The Interviewer:
-The-G-Man-
The Interviewee:
Hack Thompson
Recently, I have interviewed an attorney named Hack Thompson. No matter what it is you may believe, he bears no resemblance to Jack Thompson whatsoever. Really! And any resemblance to Jack is purely....uh, coincidental. Yeah. Something like that.
The G-Man: This is the G-Man here, interviewing the attorney Hack Thompson. Now, Hack, you've recently been put into the public spotlight for your crusade against violence in games, is that right?
Hack Thompson: Of course it is. Every single school shooting and act of violence is attributed to Grand Theft Auto and every other Take-Two and Rockstar game.
G-Man: One of your first suits was filed against games on behalf of the parents of three children killed at Heath High School in 1997. You reportedly blamed this on games like Doom, Quake, Castle Wolfenstein, etc. as well as other forms of media. Is this true?
Hack: Yes, it is.
G-Man: How did you come to this conclusion?
Hack: Uh....well, the games were violent. I figured that that must have been the cause. I mean, shooting people in real life and shooting people and monsters in games is exactly the same. There's no difference between the two.
G-Man: Sure there isn't...
Hack: And just what are you implying by-
G-Man: Moving on, you later attacked Grand Theft Auto. In a case where the perpetrator slayed the victim, it was revealed that the perpetrator was obssessed with Grand Theft Auto III. Why does liking a good game mean that it caused the slaying? Because someone likes Gears of War does that mean they're going to chainsaw people?
Hack: Um...uh...'cause.
G-Man: 'Cause why?
Hack: Er....'cause I said so?
G-Man: Right... Hack, you later filed a suit against Take-Two, Sony, and Wal-Mart on behalf of two kids who committed murders saying that they were inspired by Grand Theft Auto. You claimed the people you sued should have known that the game would cause "copycat violence." How does one admittance mean that it would, in general, cause copycat violence? And how was any of this Sony or Wal-Mart's fault.
Hack: Well, if something happens once it's bound to happen all the time.
G-Man: No it's not. And you avoided the question.
Hack: No I did not.
G-Man: Uh, yeah you did.
Hack: No I didn't.
G-Man: Whatever. Have you ever played Grand Theft Auto, Mr. Thompson?
Hack: No.
G-Man: Then how do you know any of this is caused by Grand Theft Auto?
Hack: Watching something is the same exact thing as doing it.
G-Man: So jumping off the diving board is the same as watching someone jump off the diving board?
Hack: Well-
G-Man: Don't answer that. My ears will probably bleed. Anyway, you also campaigned against the game Bully. You claimed it was Grand Theft Auto in schools, without ever having seen the game. When the game was demonstrated to you, you accused the man who was showing the game to you of avoiding the most violent parts. How in God's name could you know he avoided the violent parts if that was the first time you have seen the game?
Hack: I'm psychic.
G-Man: *laughs* Okay, Mr. Psychic. Why have you avoided all the other violent games out there not made by Take-Two or Rockstar?
Hack: Um....well....uh...
G-Man: Hack, may I tell you something personal?
Hack: Yeah, sure.
G-Man: You're not too bright. This is the G-Man, signing off.
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