My votes go to RO2 and ARMA2
Arma is more of a sim then a fps game, so it is kind of a given, Its fairly good, altho sometimes it gets so clunky that it pulls you out of the mindset.
RO2, is more focused, less diverse, and more of a "true" fps game.
It has most what you are looking for. A bullet to the head, heart or most of centre mass, WILL kill you outright. Arms and legs will require a bandage or bleed to death.
Smaller calibres will kill to the head or heart, and will require bandaging everywhere else, but 3-4 bullets will likely kill you even in the extremeties.
It is a fairly slow paced and methodical game, due to its higher level of realism then most shooters. It does however have some problems ,and some thing are pretty poorly done in it, Tanks and artillery being the most notible. There is no inf type "heavy weapons" outside MGs however, so no bazooka or and the like. (would have killed for a flamethrower tho)
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