I enjoyed the responses to my last thread (Sony Is Done) so much that I've decided to pen another, this time aimed at Nintendo fans. Sales rates and general forum stupidity inform me that I have more people listening in this case, so I'm anxious to hear what they think. And what I think is this: Nintendo is a joke compared to it's former self. The entire company has thrown any prevalence it had aside and may as well have thrown in the towel on the whole console competition thing. Sure, they have the money flowing, but as we all know the real deciding factor with a game console is the games themselves. Let's dive into it.
As a young child I grew up playing the old Mario games, and so of course I loved the NES. And when I received the brand new N64 for Christmas a few years later, I was ecstatic. Looking back, I was enjoying in the late 90's a time of glory for Nintendo which would be it's last. Mario 64 was an amazing game, no serious gamer can argue with me there. The game was simply revolutionary for it's time, and stands as arguably the greatest 3D platformer ever made. Subsequent games on the 64 which included Zelda (Ocarina) and third party titles like Goldeneye made sure that the N64 would be remembered as one hell of a game console.
Then comes the Gamecube. An all together less impressive effort from Nintendo because of it's clearly kid-friendly presentation (The opening logo, for instance), the GC nevertheless had at least some fantastic third party games (RE4 anyone?) and just because of that and it's price point, it was a passable console which was worth buying for the "serious" gamer I mentioned earlier.
Then comes the DS, which I admit to purchasing in the hope thatother games such as Mario 64 DS and Meteos would grace the console. I never played it much after that, because the entire idea grew old to me and as far as I know very few other quality games (beyond Mario and Zelda) were ever released for it. What troubled me, though, about the DS wasn't necessarily it's game selection (I already owned a PSP and thus knew where the real games were) but the fact that Nintendo seemed to be getting younger and younger with it's target audience. Who would be most fascinated with a touch-sensitive game console clearly built to withstand the rigors of a child's destructive level of self-control? A child.
And so when the Wii was announced I laughed, and said that Nintendo has dug it's grave far too deeply this time, and that I would never buy another Nintendo console (particularly the handhelds, since they keep revising them and making them cheaper and better, bastards) until, at the very least, they get back to N64 levels of maturity and level of third party support. Nothing has changed since I made that statement what, two years ago? In fact it is even more clear now that Nintendo has become a joke.
I mean "joke" quite literally because it is the source of some repeated humor among my friends to poke fun at the Wii. No, we aren't so juvenile as to make penis jokes about it, but alas, none of us take Nintendo seriously enough to avoid joking about it. I must say that even my PS3 jokes (which include mentioning it's VCR-like appearance and general lack of current purpose) aren't meant to be taken seriously. They are jokes, after all. But the Wii is like a fountain of humor. The hilarity just keeps coming around and can be regurgitated with no seeming lack in vivacity. I love it!
Allow me to elaborate. What's funny about all of this is how far Nintendo has come in the past decade from being an industry leader to being a parody of the company which has revolutionized gaming a few times, albeit some time ago. Let's start strictly with games: The Wii has a game lineup akin to the supply of drinkable tap water in Mexico. Virtually none, that is to say. I have long since given up hope that Nintendo will ever make another great Mario game (Mario Galaxy is part of the Nintendo joke, by the way) and have resigned myself to the hope that they will, at some point, convince enough third parties to hop aboard and make some classic stuff. The problem with that hope, though, is the console itself. But more on that later. For now let's just say that the Wii has the worst game lineup of any of the current generation of consoles. At least that the PS3 had one decent launch game, and the 360 has a ton of great games for crying out loud. The Wii has absolutely no games I even vaguely want to play. If I wasted the money on one it would sit in the corner gaining dust next to the Gamecube, and we wouldn't want that would we? In fact there are no third party games that I even hear mentioned by Nintendo fans. All I hear is Mario this, Smash Brothers that, Metroid the other. Oh, forgive me, I seem to have trod upon holy ground among Wii fans, haven't I? Yes: Super Smash Brothers is not a game to tout the Wii with, principally because it is no different then what has come before. At least that game updates on the other consoles can triumph over the originals with graphics, and that is at the least I'm saying. All the Wii can do with it's games is deliver a new method of control which, by the way, has already become old-hat. But the games just aren't there. Smash Brothers? Yea, I'll bring my Wii so the other twelve year-olds and I can have a frolicking good time. Wait, no. Metroid? Prime was extremely overrated, I actually bought it because of the hype. Well hype is one thing, let me assure you, which I have learned to avoid when dealing with Nintendo products. Zelda? I'm sure the new Zelda is at least a decent game, but if the only thing worth buying it for is the control mechanism and not the game, then I'll pass. Mario Galaxy, then. Surely that will save the Wii! Oh, fiddlesticks, it seems that that game is shaping up to be another disappointment, to be shelved along with Sunshine and the countless Mario Party games on the "What the hell are you doing, Nintendo?" shelf. I'm still a young person by modern standards, but I am old enough to remember Mario 64 being an awesome game in it's time and I'm not seeing the same kind of innovation now. Back with the 64, Nintendo had amazing graphics AND gameplay to back up the brand name. Now, they have neither. The gameplay of all of these nonsense Wii games is dumbed down and, despite claims to the contrary, actually less interactive then it was a decade ago. Here's why.
The Wii itself basically boils down to a gimmick system designed to capitalize on the hardcore fans, and lure in the public with it's price and funky controller. Well I suppose I am one of the enlightened few not fooled by the trick, it would seem. The most obvious thing about the Wii is it's controller. As I said, I think this tomfoolery actually makes games seem less interactive because of how gimmicky the whole concept is. Wee, I can control games using arm movements instead of just finger ones. How does that serve game developers in their quest to produce quality entertainment? I'll give the Wii that some sports games can be newly refreshed by the idea of physical involvement, but I prefer the real sports at that point because I am in shape. But the whole Wiimote thing gets old very, very fast. I've played the Wii just long enough to deduce that much. Unless the game itself is great, it won't benefit from a ridiculous controller. And there's no Goldeneye this time, no Ocarina of Time.
The hardware itself is the usual Nintendo drivel: Reliable, but laughably weak. Even I, the Nintendo skeptic, was astounded when I found, upon the Wii's unveiling, that it literally was not a single step forward from the Gamecube. Graphics are important people. When Mario 64 came out, it was important at least partially because of it's graphics, which were among the best home users could see. And the GC could at least support great looking games such as Metal Gear and RE. But those days are over. The Wii cannot compete or even bite at the heels of the competition in the graphics throughput department. But, as I said above, the gameplay options don't quite cut it either. I don't buy into the motion-sensing remote as an adequate replacement for a controller, especially when there are no games with which to use it. I understand part of Nintendo's popularity is theapparent poverty in which some fanboys seem to live, but I do own an HDTV and I sort of want to use it for something. The Wii controller is not enough to save the console from it's lack of power, because the modern computer mouse is every bit as interactive in my opinion. But when I play Counter-Strike, I don't say, "Look everyone, when I move my hand, it's as if my character's head is turning! Amazing!" because it's the game itself which takes center stage. Nintendo does like it's children's toys but I long for the old Nintendo back. The one that wasn't a joke.
[Overthrow
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