What should be done?

Okay, I'm in a bit of a pickle. My brother has been going out with the same woman for over 16 years. They got married about 10 years ago and have two kids, my nephews. Anyway, we found out that my brother has been cheating on his wife for about 3 months with another woman, who has two children and lives in a town about 6 hours drive away.

Obviously my sister-in-law is really distressed, and I do not blame her. My brother is going over and sleeping with this other woman (he is there right now), and then expects to come home and everything else be fine with his wife. He is neglecting his own kids, even spending his birthday with this other woman instead of with his kids, and barely even seeing them during these school holidays.

Now, I genuinely feel sad for my sister-in-law, as I have known her since I was four years old. I am sorry for my nephews, and I can see it effecting them, especially the oldest one who's thirteen. Now I think my brother is an absolute idiot, and I hate his actions, but is it right to hate him? I feel as if this is tearing our family apart, because my dad is useless and just sticks his head in the sand, my mum's like "I told him from the start this marriage wasn't good", and my sister is siding with my sister-in-law, though still sympathetic to my brother.

Now I have been talking and meeting with my sister-in-law, without anyone else in my family knowing. She is the one person in the family who I trust 100%, and I hate to see her like this. So, what is your opinion? Should I side with her even though the rest of my family sides with my brother? Should I hate my brother, or just hate his actions? Should I tell the rest of the family what my sister-in-law told me (i.e. the fact that my brother said to mum "I never slept with the woman" when he clearly did, admitting it just yesterday to his wife)?

Thank you

You've already taken the first step by recognizing that what your brother did was wrong. Right now, I don't think it's necessary to start more drama by telling your family members some secret information about your brother lying about the affair. If you were to let out the information you know all at once, I think your family would feel that you're kicking your brother while he's down; that's much worse than any minor resentment that they may have towards you now (for sympathizing with your sister-in-law). You're not doing any harm by siding with your sister-in-law; I just think you should give them some space so that you don't risk making an ugly situation even uglier.

Well, your sister-in-law seems to be the victim in the situation. You shouldn't hate your brother because of what he did; and his actions aren't surprising 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce. They are reprehensible due to him not wanting to get a divorce and seeming to believe he can have both. Your brother does seem like an idiot, and he's a lying douche. Why not side with her, what wrong has she done; it's not like she's the one whoring herself around like your brother.

If I were you I would not take sides.

Your sister in law's going to need some support, help her out.

Well, your sister-in-law seems to be the victim in the situation. You shouldn't hate your brother because of what he did; and his actions aren't surprising 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce. They are reprehensible due to him not wanting to get a divorce and seeming to believe he can have both. Your brother does seem like an idiot, and he's a lying douche. Why not side with her, what wrong has she done; it's not like she's the one whoring herself around like your brother.

SirWander

True that.

I could understand if my brother just wanted to get a divorce and there was no other woman involved. They have had a marriage that has been rocky from the start (she's tried to commit suicide a couple of times, her family is an absolute mess, my brother has left a couple of times and come back, etc), but the difference between divorcing and cheating seems to be the problem here.

Okay, I'm in a bit of a pickle. My brother has been going out with the same woman for over 16 years. They got married about 10 years ago and have two kids, my nephews. Anyway, we found out that my brother has been cheating on his wife for about 3 months with another woman, who has two children and lives in a town about 6 hours drive away.

Obviously my sister-in-law is really distressed, and I do not blame her. My brother is going over and sleeping with this other woman (he is there right now), and then expects to come home and everything else be fine with his wife. He is neglecting his own kids, even spending his birthday with this other woman instead of with his kids, and barely even seeing them during these school holidays.

Now, I genuinely feel sad for my sister-in-law, as I have known her since I was four years old. I am sorry for my nephews, and I can see it effecting them, especially the oldest one who's thirteen. Now I think my brother is an absolute idiot, and I hate his actions, but is it right to hate him? I feel as if this is tearing our family apart, because my dad is useless and just sticks his head in the sand, my mum's like "I told him from the start this marriage wasn't good", and my sister is siding with my sister-in-law, though still sympathetic to my brother.

Now I have been talking and meeting with my sister-in-law, without anyone else in my family knowing. She is the one person in the family who I trust 100%, and I hate to see her like this. So, what is your opinion? Should I side with her even though the rest of my family sides with my brother? Should I hate my brother, or just hate his actions? Should I tell the rest of the family what my sister-in-law told me (i.e. the fact that my brother said to mum "I never slept with the woman" when he clearly did, admitting it just yesterday to his wife)?

Thank you

daqua_99

Cool story bro