Wife doesnt work

If this is more political then mods should move it. whatever they decide.

I am old enough to be part of a trend in which it was considered more noble to family values to have the wife stay at home. The origins of that of course go back a long time but the reasons for it was more practical then ethical. The reason used to be because it would in fact take a person the most part of the day just preparing meals. Refrigeration, Washing Machines and other domestic luxuries didnt exist. You want beans? well you have to pick them, clean them, boil them.

So does the tradition of the 'Wife stays at home' exist anymore, and if it doe aren't they getting a good deal because of all the modern domestic conveniences that makes their job much easier then it was 200 years ago?

The tradition of "The wife stays home" doesn't exist anymore, other than in - no other way to put it - backwards countries...

I don't really care or think it's my business what kind of arrangement married couples have. It's a total non issue.

It's subject to individual variation, but in general both couples must work. The housewife was a product of a booming economy and cheaper living. Unless you go far from civilization, living is expensive these days. Inflation and increased real estate value are two big factors. I'm curious how this will be dealt with as the population ages, especially with birth rates being much lower than historic values in North America.

@tryit: Also, I can't quite tell your age. You seem to be normal and mature one second, and the next you're hurling insults and flinging poop at people.

You're a very peculiar person, TryIt :P.

this isnt a some high school social club, if you want friends go elsewhere.

I am not interested in your personal evaluation of my personality or attributes, please just stick to the topic. if you want to know my age just ask

51

my wife works because 1) she wants to work and 2) even with kids, financially, it makes more sense for us to have her work and pay for daycare vs. having her stay home and lose the second stream of income.

as far as housework goes, my wife and i share the tasks related to running the house and caring for the children. generally she does more of the meal planning and cooking while i do most of the meal cleanup. i handle anything related to general house / auto maintenance, manage most of the finances. she handles more of the child-related tasks in the morning because she works from home and doesn't need to get out the door etc.. she handles the laundry for herself and kid, i do my own. it works well for us.

your mileage may vary.

@tryit: Is it not? With the amount of times you seem hell bent on arguing with me and showing me attitude, I almost thought it was :P

I did respond to your topic though and I see no reason why we cannot all become friends here :)

again..not here, send me an email if you like..but I am asking you again...not here, dont bring up my attributes here,..not here.

got it?

@tryit: Emails? Does that mean we can be Pen Pals? :D

if you are lonely I can give you some advice on where to look yes.

but for now in this thread please try to keep it on topic.

last time I am saying this

@tryit: Understood! I'll stay on topic.

I don't want advice, TryIt, I want you. I want you to be with me forever :)

I think it depends on the size of the family and ages of the children. Once the kids are in high school, I feel like they can generally take care of themselves; as long as one or both of the parents are there in the morning, evening, and weekends I think it's great if both parents work. College ain't cheap.

If the kids are numerous and/or young, it's a bit of a grey area because you do need supervision and childcare is so, so, so, SO very expensive these days. So it's not so much about nobility or tradition as it is about saving money vs. earning money; most jobs (when you factor in pay, commute, taxes, etc) won't pay enough to cover the cost of childcare for 2+ kids, or not enough to make it worth it at least.

The real obstacle these next few years is going to be social acceptance of "stay at home dads". I think we've moved past, for the most part, any issues we've had with working women, but a stay-at-home dad is still something that alienates a lot of people. We never really thought of women that stay home and take care of the household as lazy or weak, but when a man does it he is viewed as not "wearing the pants" in the relationship, lazy, and so forth. My sister probably makes enough money right now for both her, her three kids, and husband but for whatever reason my brother-in-law took this pain in the ass job out of pride. Now they pay about 2600 dollars/month in childcare.

Personally, I would love to be a stay at home dad. I'm a great cook and I love kids, and I could do some day trading when they're at school, run errands, and so forth. I might get bored after a while, though. I would probably just do yardwork and learn carpentry and shit so I can just fix the house myself.

@mrbojangles25: Fully agree with this. Hopefully we reach that point sooner so that the stigma regarding stay at home dads disappears. I also don't like how it's generally thought that kids are closer to their mothers. In my evolutionary behaviour class, you'd think that males are egoists who just want to mate with as many females as possible. Absolutely not the case.

Guess I'm a unicorn in a backwards country because my wife is a stay at home mom. As some have mentioned, it's truly up to the specifics of each couple circumstances and tolerances as for what's best for the family.

I doubt I'd ever have kids but if I did I certainly wouldn't want them in daycare or public schools. I'd do whatever it takes to keep them away from there. If that means I need to stay home and teach them myself, so be it.

