kinda relationship advice

i met this girl at work but heard that she has a boyfriend i asked her and she said yes but he has been working in another town for 6 months and has to keep working there for 1 more year and she said that they dont get along very well. She was hanging out with another coworker that leaves near her and i asked if there is something between them and she said no they are just friend she just hangs out with him because she is lonely and doesnt have any female friends

We kept talking for a couple of days and one night she asked me to hang out in her car at 10 PM we talked about more personal stuff for about 4 hours and after that night she started texting me alot sending me pictures of her ( normal not naked or half naked ). And after about 1 week i went to her house and we watched a movie we cuddled for hours and i started massaging her back from under her shirt while i was kissing her neck and when i went with my hands under her panties she took my hand away and said no i tried again after a couple of minutes but she took my hand away again i tried kissing her on the lips and she didnt kiss me back anyway i left her place and 10 minutes later she texted me "how far were you willing to go "and i said "i dont know i guess u didnt wanna go all the way ? "and she said "no the massage was enough

it was weird because when i was at her place she kept talking through text with the other coworker and i asked her again if there is anything between them and she said no dont worry about it

The next day she found out that i asked a friend about her and if i should pursue her considering that she has a boyfriend. She got very upset and said that she doesnt wanna talk to me anymore yet after 2 days she started texting me again sending me pictures again and i told her if she wants to hang out again she said no because we would end up having sex and then i told her that we should keep out distance.

We havent talked for about 1 month but now we started again she told me all of a sudden that she wants to go to the gym i guess she knew that i would like to go with her . I asked her if she wants to go toghether and she said yes but she doesnt want anyone at work to find out and i said yeah no problem

thing is that there are rumours that she broke up with her boyfriend and is now with the other coworker i asked her about it and she said that is not true she is still with her boyfriend and she even visited him not long about 2 weeks ago

i dont know what to think anymore what do u guys think? why would she lie about still being with her boyfriend

If I were you I’d not bother.

Dude...I'd love to help here, if I can.

Just be honest...talk to her about what you've mentioned in this thread. I mean it...honesty is THE BEST in combination with OPEN COMMUNICATION. We all need to dip our pen in the ink...it's biology. She knows. Let her know you have gotten confusing signals, and let her know that not only A) are you interested in her, and B) you'd like some clarity, and are willing to be just friends if that's what she wants out of you. If the latter is the case, be a good friend to her, don't push her for sex, but realize that it may be hard to go Netflix/Chill Platonic with her.

I'm not even joking...have a conversation. It'll let her know you are interested (like she didn't already) but also let her know you respect her. Which is what all people, not just ladies, need.

Wait a sec... Actually this is not confusing at all. There are a few possibilties...

1) why do you think she is lying? she may actually still be with her boyfriend? have your ruled that out for sure? some women are like that, they have sig others, but they want something or someone to "cuddle" in addition, they are unstable like that.

2) secondly, even if she broke up with her boyfriend, and is not seeing the other coworker, maybe she really meant it when she said the "massage was enough", don't take it the wrong way, but maybe she is not attracted to you physically..... like what if your masseuse was busted? well then, the massage is indeed enough.

3) You already stated that she was otherwise lonely and has no friends... so she just wants you as a friend-companion due to your availability (much like she is texting and befriending the other coworker)

4) Or , she can be a classic textbook Passive-Aggressive mofo and she is trying to capitalize on using you as #metoo bait since you are a coworker....(when i say #metoo, i am referring to its now current and evolved form where it has now lost its original meaning) ... if anything she is doing the great injustice and disservice to the true victims who the #metoo was originally created for in the 1st place.

You’re a backup to a backup...or just a backup...depending on how far along she’s gone with the other coworker. The current BF is the primary.

So you have two options other than the bad option you are currently choosing.

A) cut her off entirely and move on

B). (And almost always the better option than A), string her along and continue to play the field. Answer her texts (not right away but eventually), but put yourself out there for other women, even if it’s right in front of her. Maybe you meet someone better once you stop focusing on this one girl like a lost puppy. Maybe after she sees you going for other girls she panics and moves you up in the list. Either way you’re out nothing and have everything to gain.

Dating is like cold call sales. It’s a contact numbers game. Guys that don’t know that and zero in on one unavailable girl are the guys that get hurt and eventually bitter. Go after all of them all at the same time, prepare yourself for rejection, and don’t spend too much time on one girl until she proves she’s worth it.

Oh, and girls that are worth it don’t get under the shirt massages from dudes alone while they have boyfriends. So this one will never be girlfriend material...ever. Know that going in.

If you have to dissect her situation, run.

@Baconstrip78: ^ this

@Baconstrip78: yeah thats what my friend told me that she would just cheat on me too i guess i was just too blind to see it at that time

i was thinking that maybe she was cheating because her boyfriend was away for so long and if i was there for her all the time she wouldnt cheat

She has no idea what she wants. She's in crazy mode. Stay away.

Exactly. **** mind games and those who play them. It's indicative of immaturity and not worth your bother. TC, trust n64dd and me, your time is better spent elsewhere, and you will save yourself pain in the end. Ditch her.

