A lesson to learn.

Friend of mine had a run-in with the misus. (With a black eye) I found it funny,

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, Bob?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. I'm going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Jane ... but at the bar... You know .. they have frozen glasses... '

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, honey?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be! right back. I promise. OK?'

'Hmm?You want hors d'oeuvres?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

'But my sweet honey... at the bar you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SH**! SIT YOUR A** DOWN, SHUT THE H*** UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED A** ISN'T GOING TO A D**MED BAR! THAT SH** IS OVER, GOT IT, JACK***?'
and....they lived happily ever after.

Isn't that a sweet story?........ (>_>)

Friend of mine also told me his run-ins.

1.
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an

order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter

"You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine,

or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets,

but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets


2.
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and

the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.

I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register

and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider",

looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.


3. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the

battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they

(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy,"

she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually

unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check

about the batteries. It's a long walk." (she had no clue either!)

4. Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift

One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said,

"I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper,

put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.


5. I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was

towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair

and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."

I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had

set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.


6.Police in Radnor , Pa . interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on

his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message

"He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time

they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working,

the suspect confessed.


7. A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her

kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give

the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine.

The mother says, "Okay, but, I just gave him some ant killer..... "

Dispatcher: "Rush him in to emergency room!"


Note of the day.
Life is tough .

It's tougher if you don't think.

:lol:

Some great stories there!