I think what is lost on most these days is the value of a stay at home mom and how much she brings to the family. There is no job more important than raising kids and nobody better to do it than their actual mother. There are a lot of messed up people in the world and a lot of it has to do with their upbringing. They are being raised by strangers who don't always have the best interest of the children in mind. There may not be many fucks given as they treat kids as just a job. Good parenting and a stay at home mom can make a huge difference.

It's pretty common in the developed world for both spouses to work, so I'd say no. However, plenty of countries address the change in culture with legislation to make it easier for both parents to work, things like paid parental leave, expanded child care, pre-K, and after school programs, generous vacation and leave policies, discounts and sometimes even gifted child care supplies, and healthcare coverage that lessens the need to work longer hours. So, in the U.S., despite both parents working, they're still struggling to support their children compared with other countries and spending less time with their kids.

Of course, it´s still a thing that a wife is not working, but it also depends on their socio-economic status and if they have kids.

Around 80.5% of American households have at least 1 person unemployed which a vast majority being the wife. Latinos is around 86% and African-Americans are around 77%

And also it depends on the kid's age, 40% of women stay home when the baby is from 0-3, it then goes up a bit. until 6 and then around 80% when the kid is over 6

and whites...do they have a % at all?

its like you go out of your way to make it obvious.

@tryit: Did you really want an answer to your op or did you just try to troll again?

everything you said in your answer is awesome, thank you for your answer, I appreciate peoples answer on this topic. I appreciate their views on this topic.

I am just pointing out separately from that and just making an observation about race I am sorry to offend you its not personal

this is like dealing with children snowflakes....yes dear great post, thank you, did a good job, your view is valued, here is a star. now lets talk about race for a second

Ok, but yes the % is for whites, I mentioned Latinos and African-Americans separate because it was separated in the census. Also, Asians are separate and are close to 90%

ok that is creepy

Around 80.5% of American households = whites

Latinos is around 77%

African-Americans are around 86%

not sure how to digest that difference choice of approach because of whites but ok let me just back out of the room then, pretty sure I dont want to know why.

anyway..back on topic.

that is awesome observation Jackanuk. I dont know if its accurate or not but I do know of a childless family in which the wife stays home all day basically doing nothing while he works two jobs and it was his request that she not work. so I guess it still is a thing in some circles.

You are not getting this right

80.2% of white households have at least 1 family member employed

77% of black households have at least 1

88.5% of Asians have at least 1 employed

86.6% of Latinos have at least 1 employed

Do you get it now?

yes I get it however...your orginal op you did not include the WORD 'white' so how was I to know that it was white that you meant?

Ya, i forgot that

But I thought it was implied in my mentioning the others. But I will make it more clear next time.

no it was not remotely implied.

in YOUR mind its implied likely because you think of 'american households' to mean white and the other races to not as much, more thought of as 'outside'

it was likely what is called a Freudian slip on your part but regardless..i got it now so moving on

One of my sisters is a stay home wife/mother.

I'd like to see her make some kind of income. It doesn't have to be at some location, it could be at home as well. Anything to give her children a better future outside of the rut she lives in.

@tryit you are a strange, argumentative person.

Anyway, when I was younger my mum didn't work for a period because my Dad had a good enough job that she didn't need to and this then helped raise me and my brother. When they got divorced, obviously that changed and she got a full time job.

My girlfriend is 8 and half months pregnant (actually her last day of work today before Maternity leave) and she plans to go back to work once our child is old enough to be looked after by our own parents and other friends. Unfortunately it's a case of £££ and I think if we had enough between us, one of us would work part time or not at all. That being said, we've discussed that whomever is the highest earner would continue to work and if that means I would be a stay at home Dad, then so be it.

In terms of some comments above about role sharing around the house, we're about 50/50 anyway as I think all modern couples should be, so it would never be a case of 'the woman stays at home to do the household chores' because we both do them.

TL;DR, I think it's a financial constraint mostly rather than a choice as to whether one parent stays at home/becomes unemployed in a household.

@XVision84: I would argue as a man of 40 that your evolutionary biology course is correct. I’d be curious to see if your opinion changes when you hit your mid-30s.

I also think it’s sadly a bit crazy for a man to be a stay at home dad. Not only have studies shown your wife will respect you less, but if she leaves you she’s likely getting primary custody of the kids. Tell me how easy it is to reenter the job market as a man to make child support payments after not having worked in a decade.

outside of your comment about me which adds nothing to the conversation...thank you for your post, its is appreciated.

@Gaming-Planet: Make sure she doesn't get into a MLM.

