This is all you need:
1. Americans find it ridiculously boring. You can argue all day whether or not that it is or it isn't, but thats irrelevant. Americans don't care about the subtleties of the game, thats not enough. We want scoring...soccer has almost none. Hockey gets away with its low scoring because of the hitting and fighting and the pace is much faster, plus there are a lot more scoring opportunities.
2. Everytime Americans do watch a soccer game/match we see nothing but players faking injuries, complaining, and crying when they get hit. The extent to which the players do it is pathetic really. Sure other sports have their fair share of athletes complaining about ref's calls but they don't whine and cry like soccer players when they get hit. And hockey and football players get hit much harder than soccer players...
3. The game doesn't have a history here. Sure there have been various leagues and teams throughout our country's history, but the longetivity and consistency hasn't been there like it has with the other sports...especially our bread and butter with football and baseball. There is no single championship that identifies soccer...especially here in the US. Nobody cares who wins the MLS each year because it has no history. I don't even know what months of the year MLS takes place. Sure the World Cup can be decent, but nobody pays attention to the national team unless they are in the World Cup. During the off years nobody pays attention to the friendly matches or world cup qualifiers the US team plays.
4. There is really no room for it. Americans already have football and baseball which cover the whole calendar year, besides that we've got college football, college basketball, and to a lesser extent the NBA and NHL.
5. Of all professional sports, soccer is probably the worst when it comes to gambling opportunities.
6. There is too much ambiguity in the rules. Red and Yellow cards are total judgment calls which can ruin a match. If your team gets a bad call in football or baseball or hockey or a garbage foul call in baseball it isn't nearly as influential on the outcome of the match. Americans also aren't fans of the running clock and the extra time and injury time nonsense. Americans love having clocks which allow for exciting end game plays. That last second goal or basket or touchdown or field goal. With soccer, you never really know exactly how much time is left.
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