Here you go, I myself chuckled at this.
http://www.gamespot.com/xbox360/rpg/twoworlds/show_msgs.php?topic_id=m-1-37757651&pid=932336&page=0
Posted on the Two Worlds Forums directed from another site.
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It's not Oblivion."
That's what I keep telling myself as a trudge along the landscapes of Two Worlds.
"This isn't Oblivion, I shouldn't expect that much of an experience."
No, Two Worlds certainly isn't Oblivion. From RPG experience I can already easily surmise how Two Worlds will fare on my own soul. I hated the comparisons to Oblivion pre-release. At least in that respect Two Worlds failed horribly. It lacks the production value of Oblivion. It lacks the graphical prowess of Oblivion. It lacks the story of Oblivion, as well as the fighting system. Yes, I'm aware I just said that - IT LACKS THE SIMPLE R-TRIGGER MANIA that oblivion had. Let me delve into Two Worlds as its own title thus far:
The first thing that Two Worlds does is give you a very miniscule character creation system. It is very minimal. There are about six different faces you can choose from - all of whom look fairly the same - and very minimal body configurations. In fact, you are even so far as to be restricted to being a human male. No dark elves, orcs, or even females in the single-player. Things like chest size, brow height, and eye color. It's hilarious how the toggles on effect a fraction of what you see on the screen. I have a 42' HDTV and I could barely see the difference of brow height +8 versus -4.
Once you start you're greeted with a very poorly animated sequence of some bounty-hunter staring at a chick against a tree. Apparently this is your sister. And the character you're looking at is supposed to be the character you created. Except he isn't, because the developers apparently forgot to apply the changes you just made to the original character model. But who cares, right? It's Two Worlds, a brand new RPG! Anyway, apparently your sister got injured somehow. It's a comical scene really. First of all, your sister shows zero wounds. No blood, no holes, nor really a grimace of pain. Secondly she has this real ridiculous J-Lo shirt on with her breasts nearly sticking out. I love how the developers put more emphasis on her chest than this terrible wound that is about to claim her soul.
But again, it's a new RPG, right! Forget that wound! It's just superficial shading. This is a underfunded Polish developer. That's all.
Then, the characters speak. It's revolting. The lips on the character's are poorly animated and even worse, the acting is horrendous. I seriously think the developers are the guys that did the voice-acting. The voices are flat and dull which is especially disconcerting because you know, your sister is about to die and there is a huge storm ready to come in. At least show some fear or perhaps genuine worry about her condition. Anyway, our protagonist (that at this point I believed was an NPC not involved with you because of the whole character creation thing) finds a hut to stay the night. Unfortunately, our brave hero leaves his sister by the tree while he walks for feet into the hut and she disappears. We're greeted with a few second cut-scene of a guy in mean looking armor saying a few whimsical things to the sister before whisking her away to her new home. At least, I suppose they kidnap her. I'm not really sure.
Regardless, our fantastical hero finds his sister gone, mutters some unimportant dialogue and travels to a village. Why? It's never explained. Anyway, while you're in the village you find out that your character is a bounty hunter. And he really wants to talk to the village elder. Why? It's never explained. Regardless, after asking for the elder you sit down to read a letter. Who gave you the letter? It's never explained. As a very poorly acted out monologue appears as you read the letter the village elder appears. He wants you to go to a temple of sorts and clear out the orcs there. Why? It's never explained. So off you go - forgetting about your sister and into a temple of deep disbelief and wonder, right?
**** you Two Worlds. **** Y-O-U.
I know graphics don't count for a lot. But at least they count for something. The shading is terrible and glitchy. The clipping is horrendous. But whatever, I'm playing this. I spent money. I want immersion. I open the first gate in the temple. The game prompts me on how to do one action - disarm my sword. I gather that I can swing it with a trigger. Indeed I can. And I start swinging. Very, very fancifully. In fact that spinning sword move that you see in all of the trailers? That's the only move you can do - with any weapon. Pike, club, short sword, broad sword, etc. Just that spin move. No parry, no block. I find a chest and I hit "A" to open it. It's contents are revealed in the Oblivion menu we're all familiar with. Right on. I take a sword and some gold. Wait - there's orcs in the left-hand corner of the temple! Let's kill them!
**** YOU, TWO WORLDS.
I run up to the two orcs by a campfire. I'm hitting them with my river-dancing sword technique. The frame-rate drops. The blood exploding forth from there bodies is a deep SNES ****red. As I hack more, the frame-rate continues to drop. They fall down floppy-body **** I search their bodies and pray the game isn't going to be like this. Apparently this is the end of our hero's first mission. I exit the temple and I'm awarded with some skill points. How do I apply the points? I don't know. How do I cast magic? It has something to do with the trigger. I have two spells, how do I equip the other one? I don't know. It was never explained. **** it, I'll read the manual later. Wait a second - my character has now changed his face. The character creation does work! It just takes 10 minutes of gameplay to initialize!
I'm prompted to go to a city. It's a city I've never been before. Didn't that elder want me to go into that temple? Shouldn't I talk to him again? I guess not. I open up the map. I can't scroll on the map. Wait - I can't scroll the map? I can only look at my goal which is this town I've never seen before?
"**** that, I'm going adventuring!" I say.
I walk what I consider 15 feet away from the path to the town, encounter a black bear and I'm slaughtered. I reappear at some weird shrine that. Fair enough, maybe I need to get some new weapons. I go to the town and I'm greeted by no-one in particular. Just these green dots on my HUD. At this point, I don't want to see the voice-acting anymore so I just talk to the green dot. He tells me that a city is in trouble - go find the city! Awesome. How do I get there? I can't scroll the map. The green dot isn't around that city. It's nowhere to be found.
Goddamnit, Two Worlds.
I buy a pike and some armor from a guy standing by a cart of fruit and vegetables. This is getting ridiculous. I wander off, find some orcs. I'm slaughtered. And then I get slaughtered by a boar. Then I get slaughtered when I accidently stumble upon an entire fortress of orcs. Where's my sister? Do I care anymore? I need something to care about. I go back to the camp armed with potions. Lots of health potions. I kill all of the orcs! My first accomplishment. I take a second to loot all of the bodies and then an invisible enemy confronts me. It's name was "Ghost Orc" It killed me in two hits.
I quit the game.
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So, what's the problems? The framerate dips. It dips a lot. There goes the immersion. I personally don't care about battle systems and inventory systems. Sure, they suck in Two Worlds but whatever. I can't get immersed when the game is either loading or sucking every three seconds between myself getting slaughtered. The map doesn't work. The lack of some sort of coherent story-arc grants me a huge amount of confusion. It sucks. Two Worlds sucks. This is how this game is going to be.
Online:
Laggy. Saints Row kind of lag. There are several modes. I was under the impression that it was kind of like PSO in terms of its missions. Nope. No lobbies, no towns, no NPC interaction. Just a bull**** Deathmatch mode that allows up to 8 players. There's also a horse racing mode. I played one deathmatch and got stuck in a wall. Apparently the game has massive clipping issues.
**** you, Two Worlds. Granted, I've only played an hour and 15 or so but this is how this game is going to be. It won't get any better than what I've seen. What a total waste of money. Guys, buy Blue Dragon.
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