Yes it exists, and stay at home dads too. Its what works best for you and your in home family. At time the money maker might need a in home person to make all run properly. Lots of options can cause this to work for you. It could be a disability, or a income issue, or for any necessary reason that one person stay home. The answer to your questions is very much so still "Yes"

just a FYI.

I personally know of a neighboor in which the Wife stays at home and does not work at the request of her husband.

He works two jobs, she does nothing, they have no childern.

bizzare but true

Dayuum, in cases it can backfire. I'm just saying it does work with as the situation goes. Thats messed up for your buddy. But i do have to say, staying home ain't no easy tasking. Even with all the technology.

it absolutely is easy.

I have done it now over my career 3 times, each time lasting longer than a year (one of those years actually being employed as well..they just had nothing for me to do and yes I got to stay at home, I was on call) and it was the best 3 years ever.

its wonderful, i know from experience.

I understand other personality types might feel different but for me it was a dream come true

I'm in my late 30s and live in California (not a 3rd world country). My wife stays home and I help out with the kids and around the house after I get off work. Why? Because we have twins and we can afford it for now. In most cases both parents or partners (no kid) have to work. Cost of living is cray cray out here.

Did you try turning her off and on again?

@BassMan: Couldn't agree more!!

I hope you kept the receipt. That sounds like a defective model and should be returned. :P

people underestimate the value of a stay at home parent.

a lot of skills can be picked up by kids whose parents have all the energy to pour into them, compared to kids who have both parents working full-time.

for example, i know someone who learned to play a musical instrument, 2 languages, gardening, cooking, various art skills and first aid from stay at home parents (both parents stayed at home for long periods depending on their jobs). some skills he would never have learned (his parents are both multilingual with only english common) and others would have cost a fortune to pay for classes.

on top of all that, it's even harder to put a price on the relationship and bonding experiences shared by stay at home parents and their children, and how it can affect the rest of their lives. people seem to view children as merely a financial burden, and that they don't carry the responsibility of teaching them, giving them the training and advice they need to live out the rest of their lives and maybe do something good for other people, and even (outrageous, i know!) for the rest of humanity?

is it so hard to believe that some people don't have the time/energy to care for and be with their children AND work at the same time? i'm sure lots of people can do both, but it's not for everyone.

I think this tradition in the past. Now most women prefer to be working. Though not so easy to keep a work-life balance.

I had a similar though based on the title.

It's not an option for every family, but I'm also a firm believer that having a stay-at-home parent is a great idea. I have no opinions on which parent that should be if we are talking about a common, hetero marriage. The only opinion that I have on it is that the idea there it should be based on the gender of a particular parent is pretty ridiculous (especially since two parents could both be the same gender, even if not biologically). My mom made way more money than my dad, but both my parents worked for most of my young life. For my family today, I am the working parent because I chose a career based on my interests and making as much money as possible (corporate IT consulting) while my wife took a far more nobler route of choosing a profession that actually make a difference but at the cost of a significantly lower salary (public school teacher). Our household income is technically based on my salary alone, but it's ours because we are a team. We are fortunate that we pull a salary that's high enough that we don't both have to work.

-Byshop

That's exactly what i'm talking about. clearly, you and your wife believe teaching is very valuable (you called it "far more nobler... that actually make a difference") but whoever pays public school teachers (the state, presumably) doesn't value it as much and therefore pays low salaries.

so, even in financial terms from your perspective, you're coming out on top because you receive greater benefit from having your spouse stay at home with the kids compared with the salary of a public school teacher. compare this to someone who would rather receive the salary but then spend it all paying for someone else to raise their children, provide nurturing, entertainment and everything else that stay-at-home parents do.

obviously both parents couldn't stay at home if they wanted (if they didn't have other sources of income) but you get why sometimes this arrangement is undervalued.

Yeah, when we discussed it we came to the conclusion that between how much my salary is we don't need her income, and even if she worked most of her income would basically just go to day care so there's no point. Even if we made -some- money from the deal, the benefit of having one of us stay at home far outweighs the benefits of some additional money.

Again, though, I wouldn't describe our situation as typical. My work situation leaves us with an income that's higher than the majority of combined household incomes where both parents work, so we are fortunate in that respect. Not everyone is in that situation. That said, it's also pretty messed up that someone who has a job as important as a public school teacher makes so little money compared to someone like myself.

-Byshop

Ask a mother of 4 child if she doesnt work !!!!

I wouldn't be married to someone who didn't work.

I can't respect someone who doesn't work by choice. My wife worked all the way through her pregnancy and went right back to work after bonding leave.

Both of us work roughly 45 hours a week. I go to school full time and we spend equal time with our son.