To be honest, you should have left her alone when you found out she has a boyfriend. If she is hooking up with other folks, that's their problem. There are a such thing as side dudes. Don't bank on that maybe she will leave him for me game people come up with in their head. Besides, do you really want a girl who gets antsy for lovin' after a few months of you being out of town and rubs on someone else?

She wants a friend. Don't read much into it and either accept that or stay away.

She has no idea what she wants and she's willing to cheat. Avoid like the plague. It won't end well.

You shouldn't stick your ... in crazy, easy as that. Be a friend or end the contact with her. And certainly stop trying to get laid with her

@ArchoNils2: i wasnt trying to get laid with her she was the one that got on top of me all of a sudden

and what did u mean stick my **** in crazy ? is she crazy?

@LJS9502_basic: what kind of friend does she want? i was going to be just her friend but she said that we shouldnt meet anymore because we would end up having sex yet she meets with this other coworker alot she even invited him at her place alot .

and when i was at her place he was calling her like crazy and i told her to answer because it was starting to get annoying and she went to the bathroom to talk to him rly quiet and after the thing between us happened

@imnotthebest90: It doesn't matter about the other guy. We're talking about you. She isn't into you that way. That's all you need to know.

Having not read your post, I can safely say she wanted you to touch her ear.

@LJS9502_basic: and i repeat why did she get on top of me and let me massage her from under her shirt that is what i dont understand u dont do these kind of stuff with friends

i have alot of female friends and i asked a few of them about this situation and they all said that it wasnt appropriate and that like some said here she is crazy she doesnt know what she want

and she said that if we continue to meet it will lead to sex so my guess she is attracted to me?

@imnotthebest90: More likely she's attracted to sex. Move on.

I agree with this dude.

k so today she started talking to me again and get this i asked her about her boyfriend if he will be able to come home faster and she said no

and after we talked some more she started sending me pictures of her again in a dress i told her she has sexy legs and i would say some more but i might cross the line and she said " tell me " and i told her that she has nice breasts and i would have loved to grab them that night and that her ass felt very good in my hand . All of this after fucking talking about her boyfriend . Doesnt this girl have any respect at all ?

im done i choose option A im cutting her off for good thx for the advice man

If I were her, i'm sorry but you give me a psycho vibe. If someone doesn't believe what i'm saying and continues to assume the opposite that's a bit disturbing.

Not to be sexist, but she is a tease.

Letting you give her a massage

Letting you rub her in her swimsuit area, but just a little bit; a "no, we are friends" woman would have stopped you at the massage, let alone let you even reach down there.

Kissing, but then stopping you after a little bit.

Sending you pictures of herself (also, narcissistic, I must say)

If you truly feel you can't be around her at all, well, it sucks but you gotta cut yourself off from her and find someone else.

Honestly, though, she might want you a little bit since she A.) is in a relationship, and B.) kind of let you pull some stuff. I would pursue other leads (women) in the mean-time and, if you feel you can restrain yourself, just be friends with her in the meantime.

With that said, I felt you maybe came on a little strong. Not sure if you are underselling your relationship with here prior to getting all rubby-dubby on her, but that was a bold move and a little creepy. A lot of women would have straight-up slapped you or worse.

Also, if she is doing all this while in a relationship with another person, why are you genuinely attracted to her? She is not relationship material, clearly. Girl has some growing up to do.

why ? i never did anything that she didnt want me to i never crossed the line without her allowing me to

and btw she always was the one that initiated the conversation not me

i actualy kept my distance for 2 months until she started again

and when i went with my hand down her panties and she said no i backed off and i even stopped the massage

when you say i came on a little strong u mean when i went with my hand down her panties or the entire situation?

@imnotthebest90: I'm a girl now in my forties. I say girl because the mileage is not represented by how I look or behave and so my opinion might be of some interest to you.

Firstly, Mrbojangles here is right, your best to walk away. This is not a girl ready to commit to you and already is disrespecting you so where's the future?

To me, it sounds like she is waiting. Waiting for a particular option she is keeping open elsewhere, maybe even just a hope she has. Either way, its not you who rocks her world and you never will. The night on the couch sounds like a test run to see she could settle for you and if she wasn't interested elsewhere, perhaps she would but you're not who she wants.

Females are always looking for certain things, boxes to be ticked. Their age decided what those boxes are. Unlike most men (with no intention of being disrespectful), we gals are better at thinking it through first rather than giving in to the need for the 'ink to be dipped'. Sure, we want the pen bad but our ink doesn't make our decisions for us - because mostly we don't let it.. I don't feel she's ALL that bad or she would have gone with the pen and ink (lol) regardless of who she was hurting, which is also why I think she's waiting for someone in particular. Us girls have our needs for sure BUT the best of us don't give it easy, no matter how hot it gets. Those that do are ten a penny and any respectable man should stay away, lest he finds himself with a reputation of being prepared to dip his pen in any thing, if you catch my drift...

Anyway, I hope this helps. Do yourself a favor and find a nice girl who appreciates how you respect their boundaries and hold back when asked to, they are good qualities a man, trust me.

@ama72: do you think that the one she is waiting for is the other coworker

when i was at her place she was talking to him through text and i saw a little she asked him "do i have to be at your disposal 24/7? " and he replied "yes"and thats was all i could see and when she started ignoring his texts he started calling her and he called her 2 times the third i told her to answer because he is starting to piss me off and she went to the bathroom to talk to him

my friends told me that in that moment i should have gotten up and left without saying anything to her because she is doing this thing with the other coworker and hanging out with me while having a boyfriend

but i didnt wanna listen i hoped that maybe once she was with me she would have changed and she would be just with me and nobody else

She's very easy to read. She does not want to cheat on his boyfriend but still wants to have 'fun' with men. So she has these rules set up for herself as to what she can and cannot do with other blokes.

And that's all it is.

You are over thinking her. She is not deep, she is very shallow woman, else she would not run with such stupid rules in her relationships. Just ignore the broad and get yourself a GF who has brains.

stay away..this will not end well..she is not going to just decide that you are enough..this is clearly a pattern of behavior and she will continue to behave this way.

Two pieces of advice.

1. If a woman stops you from doing something intimate once, don't try it again. Don't make her repeat herself.

2. Don't enter a relationship with someone who is willing to cheat with you, because if you two do end up in a relationship, odds are very good that she will cheat on you with someone else.

This is clearly the best and most important advice. Dating cheaters is a very bad omen, believe me.

Are men this dumb? There are so many red flags from the very beginning that would cause me to run.

First of all, any girl that doesn't have any girl friends is a red flag. Now I'm biased since I hang out with more women than men. As a woman, I don't like hanging out with men too much since their misogyny eventually comes out. It's why I hang out with gay men or the more feminine straight men. I digress... Point is, if she can't get along with any women, it's two of the reasons: she is either causing so much drama that women don't **** with her, or she's insecure and wants a group of men admiring her.

Second of all, she has a boyfriend. Does that not mean anything to you nowadays? I'm actually kind of questioning YOUR morals if you're getting with someone that has a boyfriend. Even if I did like a guy a lot, if he has a girlfriend or spouse, then he's off limits.

Then look at the other stuff. You can't be this dumb. She's obviously fucking her boyfriend and male coworker. She's hoping to add you into her circle of men that she's dating around. From the looks of things, you aren't even her favorite. LMAO! You're the guy she goes with when the men she wants aren't with her. Peep that thing at the end. She doesn't want anyone at work to find out. She isn't serious about you because she doesn't want to be seen in public with you. This is what MEN do to women they aren't serious about, so I'm confused that you didn't pick that up.

So much this! Even when I was a a bit of a pushover during my first few years of dating, I wouldn't even deal with that situation. A guy has a girlfriend and flirting around with another woman? Doesn't want his friends/family to know about me? I wish I WOULD deal with that.

Dating is a game to get the right one. You never put all your eggs into one basket because they could be dating other people and cut you off for one of their favorites. When I talk to men, I always pick the ones who fit my values the most and who I'm compatible with. I narrow it down and see which one loves me the most.

Basically this.

She obviously has her coworker in mind. Right now she wants to ditch her boyfriend and find another man. She's slowly adding men into her circle to choose from. TC is obviously not her first and I easily picked up on that.

We do have boxes to be ticked. I don't know what her boxes are, but the TC obviously ticks SOME of them if she's flirting around with him. Though he isn't ticking as many of her boxes as the coworker is.

@imnotthebest90: to be honest and in my humble opinion, I don't believe there is a boyfriend at all. Her saying there is one provides a safety net and saves her from explaining why she can't go any further with you and were she to go with you, well that's an infidelity that anyone could succumb to and might show you or whoever, that her chosen infidel is worth leaving her 'boyfriend' for.

If she actually does have a boyfriend who lives away, then her behavior is more simply explained, she is classically seeking male attention and appreciation from an absent lover and can only go so far before she realises what is at stake and tells herself to stop.

The co worker? Your concern over the co worker says more about you actually. The co worker is irrelevant as she drives her own bus, ie can make her own decisions. Maybe she's the Slave to his role as Master? Maybe she's been 'on-hand' for him before and maybe you shouldn't be reading her messages in the first place..? Whatever the co workers role in her life is, they play no role in yours. These are characters she deals with, the only one you deal with is her, unless she lets you in to what's going on and these people are threats to her in some way, you can't interfere. Your need to make a full picture out of a few scattered pieces will drive you insane and will hurt your future relationships, NO doubt. Accept that she does not want what you want unless she tells you otherwise and apply that to every relationship you ever have, ever. Make your move on someone detached from your work zone and ask them out on a date, take her to dinner, a movie etc. All relationships should start with that anyway and they will think more of you.

I hope you find happiness, but I doubt it will be with this girl you are talking about...

Thanks for the advice

Do not bump old threads that are past 30 days of no post and this is a 1 year old post in the matter of speaking.

Locked for necro thread.